"This will be a day that brings joy to so many hearts! Oh yes indeed! A day that they will celebrate for decades, maybe even centuries! A day to be held in remembrance for all time!"
The two aurors glanced at each other and wondered just which deity they had pissed off to end up with this fate placed upon them. Some people feared death, others torture and pain. But those things did not compare to the nightmare that they found standing in front of them in a hideous pink outfit and a voice that made a man's genitals retract back into their body for safety.
Perhaps it was karma punishing them for their work ethic. The two, Anthony Rosen and Kevin Guilden, had been on the graveyard shift for years, manning the minister's detention block check-in from 11pm to 8am. It wasn't a popular shift by any means (they hadn't had a single person fight to get their spot since they'd started) but they both enjoyed it immensely. While not dishonest or lazy they had come to learn the ins and outs of their jobs and knew just how far to push the boundaries. Make sure the paperwork was filled out, keep their desks clean, answer the phones if need be, keep an eye on the cameras, be polite with the aurors coming in with drunks and thieves, and don't go wandering off. Otherwise they were free to do whatever they liked to pass the time. Some nights they'd break out cards and play all manner of games (currently Guilden was trying to get Rosen to try out Yu-Gi-Oh with little success). Other times they'd release their Pokémon and groom them; Rosen was especially proud of his Pikachu while Guilden's Gengar would trade groomings for sneaking out and getting them fast food. Most days though the two of them would just sit around and talk about movies and TV shows and their thoughts on life. They did their jobs well; Amelia Bones knew that two would slack off but she also knew they were the best night crew the department had had in nearly three decades and she was willing to look the other way so long as they got things done.
Whatever the cause of their current affliction the facts remained that Rosen and Guilden had been in the middle of discussing the last episode of Game of Thrones (Rosen was still mad that Lord Stark's Mightyenya had been killed) when they'd received a buzz from one of the side doors. Checking it had revealed four annoyed and tired aurors, a group of people in restraints... and the horrid pain-bringer that made every man in the ministry wonder if it wouldn't be better to swear off all women just to avoid the risk of coming in accidently contact with the simpering bag of nope-nope-nope-never-nope that went through life with the sole mission of making people curse their parents for ever meeting.
"...shit," Guilden had muttered, summoning up not only his feelings but what their shift had just become a big steaming pile of. A steaming pile wearing an ugly pink skirt and pillbox hat.
Procedures had to be followed though and the two had set about letting Umbridge and her auror escort in, the woman's prisoners taken to a holding cell where they could be looked over by a doctor and a psychologist before being processed. While the government claimed this was to ensure that no prisoner was mistreated when they were arrested the true reason was fueled by greed. With it common for the children of rich and powerful Gym Leaders, business owners, and the social elite to find themselves in trouble at 2 in the morning Fudge, nervous about alienating a donor, wanted the shrinks and doctors to find any way to muddle up records or give families any ammunition to get charges dropped. And for those that couldn't pay but would look good in a mugshot the reserve was true, with Fudge and his lackies whispering in ears that he'd like it very much if a political rival's daughter admitting to popping pills even if she were brought in for jaywalking. The aurors, for the most part, utterly hated this but Bones' hands were tired and thus there was a deep seated hatred for the quacks that shared their building.
Rosen and Guilden got to avoid most of that though, as their task was to check the prisoners in when they were brought to the small lineup room before they were taken to another set of holding cells to await trial in the morning. It should have been clean cut and quick but Umbridge had decided during the two hours they'd waited for the prisoners to be brought in to do the read off of the crimes herself. That would have been painful enough but the Seismitoad-like woman had somehow gotten it into her head that processing a few prisoners was a historical event that demanded her to pontificate on said historicalness of said event and thus she'd spent the last three hours repeatedly telling the two desk jockeys just how important the day was without explaining why and how they'd all be remembered for this ("Well, not you two but I will be remembered for this", she'd told them with a sweet smile and a pat on the shoulder like they were her nephews or children she'd lured to her gingerbread house).
"She's forcing words into my ear," Guilden whispered. "She's raping my ear."
"I no longer fear death," Rosen commented.
"Hemhem," Umbridge said, looking down at the two. "Was there something you wanted to share?"
"I asked Rosen if he thought we could have a party to celebrate your capturing of these, uh, prisoners."
Umbridge blinked at that before puffing up a bit (and Rosen's eyes widened when he realized that Umbridge's fat face could, in fact, get puffier). "To honor me?" It was clear that if one wanted to charm Umbridge, though why anyone would want to do that was anyone's guess, their best route was to falter her ego.
