There was nothing in this world more annoying, more aggravating and more insufferable than Deku Midoriya. Or so he had thought.

But Katsuki had discovered a worse horror, which made the lonely loser he once knew pale in comparison. A horror that kept him in a constantly dizzying state of perpetual combustion.

That horror was Deku dating.

Katsuki hadn't believed it at first. He had spit out laughing in Kirishima's face when he first heard. Deku, with a girlfriend? It had to be a joke. That was impossible. What kind of girl would ever want to date a dweeb like him?

But then he saw them, out in the open like gasping fish, making out when they thought they were alone in the common room. Of course it had to be pink cheeks of all people. It figured — for whatever bizarre reason, she had decided to attach herself to Deku like a leech. They were close; it made a sick, twisted kind of sense.

A sense that made him want to puke.

Which he nearly did as he ran away from the lovers before managing to settle his stomach. As long as he had lived, there was no sight more disgusting than seeing Deku with his lips locked. The gasps, the panting, the groans and god damn it he needed to blow something up to distract himself.

After an explosion enhanced run around a UA track, Katsuki resolved to delete that image from his memory — or at least suppress it as much as possible. He decided he never wanted to see them like that again. He would toss in a few threats to make sure of it. He didn't have to acknowledge it otherwise. He could just focus on taking Deku down a peg in class, like usual. Girlfriend be damned.

The threads had gone fairly well, at first. It seemed to him like it would be easy.

"Hey, loser! Look, there's crap I don't need to see in my life and that includes you and cheeky getting freaky! KEEP THAT BULLSHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT AND IN YOUR FUCKING ROOM!"

The entire class stared at him as he confronted his rival before homeroom began. They were shocked to stillness at the outburst.

"W-what? You…you saw us? When?" Deku's annoying face flushed completely red as he sputtered over a few words. It had been a while since Katsuki had seen him this afraid. Good.

"It doesn't fucking matter, just don't do that shit again. You got that?!"

Deku gulped but nodded.

He brushed aside the heckles and admonishment of four-eyes as he stomped back to his seat. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see pink cheeks looking as flushed and embarrassed as Deku. Perfect. That would teach them.

For a few weeks, it seemed to work alright. No signs of PDA to be found — at least in his presence.

But despite that small mercy, the tag team found a million other ways to be absolutely fucking awful.

Every, single, goddamned day they would walk in class hand-in-hand, smiling like idiots. Sometimes they would even be in the middle of a conversation, laughing like the rest of the world wasn't even there. It was so sugary and saccharine; like one of his mother's shitty dramas come to life in front of him. He felt like teeth were all getting cavities at the sight of them.

"You feel alright man? You seem a little out of it lately," Kirishima asked him one day as he glared at the entering duo with the fury of hell.

"I'm fine. Shut your trap and mind your own business," Katsuki grumbled in response, laying back in his chair, looking away pointedly from the couple of his ire.

Katsuki could sense Kirishima following his eyes. A small smile perked up on his classmate's face.

"Are you upset because Midoriya has a -"

"If you spit out one more word I will rip your tongue out of your mouth."

"Alright, alright, sheesh," Kirishima chirped brightly, walking away to leave the angry blonde to stew. "But you'll probably have to get used to it. They look pretty inseparable."

Katsuki's eye twitched. "I don't care."

"Sureeeee you don't."

As infuriated as Katsuki was by the circumstances, he was able to find a small nugget of good amidst the crap. Deku was probably so busy mashing faces he must have fallen behind in his training. If he could get a chance to show Deku up in class, he was sure he could prevail versus the lovesick loser.

The opportunity did come a few days later. It was another pair match in hero class, with each side trying to capture one of the opposing team to score a victory.

This time, they were told pairings were based strictly on compatibility. Which of course meant the fucking lovebirds were paired together.

But luckily, he and Kirishima were chosen to match up against them. That draw put a maniacal grin on his face; finally, a chance to destroy them and blow up all his rage in their faces.

"So any plans?" Kirishima asked as the two waited in the cityscape arena before their match.

"We blow them up and pound them into the ground."

"…Figured you might say something like that."

"Just manage your guard and try to stall Deku. I'll blow up pink cheeks and we'll double-team him. You can't let her touch you, but if I get her out of the way early, we should have this."

Kirishima blinked. "That is…surprisingly well thought out. You're not usually that level-headed when it comes to Midoriya."


"Nothing, nothing, never mind!"

