Chapter 23: Remember Me

It had come as no surprise to Molly to discover that Nan had left clear instructions for her funeral, "East London Crematorium, try and get that nice dishy Vicar from St Stephen's to do the ceremony. I went there last Christmas and felt like I was opening an extra present watching him all night." Had been her thoughts on the subject to Belinda during what had turned out to be one of their final conversations.

"I'm not sure that's how it works mum, and anyway I'm sure we don't need to talk about this now. You've still got years in you." Belinda had protested.

"I wanna get of my chest while I've got you on your own for a change love." Nan had continued, "Two hymns, Abide with me and Morning has broken, the bit about the purple headed mountain always used to make me laugh so you can think of that and smile while I'm lying in my box." Belinda had nearly choked on her coffee. "I don't want you having to think of things for a eulogy, I've lived a good life with plenty I'm happy to remember and more I'm glad to have forgotten, instead ask Molly to read this." She handed Belinda a book of poetry with a post it note sticking out. Turning it in her hands Belinda was distracted by the East Ham Library sticker on the spine and opened the inside cover.

"Mum, you've had this library book for six months. The fine will be massive." She giggled in mock shock.

"Calm down love I do that online renewal thingy, and anyway once I'm gone it won't matter, will it?" She laughed but Belinda wasn't having any of it.

"Why can't you just give it to her? She'll be back for a visit in the holidays I'm sure." Belinda tried to sound convinced but even she had to admit that after the disaster that was her previous visit it would be unlikely Molly would be coming up any time soon. "If you're so whizzy on the computer now you can send her an e-mail."

Firm in her wishes Nan continued without acknowledging the suggestion. "Tell your Dave to put a bloody suit on, it's the least he can do after the years of grief he's given me, and tell the others I want a proper East End Do, they can show some respect and get their black hats out for their aged Nan."

Belinda had nodded and gone to the kitchen to wash the mugs up, unwilling to talk of such morbid topics any longer. She knew her mum was getting older, but surely they didn't need to be thinking about funerals yet. When she returned the TV was on and they spent the remainder of her visit discussing the contestants that Come Dine With Me had served up for her their afternoon delight and she had put the conversation out of her mind.

Nan had passed away the following month.

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Charles' fingers linked with Molly's as they sat on a bench looking across towards the chapel. Having allowed plenty of the time for the journey they had arrived early so had picked up some coffee and taken a stroll around the cemetery.

"Let's sit down for a moment" Charles suggested as they took in the view. It wasn't an area of London he'd ever visited before, from their slightly elevated position he was staggered at how far they could see. Ahead of them the landscape was dominated by the Olympic Park; the varying curves of the stadiums sitting amongst open park spaces, hotels, enormous shopping centres and new apartment complexes shooting up from the ground like some kind of urban version of new life. The air hummed with the dull background roar of traffic and the rattle of the train lines on either side of them. "If gravestones could talk, hey? Bet they've seen a lot of change around here?" Charles wondered out loud to Molly.

"I'll bet, I hardly recognise the place. When I left, this all looked very different." She paused, looking around at the rows of headstones stretched out before her. "Bet they're some characters left behind in here, they could tell a story or two I should imagine."

"Have you been here before?"

"Never, it's my first funeral actually."

"How you holding up?"

"I'm shitting myself."

"What's worrying you the most?"

"The poem. Seeing my dad. All of it."

"I want to tell you it'll be fine."

"I know. I'm sorry your having to go through this, it must bring back painful memories."

"It's ok. In my experience funerals are one of the few things that never get easier; the next always reminds you of the previous ones. I'm just concentrating on you, maybe it helps that I never knew your nan. I don't know. But I'm ok, don't add me to your things to worry about." She squeezed his hand and rested her head on his arm.

"I can see the troops arriving. You ready to do this?"

Charles tightened the hold around her shoulders and leant down to kiss the top of her head, "You can do this, I'll be with you every step if the way."

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Molly tried to concentrate on what the vicar was saying, but just couldn't focus. Her mum had greeted her warmly, and despite her trepidation over her dad making some caustic remark he had grunted hello then taken himself off to stand with the younger kids who really didn't remember Molly particularly and barely gave her a passing hello. Bella and Jade had been more enthusiastic, hugging her tightly and taking selfies with her before becoming distracted posting to Facebook or wherever and getting lost in their phones. She was surprised at how little their ambivalence at seeing her or meeting Charles bothered her. What was affecting her was the nervous anticipation about her upcoming reading, why nan had picked her for this was beyond her.

"You can do this." Charles whispered, placing a hand on her knee to pause her shaking. "Just read slowly, look at me. If you need help just give me the wink."

"They'll think I'm giving you the come on." She giggled.

"We can do that later." He replied in barely audible tones that sent a shiver down her spine.

"Behave."

"Put a smile back on your face though, didn't it?"

Following her lead from the Vicar, Molly made her way towards the lectern. "Remember Me But Don't Be Sad" she read, pausing to look up at Charles before taking a deep breath and beginning.

"Remember me, but don't be sad,
Laugh about the times we've had.
Remember me, but not with tears
Talk about our bygone years.

