After 4 back to back meetings ana and i are on our way back to the hotel, me to have a short nap and ana to freshen up and change out of her meeting clothes, as soon as i lay on the bed im asleep instantly and i feel ana lay beside me making a small smile come on my lips as i rest for an hour. Once ive woken up again, changed clothes and had some food we head out to the place ive been thinking about all day.
I dont know what to expect as i walk in to the graveyard, its silent save for the odd crow cawing as they fly from their perches. I head straight to the back and i feel ana following until i turn and stop at the grave with the name 'ella young' although its really dirty, i guess no one cares about this one. I kneel and slowly scrap away the dirt so that the year she was born and passed is visable and then i see the word 'mother' etched into it and my head bows.
Even though she was shit at taking care of me, there were times where she loved me. The one year she was sober enough to remember my birthday she made me a chocolate cake, it wasn't baked right but she still did it and it was the first time i saw her smile and she held me close as we slept in her bed that night. I feel a gentle hand rest on my shoulder and it makes me jump until i realise its just ana telling me that shes there. I look up at her and see she looks sad wether its because she's seen where my birth mother is or just seeing me gently clean away the dirt i dont know.
I see her give me a soft smile and i realise shes letting me take my time with this so that i can say goodbye in my own time, i dont know if i want to talk to her or not but just sitting here is helping a little bit and as it starts to rain i stand up, pat the grave stone gently and whisper "goodbye mommy" i don't really know what came over me to call her that but that's what she was to that 4 year old scared little boy when he was taken from the scary house.