AN: So I came back a couple of times to try to write this around the time that I last posted a note on the first story, but I just didn't find the will to do it back then. And then the years just flew right past. I can't belive it's actually been over 8 years since I wrote last time.
I hope you can forgive me for not keeping my promise all those years ago. And I hope you can enjoy this reimagining of my story from way back then.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. I just make them do what I want.
Chapter 1: Doorstep mile
I groaned as I woke up to that damned alarm again. I hated getting up at 5.30am, but it was necessary for me to get all the essentials done before school. Looking out my window I see the sun starting to illuminate the distant mountains of the arizona desert. Opening my window, I let the hot desert air rush over my face and half naked body. There was something about the quiet morning that was strangely intoxicating, the warm, arid air bringing with it the different smells of the desert. The song of rattlesnakes warning nearby predators of their presence, and every now and then a little bird chirping it's little tune.
I always got a sense of belonging when I listened to the nature, it's inhabitants giving off their own little 'nuclear deterrent' as they woke up, trying not to become someones else's breakfast. It is a common misconception, to say that animals are dangerous. They are just trying to go about their day just like everyone else, and that calmed my ever present fear. I have felt like I was burdened with a curse ever since I can remember. I would always... imagine... ways to hurt others. Deep down I was violent, to the point of where I would just sit there thinking to myself of ways to punish another being. By now I have a gift for just knowing how to hurt someone else, and it was a part of me I feared like the plague. I liked that I wasn't alone in being dangerous.
My thoughts begin to drift as I listen to nature's lullaby, just leaning on the windowsill and closing my eyes. In the back of my mind I wonder if it was the call of nature that kept my dad cooped up in Forks, but dismiss it soon after. And then the damned alarm beeps again, showing it was already 5.40am. Seems I only hit the snooze button first time. Closing the window and turning off the ruckus that was my cell, I gather some clean clothes and quietly head for the shower across the hall, taking care not to wake mom and Phil up just yet.
Stepping into the barrage of hot water I turn on the showerhead's massage option, letting the concentrated beams of water hammer my scalp and neck, getting rid of the tension gathered there from the previous day. I wondered what bathing in a waterfall would be like, but chose to forget that line of thought, having alot of things to do before school.
Fresh out of the shower and into my pair of sweats and tee, I tip-toe down to the kitchen and locate the bread and some leftover chicken from yesterday, putting it in the microwave to heat up. After enjoying my protein rich breakfast I get my mp3 player and head outside for a run.
Listening to a soothing remix from Blackmill, I manage to ignore my surroundings, just letting my mind wander with the rythm of the music. Song after song just whisps by as I run the regular route I take in the mornings. The feeling of wind rushing over my body, and the smell of the desert feels even more intoxicating in my mindless state.
Before I know it I'm back to the house, now full of life as I enter. Turning off the mp3 player, I hear Phil greeting me from the kitchen, where he and mom is eating and laughing together. A carefree smile on my mothers lips as she looks at me, and it makes me envious somehow. While I am happy she has found her own little heaven as she calls it every other night, a part of me hurts on the inside, wishing I could find my own.
Quelling the sadness, I smile back and chat with them, asking them about their plans for the day. Phil starts elaborating how he is going to a tryout for the local baseball team today before noon, as I take a look at the kitchen clock finding it's already 7am. Mom says she has the day off, and is just going to read a good book, before I interrupt her and tell them I'm heading to take another shower so I won't be late for school.
After rinsing the sweat and grime from my body, I change into my jeans and tee and get my bag, before running out of the house, as the schoolbus pulled up into the driveway. It was only a short drive from my house to the school, but none the less I pulled out my math homework and started working in my seat, not noticing who sat down next to me before he started laughing, looking at me.
''What?'' I ask him with a bored expression. I am not anything special when it comes to looks, but for some reason all the boys find it wierd that I am actually good at school.
''Look at that, little miss nerdy using all her spare time on homework'' The boy says with a smirk, looking to some of his friends sitting behind us for confidence, joining him in laughing. Looking back to me his expression changes into smugness. ''Hey, Isabella, I heard you're single and all, so I just wondered if you, eheh, wanted to go out sometime?'' The nervousness in his voice betraying his calm expression.
''Who knows, I might even introduce you to some cool people.'' He continues, the smugness back now that his question is voiced. I stare incredulously at him. Is this guy for real? I scowled at him indignantly.
