Draco Malfoy's Diary

Disclaimer: As before. A work of fanfiction. No one's making money out of this. JKR's making as much as she can from the characters, but I'm not. This is just a hobby. Everyone needs a hobby. Or a Dobby.

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Day 8.

Very normal day today. Only one near-fatal accident in my lessons, and that was because Longbottom doesn't know the difference between a toad and a road. He jumped a mile when a lorry appeared out of thin air. Apparently he'll be out of the infirmary by the end of the week.

Dumbledore came up with the idea of an inter-house mud wrestling match. I have my suspicions about some fanfiction device. I don't care if it's for the honour of the house, that old perv's not getting me covered in mud.

Though it could be a good way of utterly humiliating Potter and his friends. Hmm.

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Day 9.

Ha! Another cunning plan has been hatched. All I need to do is make sure that Potter ends up against the boy he really fancies. I know there is someone, I just need to find out who. Shouldn't be too hard.

Went into Hogsmeade today. I'd swear there are more girls there everytime I go. Ended up hiding in Zonko's until they all gave up. Found an interesting new trick. A cake that turns into an envelope of suspicious-looking powder. May try it on Crabbe.

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Day 10.

Made discreet enquiries as to who Potter's eyeing up these days. No one seemed to know. Well, I say that, but I mean they all seemed to know someone who he's after, but they all have different ideas. It seems that Potter is either putting it about a bit, (which wouldn't surprise me) or he's just trying to increase his chances. Ugh, he's such a male whore.

Tried cake/envelope of powder trick on Crabbe. It worked a treat! He was scared out of his wits and started screaming "Anthrax! Anthrax!" The stampede out of the history class was a sight to behold. The room's been sealed off until they absolutely sure that it's safe.

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Day 11.

Dumbledore's little perv-fest has been arranged for next Wednesday. I'll have to attend, of course, but I'm not taking part. No way. Maybe I should persuade Crabbe and Goyle to. They're thick enough.

Pansy Parkinson is starting to get on my nerves. She called me "Draco darling" today, which scared me rather a lot. She's only after my money.

I hope she's only after my money.

Otherwise . ew.

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Day 12.

We were transforming hedgehogs into doorknobs today. Pansy managed to turn hers into a dildo, and was pushing it at me most suggestively. It still looked rather prickly and uncomfortable. I tried to ignore her, but it was very difficult when she was hissing "I want you, Draco" in my ear the whole lesson.

Care of Magical Creatures was a farce, as per usual. The great oaf has managed to breed Flobberworms with Blast-Ended Skrewts (a pastime of his which gives no good indication of his private life). This led to several people gaining nasty burns in rather odd places. What do some people use Flobberworms for?

I had a note today on pink notepaper. It just read "Tonight. Astronomy tower. Eleven o'clock. HP."

I have no idea who it's from. What kind of person uses pink notepaper anyway?

And don't they know how busy the astronomy tower gets at that time?

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Day 13.

Potter was giving me cow-eyed looks today. I don't know what's got into him. Perhaps someone's been slipping something in his pumpkin juice. He whispered to me at breakfast "Where were you last night?"

I have my suspicions about that note. But Potter using pink notepaper? That's just scary. I mean, pink? I'm a bit hung up on that. It worries me.

Dumbledore announced that the mud-wrestling would be held privately, and that he would be choosing the competitors. Uh-oh.

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Day 14.

Another week, another Mary-Sue. This one appeared through a portal from Middle Earth. Can't these girls learn not to mix fandoms? It just leads to confusion. Last time it happened Dumbledore merged with Gandalf because they're so similar. It was horrific, though amusing to see him patting Potter on the head and calling him "young hobbit."

This one became our latest DADA teacher, apparently to try and seduce Professor Snape. Or was it that she was an old flame of his? No matter. She was gone by the evening.

Had to kick Crabbe and Goyle out of my bed this evening. Silly tossers. Can't they make out in one of their own beds? Though they did seem quite disappointed when I didn't join in. Perish the thought.