Audio Journal of Solaris Sun-Crichton, first daughter of Commander John Robert Crichton Jr., Human, and Officer Aeryn Sun, Sebacean

Already, it seems that too much has changed since I woke up and was haunted by my parents' deaths, having to see Stark five million times just to figure out that my biochemistry was far more different and more complicated than I thought. I've woken up a few more times, appreciated the fact that I'm still around most of the time, and I feel pretty darn lucky to be alive right now. There are some who weren't so lucky.

The deaths of D'Argo, Chiana, Rygel, Stark, Noranti, and Jace are all still fresh in my mind, and I have to admit, when I saw them here, in this reality (save for Jace), for the first real time, I cried over them. It took a few microts to explain myself the entire way (this I did the minute after I stepped out of Pilot's Den and onto the command deck, tapping my comm. badge to call everyone there), and when I did, even Rygel was crying. Man, did I miss Buckwheat. I mean, who would have thought that I would miss Dominar Guido Fartbag Buckwheat the XVI? But I did, and when I was done, I got a hug from D'Argo, and from Noranti. It's nice to know some things don't change.

Chiana's blind here too, in this reality, although only since the Peacekeeper War began. Apparently, everything's slightly different in this reality than the one I just came from, from a memory to an event that has yet to happen. I was actually relieved, because this means that the blindness will only be temporary; although it may last for cycles, it just might wear off one of these days.

It's with Chiana's blindness that I realized something: this Moya, as much as it looks like mine, acts like mine, has the DRD's skidding around just like mine, it's not really home to me, at least not yet. Maybe that's why I'm reluctant to call Aeryn "Mother" or John "Dad". It's home, but it's not, so, as of right now, I'm just going to stick with the formalities. Maybe I'll get used to it, maybe I won't, but we'll have to see on that one.

Anyway, back to the story again. Aeryn didn't know what to make of me the first time she saw me. At first, she was wary, as I would have been, but apparently, she's more emotional here and now than she was in my time. Mom was stoic at times, like Aeryn is occasionally now, but more so in my reality than here. Aeryn is an astounding woman, very warm towards me and nothing like a standard Peacekeeper that she thought she was born and bred to be. She's more 'human' than some humans I remember (thanks to Dad's memories), and she makes it especially hard to stick with calling her Aeryn. She's more real than my own mother was, and sometimes, I actually have to catch myself from calling her Mom. I just wish one day, I could call her that.

John is..... well, exactly as I knew him in my memories. Always ready to pal around with me, he's thrilled to have someone who actually gets what he says (unless it's something that mystifies him as much as me). We've talked for arns on end on random things that I remember from Dad's memories, and now, I'm grateful that I actually KNOW who the Three Stooges were, and how much trouble Bart Simpson can really get into. And it's not just that: we're both interested in the realities we came from, so we ask the other questions to see where memories overlap, where they meet, and where they are on two entirely separate roads. So far, we've learned quite a bit from each other. John actually approved of the way I handled Scorpius in my reality; in fact, he told me that he wish he was there to see it himself! "You got guts, kiddo," he said, and I just grinned at him and hugged him. Like Aeryn, he makes it hard for me to call him Dad. I know he's not my father, but still, he's pretty darn close.

I've decided something too. Although I may not be their daughter, and both of them never really feel like I am (at least, as far as I know), I told them both that I was going to pull my weight around here. I told them that I was going to protect them at all costs, no matter if I end up dying in the process, because that is something I am prepared to do. I lost them once, and I will NEVER do it again. I think I surprised them, and John looked at me like I was nuts, but I held firm, and Aeryn looked me square in the eyes and nodded. Just goes to show you that I do have some of my mother in me, and I could tell that she was proud of that. It's kind of nice to have that sort of a feeling: that someone is proud of what you've done, and it almost makes me homesick for my Moya. These two places are so much alike.....

But some things have changed here too. This reality is so different than what I'm used to, and still, in a way, the same. I was told of a semi pseudo friend named Sikozu, and at first I was like, "Schitzo-who?" but eventually, John explained everything to me. She was the first thing I didn't expect (really, she was the first two: the fact that she was around, and also that she's got the hots for the big bad Scarran-Sebacean hybrid himself: Scorpius! BLECH!); the second was Commandant Mele-on Grayza, the head honcho of the Peacekeepers on this side of the looking glass. Apparently, besides running from Scorpius, everyone on Moya has been running from this PK tough chick, someone that never came into power in my realm. So, now, on top of running from War-Minister Akhna, the Scarran leader and Grayza's new and semi buddy, we have to outrun the entire Peacekeeper and Scarran fleets! Great. Guess the saying was true: hell hath no fury than women with power. Or maybe that was women scorned.