"Of course!" Guilden said quickly.
"Yeah, celebrate how no one's life is the same once you enter it," Rosen stated.
"I'm thinking next week. Ice cream cake?"
"Well... perhaps a small party for you... small folk," Umbridge said. "It would be good to mingle with you little people... with you I wouldn't be the woman I am today."
"I think the witch in Hansel and Gretel said the same thing," Rosen muttered under his breath.
"Since you wouldn't be able to come to the celebrations that I am sure the minister will be holding in my honor a small affair would be best. I would only be able to stay for a few minutes."
"Great!" Guilden said, fighting back a snicker. "Tuesday? You seem like a 'See you next Tuesday' kinda of person." Umbridge's brow furrowed at that but decided it was a compliment while Rosen fought not burst out laughing.
Before the woman who was a crime against the color pink could say another word a buzzer sounded and she clapped her hands together, looking at a computer screen. "Oh good... those fools are finally done looking over the prisoners. The youngest one gave them a bit of trouble but now that it is cleared up we can finally begin." Umbridge cleared her throat. "Are we recording?"
"...yeah," Rosen said, pretending to turn on the microphone that wasn't there; all the processing would be done by Guilden typing it in while he looked over the notes from the doctor and the shrink for anything they needed to keep an eye out for; medical conditions, suicidal tendencies, so on. Fudge saw this as a way to deal with allies and enemies but the aurors used the process as it should have been used and weren't going to risk having a drunk die in their cells because they were clumsy. "Your moment to shine, witch-" Rosen coughed several times. "Sorry. Which one shall we begin with first?"
"Before we start I'd like to say a few words." The two aurors suppressed groans. "Last year a grave threat to the Avalon region was revealed. A terrorist group sought to destroy our way of life and see us placed under their vicious and cruel control. They sought to terrorize and dominate us, abusing their poor little Pokémon while they used them to bring us all to heel. These last 9 months have seen me fighting to undermine their activities and, at long last, I can say with pride that the terrorists that threaten our culture and heritage have been defeated."
"And... what terrorists are these?" Guilden asked.
"The Sons of Johto, of course!" Umbridge said with pride even as the aurors tried to keep their piss from leaving their bodies. They'd seen the photos of the aftermath from their battle with those that some claimed were Team Nocturne at that graveyard. While Bones couldn't make any official comments it was generally know that if the Sons were spotted one called for backup and stayed out of their way. "I've captured the cell that had been deployed into Avalon. Bring in the first one."
"Shit," Rosen said as the first figure, a red headed teen with broad shoulders and muscle-filled arms, entered the room. He was wearing worn jacket with patches and according to the list of possessions he'd been brought in with a smith hammer and a bag of custom pokeballs. "That's Arthur Weasley's kid."
"Ronald Weasley," Umbridge said with a sniff. "Weapons and explosives expert. He had on his person five different types of Pokeballs that I've been attempting to have outlawed for years. He trained under the Sons' personal weaponsmith, Kurt Nolastname." The aurors would have rolled their eyes if they weren't in an utter panic. Taking on the Sons of Johto was serious but claiming a Gym Leader's kid was one? Even if it was a Weasley that would have half the gym leaders in Avalon out for blood. Guilden nodded to Rosen and the man began to quietly type out a distress message to Ameila Bones' private holocaster; heads were going to roll.
Ron, for his part, merely flashed a bored look before moving to the end of the line, allowing the next figure to enter. Rosen and Guilden grit their teeth as Ron's little sister walked in, wearing a short black and red coat, a 3d ocular scanner wrapped around her head. "Ginerva Weasley. Hacker. Her alias, Keyztr0k3, is on the Most Wanted List in four different regions and it is believed that she is responsible for the theft of 35 million pokedollars from seven different banks."
"That's just the alias you know of!" Ginny called out before moving to join her brother, who gave her a dark look. "What?"
"Neville Longbottom," Umbridge continued and Rosen and Guilden began to wonder if Umbridge was stupid or had a deathwish. While he looked rather unsuspecting in his brown coat that went down to just above his knees and the rebreather dangling from his neck the details of all the different knives and cutting instruments that had been found on his person, as well as vials of unknown liquids, had Rosen staring in shock and wondering what the hell they were teaching at Hogwarts now. "Assassin. By my capturing him I may have just saved the entire Elite 4 from falling to his blades."
