Revolution of a Memory
Part 1 of 2
Author: profiler120 (p-120)
[Revised: 5/29/03 – I'm trying to streamline and clarify the Sesshoumaru/Kagome relationship. Apparently it was a bit confusing.]
Author's Notes: Just what do you think you're doing writing something new when you haven't finished the other ones?' I'm sure there are plenty of people wondering just that. It's a bad habit, I can't help it.
"Sorrows gather around great souls as storms do around mountains; but, like them, they break the storm and purify the air of the plain beneath them." -- Jean Paul Richter
The gentle breeze was comforting as she sat just beyond the edge of the village in the forest. She wanted to get away but not be too far away from the comfort and safety the village provided. It wasn't the same as home but that was one place she couldn't go, she thought despairingly.
She had never imagined herself in a predicament this way. Something like this only happened in books because they were too whacked out for reality.
She had never imagined being in a situation that she couldn't confide in her mother, of all people.
But even worse than her situation, if it could be any worse, was just how confusing it was she'd gotten herself into this mess. Sometimes, she knew, she called out at night waking the others.
Her friends. She had never realized what friends' truly were until she'd come here, until she'd fallen through the well that day. Her friends back in Tokyo, no, she shook her head. They were not true friends, not like Sango and Miroku.
They had stood with her throughout this entire, stressful ordeal. Even Inuyasha, stunned and hurt that he was, he was there for her with everything. Always worried about her being injured, always-taking unnecessary steps to protect her in her delicate state. Always making sure she was okay, even if he did it in his typical gruff way. She smiled. Even though it had hurt him, he still cared enough for her not to turn his back and leave her. He hadn't once called her names or rejected her. It was a stark reminder of why she loved him.
None of them had pushed her away, and she was glad. She had explained to them what happened, what she remembered, and her confusion over it all and for a time she suspected they did not believe her wild story.
But after the appearance and final battle with Naraku he had revealed the truth in an attempt to snap the bonds between them. He'd revealed just exactly what had caused it all to take place. Interestingly enough it was because he had forgotten one measly three-word phrase in a spell he had been trying to cast over them. She had not heard the explanation herself, but from someone else and then it had been confusing. She did under stand this however. Three words, inconsequential on their own had wreaked havoc upon her life, and she'd never be the same again. Naraku had changed her life more than she ever thought possible.
The air stirred around her once more as an unsettling tingling swept up her spine. Someone was nearby, someone with an unfriendly nature, she thought. But the feeling faded so she remained where she sat at the base of a tall pine tree.
She sighed, casting her eyes downward toward the grainy soil beneath her.
The wind had been blowing that afternoon too, she thought. There had been a large clearing, and it had been even larger by the time the battle ended, or so she guessed. She hadn't seen the end of the battle. One minute she was clutching her bow determinately, stringing an arrow, the next she felt the air fluttering by her face and through her hair.
How she had gotten from the ground up into the sky had been a short lived mystery however as she came sailing back down landing softly on her feet before she was shoved ruthlessly back toward the trunk of a tree.
Blood red eyes that faded into bright golden orbs and then back again taunted her in her dreams. A clawed hand grasping at the red tie on her blouse, the sound of material as it tore. A warm breath against her shoulder before fangs bit mercilessly into her flesh almost at the curve of her arm. The dull pain of tree bark as it pressed into her bare back and the crawly feeling as an insect scampered up her arm.
A shiver as a tongue slid up her ear and then biting down gently and a face nuzzling at her neck, inhaling her scent deeply. It was her only gentle memory of the entire affair, she thought. She remembered being on the ground and thinking it was cold. Staring up into golden eyes, arms pressed firmly on the ground on either side of her. She distinctly remembered the weight of the solid male body pressing her down against the ground. The distinctly male body she didn't have to move to know... something she'd never felt before but knew at once, the feel of their bodies entwined. The stare too, she thought, the flat, emotionless stare as he was pressed over her, her legs on either side of him and she shivered in the afternoon breeze.