Anyway, like I said, things are different, but, in other ways, the same. It's funny how I fit in perfectly on my Moya, but here I'm the outcast, the borderline girl who's handy with a couple of wingnuts and loose screws. Not that my technical know-how isn't appreciated. I mean, it's great; John's actually thrilled to have A) another wormhole expert, and B) someone he can actually talk to about everything under the sun, from hot rods to football. The only thing is, I know mostly what he knows, and sometimes the facts that we both know don't add up because of my 'warped' mind from another reality. Ergo, sometimes we end up arguing half the time, and getting along the other time. But he knows I enjoy it, and I know he appreciates it.

In fact, I want to show just how much I appreciate everything, about being sort of 'inducted' into this Twilight Zone on Moya. I'm working on a project for him and Aeryn right now, as I speak into this tape recorder that my dad had when he came aboard Moya for the first time (although I probably should just scrap this primitive model and build a new one. I don't know where I'm going to find any mini tapes for this thing!). Anyway, when I started to unload my stuff out of my duffle, I came across those ingrots that I stuffed in there for safekeeping. Why I put them there in the first place when I loaded my pack up, I have no idea, but now I'm grateful that I did something like that impulsively. Right now, I'm melting down the metal of it by my energy balls from my hands, and pouring the liquid metal into these molds I made from a few plates I found. It was hard to make them, and it took arns to do so, but finally, I had them finished. I know that when Aeryn and John see the wedding bands I'm making them, they'll be freaked out, especially the added feature I'm putting in there: a mini hologram projector that shows your spouse when you touch three specific designs in the ring patterns. It's extremely complicated, but then again, I've flown through a wormhole, ripped a tear in time, and managed to come home in one piece, so I think I can handle something that isn't rocket science.

And there's another thing that I'm getting used to: this whole energy dispersal thing. I've figured out a few tricks to it, like, for example, the energy that I use is directly linked to the physical energy that I get when I eat. The more I'm fed (or the longer I wait to shoot off my fireworks), the more powerful or the longer lasting my energy blasts can get. Also, not only can I fire pulse blasts, but, depending on my conscious effort, I can change the form of the energy produced. I'm guessing that's how I killed Scorpius the first time: I had changed the form of the energy from pulse to thermal. I've been speculating whether or not I can actually use my blood to fuel my own module, and I'm betting that I'm right. The amount of energy in my blood is about the intensity of a nuclear bomb, and it's constantly growing unless I discharge it with the Ancient mojo, or just by the blasts in my hand. So, in conclusion, it might be possible to take my blood and fuel the module with it. I guarantee you though, if the modification works, then I would never have to load in more fuel to that thing ever again. All I need is a little prick of the index, and I'm ready to go.

John's already antsy to take a ride in my (well, technically, his) module. He's been studying the improvements I've made, and he's genuinely impressed. He says that if only he would have thought about it, and put those improvements on his, then he might have been back on Earth as we speak!

Life on Moya so far is comfortable, now that a few solar days have gone by, and everyone's gotten used to me. Now it's just a matter of getting used to them. I'm still not the same as I was. I guess death twists everything around for you when you watch it happen. Everything here's become a bit bitter to me, like all this is too good to be true. Something doesn't feel right to me. Maybe it's because Jace is supposed to be here with me, maybe not, I don't know. I sure do miss him a lot, and I know that in my heart he's never really gone. But there's still some questions left unanswered. I mean, is it because I really did like him for him that I was drawn to him? Or was it because there's a part of me that's Aeryn who was attracted to my father's clone? Will I ever be alright with him being gone? Only time will tell.

This entire biological and psychological meltdown's giving me a headache. I feel like a lab rat sometimes.

Anyway, I think this is a good time to stop. D'Argo wanted to talk with me on something that dealt with the Lo'La. I'll come back to these notes later.

This is Solaris Sun-Crichton, somewhere in the universe.

That's it! The end! Wasn't it great!??!? Not so great?!?! You decide! I'm going to write the next fic about Solaris and her new life, and hopefully, more fix where this came from. I wish that this stuff could actually make it to TV, but I don't think it ever will. Would've been cool tho. Anyway, see you guys later!