Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't even have enough money to lease him for a year.
Harry was preparing for yet another horrible day with the Dursleys – he still had 67 to go – when Pig flew headlong into Harry's window.
Harry smirked and opened the window for the hyperactive bird. He deftly retrieved the letter the owl was carrying and read the message from Ron
I need to talk with you. Urgent. Light your fireplace by 7:00 tonight.
Harry was a bit alarmed at the note and wondered what was wrong.
Fortunately, the Dursleys saw fit to go see a movie that night, and reluctantly decided Harry could stay home alone (although there were many threats describing what they would do to him if they came back to find anything out of order). After lighting a fire, Harry waited anxiously for 7:00, and sure enough, Ron popped through the fireplace shortly after the mantle clock chimed seven.
"What's going on, Ron?" Harry asked.
"Harry, I figured out a branch of divination!"
Harry's brows shot up. That sequence of words had to be one of the most unlikely to ever come from Ron's mouth, right between 'Maybe Ancient Runes isn't so bad' and 'I've never told anyone about my secret love affair with Draco.'
"Divination? You?" Harry skeptically asked, his mouth smirking.
"Yes! Look at this!" Ron said, handing Harry a bit of parchment.
Ginny - 4 Privet Drive … Harry realizes his everlasting love for Ginny
Hermione - 4 Privet Drive … Harry realizes his everlasting love for Hermione
Cho - 4 Privet Drive … Harry realizes his everlasting love for Cho
Draco - 4 Privet Drive … Slash
Harry - The Burrow … Ginny realizes her everlasting love for Harry
Hermione - The Burrow … Ron realizes his everlasting love for Hermione
Draco - The Burrow … Ginny realizes her everlasting love for Draco
Harry read over the list, which continued on for a ways, not sure what he was reading. "Ron, what is this?"
Ron excitedly said, "Don't you understand, Harry? We can tell who's going to date who, based on where they hang out in the summer! Don't tell me you haven't noticed that pattern, yet!"
"This isn't good," Harry moaned, still reading the list.
Harry handed Ron another parchment – a letter from Hermione.
Just thought I'd let you know that I'm thinking of asking Ginny to stay over at my house for a week. I'll let her tell Ron about it.
-Love from Hermione
"Eww…" Ron said, reading over the letter.
"Worse," Harry shuddered, "Right now you're over here visiting me…"
Well, it's my smallest parody yet (hey – I'm on spring break. Sue me). I was just tired of reading fanfiction stories where you KNEW 5 minutes into reading exactly how the story would go because 'Ginny has to stay over at Harry's because she's in danger' or 'Hermione feels sorry for Harry and decides to live at 4 Privet Drive to keep him company'. (Please don't kill me, applicable authors…)
Feel free to review (or flame)