Sighing happily, I slammed shut the last of the books that we'd been using and deposited them on the returns trolley. Finally, that stupid Herbology assignment was finished. Early too, amazingly we still had four days until it was due.
"Lily, it's not entirely that great that the assignment is done, we should have worked on it a bit more I think," Arabella almost fretted as she collected up her quills and ink
I shook my head, "No way, it's finished and that's it. No more work on that thing-ever."
Arabella chuckled "I'll never understand how someone who reads so many books can't stand doing assignments. Honestly Lily, it's not that different."
"Sure it is," I said defensively "I read for fun, sometimes assignments are alright like Defense Against the Dark Arts, but not Herbology, it's totally impractical."
"It is not!" Arabella exclaimed loudly, almost in spite of herself. She looked around the library sheepishly. "I mean, I think we should just go back to the Common Room."
"Well, you're right about that at least," I grinned and led the way out of the library.
Inside the Common Room, Arabella made a totally fake excuse to go to bed and I could just tell she was going to try and work on our assignment some more. But, because I just couldn't be bothered to force her to stay by this time, I let it go. After all, it's much more fun talking to the guys without having to try and keep the conversation clean.
Plonking down in one of the armchairs I exhaled loudly, purely glad to be with just the guys for once.
"So you finished it did you?" James asked casually as he looked up from a letter he was writing. Dear Narcissa, it began, I could just make out the words in his untidy handwriting from the distance. Suddenly I felt mildly ill. It was almost amazing, but I had honestly forgotten about him and her until that moment. Well, maybe not, but still it came as a shock.
I nodded, trying to forge a smile.
"Nights are so boring these days," Sirius mused out loud.
"Yeah," Peter sighed "they're usually the best times for plotting pranks…but now because we can't it's boring."
"That's what I meant Peter," Sirius said.
"Alright, stop it before you go any further. Hmm," I bit my lip thinking of something to distract them from fighting with each other "I've got a joke."
Sirius' face perked up, instantly interested.
"Alright then Lily, go on," Peter said almost excitedly.
I cleared my throat. This was totally going against Sirius' advice to be charming and slightly more girly, but it would at least for a bit clear the air.
"Ok, this is sort of a guy joke but seeing how you're all male it should be ok, if not odd that I'm the one telling it erm," I said uneasily trying to rectify myself.
"Go on," Sirius urged
"Right. How can you tell if your sperm count is up?" I said daringly
Peter wrinkled his nose in distaste, Sirius grinned wickedly and James just shook his head and kept writing.
"Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows," I finished, almost instantly regretting telling this particular joke.
The guys burst into a bought of disgusted laughter, and I couldn't help but to join in. After all it was just a joke. Wait on, Peter…Sirius…James…what the,
"Where the hells' Remus?" I asked almost incoherently through my laughter.
"He's up in the dorm," James replied, "felt tired or something,"
"Can I go up to see him?" I questioned, knowing that I really should ask first.
"Sure, no one else is up there and it's not exactly like you're going to shag him or anything," James said shrugging. I thought I'd be allowed up, after all I had been before.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sirius' expression change considerably as James mentioned shagging Remus. Interesting, that was. It could have just been because they're such close friends, and I suppose the idea of me having…relations with one of them would have been disgusting in his eyes, but I seriously was starting to doubt it. But, it was their choice to tell us when they were sure, of course.
"Great," I flashed him what I hoped was my best casual smile and made my way up to the boys dorm.
"Don't forget to swallow!" Peter called after me, which of course prompted the need to turn around and give him a rather inappropriate gesture over the balcony. Shaking my head at the immaturity of males, I knocked on the door, just to make sure it was safe to come in.
"It's alright Lily, you can come in," Remus' voice drifted out to me quietly. I pushed open the door and walked in the room which was, being a boys dorm, very messy indeed.
"How'd you know it was me?" I asked
"None of the other's would have knocked. They just barge straight in," Remus explained.
I nodded, being entirely considerate wasn't exactly something that the other three Marauder's possessed. Caring, yes, but obeying polite conventions like knocking on a door before entering? Definitely not.
"So, Sirius told me about your little predicament," he said matter of factly.
I widened my eyes in surprise "Is there nothing that you two don't share?" I exclaimed, stupidly aghast that Sirius had told another person about my issue with James even though that person was of course most likely the best one to talk about it to.
Remus fidgeted uncomfortably with the blanket on his bed from where he was sitting on it.
"Fine, sorry," I apologized for something that neither of us would let on was happening. "Fine, I love him."
"Wow, that was easy," Remus said with a raised eyebrow "I thought it'd take at least ten minutes of you saying that there was nothing wrong, and then another fifteen for you to admit it. I'm shocked."