A part of my mind took note of his size and mass, and thought of how best to take him down a few pegs. I was seriously beginning to want to twist his arm out of it's socket, but I was too afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from demolishing him if I let myself go.
''I don't know who you are, and I'm relieved to say I don't care either after that comment. Get out of my face!'' I snarl at him, raising my voice while putting my mathbook down in my lap while turning to face him. ''Now!'' I hiss, watching his scared expression as he leans away from me, before he quickly jumped out of the seat, sitting down with his friends a few rows behind me.
I heard them laughing at him, wounding his pride. I hear they call him Justin, which must be his name, they are picking on him for being turned down. Had he been anymore civil I might have cared, as there is little that is more dangerous than a wounded pride. I sigh as I realize this might get him to pursue me with more fervor, perhaps going as far as to spread rumours to hurt me. With a bark he tells his friends to shut up, before the entire buss become quiet. It seems we had ended up being the center of attention for most of the kids on the bus. I sigh as I feel too on edge to work on any more math problems, so I put my book back in my bag before staring intently into the back of the seat infront of me. Mostly everyone else stays quiet, apart from the murmurings of a few kids in the front of the bus.
Exiting the buss, I see the common sight of houndreds of young boys and girls scampering to get to their lockers or classrooms. By the parking lot I see a biker bleeding, having been run into by a car with bad patience making rash decisions. The fun never stops in school apparently.
I gathered my thoughts and headed towards my locker to get the books for first period which was history with Mr. Smith. I don't know what whoever decided to have the most boring lecture in the start of the day was thinking, with so many kids being up to no good long into the night. Perhaps that was just it though, easing them into the day with a subject no one cared alot about. It was kind of fun watching the others in class falling asleep.
We were talking about the second world war, what caused it, and in some wierd way we got into some famous norwegian hero's story, Max Manus. Apparently he was quite the thorn in Hitler's side, blowing up several warships docked in Norway, and escaping by chance time and time again. It was almost funny to watch the looks on the guys faces, almost starstruck. Seems some has gotten a new idol. The teacher said he was going to bring a movie made of him in the next class we had, on thursday.
The class ended, and next was math with Mrs. Carter, which had the added bonus of lifting my spirits. I guess I broken somehow, seeing as I actually enjoyed math. The simple honesty of numbers made it easy to just shut of my mind for a while and run on auto pilot. But it made time fly, and pretty soon it was lunch period
Going to the cafeteria I saw Justin looking at me as I walked through the door, his friends nudging his shoulder, whispering something to him. I just knew that shit with him wasn't over. With a frustrated sigh, I resigned myself to the fact that he would inevitably hassle me again.
After I had gotten some food and sat down at a vacant table, Justin approached me, trying to make an impression as he took a chair and turned it so he leaned his arms over the support of the chair. ''Listen, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for the way I acted on the bus earlier. I got nervous and that makes me say the most ridiculous things...'' He trails off with a light chuckle to ease my mood. I guess it was a decent enough apology, I could understand putting your foot in your mouth when nervous, but it didn't make me want to forgive him that easily either.
It felt almost predatory, the way he just singled out a person he had heard was single tand ask them out on a date without knowing a damn thing about me, apart from my name. So I just gave him a cold shoulder, ignoring him and continuing to eat my sandwich.
''So I hear you used to live up in Washington. What's it like?'' He asked, hoping to start a conversation. I look at him, raising one eyebrow to convey my irritation. But he just looks at me with a smile, and I roll my eyes at his ignorance.
''Justin... I'm not interested, so just lay off me, okay?'' I say harshly, refocusing on my food which I happily shoved into my mouth, if only to vent my anger on something other than him. I hear him huff angrily as he jumps up from the chair, knocking it over in the process. ''Well fuck you too then, bitch'' He hisses, before storming over to the exit and disappearing.
What a scumbag. Guess it was just the angle he was playing that changed, not his motives. There wasn't alot of commotion about it, though a few heads were turned when he flipped the chair and I could hear a few people whispering, so it did not go unnoticed.
Luckily though, Audrey chose that moment in time to sit down next to me with her food. Having been friends since I moved here from Forks. She was one of the few I felt I could trust in this school. It was still felt a little wierd to me, seeing as she was one of the more popular girls in school, while I was more of the loner type. But she had always had my back whenever I needed a friend.
