It Was In His Eyes

By Kyizi

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, the story is.

Rating: PG


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Spoilers: Polo Loco

Notes: Just a short POV I decided to write in my illness induced state! Max reflects on the events of the day.

She stared out over the city, watching the lights; some going on, others turning off and, here and there, others that seemed constant. It was calming; the wind blowing gently on her face, the noise gently making its way up into the night. When everything else around her seemed to be changing, it was all she knew would remain constant. The light. No matter how dark life would get, there was always light from something; when the moon failed and the stars were in hiding, light would come, sometimes from the most unexpected places, but it would come all the same.

She shook her head and sat down, trying to shake her thoughts loose. This wasn't meant to be difficult, she wasn't meant to be alone. All her life she had been looking for her family and all that seemed to happen when she found them was that she watched them leave her all over again. She had no misconceptions of life being easy, but she hated that it had to be so hard.

She had no idea how long she had sat in Logan's apartment watching the rain, but she had felt safe there. She always felt so safe with him, no matter how much danger she was in. That's why the look had meant so much. That one look that told her everything. At first she hadn't wanted to believe it but then she had found the pictures, the pictures of that day that was so ingrained into her memory it was too painful not to think about. That was when she had to get out, she had to leave and the only place she had wanted to go was to church. It almost made her laugh.

She wasn't in any way religious, she had never even entertained the thought. The world was so full of crap that if there was anything behind it all, then why the hell should it be worshipped. But still she'd gone to church. She couldn't explain it, but all she had wanted to do was confess everything, to at least feel as if there was some chance of forgiveness. It had nothing to do with the look in Logan's eyes. Or so she kept telling herself. She wasn't a murderer, she had to keep telling herself that too, but no matter how many times the words ran through her head, they were always accompanied by pictures, by memories, that proved otherwise.

Ben was gone. She had killed her own brother. What would the others think of her now? She was already the black sheep, the one that wouldn't move on, wouldn't protect herself by leaving, and now she had murdered her own brother. Murdered. She hadn't even noticed there were tears on her cheeks, but she felt them at that moment and knew they must have started to fall before she had reached the Space Needle. This time it had been her fault that she had lost a part of her family. She had been the one that couldn't keep it together. She had made him leave her, in the worst possible way.

Now Logan was the only part of her family that she still had, but she had to wonder how long it would be before he left her too. No matter what she felt for him, and she wasn't sure what that was, she knew she didn't want him to leave her. Now that seemed inevitable. She'd seen it, seen him moving away from her already. It had been in his eyes. Another light went out.

The End