Even though Naraku proudly claimed that he was responsible for the Western Lord's unusual behavior, she wasn't sure. Granted, it was unusual. He had never plucked her from a battle only to drop her in a clearing to rut' with her before. Interestingly enough, she hadn't fought him that day. Maybe she'd been scared; maybe she was curious, she didn't know. She didn't have any feelings from that day, only the memory of the encounter. A somewhat painful memory, she thought, certain aspects of it more enthralling than others. Despite so, his eyes still remained with her. So blank and empty. If she were a bit crazy she might have said helpless. He'd stared at her the whole time, eyes never wandering. All in all, it confused her to no end.
She sighed, shifting, her back was aching; the day had been a long one for her. She had been in relative discomfort for some time but it had been minor and decided to take a walk and settled here against this tree when it had not felt any better. It had only been a few minutes but the discomfort was becoming more than that, she realized as the aches were gradually spreading from her back to her abdomen and becoming pains. She sighed, sucking in a breath. Maybe she should get Kaede?
She raised a hand resting it on her large, swollen belly. Her little treasure was within, was he telling her it was time now? He was ready to meet her? She almost smiled. This baby, she thought, was a continual reminder of that chaotic afternoon and soon it would be here, staring at her, needing her, depending on her, and it would for the rest of it's life.
'It', she thought before frowning. Her baby wasn't an it'. She hadn't planned on one right now, she hadn't planned on any baby until this was over and she was married years from now. Still, this was what life had dealt her, a beautiful gift. This was her baby, she smiled gently, but it fell as she felt a new feeling. A warm, slippery wetness, it felt, she paused, like the beginning of her period. She hadn't felt that in months, but the distinct feeling was unlike any other, she was definitely wet. The icky warmth immediately had her alarmed about her situation. She glanced around; she was still alone there, alone and away from her companions to help her.
The kimono was hindering, she thought, she couldn't check... she couldn't tell if... She thought a moment; she needed to get back to Kaede. She needed to be there now! Without another moment's thought, she screamed. She leaned back as her pains became more intense. She had to be going into labor, she thought.
"Inuyasha, where are you? I need you... please.... " She whimpered as she heard a rustle.
"Kagome?!" He burst into the clearing and tears welled in her eyes.
"Inuyasha," she cried. "I'm... I ... I'm scared, can you take me to Kaede... I think... I think I'm... the baby is..." her words garbled into sobs and he immediately helped her from the ground, cradling her gently as he scooped her up.
"Uh... it's okay... Kagome," he said, trying to calm her even as he raced back to the village.
He ran past villagers and almost knocked Miroku over as he tore the screen clear off the doorway's entrance.
"Kaede!" He called sharply, fear and worry burning in his eyes.
The elderly woman took one glance at the whimpering girl and nodded. "I expected it would be soon. Come, I have prepared a place for her..."
The woman led him to another hut where a room was set out in preparation for the child's delivery.
"Lay her down, and leave us."
Inuyasha obeyed. He placed Kagome down gently, staring at her helplessly before retreating from the room to pace with worry outside unable to take her whimpers and then taking off to his tree minutes later to fret in seclusion.
"Kaede?" Sango called from outside. "May I enter?"
"Yes, come child, help me with Kagome."
The demon exterminator entered the hut slowly and approached the girl on the mat; her eyes were shut tightly, her hands resting upon her large belly.
"You okay, Kagome?"
"I'll be better when this is over." she murmured. "Oh... Sango..." she whined, closing her eyes once more. "Kaede, will this take long?"
"I don't know, relax child, it will be all right."
"It wasn't supposed to be this way..." she murmured unknowingly aloud into the room.
Her eyes fluttered open weakly. The room was dimly lit and it was apparent the sun had gone down some hours ago. She was tired, she thought yawning. It only took a moment to remember, the room, the noise, the pain - her baby! She sat up abruptly and met warm gold eyes as Inuyasha sat hunched down at her feet.
"Where is he? Where's my baby? Is he okay? Is he a he, what?" She demanded, her eyes wide with worry. The room was empty, save for them.
