Side by Side
Kate & Rick try to find their way after a life-changing event. Continuation of It's Only Just Begun. For #CastleFicathonWinter2017

A/N: This story is a direct continuation of my Christmas story, It's only Just Begun - i highly recommend reading that one first.

There are 4 chapters + an epilogue

Warning: Minor Character Death

Chapter 1

As her slow trudge down the hallway reduced to a shuffle, Kate Beckett finally came to a full stop just a few feet from the door leading into her parent's apartment. She let her bag drop down off her shoulder and fall to the ground before bringing up both hands to cover her face. Nothing in the world could ease the throbbing ache in her chest at that moment or stop all of her insides from twisting round and round. She wanted the pain to stop, but nothing could stop it; worse yet, she knew the agony would only grow, but nothing could be done. In life, death was inevitable.

Standing alone in the hallway Kate thought back to the last time she arrived at that doorway with luggage when a familiar though not as imminent dread filled her belly.

On the plane ride back to San Francisco, Kate had ninety percent decided to move back to New York in the New Year, but her first meetup with her boyfriend at that time, Chris, solidified it. As he went on about all the fun he'd had with his family that holiday—a story she should have enjoyed—Kate merely felt her stomach clench with guilt. If she didn't leave then, odds were the last good memories she would have of her mother was when they ate breakfast together just before she left for the airport and she simply couldn't have that; no career was worth such a sacrifice. She'd ended things with Chris that night and he'd taken it well, all things considered, and the following day when she returned to work she gave her two weeks' notice.

As she'd wanted to return to New York as swiftly as possible, Kate needed to stay with her parents for a few weeks until she could find a more permanent living solution. Though they were surprised when she called and told them this, they of course didn't mind. While her mother seemed more hesitant, wanting to make sure she was making the best decision for herself and not for anyone else, Kate could tell her father was relieved, which simply reaffirmed her choice; she was doing what was best for her family.

Now, almost seven months later, she was reaching yet another crossroads. Very shortly after she moved back to the city, her mother came down with a cold that turned into pneumonia that she struggled to fight off with her body already weakened. She did ultimately recover after a brief hospital stay, but her body had been severely taxed by the illness and the doctors estimated she only had three or four more months without a transplant. No donor kidney could be found, but with good spirits and the dedication of family and friends, Johanna had made it two months past that projected date; however, her body simply was unable to fight any longer.

Sucking in a ragged breath, Kate bent down to pick up her bag again and felt the burning of tears behind her eyes. She knew crying was inevitable that day, but feared once she started she would never be able to stop, so she tried to hold it in as long as she could. Maybe that way she and her mother could say their goodbyes without her being a blubbering mess; maybe….

Using her key, Kate let herself into the apartment and felt instantly overwhelmed by the uncomfortable thick feeling in the air; it was as though death was already looming. She hadn't felt it when she was there earlier, before she'd gone home to shower and change, but she felt it then and shivered involuntarily. After walking her bag back to her former room, she continued down the hall to her parent's bedroom where her mother had been set up with hospice care. Kate shivered again as she reached out for the door, not sure she was ready to face what lay behind it.

Nearly forty-eight hours had passed since her mother's doctor had declared that without dialysis or any other medications she had, "a day, maybe two," before her system was too overwhelmed to continue on. Though part of Kate wanted to shout and cry out, telling her mother not to give up and to try one of the experimental options her friend Rick had been suggesting for weeks, she knew better than to do so. She didn't need her mother to tell her how much discomfort she was in; it was plain from how she moved and the expressions on her face. This was her mother's decision and she would respect it.

As horrible as the ticking clock was, reminding them with every second that they had one less moment with Johanna, Kate was glad for the timeline for it afforded them, and everyone she cared about, the opportunity to say a proper goodbye. There would be no mistakes with last words—no unintentional snips or reactions of anger—and no wishes for things that could never be said. Still, not knowing the exact moment weighed heavily on all of them.

Kate tapped her knuckles on the bedroom door before pushing it open. She found her parents in the exact position she'd left them three hours earlier: her mother lying on her side of the bed with her father sitting up on his side, her mother's right hand clamped tightly in his. The sweet image both warmed and broke he heart.