''What got into Justin?'' She asked, digging into her food. I just smile back and jest. ''The knowledge that women won't fall on their knees before him.'' She laughed quietly, shaking her head, causing her long blonde hair to frame her face in that charming way, before stuffing her face with more food.
Dropping the smile and looking back at my food I get a little more serious. ''He wanted to go on a date, and I've refused his advances twice today. I don't think it's good for his ego.'' I mutter before eating the last of my sandwich. She just rolled her eyes at me, and continued eating.
Finishing our food in silence, we walk out to the corridor together, me heading towards biology with Mr. Banner, and her going to math with Mrs. Carter. As she walks into her classroom, I see Justin around the corner, sneering as he looked at Audrey, before entering the same classroom. Pathetic asshole, he better not take this out on her.
Rounding the corner I enter my own classroom just as the teacher is about to close it, an unreadable smile etching his face as I brush past him. He really creeps me out with the way he has been looking at me all semester, but I try my best to ignore it. I sit down on the third row next to one of the boys that was with Justin on the bus earlier. I would have gotten another seat had one been free, but no such luck when you're the last one in. Turning my attention to the desk, my eyes widen.
''Attention class! Today is the day! Put on the gloves on your desk and prepare yourself for a most enjoyable class in which you shall dissect a frog. Do be careful not to cut yourselves.'' He said out loud, his eyes locked on me as he voiced his warning. His expression one of utter glee. On each table was a large lidded jar with a live frog in each of them, while on his desk was a jar of small cotton balls I would assume is used to kill them.
To say I have been dreading this class since he announced it earlier in the semester would be an understatement. I had a mild bout of panic flashing through my body as I imagined cutting into a frog, and it made me want to throw up. My love for nature, and the animals in it, caused me to feel a jolt of anger. What in the actual fuck would this actually teach us that we could not learn from a book.
I saw the grin on the teachers face grow wider as he looked over to me. The frog were alive as we sat down, but knowing we would kill this creature before long, only to learn som crappy lesson of anatomy that we would likely forget as soon as the weekend started, made my blood boil. How is this still a thing we do in this day and age, it was a stupid and archaic method of teaching kids.
Murderous thoughts, mixed with helplessness, despair, regret, doubt passed through me, leaving my knuckles white and nails digging into the flesh of my hands. Images of how I would break the teachers arms off, or smash his face against the table or even just straight up punching him in the face dances through my mind, but common sense stopped me. If I did that I might aswell kiss my grades goodbye, the whole year being a waste. Not to say it was not a tantalizing train of thought.
And so I watched in anguish as the cotton balls of death was put in the jar with the frogs, the lids being sealed soon after. I heard chatter and giggles throughout the classroom, as the normal kids found life as such a joke. What a joke in and of itself, them not caring about an animal dying, unless that animal was a human, then it would be the end of the fucking world. Because it would be a tragic accident if a 'dangerous' animal killed a person. It's not like animals attack for the fun of it. Not like humans do.
I was staring intently on the scalpel infront of me on the desk, trying to focus on what I could do with that instead of the animal in the jar beside me, dying. Stabbing the teacher instead maybe. Open him up and find out what makes a human tick. See if that was anymore of an interesting lesson to learn for the kids that was laughing and poking the jars on their tables. Like the dickhead to my left.
With a crash, my murderous thoughts were interrupted, as I looked to my left to see Justin's friend had crashed into the row of tables next to us and was clutching his head and moaning in pain. An odd feeling turned my head back to my table. Like the heat of a fire disappearing. The frogs had finally croaked their last, and was lying splayed out in the jar, dead. The sound of someone clearing their throat on my right made the hairs on my back of my neck stand up.
''Miss Swan!'' My teacher half yelled next to me. I turned to look up at him. The sinister smile on his face confused me somewhat. ''What do you think you are doing?'' He said angrily, pointing to the kid on the ground next to me. What? It's my fault he can't sit straight in a chair? I look back to Justin's friend, only to now notice my left arm is halfway streched out in his direction.
I look down on my arm incredulous, flexing my hand in front of me. I could feel the blood pumping in the edge of my fingers, so I must have pushed him with some force. I may have wanted to cause harm to him in the back of my mind, but I didn't actually do it. Did I?
