Crash Bandicoot was on the phone to his beloved Doctor Gerald Robotnik. It was a peaceful afternoon on Wumpa Island, although his sister, Coco and his guardian Aku Aku were out on business. They told him not to communicate with the dangerous devil known as Gerald Robotnik for his own safety, knowing how Sonic and his friends were treated by the cruel professor and his grandson, Dr Eggman. However, he was simply a misunderstood young soul, and no one could ever dominate Crash Bandicoot quite like Gerald. At the ripe age of seventy five, Crash Bandicoot was invited to this silver fox's Getting Back With Nature Party. It was a wise idea as after the notorious actions of Sonic and his friends, most notably a sex scandal involving Big the Cat, otherwise known as Biggie Smalls, the wise man had been devoted to Counter Strike: Global Offense.
"Woah!" Crash Bandicoot exclaimed as he heard Robotnik invite him to his birthday party, catered by his Mean Bean Machine. Crash Bandicoot enjoyed playing with Robotnik's mean beans. What he said roughly translated to 'That sounds great Robotnik baby girl'. "Woah!" He then followed it up with 'what's a Getting Back With Nature Party?'.
Robotnik specialised in speaking the fabelled language of Woah. "It's where we all dress up in animal costumes, preferrably some roadkill, and then we all lay down and touch each other gently." Robotnik explained to his hedgehog friend, he really hoped this party would be more of a hit than his sixty fourth murder mystery part. "I plan on inviting everyone."
Crash Bandicoot could only speak English in emails, but he continued speaking on the phone. "Woah!" He said in a calm tone, slightly skeptical of Robotnik. 'That sounds a bit gay mate'.
Robotnik cut in quickly, he had to dismiss those gay accusations as they would prove rather negative in the court case coming up against him. "But you see! It's not gay, because you never truly know who's behind the dead horse costume!" He was adamant in the fact that he was not gay. "I'll send out the e-vite."
Crash Bandicoot shook his head, and hung up allowing the mad scientist to continue his schemes. Of course, they had never met in the eyes of the public, and their relationship was anything but that. Although, Crash dreamed a dream in times gone by, when hope was high and life was worth living. He dreamed of moving to Green Hill Zone with Robotnik, building a house out of the finest diamonds, watching the sunset and spending every night with the man he loved in his arms. However, a certain blue hedgehog would always get in the way of that, a jealous freak who just couldn't allow them to be at peace with each other. He crushed the Wumpa fruit in his hand out of sheer anger of the situation. Crash simply knew that Sonic would get in the way of their first public moment together as a couple.
Crash stormed off to find a beautiful costume for his lover's party. Together they would unite under the same vision of Communism and bring everyone to their knees from the glory.
Sonic was dressed in a dashingly good looking rabbit costume. No one would be able to identify him under the rabbit costume that he picked up from the local crematorium. Cream was devastated when she found out her uncle had been hit by a car, even if he was an atheist. They were all good Christians and would never dream of defacing God like that. In fact, the costume still had her uncle's fedora and neck beard. The conspiracy theorist and renowned nice guy was a good man underneath all the debating and wild antics he would get up to. But Sonic would always lead the prayers to pray for Cream's uncle and of course, Shadow the Satanist.
The only person who would be able to recognise him under this costume would be Amy, the one who delivered it to him. They co-ordinated their outfits so that Amy was wearing Cream's recently passed grandmother, oh, she was a fit thing for eighty and he was dressed as Cream's uncle. Hopefully it wouldn't be too uncomfortable if Cream actually decided to show up. Sonic let out a deep guttural laugh that sounded like he was wheezing and moaning from arousal. Oh, he would make Cream cream.
He arrived at the tree that Robotnik specified to see a man in a horse costume rolling a dice in his hand, most likely for a Charisma check. He heard a quiet exclamation of joy as his hand ran up the thigh of the raccoon. Of course, Sonic dabbled in viewing his own past life, and came to the conclusion he was most likely a racoon farmer in his past life, so he was quite triggered about the cultural appropriation going on. Regardless, he decided to lay on the grass, next to the figure he recognised as Amy, and of course another individual wearing the remains of a cow.
Sonic gently touched Amy. He was determined to take her sweet virginity, as he was the only man who was worthy of her touch. His sweet, sweet goddess. He could see her tiddies bouncing around in that costume. He wanted to ravage her sweet little pussy. Beside him he saw the other couple getting quite frisky as a large, beige cock popped out of the dead horse costume, and blue shorts slid down to reveal orange fur and a nice little booty. This would be the day, God gave him strength, but he was still weak to Amy's seductress like charms.
It was just like his fleshlight. Sonic almost came instantly after sliding into her dragon's den, but he wasn't a one pump chump. Using the blood as lubricant he slid around inside Amy, he couldn't help it, the amount of boy syrup growing in his loins was too much. But he wasn't going to nut just yet, he rammed harder into Amy, causing her to scream from pain. He relished in her screams of pain, as his massive bear cock rammed hard into her boy pussy, a firm figure grabbed him from the hips and started ramming into him like the little twink he is. It was Knuckles!
"Say it now Amy!" Sonic cried out, he was growing weak.
"To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over the typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise they're not just funny – they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots – of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existential catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... How I pity them. And yes, by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it; it's for the ladies' eyes only – and even then they have to demonstrate they are within 5 IQ points of my own (preferrably lower) beforehand. Nothing personal kid."
Sonic came right then and there as the party ended in a wild orgasm.
Although, the party ended for another reason as Shadow stumbled in, suffering from amnesia and his PTSD veteran flashbacks of Vietnam. He stood there with a vacant expression on his face, before noticing all the blood and dead bodies around him. Shadow began breathing rapidly, unsure of how to react of what he just stumbled into. He could hear the helicopters, and feel the Agent Orange on his skin again. He remembered when Franky stepped on a mine, and when he was the only survivor in the carnage. He pulled out the flask of whiskey and his valium to attempt to ease the pain. It was nothing like novocaine did for him, or even meth. But he was out of rehab now, the meth pipe was gone.
Shadow stumbled around aimlessly, the orgy of bodies laying on top of each other failed to notice as Shadow pulled out the carbine he always kept on him in name of his idols. Oh how they were doing the right thing by cleansing the world. Shadow was drawn into a psychotic rage as he was the supreme gentleman, he was more deserving of a female than any of these cock suckers here, and yet he was still a lonely virgin. Woe was him, it wasn't his fault he was socially retarded, girls were supposed to approach him afterall, and today he would get his revenge.
He shot Sonic down, as he finally was released from Amy's clutches, the female was trying to ensure either herself or Sonic would get pregnant from this encounter. Sonic could taste freedom, before it was ripped away from him with the bullets that exploded from Shadow's gun. Shadow rubbed Sonic's blood over his dick, and then continued his massacre in a haze of narcotics and alcohol. Then he shot himself in the head.