Debbie Does The Two Towers

by Gypsie Rose (

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a sequel to "Debbie Does the Fellowship," which is also archived on this site. You don't have to read the first story for this one to make sense, but a few of the in-jokes will be funnier if you have read the first one. Please leave a review and let us know what you think!

CHAPTER 1: A Stranger in Black

Frodo watched as Debbie, the beautiful sorceress from another world who had freed him from the burden of the Ring, followed Gandalf into the woods. For a long time the Fellowship heard nothing except the rhythmic rustle of dry leaves as Gandalf prepared the complex spell which would send Debbie home, and a few strange moaning sounds.

Finally a brilliant flash of light issued from beneath the trees, causing all the Fellowship to shield their eyes at its brightness.

"That must be it," said Pippin sadly. "She's gone home." They waited for Gandalf to emerge and confirm the success of his magic.

And then there was a distinct sound of the wizard's cursing under his breath, and then--silence!

Frodo waited patiently with the others, sure that at any moment, Gandalf would break from the leafy cover and assure them that the Ring was safely away, and that they could begin celebrating. And yet, no further sounds emanated from the trees.

"I don't think he's coming out," Boromir whispered loudly.

Aragorn glared at the warrior. "Gandalf is a powerful and mysterious wizard. I am certain he knows what he's doing...."

And so the Fellowship waited, and the shadows grew longer as they hour grew late. And after a long while, as twilight settled on the horizon, Aragorn relented.

"All right," he said, shaking his head. "I'll see what he's about, then. Frodo?"

Frodo nodded, following the Ranger into the brush. The rest of the Fellowship trooped silently behind them.

They had no trouble finding the clearing where the ritual had been performed. There were some marks on the ground that made Aragorn, with his highly-developed tracking ability, raise an eyebrow, but he said nothing. There was no sign of Debbie, or of Gandalf.

"Where could that wizard have gone?" muttered Gimli in frustration.

Merry placed his hands to his mouth and shouted, "Gandaaaaaaalf!"

Frodo merely stood in the middle of the clearing, a tear rolling down his cheek. He could not bear to think that Debbie had really gone for good. Sam put a hand comfortingly on his shoulder as Frodo gazed down at his feet...and noticed a glimmer of gold caught by the last rays of the fading sun. He bent down to pick it up.

"M-Master Frodo," Sam stuttered, looking at Frodo in disbelief. "Is that--?"

"The Ring!" Aragorn exclaimed.

Frodo looked to the heavens, his voice raised in agony. "Debbieeeeeeeee!"


Frodo's eyes snapped open as he came suddenly awake. "Debbie!"

Sam rolled over, looking at the worn, tired face of his poor Master, now burdened once again with the Ring. "What is it, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo sighed deeply, cuddling into his blankets to the best of his ability. "Nothing. Just a dream."


Frodo tossed and turned in his sleep, his dreams haunted by evil visions that dissipated like phantoms at daylight whenever he awakened, leaving him unable to convey them to a very worried Sam.

He didn't have any desire to burden Sam with such things anyway; his faithful friend had stood by him in so much already--first the Ring, and then the horrible loss of Debbie, and now the Ring again. The torment seemed endless.

And so, the refurbished Ringbearer sweated out his night visions in his own mind only, completely oblivious to the dark form that loomed above him and his gardener.

Sam, however, was wakened as if by a sixth sense. He rolled over onto his back and opened one eye to see if it was light yet. It was not, but the face staring down at him in the moonlight was enough to snap him wide awake and up onto his feet with a glad cry.

"Miss Debbie!" Sam shouted, joyfully hugging the young woman, then turning to shake Frodo awake. "Mr. Frodo, wake up! Wake up! Miss Debbie's returned to us!"

Frodo likewise bounded up instantly, his face lit with its first genuine smile in many days. Tears of joy fell from his deep blue eyes.

"Lady Debbie! I can hardly believe my eyes!" Frodo exclaimed, blinking away the water streaming from his baby blues. "How is it you came to be here? I thought...I thought Gandalf sent you away?"

"Yeah, well, *that*," Debbie sighed, setting down what appeared to be a very thin shoulder bag. "He did send me back, but I guess he must have gotten a little, er, distracted or something, because when I got home, I didn't have the Ring or anything."