''Well?'' The teacher said impatiently next to me, expecting and answer. I was still trying to wrap my head around this whole situation.
''It wasn't me!'' I blurted out, looking back up to the teacher. He bared his teeth in anger and made a 'tsk' noise, but it didn't reach his eyes.
''Really? Okay. Get up, we're going to the principals office.'' He barked, grabbing my right arm roughly and almost lifting me up out of my seat.
The anger comes back as I plant my feet in a wide stance, knocking my chair into the table behind me. I angle my right forearm across his and push down, forcing him to loose his grip on me, and push his chest with both arms. He stumbles backwards into the table behind him with a surprised look on his face, which quickly morphed into anger.
''Now you've done it missy!'' He yelled, bending his knees. Before looking around the room. It was dead quiet as everyone watched with baited breath. Justin's friend was watching from the ground, holding his head in his hands, but with mouth agape. Mr. Banner stood up, straightening his clothes and cleared his throat.
''Get your stuff and let's go.'' He said more calmly, pointing to the door. With a huff, I turned and picked up my things, barely stopping myself from flipping the table in anger, and put them in my bag. I stomped out the door with him walking behind me.
''And someone get Dustin to the nurse.'' Mr. Banner called behind us as we exited the room. Some of my anger died down as I heard what Justin's friend was named finally. Dustin and Justin. A regular pair of Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee, apparently.
The trek through the hallways of the school, up to the third floor to find the principals office gave me time to finally figure out how fucking stupid I had been. I may not have pushed Dustin intentionally, but I sure as hell did push the teacher. Mom was going to have a fit.
''Sit.'' was all Mr. Banner said, pointing to the chair outside of the principals office, before he went to knock on the door, and summarily entering her office. I could hear the murmurs of them talking through the door for a while, going back and forth for several minutes, before he raised his voice several octaves. It sounded like he was demanding something, but not getting what he wanted.
The calm reply of Mrs. Lopez was quickly followed by him storming out the door, closing it with a bang and with only a cold glare my way, before he stormed past me. I looked back at him in confusion as to why he was so mad, and a spark of hope bloomed, that I might not be as screwed as I had previously thought.
The sound of the door opening made me turn my head back around as I saw the strict face of Mrs. Lopez looking at the retreating form of Mr. Banner with a sigh.
''Please come in miss Swan.'' She said quietly, walking back into her office. I stood up and went in after her, feeling completely disarmed in the presence of the principal. I had never been sent to the principal before, so I didn't know what to expect. I had talked to Nina before though, and while she was very curteous and kind when we had talked in the past, this would be a much more formal meeting.
I felt weak in the knees as I sat down in the chair infront of her big oak desk. She was sitting with her hands folded on the desk, the sun catching in her brown curls framing her face which donned a sad smile. It made me feel guilty, almost as if I had let her down personally.
''So Isabella, it seems as if you had an interesting lesson.'' She started, leaning back in her chair and placing her hands in her lap. ''I heard William's side of the story, so I figured I should hear yours aswell, if you would be so kind?'' Nina said in a kind tone, which helped calm my nerves abit.
I took a deep breath and leaned into the back of my chair and fidgeted with my hands in my lap for a bit, thinking of how to best explain what had happened.
''So we were going to have the frog dissection lesson in biology today.'' I started, and I could see her nod for me to continue. ''And I- Well-... You see, I really love animals, and when I figured we would be killing the frogs ourselves I got really angry...'' Again she was nodding in understanding. ''And I don't-... I-... Well Dustin started laughing, as the frog was dying. Poking the jar and straight out laughing, and I got so angry!'' I could remember the burning anger in my body, just thinking about it.
''And suddenly he just crashed into the desk next to us, and my hand was there, but I hadn't actually thought about doing it. But I pushed him off the chair, and I swear I didn't even recognize that I did it. It just... happened on it's own'' I explain, my confusion apparent in my voice, as I stare at my hands.
Nina brought her hands up to her chin in thought, index fingers pressing into her upper lip. ''So you pushed the young gentleman onto the floor because he was being a jerk?'' She asked, still not sounding judgemental or angry. ''Did the young man get hurt?''
''I don't really know. He might have hit his head on the leg of the table, but he seemed okay as we were leaving'' I answered, remembering him getting up as I packed up my stuff.