I'm still with you, just out of sight.
I am the darkness, I am the light.
In times of trouble, I'll hold your hand
I'll try to guide you, you understand.

Don't ever think that I'm not there,
My spirit's alive. I'm everywhere.
I was ready to go when the Lord called my name.
I followed the path, I felt no pain.

Molly heard a sob from her mother and looked up to see tears streaming down her cheeks, her heart broke again for Belinda and the pain she felt. A movement pulled her from her thoughts and she noticed Dave lean across and put his arm comfortingly around Belinda's shoulders. A soft cough from the vicar behind her nudged her to continue.

It was a relief to walk through heaven's doors
I am at peace so rest assured,
We'll be together again one day,
I was needed first to light the way.
So please don't cry, you must not weep.
There is no death, just peaceful sleep."

She could feel Charles eyes locked on hers, and it brought her peace. However dysfunctional her family life had been before now, looking at Charles she recognised she had the chance to start something new and wonderful, a life together with him. She realised the voices in her head of old that would have made her question whether she was good enough for him had started to quieten down, she trusted him, and more than that she knew she was falling in love with him too.

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Charles pulled the car to a rest outside his house and looked across at Molly. She had been asleep for the last hour, the emotion and anxiety of the day finally catching up with her. He watched as her chest slowly rose and fell with each breath and realised the enormous hole that would be left in his heart if Molly were to ever leave him. Guilt still coursed through him when he thought about how badly he had misread the situation with her and Dylan; Jackie now forever at the top of his list of favourite people for forcing him to take his head out his arse and rectify the situation.

He leant across and stroked a stray hair away from her face, "Molly, wake up darling. We're home."

Molly slowly opened her eyes letting out an almighty yawn as she came back to reality. Charles stepped out the car and made his way towards the front door, eager to get inside and put the kettle on, or better still open a beer. It had been a long day and his to do list was reminding him he still had some work to finish off, having been technically working from home today. He heard Molly's door open and looked around to see her raising her arms above her head, stretching her tired muscles before heading inside.

"Molly?" an unmistakeable voice called out from the other side of The Mill Pond.

"Oh shit," Molly thought as she turned to see the owner of the voice breaking into a run and rapidly making his way towards her.

"Molly? What are you doing with the boss?" Smurf asked as he came to a panting halt in front of Charles' car. "Why are you in his car? Does he live here, on The Mill Pond? What are you doing here? I thought today was your Nan's funeral? I came to see how you are." The questions seemed to tumble out of his head in a stream of consciousness, his expression turning from confused to angry as realisation dawned that there was something going on between Charles and Molly.

Wondering what was holding Molly up Charles stepped back the house through the front door pulling on his tie and undoing his top button as he spoke, "You still stretching sleepy head? Come on inside and I'll rub your neck for you." Charles nearly choked on his last words as he took in the incredulous look on Dylan's face.

"Go into the house Charles, I'll be in shortly." Molly spoke slowly, not taking her eyes from Smurf.

"What? Why?" Charles stuttered.

Turning to Charles and hoping that he would understand, she tried to speak with a sense of calm she certainly wasn't feeling, "Because despite whatever is about to be said is between me and him, you're still his boss and this doesn't need to be made more complicated than it already is." She nodded trying to silently communicate that she would come back to him, she always would.

Charles reluctantly obeyed, stepping back into the house but leaving the front door open and pausing out of sight in the hallway.

"What are you doing with him?" Smurf asked as soon as Charles was out of sight. "Did he go to the funeral?"

"Yes." Molly answered simply. It wasn't any of his business but she wasn't about to make a secret of the best thing that had ever happened to her.

"Why?" Smurf asked, still ignoring the obvious answer to the question staring him in the face.

"Why did he come with me?" Molly took a deep breath and looked Smurf straight in the eye as she answered, "Because he's my boyfriend, because he cares about me, because he didn't want me to face a shitty day on my own."

Smurf shrank visibly at the revelation, "Do you love him?" He said, asking the question he knew he had no right to ask but seemingly unable to stop himself.

Molly paused before answering, torn between telling him to mind his own bloody business and setting the record straight once and for all. "I do, not that it's any of your business mind. Be happy for me. I don't need anyone in my life who's not."

Smurf sank back and rested against the boot of Charles' car, running his hands through his hair. "Was it ok today? You know, as ok as it could be?"

"It was. It's never going to be easy with my mum and dad but that's not my life story anymore."

"But this is?" Smurf asked, a slight hint of jealously evident in his tone as he gestured at the house.

Molly looked around her, taking in all the beauty of where she stood. She noticed the first pink buds of the cherry trees that circled the mill pond, and noticed some mid-week sailors rigging their dinghy's on the edge of the quay. "Emsworth, Charles, you guys? Yeah, that's my life story now. I'm done with running away. The only place I want to be is here." She paused, letting her words sink in, for both Smurf and herself. " Look, I've had a really long day, I just want to get inside and put my feet up for a while. I've not nothing more to say about this Smurf. Be my friend. Be happy for me. None of us deserve for you to for you to fuck this up."

