She found herself kissing him urgently, unsure of whether under these circumstances, here in this train bathroom, after telling him in a subtle way that she loved him, whether it was a wise thing to do. The first thing they tell you when you take the job is….never fall in love with an inmate. Her arms now were around his neck and he was holding her at the waist. guiding her backwards towards the counter as their lips and tongues danced. Suddenly he stopped and looked down at her, a serious look on his face. She was taken aback, staring into his eyes, wondering if he was having second thoughts about being here …with her.
She cut him off, "You don't have to say it back"
She was looking down at her hands now, a pained expression on her face.
"Sara….me… too "he said determinedly.
Why wouldn't he say it back? He thought
She looked up and smiled sadly "All I am saying Michael…..is that I wouldn't fall apart if you didn't feel the same way. … I uh… I am used to it"
Oh God. His mind exploded. Suddenly everything was spinning and he felt off kilter. He held the counter in front of him, arms straddling her and lowered his head for a minute. Their foreheads were now touching. He was confused, trying to understand what she had just said. He looked at her as she continued to look down. Slowly she looked up at him and his eyes widened in recognition of what this was.
No one had ever said it back.
He held onto the counter again, trying to steady himself. For a minute he wondered if he was sick. He wasn't sure …but he knew one thing. She was going to know…. if it was the last thing he did. She was going to know. He would spend the rest of his life trying to erase that familiar pain she had grown to embrace and she was going to know.
"Well, get used to this, Sara." He whispered and lowered his lips to hers. He hovered there , not quite kissing her , just hovering and said "I am so in love with you…..I mean….I've been so in love with you, for longer than I wanted to admit to myself" He smiled, and he kissed her, first lightly, almost feather like. She kissed him back, not realizing that she was already crying. She pulled back, smiling, sobbing, tears flowing. She placed her hands on his cheeks, nodding in agreement, and then they both laughed.
She knew exactly what he was talking about. She could identify with his confusion, his denial. She had done the same over the last few weeks at Fox River. Now she knew for sure. Addicts, thieves, they could also be loved. She was loved.