''And what about when you pushed Mr. Banner?'' Nina asked more pointedly, as if this was what she was actually wondering about the whole time.
''Well I-.. He-... As I was trying to understand what had happened, Mr. Banner just grabbed my arm and lifted me out of my seat, and I was still so angry..'' I had the wherewithall to look sheepishly down to the ground. ''And I know I shouldn't have, but it hurt, and I was so angry, and I just... I reacted. I know I should not have done that, but I did, and I'm sorry.'' I sighed dejectedly.
I heard Nina click her tounge against her teeth, causing me to look back up to her. She was staring at me with a half crooked smile.
''I figured he was leaving something out. I've known William for a number of years, and while he is a brilliant man in his field, he sadly has some flaws.'' She sighed. I didn't really know what to make of that statement, so I waited with baited breath for her to continue.
''I'm sorry for the distress you felt in class. While I don't like that particular part of the curriculum either, I can't control the legislature that dictates what we have to teach our students.'' Nina said in a kind tone, but I could feel the 'but' hanging in the air.
''And while he shouldn't have been so forceful with you, William was correct to send you to me. You should not have pushed Dustin, and you should not have pushed your teacher either, even if grabbed your arm.'' I felt my lungs burn as I awaited the verdict, when I noticed her smile coming back.
''But I know you Isabella. You're a good kid, and a good student. I can see that you feel guilty over what you did, and that goes a long way in my book.'' I let out the air I had been holding and started breathing again.
''So for your punishment, you will have to stay for detention for one hour today and tomorrow, okay?'' Nina tried to look stern, but I could see the smile in her eyes. I nodded my head. ''Now I'm going to call Renèe and tell her what happened, and you can go and prepare for last period.'' A chill ran down my spine. Mom was still going to kill me when I got home. It was both a boon and a curse for your mom to be friends with your principal.
I said goodbye to Mrs. Lopez, and left her office, dreading the consequences for when I got home. It was all I could think about all the way through english in last period with Ms. Reed. I used the time in detention to get homework done.
I had found Audrey before fourth period started and told her what happened, which only caused her to laugh her ass off for a good minute. She could be such an ass sometimes. And I had to admit that seeing Mr. Banner stomp off like that after seeing the principal was kind of fun.
''Hey honey!'' Mom said quietly, walking up to me and giving me a hug. Renèe had agreed to pick me up after detention after she spoke to the principal, who was kind enough to relay the message to me during said detention.
''Hey mom.'' I responded, hugging her back slightly confused that she wasn't upset with me. I may have been a little off in my guess as to what would be her reaction to all of this.
''You okay?'' She asked, untangling from the hug and looking into my eyes, her hands holding mine. I could feel the pressure behind my eyes threatening to unleash the waterworks, but I blinked several times to a stop to that. ''You never could stand to hurt animals, even as a kid. I still remember you crying for hours after you accidentally crushed a spider in your room, back when you were 6.''
A sad chuckle escaped me, as I grabbed my mom tight and hugged her again. I sort of loved that about Renèe, the way she could find just the right words to take away the barriers I would put up and get right to the crux of the matter. It made it so easy to talk about complicated stuff.
''And here I thought you were going to be mad at me for being violent in school.'' I said into her shoulder. I saw Phil standing a little further back, leaning on the car on the side of the road.
Untangling completely this time, mom looked into my eyes again, a little more serious look on her face this time. ''You know I abhor violence Bella, even though I can understand that you were upset, it doesn't excuse your behaviour. Although from what I hear from Nina, your teacher sure deserved it.'' There was something to her tone I didn't quite recognize.
''Dustin had to go to the emergency room, to get stiches.'' I admitted quietly. I figured it was best to get everything on the table at once, so nothing lingered for later.
''I heard. And what will you be doing when you see him tomorrow?'' She responded pointedly, hands on her hips.
''Apologize for hurting him.'' I replied meekly
''Good. Now let's go, I'm hungry and Phil has promised to make his extra spicy enchiladas for dinner! Oh, and you're grounded until friday.'' She almost chanted before the addendum, to which I gasped, but she just pulled me along to the car.
AN: And that's the first chapter of the new story. I will try to push it out and a semi-regular rate of atleast a chapter a month or so, to try and pace myself and not get burnt out like a did all those years ago. I hope you all like it, and I hope to hear what you think.