Missing scene fic- Season 4 Episode 1
A/N. I always wondered what really happened after the 'bed scene'. Here is my take on it.
"I love you. That's all I know right now." he said earnestly looking down at her upturned face. They were both exhausted, he knew. He had been running for days, looking everywhere for her until he was arrested and Bruce had bailed both he and Lincoln out. He had brought them back here, where , to his surprise and utter relief, she had been safely, impatiently waiting for him yesterday. God, he had not given up but he could have. If he had listened to logic he should have. After all, her head had been found in a box. Thank goodness he just couldn't shake the feeling that she could still be alive.
And she, she had been running too. She had told him. She had been hiding really. After escaping captivity in Panama, fearing for her life. Thank God Bruce was still easily contacted. He brought her back here without question. When she asked him to help her find Michael, he did that without question too.
Now, they were reunited. Lovers ….finally ….after all of this time. Months of yearning for what took place last night in this bed in Bruce's safe house. Something good had finally happened to her.
If someone had told her a year ago that she could have had a night like that with Michael, she would have deemed them certifiable.
She looked up at him and brushed his chin and his lips with her left hand after softly kissing him.
"When did you know?" She asked
He looked at her for a minute, a little confused by the question.
"When did you know that you loved me Michael?" She asked softly.
He sighed, looking down at her. He smiled weakly. Why was she asking this? Why did she need to know?
"I am asking because I know exactly when it happened for me. I'm just curious about your take on this... I guess." She said it as if she could read his thoughts.
She suddenly felt a little embarrassed at her own forwardness. Sara never asked these types of questions. She always feared the answers .
"I suppose that question has many answers." He smiled.
"The short version is- when I had to lie to you about Nika."
"Really?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, when you came to me, upset. You had questions about Nika and me. You were so angry. When I looked you in the eye and had to lie to you". He winced. "I wanted to throw the plan away and confess everything. That's when I knew I had to be in love with you. Nothing else mattered."
Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. Hopefully, this confession wouldn't scare her.
"Surprised?" He asked
She traced his lower lip with her thumb and smiled. "We hadn't known each other that long then." She said.
"I know. But I was already falling . That time we spent together during the riots….it just confirmed everything ….. that I couldn't breathe if you weren't with me…safe…No wonder I haven't been able to think straight since we got separated in Panama.
I guess that is part of the answer to that question as well Sara. I think that I had already fallen for you during the riots."
"Long before the incident with Nika." He added .
She smiled, thinking back . A lot had happened since.
"Aren't you curious about when I fell for you?" She asked.
He looked at her with a serious look on his face.
She smiled and looked up at him , saying "I guess just like you, there are many answers to the question."
"What would you say if I told you that I knew I was in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you in Gila?" she smiled.
"When we first saw each other again. You stepped out of the car in your white shirt and sunglasses and it hit me like a train." She sniffed. "It took everything in me to stop myself from running straight into your arms."
He was quiet for a few minutes. Then…."I wished you had."
"I couldn't let it happen, Michael. I know it was confusing for you. I seemed angry. …and I was …..a little. But more importantly Michael, I was so in love with you at that moment, I would have given you anything if you had just asked me. I just couldn't let you see that until I got some answers."
Sara couldn't believe she had just confessed that. She had promised herself that she would never tell him, that she would take that secret to her grave, yet here she was telling him everything.
A tear ran down her cheek and he brushed it with his thumb.
"Sorry." She said. " I'm such a mess. I promised myself I wouldn't let you see me cry.
He didn't know what to say to that either.
"Anyway, I guess the other part to the answer is that I fell for you without knowing it, um, much earlier on."
"When?" He asked.
She felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment, wondering whether she should confess this too.
"I think I must have fallen in love with you when we first met."
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit Sara! She thought.
After a few minutes he touched her chin and brought her gaze up to meet his. Tears were falling down her cheeks. She pulled away.
Oh great. That confession, and now the tears again. I wouldn't blame him if he ran from this and never looked back.
"The truth is Michael, I have never thought that I deserved anything good. The pain of being in love with you , not knowing how you felt about me, then thinking you used me, didn't care…it was torture but it was ….sadly familiar. I felt like it was what I deserved. After everything in my life I had screwed up. It was just…it was karma. I never thought that we would get a second chance, you know what I mean?"
"Why don't you think you deserve anything good?" He was still back there. She lay her head on his chest silently and pulled him closer . He realized that he had his work cut out for him. This was years of self loathing that he had to try to change.
To undo this….it would take a long time…..but not forever.
They would have their forever if he had anything to do with it.
A plan was developing in his mind.
"I am ready to prove to you that you deserve everything good Sara. We all make mistakes… but you need to forgive yourself for them. Yours aren't any more horrifying than anyone else's...you know that, right?"
"Will you let me love you?" he asked, kissing her forehead.
She held onto his shirt and sobbed.
"It's okay, sweetheart" he whispered while kissing her forehead. "I do anyway."