"Alright, alright," I snapped back "you don't have to pay me out you know." Why was I there anyway? It wasn't like I needed to be reassured that James' wasn't going to …propose to Narcissa. That'd be jumping to conclusions. They'd only been together for a day…not that I had thought of that, I hadn't, but still… God. I mentally shook myself out of my internal battle.
"I'm going. Sorry to disturb you Remus, hope you feel better by tomorrow or whatever." I turned on my heel and stalked out "Good night." I called over my shoulder, ignoring his pleas that he was sorry and if I'd just lose my red head temper for just a moment…
Shaking my head I wandered into the girls dorms. Only Arabella was there, scribbling frantically on a piece of parchment. She looked up sheepishly as I walked in.
"Caught out," I said, trying to forge a cheerful tone.
She shrugged "I couldn't help but think that we might have"-
"Don't worry about it Arabella, I'm not going to pick on you about going over the assignment again," I broke into her excuse. I flopped onto my bed, feeling rather dejected and very confused.
"What's up Lily?"
"The sky," I deadpanned in reply. I just did not feel like rationalizing myself to anyone.
"Come on, it can't be that bad. Who better would understand than me?" Arabella asked, trying in vain to coax me into telling her.
I snorted before I could restrain myself "Sure, whatever," I blurted out, adding a marker to my already dug grave.
"So that's what you think is it?" Arabella demanded, anger growing with her every word "That I'm just some sort of freak that only thinks about school work and homework and nothing else?"
"No of course not,"-
"Yes it is! I thought you were my friend Lily, I thought you knew me better than to think that, but I was obviously wrong!" with that she got up and stormed off down to the Common room. It wouldn't do her that much good, after all eventually she'd have to come up to the dorm.
"Arabella! Get over it I never said that!" I yelled after her retreating figure, but she didn't turn around or anything.
This was just the most fantastic day. I ripped out my hair tie and let my red curls fall over my face. I never wanted things to go like this. But in one day all I'd accomplished was totally annoying one of my friends, getting annoyed at another of my friends, being slightly depressed about another of my friends going out with someone I didn't want him to go out with. Who needs friends anyway, all they seem to do is make things complicated. But a nagging inner part of myself just kept saying you do Lily, but I refused to listen to it.
Soon the other girls would come up to go to bed and I didn't want to have the chance of having to make them shut up again so I changed into my pajamas and tried to get to sleep.
It was absolutely freezing, and I was only wearing a light dress. The breeze caught my hair which for once wasn't tied up out of my face and blew it around my shoulders, tickling the exposed skin lightly. I had no idea where I was but it was very pretty and green. Scenic, and it was twilight I realized, as I caught a glimpse of the almost completely set sun through the tall trees.
"Lily," someone's voice called to me softly. I knew that voice and my stomach dropped.
"James?" I whispered as I turned around, and around again trying to spot him.
"Can't you see me?" his voice said again, and I realized I could only just spot him sitting on the grass wearing a deep green sweater. I ran over to him, half scared for no reason at all.
"James, why are you here?" I said as I dropped down beside him. He turned to face me, his grey eyes solemn behind his wire framed glasses.
"Why are any of us here?" he replied with a rather Zen tone "But we are."
"Uh, alright," I said slightly perturbed by his words "I have to tell you something."
He reached out and tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear, and lent very close. It was amazingly great and horrible in the same moment. It was as if my heart was so happy it just couldn't feel any more emotions and would burst at any given moment.
"Don't worry, I know," he said softly "I have to tell you something too."
"What is it?" I asked, my breath catching in my throat stupidly.
"She's the one," he replied simply, looking into my eyes so I could see the truthfulness that laid in his face.
"No," I whispered "no."
"Yes," he said slightly louder. My vision became distorted and it appeared like James was fading away.
"No!" I insisted, trying in vain to reach out and grab onto his sweater. But he wasn't there anymore.
I woke up at about midnight, heart absolutely thumping from fear, startled and cold.
"God, that was not good," I told myself. I laid back down and stared up at the ceiling of my four poster bed trying to think of nothing.
A/N: Sorry for the delay. I doubt I'll keep saying when the next chapter will be out by, because everything in my life is getting rather …dependable on what's happening and that changes too much. I will still try and get it out as fast as possible though. A BETA reader may assist with this. And yes, I am going to be writing inferred slash, and perhaps very mild slash, but I didn't write it into the summary as a) it's not a big part of the story and b) no one writes "het" in their summaries so why should slash have to be? Sorry if this offends anyone.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with, or identifiably the work of J.K Rowling. I only own this plot, my characterization and any original characters I insert into the story.