"Notice how I'm not whining like Malfoy about telling my gram about this," Neville pointed out, Ginny nodding in approval.
Umbridge scowled as the next person, a blonde in a long red coat and a matching fedora walked in. Though she was the youngest of them all (Ginny only a month or two older though) all who looked at her could tell she was already a beauty and when she reached maturity would be beating men off with a stick. "Luna Lovegood. Veela." Umbridge spat the word out. "One of the sickest minds I've ever encountered."
"What does the shrink say about her?" Guilden asked. Rosen paled as he pulled up the info. "Well?"
"I... don't have any psychiatric reports for her. Just a note that... the aurors on duty found him babbling in a corner after being left alone with her for five minutes. They think he might need to be institutionalized."
Luna blew them a kiss before skipping over to join her friends.
"Hermione Granger," Umbridge continued, concerned about the aurors that were now praying to their patron deities, as a frizzy haired teen entered, wearing when compared to her friends a normal outfit but also donning a band with a focusing crystal on her forehead. "One of the Sons' experimental Psychic Soldiers. Studied Dream Walking according to her in Unova and is registered as owning a Celebi."
"Ask yourself why I didn't use her to get out of this," Hermione said, continuing the tradition of her friends to talking back to Umbridge.
"By Arceus," Guilden said as the next woman entered. He backed away from his computer and stared in horror at the new arrival. "You've killed us all."
"Get back to your post, auror" Umbridge said, trying to sound sweet and nice but it coming off as snide.
"Hell no," Guilden said, shaking his head. "I am not checking in Jack friggin' Kenway's daughter! I remember the graveyard! I remember Kanto!" Rosen quickly joined him, the two moving to the door. "I'm getting Bones right now!"
"You leave and I'll have your jobs!" Umbridge snapped, her little girly girl façade crumbling.
"At least we'll live!" Rosen said as he joined his friend, trying to open the door only to remember that procedure locked them in until the prisoners were processed, to ensure an auror on the take couldn't free someone or go hide evidence. "Shit!"
"Hemhem," Umbridge said before continuing, ignoring that the reason they were staying wasn't her winning personality but because they were literally locked in with her. "Jasmine Kenway. Wanted in Avalon as an accessory for murder of 30 men and women. She'll get a Dusknoir's kiss by this time tomorrow."
Jasmine merely scoffed. "Jabba! This is your last warning. Free us or die."
"I do the references!" Luna complained.
"And finally..." Umbridge said as the final figure entered. "The ringleader." The figure, a tall young man with a lean swimmer's build, messy dark hair, burning green eyes behind a pair of hi-tech glasses, and a red leather coat with a black hood, strolled in like he owned the place before standing right in front of the one-way mirrored glass, holding up his right and left hand for everyone to see. There was an air of confidence and strength, the kind found in a young king or a victorious general. Even in lockup he looked sure of himself. "Harry James Potter... the leader of the Avalon cell of the Sons of Johto. Wanted for murder, arson, vandalism, and treason. He is, gentlemen, the most deadly man in our region."
"…he's 15 you crazy bitch!" Guilden snapped.
"Thanks Umbitch, that means a lot coming from you," Harry said with a smirk, feeling no need to show an ounce of respect to the pudgy ball of hate that had tried to make his life a living hell for most of the last school year.
Umbridge scowled at him. "Make your rude little comments all you want, you disgusting child, but we'll see what happens when the Dusknoirs gobble you up."
Rosen, staring at Harry in confusion (and not just because 'holy shit the crazy bitch grabbed Lily's Heir!'), trying to figure out what it was that made him feel like someone had just walked over his grave. The boy was cocky, yes, and acting like he was completely in control of the situation but that certainly wasn't what made the auror feel on edge. There was just something about the way he stood, his hands in the air, his body loose and lax, a twinkle in his eye as-
"Shit," Rosen hissed, rushing to his computer, ignoring Guidlen's demand to know what the hell was wrong. "Shit shit shit! Umbridge!"
"Not now!" Dolores said, sticking her nose in the air. "You made your choice and it is too late to beg me to not report you for dereliction of duty."
"Would you just listen?" Rosen shouted. "He's still got-"
Umbridge however was focused entirely now on Harry. His arrogant stance and smartass smile had caused her temper to get the better of her and the mask she wore of the sweet, kindly woman shattered into a million pieces. "You will die, you filthy little mistake. I'm going to do what your father should have done when your whore of a mother tricked a noble son of House Potter into squirting his seed into her nasty belly. I'm going to snuff you out so that you can't hurt anyone ever again!"
