Thanks for all of the comments thus far!


Dear John,

I am sitting here beside you as you sleep realizing just how much you being a part of my life has changed everything for the better. I also realize that you have been a part of the three most important moments in my life. (I am so glad I got to share them with you!)

The first moment was of course the stormy night my son came into the world. I will absolutely never forget how amazing you were to me that night; how safe and cared for you made me feel. It still brings tears to my eyes just to think of it. I am not sure I ever told you how much I appreciated all you did for me then. (Well I will just have to show you again in the morning, right?!)

The second moment was the day my son came home to me for good. You were instrumental in making that happen and I look at Danny in my arms again and I know without a doubt that you would do anything for us. (That thought just melts everything that was ever cold inside of me.)

And the third moment happened just today of course. I think it was the moment my heart found its home. I know, I know – that's such a cheesy lie but it's also so true. You have been so much better for me and to me than any that came before you. Sometimes I wish we would have gotten together years ago but patience is a virtue and we got Danny and Liam out of the deal, right? So things have fallen right into line. (Thank god!)

Today you told me you loved me too… It was all I could to not to cry with happiness AND relief. (I was so worried my feelings were not ever going to be completely returned.) In that moment I was so close to sobbing but you must have sensed it because you hauled me up into your strong arms and held me tight. (Never let me go, please, John.)

We have been making love so often that I hadn't made it to the store in a few days so I asked you to watch Danny while I ran out to get some groceries. You wanted to help out but Danny was sleeping and I needed a moment to myself because there were so many times I almost blurted out the words "I am madly in love with you, John McBain." Fortunately in the end, you said it first! That's you – still my most wonderful surprise.

I went shopping at a little market in the heart of the Parisian village and come back with arms crammed full of stuff. I bought us everything so I didn't have to leave you for too long again. I knew you would be heading back to the States soon. It's a moment I dreaded but had promised myself I would survive somehow.

So there I am climbing out of the car. I grab like five bags of groceries that are extremely heavy. As I said, I got something of EVERYTHING in the store. Stocking up for the long winter? Maybe, but I knew you and I and Danny had to eat sometime.

The bags are heavy but they won't break me. Nothing can now that I have you AND Danny both in my life. You appear at the top of the stairs and hurry to me. You grab up all the groceries and smile at me with that gorgeous grin of yours. And then you say the three words I was afraid you'd never say to me.
"I love you." My heart stops for a moment. My ears are ringing. Did I just hear you say … No it can't be.

You actually love me? I can't imagine what brought that declaration on especially when I'm all sweaty and breathing hard but I am so scared you're going to take it back. But you don't. After dropping the groceries on the landing, you pull me into your arms. I look up at you with teary eyes. I might be coming undone right then and there. And you start to say "I never want to pressure you … If you don't feel the same way …" I shake my head. "I do, John! I love you too - so much. It's just … What brought this on?" You explain its something you've been feeling for a long time and while I was gone, you missed me with everything inside of you. I want to say, who are you and what have you done with the man who once admitted he had such a hard time expressing his feelings? But I am not about to second guess it. I don't want you to change your mind after all. You say you had to tell me now or you might lose your nerve. You've always been so strong but in that moment I realize you are human just like everyone else. (And I love that about you too.)

We finish bringing in the groceries and I ask if Danny's still sleeping. You say I'm in luck because yes, he still is. You get that sexy look in your eyes and we don't even make it out of the kitchen before we are ripping each other's clothes off. It was the best sex of my life I will admit because it wasn't just sex. It was so much more and it was with the man I love more than any other. You know I loved Jason too and there is always going to be a part of me that does (he's Danny's father after all) but John, you are the one. You're the one in my heart completely. I don't want to scare you off but I know with all that is in me that I was meant to be yours and you were meant to be my mine. Maybe I always knew. I am just glad we admitted it to each other finally!

We're back in bed again after a really eventful and emotional day and you're snoring beside me again. I already know what I'm going to do as soon as I finish writing this letter. I am going to crawl back into your arms and press my head to your chest. I will listen to your heartbeat all night, knowing some part of it beats just for me.

Yours,
Sam