A subtle nod of acceptance fell ponderously from Smurf's shoulders. "Thanks for coming to see how I was."

"Yeah, well I guess I don't need to be worrying about you anymore. You've got your boyfriend to do that now?"

"Be happy for me Smurf." She warned.

"I will, I mean it. I don't know why I said that."

"Don't do anything stupid at work."

"I won't, maybe I'll just keep a low profile for a while."

"Whatever, just behave."

Molly looked at the open front door as she turned back towards the house and wondered how much of the conversation Charles had listened in to. She found him in the kitchen pretending to look busy, he had the grace to look embarrassed when she asked him how much he heard. "I take it from the look on your face you heard all of it then?"

Charles stepped towards her and lifted her into the work top. Pushing her knees apart so he could get as close to her as possible, he reached up and cupped her face in his hands. "I want to make one tiny correction to what I heard you say."

"You do?"

"I didn't come with you today because I care about you."

"You didn't?"

"I came with you today, and I will come with you to anything you ever ask me to in the future, because I love you. I love you with every inch of my being and never want you to face anything hard on your own again."

"Oh!"

"Oh?"

"Ditto?" She tried echoing his words from just a few weeks ago, causing him to laugh and relax for the first time all day.

"I was hoping for something more romantic than ditto" he replied, two able to play at that game.

"How about, I want you to be the last thing I see, and to be clear, I love you too?"

She didn't wait for him to answer, pulling him towards her and locking her lips to hers in a deep and tender kiss. Suddenly the question she had been asked by the air hostess all those months ago came crashing into her mind... "Are you going home?" All the pain and heartache that question and evoked seemed to evaporate as she ran her fingers through Charles' hair, knowing she would follow him to the end of the earth if he needed her to. Here, with the man that loved her and she loved in return she was finally, truly home.

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Epilogue

Molly took one last look across the playground as she closed the door. Having matched the last child in the line to the correct parent, she breathed a sigh of relief and waved off the last of the students loitering on the playground while their parents nattered.

Her first day at Emsworth Primary had been a success, she marvelled at how good it felt to see her name on her classroom door as she paused en-route to the staff room to collect her beloved travel mug from her desk. Today, instead of daffodils, she had a small posy of freesia's that Charles had cut from the bush growing alongside the bench where, with blue flecks of paint in his hair, he had first suggested they take to the water together.

They had spent most of the summer on board Silver Dawn, using the extended break as a chance to venture outside the harbour and into The Solent. From the water, they had seen The Forts up close and explored The Isle of Wight, as well as mooring up at Gunwarf Quays and tried some more of the waterside restaurants. It was there that Charles had broached the subject of her moving the rest of her possessions over to his house.

Pulling herself out her daydream, Molly returned to the classroom and attacked the pile of books needing her attention and put away the resources she had used that day. She smiled as she lifted the aforenamed 'Charlie the Chipanzee' from her chair and adjusted the slightly ridiculous hat and jacket she had acquired for him before his renaming. As ever, the children had loved being introduced to 'Captain James' as he was now known.

Eventually there was nothing else to prepare and Molly gathered her things for the short walk home. Charles had offered to pop over in the car, but she had insisted she wanted to be independent and make her own way back. Charles had reluctantly conceded, so it was with great surprise that she heard his familiar tones calling her name as she walked out the school gates.

Molly couldn't help but laugh at the sight that greeted her – for there, clearly having nipped home to change, was Charles leaning against the gate with a broad smile on his face. "You said I couldn't drive you home, but you never said anything about a tandem!"

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A/N

First of all, I deserve no credit for the poem, I discovered it in an anthology, author unknown. But I thought it was rather beautiful and wanted to include it in full.

I've have really loved sharing this story with you again. Whether you were reading for the first time or back for a second visit, thank you for joining me, encouraging me and lending me your support. As you may have guessed, Learning the ropes is firmly set in the area of the world my heart will always call home. If you've never been to Emsworth, and find yourself on the South Coast, buy some fish and chips and go and pay a visit to Molly and Charles' bench. There's no freesia's in real life, but everything else is just as I described. The air is crisp, the boats are bouncing and everywhere you look you see the beauty of the natural world around you.

I know some people have already asked, but there is no more of this story to come. I have promised to revisit another of my previous stories – Thinking out loud – in the new year, so that will be coming soon. And, I have written a Christmas One Shot for The Miniaturists which will also be published in the coming days. Beyond that, I plan to have a break over Christmas, and eat, drink and be merry with the family I am so blessed to have here.

Whatever you are doing, whoever you are with, and however you celebrate, I pray that the peace and love of Christmas will bless you abundantly. May your celebrations be joyful, may your hangovers be limited and 2018 be a year that brings you forward. The great joy of Our Girl for me is the inspiration it has brought amongst so many to take that step and do the thing they never thought themselves capable of. The fact that this story exists at all, is just one testament in my life to that. So, if there is something you been thinking about, or an opportunity you weren't expecting finds itself in front of you – please – think of Molly, find your strength, and believe. You can do it.

With love and grateful thanks,

Bananagirl xxx