"Hey," she said softly to announce her presence. Her father's head turned quickly in her direction, he nodded, and then turned back to his wife. He kissed her hand softly, placed it back on her chest, and then slid gingerly off the bed. He then pulled her out into the hall to give her an update.

"Her breathing has become noticeably labored over the past half hour."

"O-okay," Kate said, her voice cracking slightly. "I'll sit with her now; you should take a break."

"'m fine," he grunted, though from the ever-darkening circles beneath his eyes Kate knew he was anything but. Though they'd all faced stress, she truly believed her father had aged nearly a decade over the prior year. Since moving back she'd tried to take on as many tasks as she could including meal prep, cleaning, and errand running, but he still took the brunt of it having to be on-call twenty-four hours a day.

"Dad," she continued, her tone still soft, but a little warning. "You need a break. Why don't you go for a little walk—it's very nice out."

He shook his head. "No, no—I need to be here."

She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. "Nothing's going to happen in the next fifteen minutes that you need to be here for. Go on—stretch your legs a bit."

Jim pressed his lips together and considered this for a moment before saying, "Maybe I'll go pick up some food now—so we don't have to leave later."

"Sounds good," Kate said although she had zero appetite and hadn't for over a day. She then gave her father a quick hug before taking his previous position on the bed beside her mother.

Gazing down she could tell her mother was asleep, or close to it. For a moment her heart seized in her chest at the thought that she had drifted away and would not awake for Kate to say goodbye, but she breathed in a deep breath and tried to push that thought from her mind. They weren't at that point—yet. Kate then sat back against the headboard and remained quiet for over five minutes before her mother began to stir.

"Can I get you something? Do you need water?" Kate asked instantly in response to her mother's grumblings. Johanna's eyes fluttered for a moment before she finally focused on her daughter's face and nodded. Kate grabbed for the cup on the nightstand and held the straw to her mother's lips so she could take a few sips. After putting the cup back, Kate stroked her fingers through her mother's hair and asked, "Are you comfortable? Should I help you move?"

"'m fine Katie; I'm fine."

"Okay." Kate then lay down beside her mother but popped up her head with her left fist as her elbow rested against the mattress.

Johanna stared at her for several moments before saying, "You look so sad, honey; don't be sad."

Kate let out a disbelieving noise. "How can I not be sad, Mom?"

"Because look at how much time we had together. We had eight years longer than we could have."

Kate knew this was a fair enough point, but it did nothing to comfort her in that moment. She moved her right hand so that it rested atop her mother's and said, "It's still not enough; you're going to miss so much!" Yes, because Johanna had survived her attack she had been able to witness her daughter graduate college and get her law degree, and that was wonderful, but Kate had so many more milestones left in her life that her mother wouldn't share. Her mother would never see her marry, or meet her grandchildren. They would never again share holidays or birthdays. There would be no more vacations or weekend shopping excursions; it would all just stop.

"But look at what I haven't missed—you graduating, passing the bar. I'm so proud of what you've accomplished, sweetheart. And I…" she paused, her voice growing a bit more sluggish. "I'm so glad I got to meet him."

"Who?"

"Rick."

"Oh." Kate said a bit dumbly, not sure how he played into the equation. Yes, Rick had become a very good friend to all of them since their unusual plane crash meeting, but she found it a bit odd for her to mention him along with her academic achievements.

A soft smile crossed Johanna's face and she patted her daughter's right hand. "I know you'll be okay with him."

Still confused, Kate blinked. "What are you talking about?"

Johanna smiled a bit wider. "You and Rick—you'll get together one of these days."

"O-Oh…." Kate stammered out, finally understanding what her mother had implied and why she had mentioned Rick in such a way. Evidently, her mother believed Rick to be the man she would spend her life with, but in that moment such a concept was too overwhelming for her to grasp, particularly along with all the other emotions swirling around inside her brain. "Mom, I really don't think-"

"Katie, please." Johanna's spry, knowing tone returned for the first time in a few days as she gazed at her daughter. "I've known you for twenty-eight years and I know how fiercely you guard your heart. You've had some bad luck, and that hasn't helped you any, but I also don't want you to miss out on a good thing that's right in front of you. Anyone can see how happy he makes you; how much you want him around."