At his pause, fear gripped her heart. Wasn't the baby okay? She remembered all Kaede's instructions, Sango holding her hand, the pushing ... and fainting. No cries, she thought, like on TV. On TV the baby always cried when it was first born, that was supposed to happen wasn't it? Didn't her baby cry? Wasn't he okay? Tears welled and dripped and Inuyasha squirmed.
"H-hey, don't cry! He's fine!"
Her trembling ceased as her eyes lit. "He is? He's okay? He's a he?!" She exclaimed happily and leaped upon him hugging him tightly. "He's okay!" she shouted, tears dripping down her cheeks. "Can I see him? Where is he?"
"With Kaede, but Kagome-"
She paused, if her baby was okay what was wrong with Inuyasha? He had been upset about the baby thing but she was certain he'd gotten over it some time ago and accepted it as something he couldn't change.
"Inuyasha, there's nothing wrong with him, is there?"
"He isn't a he, my mistake, he is a she and no, sit down," he urged in a surprising show of patience.
She almost fell to her knees. "What is it? Please?" She pleaded.
"Sess- my bastard half brother... " He trailed off and her mind kicked into overdrive once more.
"Did he steal her? Oh no! We have to save her!"
"Kagome! Damn it, let me talk!" he snapped.
"Well talk, I'm in agony here! You've got that look... when something is wrong and you don't really want to tell me. I need to know so spit it out, you're hurting me this way," she pleaded.
He shifted. "There's nothing... 'wrong' with her it's just... You said... that day that Sesshoumaru had been the one. The kid's father, right? Are you sure?"
She blinked away her tears and felt like smacking him. "Inuyasha, there's no way I could have mistaken him for anyone else. Why?"
He crossed his arms. "Because the girl is... " He sighed. " Human."
Her jaw fell. It couldn't be, Sesshoumaru was, - she was - all this time she'd expected, dreaded, and waited for the birth of her hanyou baby and she gave birth to a full blood human female? She stood. "I don't believe you."
He looked as if she'd kicked him and actually inflicted pain.
"Where is she? Let me see for myself she doesn't have any dog ears or tails or anything else that's demon like."
He was about to protest when she shot him a stern look and he led the way not wanting to upset her any further. She followed him silently, bundling herself up in her kimono. She was positively exhausted, every step was a journey, but onward she had to go. He led her to Kaede's hut just as an infant's cries pierced the night and she found herself smiling wider and more genuinely than she had in months and broke into a run toward the hut.
Four sets of eyes met hers as she burst into the room.
"Congratulations, Kagome-sama," Miroku smiled. "She is a beautiful girl."
Her fear had ground away into a sudden, bubbling excitement. "Now you're a real mom!" Shippou piped up, with twinkling eyes full of adoration.
"I know," she laughed turning her gaze to Kaede who was holding the bundle in her arms.
She rose. No one said anything about the heritage of the child as Kaede handed over the infant and Kagome sunk to the ground. She pulled the blanket away inspecting her newborn child; there were no demon features.
"She is human, cover her before she catches a chill." Kaede advised and Kagome quickly complied embracing the baby closer as she continued to cry.
Kagome looked uncomfortable. "Kaede... should I... f-feed her?"
The older woman nodded and Kagome shifted uncomfortably glancing at her companions trying to figure out a way to hold the baby and shrug off a shoulder of her kimono. Inuyasha catching on to what she meant quickly grabbed Miroku by the collar and hauled him out.
The baby was sleeping contentedly in her arms. Even though her arms ached from holding her, she wouldn't put her down. Her baby. These past months had been hard on her. She'd never known stress before this had befallen her. For a time she'd been angry, she hated Naraku, she hated Sesshoumaru, she hated the baby growing within her, but eventually it faded. Hatred was something she couldn't carry long.
After it had fallen away she'd begun to fear - the long absence from her mother, the shame, the lies. In time she could tell her mother, her mother would understand, but not her friends. Not the schoolgirls obsessed with nothing but dates and trinkets. They would never understand what she'd gone through or her situation. She sighed as the weight was now lifted from her shoulders, she was happy, she thought as she cuddled her sleeping infant to her.