The two opted to hide and wait for their opponents to come to them. Kirishima's quirk didn't lend itself to mobility like the rest of the match combatants; it would be better to try to hold a place down and watch over a smaller area.

It wasn't long before Deku appeared before them, staring them down from some distance with that damn determined look that Katsuki had come to hate. He was, surprisingly, alone.

"Where the fuck's your girlfriend you lovesick bast-"

Katsuki's taunt was cut off when Deku suddenly rushed towards the pair like a madman and he was forced to let out a series of explosions to try to counter the headlong rush.

Deku attacked with a headlong fury, requiring Katsuki's full attention to keep ahead. The bastard was moving faster and faster every time he encountered him. Kirishima tried to interject, managing to get a couple of hits off while Katsuki blasted from afar. But Deku was constantly able to barely dodge out of the way of the worst of it and come back swinging.

Katsuki wracked his mind throughout the rapid encounter. This didn't make sense. Deku would get worn down way faster fighting alone than fighting with his partner. What the hell was he planning, fighting without her? What could she possibly be doing?

Katuski's eyes widened when he realized what she might be up to. He stared up into the sky, before being met with Uraraka hurtling toward him like a rocket.


He quickly lifted up his gauntlet and prepared to annihilate her, but Deku managed to jump out of Kirishima's reach and kick his blaster to the side, causing his explosion to go just wide of his target.


The words were all he got out before Uraraka slapped him with all her momentum, sending his now-weightless body flying 30 feet, crashing into a hard building. As the pair moved farther out of his vision, he could see Deku had managed to catch and secure her so her body didn't splatter on the pavement.


By the time Katsuki managed to get his bearings, ready to propel his weightless body with explosions, the opposing duo had already subdued Kirishima and ended the match.

Katsuki felt his rage build to a boiling point at the sight in front of him. That he had lost to Deku was bad enough. That alone was enough to send him into a blinding fury.

But losing to the pair of them was so much worse. Especially as they started… doting on each other.

"You okay, Uraraka? Take it easy for a bit."

"I'm fine, trust me. But what about you? You took quite a beating."

"Managed to dodge the worst of it. Just barely though, but it was worth it. Your move was incredible!"

"Only because you were able to buy so much time. I can't believe you-"

"WOULD YOU BOTH SHUT THE HELL UP AND GO GET A ROOM OR SOMETHING?!" Katsuki roared as he waltzed past them on his way out of the facility.

"Why don't you mind your own business?" a soft, yet defiant voice spoke from behind Katsuki. He stopped in his tracks and let the death wish hang in the air for a moment. He turned back to them with murder in his eyes, met back with the glare of Uraraka.

Deku looked terrified behind her. The appropriate reaction. It should have been on both their faces.

"What did you just say?" he growled low, taking a heavy step toward her.

"You…you keep shouting at us or glowering at us every day. But we're not even trying to be in your way or anything," the girl explained. She kept her stance steady as he approached her. "What about us being together bothers you so much?"

The question caught him off guard. He paused to consider it, just for a moment, as his mind ran through all the times he had seen the two of them together. Holding hands. Being nice. Kissing.

"…Every time I look at you two I want to throw up," Katsuki replied, getting close to the two of them and looming over Ochako with his height. She tried to maintain her defiance but shrank beneath him. He could see Deku reach his hand onto hers and step forward to stand by her side.

"Everything about the two of you absolutely disgusts me," Katsuki finished.

"But why, Kacchan?" Deku blurted out, seeming to grow a spine where his girlfriend was concerned. "What…what's so disgusting about it?"

The same, annoying question threw Katsuki for a loop, but he refused to show it.

"Because you're both losers," he managed to bluff, as he turned around to walk away from the pair. "That I hate seeing. And your fucking cutesy act pisses me off."

He didn't bother waiting for a reply, storming off to get away from the infuriating couple.

He didn't have a complete answer, not really. It wasn't something he wanted to even think about. He didn't need to think about why they bothered him so much. They just did and he would do anything to stop it.

So what if Deku had a girlfriend? So what, if the bastard had somehow managed to find that despite being the biggest loser on the planet? So what, if they had gotten lucky and managed to beat him in class this one time?

So what if Deku, once the most unpopular cretin in existence, had gotten a girlfriend before he himself had?


He wound up getting a week's detention for the property damage he subsequently inflicted on the school landscape. It was worth every minute.

AN: Written for IzuOcha Week Day 2: Tag Team.

This might be the most fun I've ever had writing a fanfic.

Thanks to MrThatDude from the IzuOcha Discord server for looking this over.

Hope you enjoyed it. =)