I'm Too Pure

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the original "I'm too sexy" song.

Note:  I don't know about you guys, but I can so see Draco singing this song!  So try to imagine him singing it at some karaoke contest. 

Draco: No! I'm too pure for that!

(music flares up and Draco transfigures a piece of bread into a microphone and he's wearing the fanciest robes any young wizard could wear.  He starts to sing)

Draco:  I'm too pure for my love.  Too pure for my love. Love's going to leave me. 

(he starts to take his robes off.  Girls scream)

Draco:  I'm too pure for my robes.  To pure for my robes, so pure hit hurts.

(Girls try to pull him off the stage and he uses a banishing charm on them.)

Draco:  And I'm too pure for Hogsmead, too pure for Hogsmead, Knocturn and Diagon Alley.  And I'm too pure for your ball. Too pure for your ball.  No way I'm ball room dancing.

(Draco starts to strut down the stage)

Draco: I am a pureblood.  You know what I mean.  And I do my little walk to my common room.  Yeah, the common room, the Slytherin Common Room.  I'm even too pure for that Common Room too. 

(Draco makes his broomsticks appear)

Draco:  I'm to pure for my broomstick, too pure for my broomstick.  My Comet 240 and my Nimbus 2001, too pure for my broomstick.

(Draco makes the number one with a blast of silver light from his wand)

Draco: I'm too pure for my hat.  Too pure for my hat.  What do you think about that?

(He starts to strut again)

Draco:  I am a pureblood, you know what I mean?  And I do my little turn down to the Common Room.  Down to my Common Room.  I shake my little bum down to the Slytherin Common Room.  I'm too pure for my wand, too pure for my wand.  I'm too pure for this school.  To pure for this school.  'Cause I'm a pureblood.  You know what I mean. And I do my little turn to the Common Room.  To the Common Room, yeah.  The Slytherin Room Common Room.  Too pure for my love and love's going to leave me.  And I'm too pure for this song.

{Girls start scream}

Pansy Parkinson:  Oh, I love you, Draco!
Draco:  I'm too pure for you.  {He starts to strut down to his common room again, shaking his bum and humming the song)

{Hermione transfigures him into a ferret}

Harry: If you're too pure for this school, then why don't you just leave?

{The trio jumps up on the stage and starts singing their own song}

The End!  I hope you liked it as much as I did.  It was so cute!  (squeezes plushy Draco)

Draco:  I'm too pure for you, muggle.

Heroine: Oh, you're so cute, Draco!