"He's my friend," she defended weakly, her heart speeding a little faster at the knowledge that her feelings for Rick might have been noticeable to anyone but her.

"He loves you."

Kate blushed furiously. "Mom…"

She smiled a bit wider. "He does. He didn't come right out and say it but-"

"Oh my god," Kate gasped, pushing herself all the way up into a seated position as mortification overtook her. "You asked him about this?!"

"Not exactly. When he visited yesterday, we...we talked about you and...Well, I just know, okay? You're good for him too, you know."

"Wha…" Kate's breath came in a few quick spurts as she tried to process the topic Rick and her mother had chosen to discuss during what was their very last conversation. "Why would you say that?"

"He looks happier now, much more than when we first met."

"You first met him five days after his wife left him! Of course he's happier now!" Kate insisted.

"Well of course, but that's not why he's happier now—not entirely. You both care for each other and…I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want you to be happy, Katie. You shouldn't be afraid to follow your heart wherever it leads you. Just like your gut, its almost never wrong."

Tears flooding into her eyes, Kate sniffled at the sweet sentiment. "See—this is why I want you to stay." What would she do without her mother's always wise, never judging, grounding advice?

"I know, but I can't," Johanna sadly said.

"But I really, really wish you would." Kate sighed and lowered her body down beside her mother. She then shut her eyes, snuggled close, and hoped that moment would never end.

"You should go, Katie."

"Wha—no, no; I'm not going." Kate stood from where she'd been sitting on the couch trying to stay out of the way of the funeral home attendants who were removing her mother's body. When Johanna's breathing had finally given out both Kate and her father were at her side. That had been two hours earlier, and Kate felt as though she'd been in constant motion since then: making the appropriate notifications, calling the funeral home, helping her father clear a path so that a gurney would make it back through the tight apartment quarters. It wasn't until her father began leading the men back to his wife's body that Kate finally sat and felt the ginormous weight in her gut settle into her bones and everything began to ache, but she couldn't give in—not yet; there was still too much to be done.

"It's late. You…you don't have to be here anymore."

Her father's voice sounded as weak and strained as she'd ever heard it, which only reinforced the fact that she couldn't go anywhere. "I'm not going to leave you by yourself tonight. Besides we need to-"

"All of that can wait until tomorrow." He walked over, touched his fingers gently to her cheek, and managed a feeble smile. "Honestly, honey, I'm just going to go right to sleep—or try to, anyway."

"I'll change the sheets on the bed for you, then."

"No." He stopped her and his mouth crinkled into something that was not quite a grimace. "I…I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight."

"Oh." Kate flicked her eyes towards the hall leading to her parent's bedroom and then back to her father; she couldn't blame him for not wanting to sleep in the same spot where her mother had taken her last breath just hours earlier, but she still didn't think he should sleep on the couch. "You should just take my bed and I'll-"

"Go home." He finished for her. "Or, at least, go to the home of someone who cares for you."

Kate closed her eyes momentarily and thought of a pair of strong arms wrapping around her and holding her tight. Her want for that embrace was so strong it almost caused her physical agony, but that moment was not about her and what she needed. Forcing her eyelids open again she insisted, "No, Dad, really-"

"Katie, please. I don't want to argue about this. I appreciate that you want to stay here with me, but we both know that if you do, you'll hold it all in and that's not what you need right now. We both know where you really want to be."

A small squeak escaped Kate's lips, but she did not otherwise protest. Damn she was obvious if both her mother and father had picked up on the feelings she'd attempted to hide. She stared at her father for another moment before dipping her chin in submission. "Just make sure you sleep in my bed and not the couch, okay?"

"Okay."

She gave her father an extra tight hug and promised tearfully, "I'll be back first thing tomorrow," before picking up her bag and heading out into the dark towards her destination: a fifth-floor loft on Broome Street.

Upon hearing the soft knock at his loft's front door, Richard Castle hurried out of his bedroom, his bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor as he made his way to the door. As it was after midnight, he was the only one left awake in the house, which was good, because he knew Kate would need her space to grieve—and he was glad to provide that for her. Though he was certainly glad that she hadn't been stubborn enough to stay away and suffer this burden all on her own.