She would never be the same. Higurashi Kagome was no longer the schoolgirl turned Shikon detector', or Kagome the miko's reincarnation'. To this little girl she would forever be 'mother'. There was already a bond between them that transcended any other of her relations minus that of her bond to her own mother. This baby girl would need her, depend on her; love her forever despite everything just as she would love her daughter.
Daughter, she thought. This girl is my daughter. When dawn broke, she was going home. Inuyasha would understand, she was certain. He would help her and she would go home. She'd tell her mother what happened, apologize for the worry she must have caused her and show her why she had not returned. Tomorrow she would straighten it all out, because she loved her mother and now her daughter more than anyone else in the world.
She was alone in the hut, sitting with her back against the wall under a moonlit window. She had gone back to the hut she had since dubbed 'the maternity ward' where she was to remain with her child. Everyone else had decided to give her her space and she was happy for it. She wanted to be alone, to think, just to ... be. She breathed in deeply the fresh night air, the wind rustling gently outside. If she wasn't so content she might have been frightened.
Then she heard a scuffle and low voices that escaped her hearing and then they faded away. She listened, but heard nothing until the screen was pushed aside and a tall shadowed figure entered the hut disturbing her solitude.
He stood there, silent and motionless just staring at her, and she unconsciously turned slightly away to protect her precious bundle. After a moment she recognized the shadow of the figure and paled.
"Sesshoumaru..." her breathing hitched fearfully. He didn't want to hurt the baby did he? She hadn't seen him for months. No one had even breathed his name around her.
He stepped forward into the shaft of moonlight in which she was sitting and kneeled down. He bent forward slightly brushing the cloth away from the child with one delicate movement of his dangerously clawed hands. She clenched her teeth fearfully, praying he wouldn't hurt the baby. To her surprise he just stared, dropping his hand to the floor.
His bright golden eyes were unreadable, but she noticed, they were not the same eyes as the man she'd been with that afternoon. His gaze flickered up to hers and she blinked as he searched her eyes. She wondered, briefly if her eyes had looked to him as she had seen his, as cold, flat pools of nothing, reflecting nothing, feeling nothing but the panted breaths of the other.
His gaze dropped and she watched as he sniffed discreetly and then stood, drawing his face up into the shadows beyond her sight. She could only stare up, imagining his face.
"I have heard that miko's of substantial power could purify the blood of their hanyou babes and produce full blooded humans after rutting with a male youkai. I had taken this as another silly human tale."
Amazing, she thought. Is that what had happened? Had she purified her beautiful child within her unknowingly burning away and purifying it's youkai blood. She smiled, sighing. Life would be so much easier for her.
He half snorted. "This pleases you woman?"
"Maybe... it isn't fair to you as the father, but it's easier this way for both of us. With as much as you hate Inuyasha I'm sure you never wanted a hanyou child and it will be easier for her to grow up without being shunned by both humans and youkai as hanyou typically are. No one can ever accuse you of fathering a human child, because it is only a silly humans tale." She smiled up at him hoping it was enough of an excuse to keep him from hurting the baby.
After a moment's tension filled pause he kneeled once more beside her. "It is so."
He lifted a hand reaching toward the child and she flinched. "Please! Please don't hurt her..."
He ignored her and touched the palm of one finger against the child's cheek. "Despite how you have tainted her, half of her blood will always be mine."
"True," she agreed quietly. "Whatever I end up telling her about her parentage it will never change that you are father by blood, and that I will never forget it."
He lifted his finger away and placed his hand against her face in the same place as he had with their child, staring at her. She heard the wind rustle once more and then the gentle patter of the rain as it began to fall and the fresh, clean scent swept through the window to where she sat with her newborn and her child's father. A moment that she was certain would never be had again.
He let his hand fall away and stood, retreating quietly away from her and out into the night leaving her alone.
"Amaya?" She looked down at the sleeping baby with a smile. "He wants to give you your name, a reminder of this night that we'll never have again." She smiled to her sleeping child. "So my little 'night rain', your father has named you Higurashi Amaya."
"Kagome?" Sango called out gently peeking her head within startling the young mother awake.
"Oh! I fell asleep again."