"I have it," Frodo said glumly. "It was left behind in the woods after you and Gandalf disappeared."

"Oh, poor little Frodo! You've had to take up the quest again, haven't you?" Debbie's own green eyes brimmed with tears now, as she took the hobbit's porcelain chin in her hands. 'But why aren't the others with you?"

"I left," Frodo answered. "I knew I had to go on alone. It was the only way."

"Two of us will go quieter than nine," Sam added. "Besides, Boromir was driving us all mad with his new heroism."

"And I knew that I could do it, no matter how difficult it was, since you helped me," Frodo finished. "You've given me the courage I need to finish this quest."

Both hobbits looked up at Debbie adoringly, and then their eyes widened simultaneously as they noticed for the first time what she was wearing. "Beggin' your pardon, but aren't you cold, Miss Debbie?" Sam asked as he took in the low-cut black silk teddy which was her only garment.

Debbie looked down and smiled. "Oh, this? I was doing a photo shoot for Victoria's Secret when I suddenly came You know, this is really weird, isn't it? How did I end up here again? I don't remember anything, except getting this strange feeling that I was needed after all this time..."

"But hardly no time's passed at all, Lady Debbie," Sam interjected.

"It's been nearly a year back home since Gandalf sent me back," Debbie insisted. "And it was sooo hard to keep a secret, too--I started a web page under a pen name to write about my adventures, because no one would *really* believe them." Debbie sighed wistfully.

"Lady Debbie, would you like some clothing?" Frodo offered gently.

"You must be frightfully cold," Sam agreed.

"In fact, I'm *sure* you're frightfully cold," Frodo said, blushing, as he looked away from Debbie's chest.

"Yeah--thanks, guys." Suddenly, Debbie threw a hand up to her forehead.

"Lady Debbie?!" Frodo and Sam hovered around her, preparing to catch her if she should faint.

"Nothing...I just don't feel entirely myself today," Debbie responded, sitting on a rock as she patiently waited for Sam and Frodo to find her some clothes.


In the wee hours of the morning, a pale and emaciated figure peered down over a small cliff at three forms lying below him on the ground. The two hobbits were snuggled up to a voluptuous woman of unusual beauty, and all were breathing regularly as if asleep. Even Gollum (for it was he, of course) could not help letting his eyes linger on the comely form of the woman--but he was quickly distracted by the sight of a flash of gold around her neck. "My Precioussss...I wants," he hissed softly to himself as he climbed stealthily down the rock toward the sleeping figures below.

Suddenly, the woman sprang awake. "Frodo! Sam! Wake up--something's here!"

Cursing beneath his breath, Gollum sprung from the rocks into the midst of the groggy companions. Try as he might, the poor, withered creature could not get a grasp on either the Ring, or the beautiful creature it adorned. "Curse these hobbitsesss...keep getting underfootses!" he sputtered, as Sam and Frodo fell all over themselves in an attempt to save Lady Debbie.

Finally, Gollum made one last desperate reach for the pretty lady's throat. *If only....*

"Ah-HAA!" Debbie shouted, tripping him up unexpectantly.

"Cursess!" Gollum cried as he spun through the chill night air. Frodo and Sam each grabbed an arm and pinned him to the ground as soon as he landed. Meanwhile, the lady fumbled in a slim bag which she had been using as a pillow, and withdrew a small white cylinder which she held up before Gollum's face.

"You haven't seen this before, but it kills orcs so I'll bet you wouldn't like it," she said sternly. Gollum whimpered pitifully. "So, um, you wanna show us through Mordor?" she continued.

The fat hobbit cried out, "Miss Debbie, no! He's treacherous!"

"Relax, Sam," answered Debbie. "I've read the book. He knows all the shortcuts, don't you, Gollum?"

"Yesss...Preciouss. We knows the way."

"You should spray him and be done with it!" Sam insisted.

"That would kill us! Kill usssss!" Gollum shrieked.

"What do you think, Frodo?" Debbie questioned.

"You seem to know a lot, Lady Debbie," Frodo responded, blinking his huge blue eyes. "I say we do whatever you think is best. After all, you're the Ringbearer again now."

"Okay," said Debbie, looking directly at Gollum. "Will you do it?"

"Yesss," Gollum readily agreed, his mind racing. He could lead them. He could be close to it...her. Yessss....