Wasting no time, he pulled open the door to reveal his tearful friend, who looked as small and broken as he'd ever seen her. "Oh Kate." He sighed out, reaching out his arms and pulling her immediately into his chest. Her arms banded around his waist and he dropped his lips to the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, Kate; so sorry."

Though he'd known this moment was imminent for several weeks, it didn't make it any easier. His heart still broke for her and he could hardly imagine the pain she felt at that moment, but he also knew he'd be there for her, do whatever he could for her, and be whatever she needed him to be. Though they'd known each other for barely more than half a year, she had quickly become one of his truest friends and if she was in pain, he was too.

Though they could have, as Kate had once suggested, simply moved on and gone their separate ways after their plane crash adventures, the exact opposite had happened. From the day Kate returned to Manhattan, the two of them fell in step as though they'd been lifelong friends. She spent time with him and his daughter; he spent time with her parents, interviewing them about their positions in case he ever needed to use the details in a future novel. She was there for him when the stress of his divorce became too much and he wanted to talk it out with someone just as he was there for her every time she needed someone to hold her hand and tell her that despite everything going on with her mother, she would be all right.

A little over two weeks earlier Castle had faced his hardest moment as her loyal friend when she'd shown up at his door in a similarly tearful state. She'd just left her mother's latest doctor appointment where they'd been informed that the drugs and dialysis were no longer enough to keep her mother's body functioning sustainably and that the end of her life was drawing nearer. He'd held her close as she cried and assured her he'd work tirelessly to find a medical alternative or solution that would work for Johanna, but in the end she just hadn't been strong enough to keep fighting.

"I'm sorry it's late." Kate finally whispered out after two solid minutes of crying into his chest.

"Are you kidding? You know me—I never go to bed before the wee hours." He joked and trying his best to keep things light as that was a mostly true statement, but as he'd been expecting her text to inform him of her mother's passing, he never intended on sleeping that night—at least, not until he knew she was okay.

"Can I stay here with you?"

"Of course, of course. C'mon." He slid out of her embrace enough to drape his arm over her shoulders and walk side-by-side with her into the bedroom. It was only then he noticed a bag dangling from the crook of her left arm and realized she'd come prepared for the evening, but he still wanted to check. "Can I get you anything?"

"No I…I should have it all here except…" She paused and gazed at the nightstands on either side of his bed before looking back to him. "Maybe some tissues?"

He bobbed his head. "Tissues; you got it." He darted out of the bedroom to grab the box on the living room's coffee table. When he returned, she was in the bathroom with the door closed, so he put the box on the far side of the bed, assuming she would sleep there. Actually, he wasn't sure how their sleeping arrangements would work since they had yet to share a bed, but she could sleep on whatever side she wished; he only wanted her to feel comfortable.

Several minutes later Kate emerged from the bathroom wearing a tank top and calf-length yoga pants. She went directly to the tissue box, plucked one out, and mopped up her cheeks and beneath her nose before pulling back the sheet and climbing into bed. She reached behind her and fluffed her pillow before looking at him where he stood a bit awkwardly beside the bed. "This is okay, right?"

"Ye—yes! Yes of course," he promised, kneeling one knee down on the mattress and resting his palms on either side. "I just—I just wanted to make sure you didn't need anything before I turn out the lights."

"'m fine."

"Okay."

Castle turned off the lamp and then slid into the bed, taking a moment to arrange his pillows before lying down on his side facing his companion. Just as he was about to shut his eyes, he heard her say his name softly and he sat up instantly. "Yeah—do you need—can I get you something?"

"Will…will you hold me? Please?"

Her sad and innocent-sounding request made his heart clench in his chest. "Of course—absolutely." Carefully, he reached out in the dark until his fingers reached her body. He stroked tentatively until he realized she lay on her side facing away from him and his fingers rested by her shoulder, so he moved them to her waist and wound his arm around her body, spooning up behind her. He leaned in, pressed a kiss to the back of her head, and then asked, "Is this okay?"

"Yes," she croaked, her voice obviously thick with tears.

Shutting his eyes, Castle could feel the thickness of emotion in his throat. He hated that she was in so much pain and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Giving her waist a tighter squeeze he said again, "I'm so sorry, Kate." Then, he settled back down on his pillow while still holding her tight even long after he'd drifted off to sleep.

A/N: Thank you for reading!