"Oh Umbitch... always cruel but never cunning. Aurors you may wanna duck!" And with that Harry thrust his right hand out... and the flesh on his palm split and slid apart, revealing the metal workings of the prosthetic he wore... and the small energy blaster that was hidden within. Rosen and Guilden dove for cover as Harry opened fire, a Pokeball firing from his palm and taking out the glass that had never been meant to take such a concentrated hit and leaving it in a million little pieces. Umbridge cried out, shielding her face against the flying shards but even if she hadn't it would have been too late. The ball snapped open and a Typlosion emerged letting out a roar before firing a Flamethrower just above Umbridge, causing her to scamper. Harry leapt into the observation room, pushing off the pane and delivering a falling strike right to the undersecretary's face, breaking her nose and sending her sprawling to the ground. "Ginny! Doors!"
"On it!" Ginny said, hurrying over to Guilden's computer and began to type away. "Geez, your passwords suck. Seriously, get creative."
Sirens were now going off but Harry was busy making sure Umbridge was down for the count. Rosen and Guilden held up their hands, knowing they'd never get to their Pokeballs in time before the pissed off Typlosion barbequed them, Harry, to be safe, also fired off a second ball, his Empoleon emerging. The large noble beast of House Black fired an ice beam at the exit door, sealing it shut before joining with Firebolt, Neville, and Ron moved to guard them, Harry wrapped his prosthetic hand around Umbridge's wrists, squeezing until she screamed in agony. The other door into the observation room opened and the first auror stepped in to see what the hell was going on only to get a haymaker to the head compliments of Jasmine.
"Where is the kaboom?" Luna asked, looking about. "There was supposed to be an earth-shattering ka-"
The building rumbled as the sounds of explosions filled the air.
"Sorry, must have set the timer a few seconds too long," Ron said. He looked at the aurors and grinned. "Boom-Blast Pokeballs. Designed to startle Pokémon before catching them. My newest invention."
"You almost in, Ginny?" Harry called out.
"Just about. We'll need her password. The aurors suck but Umbitch actually was clever. I could hack it but getting it will shave off 5 minutes."
"Hermione?" Harry asked.
His bushy haired friend nodded, focusing for a moment before Celebi teleported to her side. Once settled the two looked at the woman and Hermione pressed her fingers to Umbridge's forehead. Umbridge stared at her, blood leaking from her aching nose as Hermione's eyes went white. "Don't think of your access codes and passwords." Of course hearing that only made the woman think of them and she began to struggle and buck as Hermione began to sift through her mind. "Damn, her mind is disgusting… got'em!"
Harry looked down at the shaking undersecretary. "I should kill you for all you've done."
"You're... you're dead! All of you! Filthy, disgusting brats! Trying to destroy Avalon-"
Luna skipped over and smiled. "That isn't very polite." She shut her eyes for a moment and when she snapped them back open her irises and pupils were gone, replaced by an ethereal green glow. Her hair began to whip around and a sickly emerald aura surrounded her. "Veelas sicken you?" Luna asked, her voice distorted and echoing. "The feeling is mutual. Here, let me show you"
Umbridge, finding herself unable to break Luna's gaze, began to sob and cry before her mind shattered under the emotional onslaught and she fell to the ground out cold.
"And all the king's horsemen and all the king's men couldn't put humpty dumpty back together again," Luna said as she drew her power back into her. "She's alive but she won't bother us for a while."
"Good because I am getting tired of hitting aurors!" Jasmine complained as she smacked down another man. "Let's get our Pokémon and gear and get going!"
"Doors are opening," Ginny said as she closed the computer before grabbing a chair and smashing the screen. Harry nodded as Hedwig, followed by Jasmine's Aegislash, flew in carrying their bags. "Come to mama!" Ginny said, grabbing her bag and pulling out her custom dex.
Harry nodded and he tossed his bag on, the others doing the same. Orion fired another ice blast at the other door before the group made for the lineup room once more, choosing that door as their escape route. "Alright... now that we've got that settled... let's go kill the prime minister."
With that the seven friends left the room, leaving a startled Rosen and Guilden wondering what the hell had just happened.
Author's Notes: Welcome to Book 5, kids!
Not much to say as I don't want to ruin all your guessing of what the hell just happened. Just going to say that I'll see you in two weeks with chapter 2!