Sango smiled gently at her, her friend was still clutching the girl child gently in her arms.
"Can you take her, my arms are killing me."
Sango giggled and delicately took the infant, Kagome just groaned. "Oh, I feel so old..."
The sun shone just that much brighter, she thought as she watched Inuyasha timidly hold the child and Kagome smiled reassuringly at him. "Just be gentle, it will be okay."
She was surprisingly confident for having been a mother less than 24 hours but she knew Inuyasha would never hurt Amaya.
"Oh, hey did I mention her name?"
Everyone looked up.
"*This* is Higurashi Amaya."
"Amaya, how pretty." Sango commented smiling and then taking on a look of seriousness. "Are you okay Kagome?"
"I'm tired, actually I was hoping to go home today. I... need to talk to my mother. I thought a lot about her last night," she admitted. "Will you take Amaya to Kaede and get her something warmer, Sango?"
She nodded and took the child from Inuyasha and then walked off, Miroku following saying something about Sango giving him a baby just like the one she was holding.
"I'm worried," she confessed, looking up to meet Inuyasha's gaze. "About seeing my mother, what she'll say."
He was quiet.
"Will you help me? Go home? I'm afraid to jump into the well holding her; I want you to come with me. Please?"
He frowned but nodded solemnly.
"You're the best, you know? I want you to know that Inuyasha. It means a lot to me that you've been so helpful, I don't know what I would have done without you. This was so hard. I worried for so long about... about her being a hanyou. That no matter how much *I* loved her, life would never be easy and that maybe she'd never find someone to love and accept her."
She knew at once he understood.
"You knew... didn't you? That Sesshoumaru came last night."
He visibly tensed.
"I thought I heard voices. He named her."
"Okay, she's ready to go traveling!" Sango exclaimed and Kagome turned, immediately brightening.
She motioned toward Inuyasha and the hanyou reluctantly took the babe, trying to settle the calm child in his arms securely. She watched him quietly. He had known Sesshoumaru was coming to see her last night and had undoubtedly intercepted him. But there had been no battle, no shouts - and even though she wondered, she knew he wouldn't say what had transpired between them. She determined to leave it his memory, just as her time in the hut with him was now her memory.
"Shall we go then?" She was more cheerful than she felt. Anxiety was nipping at her belly, but she proceeded on. Home was where she needed to be now. The followed a familiar path in a comfortable silence, they didn't often walk here together like this, but the circumstances were all strange ones.
She swallowed nervously as slipped her legs over the edge and sat upon the rim while Inuyasha stood on the other side. Together they dropped into the dark pit as the magic swirl of the well overtook them and swept them across time. Inuyasha leaped out while she climbed slowly meeting him at the top.
"I'll take her back now."
He handed over the baby she could tell he was a little more than relieved and she smiled.
"I wish I could repay you for everything you've done for me. It means a lot."
He shook his head just staring at her with those beautiful expressive eyes.
"That's why I want you to have this."
One hand peeked out from under the baby's blanket and in it, the Shikon no tama glowed, and his eyes widened. "Wish her back. I know it was hard Inuyasha, for you to find someone like Kikyo to love you, so wish her back. I want you to be happy and more than that, I want you to be loved by someone as much as I have loved you."
He raised his gaze to hers. They would not see one another again. She had a child to raise now and she was giving him the Shikon, there would be no way back for her. He nodded in understanding.
"Tell them I said goodbye and that I loved them, and you too. Thank you for everything, I've never had better friends than you, or people outside my family who meant half as much to me. Be well, Inuyasha."
He watched as she climbed the stairs and slid the doors open and took a deep breath. As she turned she cast him one last, sad smile. "My love, always. Goodbye."
The doors slid shut and he listened to her walk away. Just before he leapt into the well he heard the elated shout of her brother.
-End Part One.
Author's Notes: In some fics Kagome miraculously gives birth to pure demon children. It occurred to me, Kagome is a miko, her main power is purification right? So, wouldn't that mean that she could purify the youkai blood and instead of having a demon child, have a human one? I've never seen this idea before, has anyone else?