Pretty happy with the outcome of this. Enjoy.


It all started with the pub.

Diane hadn't been that keen to go to the pub that evening. The realisation of hanging out with Lizzie's boyfriend and his best mate had wound David up, to the point where all he could do was rant to his girlfriend about how 'unfair' life is. Diane had patted his shoulders and cooed in a tone that was usually reserved for her students. The nonsense she had spouted seemed to calm him down and now they were walking into the pub, the pair of them out of place.

Straight away, Liz headed over to Shaun, and the couple scuttled away into their own corner. Leaving Diane with David… and Ed.

It was common knowledge that David and Ed hated each other's guts, and Diane prepared herself for the next few hours.

"Alright, Dave?" Ed chugged his beer, and nodded appreciatively at Diane. "What's up, Diane?"

David bristled, holding one arm out in front of Diane. "Do not call me 'Dave', and if you ever leer at my girlfriend again, I will punch you in the face."

"Ooh, big man." Ed sneered. His face softened as he looked at Diane. "Sorry if I was leering at you, Di. I'm kinda fucking drunk already."

As David exclaimed about the language, Diane tittered. "No worries, Ed. Let's get wasted!" She pumped her fist into the air, her awkward enthusiasm once again unleashed.

David rolled his eyes, moving over to the bar as a half-smile sloped onto Ed's face. Diane blushed, adjusting her beanie before walking over to the table in the corner, where Shaun and Liz were situated at. Shaun and Liz were opposite each other, hands clasped together in the middle of the table. Ed slipped in next to Shaun, nudging his best mate in the ribs and gesturing cheekily.

Once David had returned with two pints and slipped into the space next to Liz, Diane perched on the end, thanking her boyfriend as he passed one of the pints to her.

She sipped the drink, the froth forming a layer above her top lip. David took one look at her and rolled his eyes, sipping from his own drink, his glasses threatening to slide off the bridge of his nose.

Ed gestured to her top lip. "You got a little something…" He reached forward and dabbed his finger across her top lip. Diane was breathless as Ed sat back in his seat, licking the froth off of his finger.

The table banged as there was a sudden movement, and pints sloshed their content out onto the wooden material as David glowered down at Ed.

"Daffs! What are you doing?" Diane watched uneasily as her boyfriend hissed:

"I warned you to stop flirting with my girlfriend. Best watch yourself, Edward."

Ed arched an eyebrow, before chugging his drink, slamming down the pint glass when he was finished. He stood and held his arms out wide.

"I'm game, fag."


It was all a blur of action, and Diane tore herself out of her seat and fled towards the bathroom. Behind her, blows were exchanged, Shaun and Liz attempting to break up the fight. The barman shouted, but it was all cut off as soon as the bathroom door swung shut behind her.

Thankfully, there was no one else in the bathroom. Diane placed her hands against a sink and stared into the stained mirror.

'Daffs completely lost it. Why would he go off at Ed like that? He was only helping me clean up…'

She sighed in exasperation, her head flopping forwards.

"Hey, Di?"

Head snapping up, Diane whirled round to encounter Ed, his slightly blood stained hands held up.

"Sorry for scaring you… and I'm sorry for hitting your boyfriend… but he is a right cock."

She spluttered with laughter, Ed finding himself baffled by her reaction. He put his hands down and shook his head.

"You find me insulting your boyfriend, funny?" He smirked. "Find it attractive too?"

Ed was fully expecting a blow to his balls for that quip, but to his shock, Diane fiddled with her beanie and whispered:

"Kind of, yeah. I've always found you… c-cute… and Daffs, even though I love him, has been a bit overwhelming lately."

"Well, shit. Diane finds me attractive… Fuck me!" He pulled a pained face. "Not literally, cause you've got a boyfriend, and he would kill me if he found out…"

"Daffs couldn't hurt a fly."

Diane blushed as she recalled Ed's loose remark only moments earlier. "With the whole… fucking thing… would you want to?"

"Only if you want. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want."

She smiled. "That's sweet. You know, Daffs said that you… Oh…" She smacked her forehead in frustration. Why did she have to have such a big mouth?!

"Said what? Hey Di, I'm not gonna get angry, I swear. What did he say that I would do?"

"Well… He said he wouldn't put it past you to r-rape someone just cause you wanted sex… I swear, Ed, I know you're not like that!... Why are you laughing?"

"Cause the fucker's dead wrong, that's why!" Ed creased up in high pitched laughter. "Man, he's an idiot. He might have got a degree, but he has no common sense!"

"Daffs is hard to like-"

"Why are you with him, Di?" The sudden cut-off of laughter shocked Diane, and she paused to think.

"I-I don't know… I'm content, I guess?"

"You're not though!" Ed sighed. "He treats you like shit, Di! He loves Liz and don't say he doesn't," He warned her before she could defend her boyfriend. "He's an arsehole… I'm sorry, but he is. Even Pete says he is and we never agree on anything."

"Pete agrees with you?… Wow, that's… Oh Ed, I can't leave Daffs though. We've been together so long."

"Hey," Ed smiled softly, holding her in his arms as she buried her head into his chest. "You deserve someone who loves you, someone who won't walk all over you. I'm sorry, Di, but David only has eyes for Liz. Shaun knows it, I know it, Pete knows it, Liz knows it and…"

He waited until she was looking up at him, eyes damp. "You know it too."

Ed slowly leant down and pressed his lips to hers, murmuring: "I might not be the most attractive guy in the world and not the man you'd want to take home to meet the parents, but I am far better than David fucking Carter."

He stared into her eyes. "And you, Di, you deserve someone better than David fucking Carter. He-"

His body propelled backwards as she surged forwards, lips crashing together. Both closed their eyes as they stumbled into a cubicle, Diane kicking shut the door, hand fumbling for the lock. Pulling the seat down behind him, Ed sat down heavily, pulling Diane onto his lap. They broke off the kiss, eyes snapping open.

Diane smiled flirtatiously. "You keep calling me 'Di'. Is that your pet name? David doesn't have a pet name for me. Just calls me boring old 'Diane'. He treats me like I'm his Mum or something. He lusts after Liz, you're right. Once, he said her name when he climaxed and I was so angry at him that I threw a pillow at him and he had to sleep on the sofa and-"

"Di, Di, you're rambling." Ed gazed up at her in awe. "I'm gonna call you Di, and if you want, we'll carry on kissing and if we end up fucking in the ladies, then it'll mean I'll get laid after like years and I can get rid of anything David from your pussy."

He bit his lip abruptly. "Shit, I didn't mean-"

"It's alright." Diane planted a kiss on his nose. "He's not that good anyway."

Ed grinned. "Then I'm gonna blow your mind." His grin faltered. "I hope, if it happens, you won't regret it tomorrow morning. Cause I know I won't."

"Don't worry," She moved forward. "I won't and I never will."