Draco Malfoy's Diary

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They belong to JKR. I'm just enjoying them.

This is just a random idea that I had. I'm sure it's been done before, but hey, it's catharsis. It keeps me happy and relaxed. If you like it, the review button is just at the bottom. [Looks hopeful] Please?

::::::::::::::::

Day 1.

A diary is the last thing I want to keep, but my analyst says that it's essential for my type of character to do so. Apparently, if I die near the end, they can read it find out that I meant well all along. Well, that's just gravy. I'm not going to go dying for any Gryffindor creeps, no matter what the readers want. I'm proud to be bad.

But I might as well keep this anyway. Only because it's something to do. And I'm not going to give this diary a silly name, like some people do. It's my diary, that's all.

So, what did I do today? Not much. Made a few snide comments about the size of Granger's teeth, confused Crabbe and Goyle (which, let's face it, isn't difficult) and set Peeves on Potter again. Ho hum. Not too bad.

:::::::::::::::::

Day 2.

Too many fanfiction authors out today. I saw three Mary-Sues creeping round the Forbidden Forest, and another two trying to trip over Potter in the corridor. Don't know what they see in him. Speccy little git.

Fell in love with Granger over some love potion. That is such a cliché plot device, I can't believe they're still using it. All over by suppertime, thank goodness. I get nervous when I see the Weasel growling at me. There's nothing more scary than being intimidated by a kid with one expression: terrified.

::::::::::::::::

Day 3.

Ha hah! Fun in potions today. Potter didn't know that adding daisy root to a dissolving potion makes it into an exploding potion. The Weasel won't have any eyebrows for weeks. Oh the joys of being evil.

On a lower note, I heard that Lord Voldemort's making a comeback. No doubt it'll be in some ridiculously revenge-fuelled way, in which he tries to destroy Potter. Why do the good guys always get the limelight? Hmm, perhaps if I become a Death Eater I'll get some more storylines. Doubtful.

:::::::::::::::

Day 4.

Have been thinking about Death Eaters, particularly the idea of becoming one. Have decided no for the time being. Those all-over black robes do nothing for me at all. Hasn't Voldemort heard that the 'evil coven' look is so passé?

Got ogled by none other than Ginny Weasley today. Don't know what she's thinking of. I'm not interested in her. Must be another fanfic thing. Some mornings I can't get out my door for all the flowers and notes. Luckily, they tend to be magic flowers, so they fade after an hour.

::::::::::::::

Day 5.

Potter got thrills today from me getting a detention with Snape. The fool. He doesn't know why Snape gives me detentions. Some authors are most creative.

Still, I won't Potter off lightly. I'm plotting my revenge.

In other news, there's another new girl in our house. Some American. She seems suspiciously perfect, and there are definitely large areas on her chest. Ah well, she'll probably vanish soon when she realises that no one's interested.

Maybe I can use her in my revenge against Potter.

::::::::::::::

Day 6.

It's the perfect set up. Girl meets Potter, love potion is spilt (surreptitiously) and everyone goes away happy. Apart from Potter when the potion wears off and he realises that he's stuck with this girl. What can go wrong?

:::::::::::::

Day 7.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

The first part of the plan worked perfectly. The pair of them went off as happy as Larry. Not a squeak all night, apart from the bedsprings, but this morning, oh boy.

They actually came up to me and asked me to join in for a threesome.

Urgh! Let me clean my brain of those words. I am not interested. Not in any way. No chance.

Somebody save me!