So writers block has been such a bitch for me lately. I've not even come close to finishing the commissions I'm writing at the moment. But I read a few self inserts for the lulz and enjoyed some of them, even most of them are retarded in the fact non of them even react at all like people. More like idiolized versions of themselves that don't even react when they have the likes of naked Erza Scarlet and stuff in front of them. And while I'll probably remove a few things of myself here, such as crippling fear of heights and some of my laziness, I'm gonna keep this self insert to as close to my personality as possible.
Just a warning, it's probably gonna piss a few of you off. Mostly because I've had people complain about delinquent characters I've wrote before. And well, I was a jackass delinquent when I was a teen. Thankfully I went the de-age route so maybe not quite as much a jackass, but still a jackass nonetheless.
On the matter of a picture for this story. I'm not sure what to use. I mean, I actually have a picture of myself from when I was twelve. Mostly I got it from my friend who found it on the internet and showed me it to embarrass me. It was during that phase you know sporty teens go through to show off their body, so it's basically a shirtless selfie. I'm sure very few of you want to actually see that, but if you want I'll post it.
Anyway, have at it lads. Hopefully, with this my writers block dies off.
What the actual fuck?
I've literally been awake less than fifteen seconds and already my mood has turned to shit. For one, I freaking woke up to rain drops splattering against my face. Thankfully it was only a a few drops, but what the hell?
Secondly, where the hell am I?
Taking a look around myself all I can see is a massively long dirt road littered with small puddles here and there, well that alongside a wide expansive of grassy terrain and a shit ton of trees.
"How much did I fucking drink last night?" I wondered out loud.
Last I could remember, I was at a bar, downing some mean shots, chugging down tequila and hitting on this girl with the most insane ass I'd seen up close and personal in a while. I'm pretty sure I was getting somewhere with the chick too, she got a good laugh out of it when I claimed if I bounced a fifty pence piece off her ass it'd hit the moon. Without problem.
To be up front about it, I sucked at flirting and sweet talk. But I'd learned how to present myself as a funny guy a while ago, so while most shit I said could sometimes be taken as blatant sexual come ons….they kinda worked for me half the time. I have no idea why, I think it's just the confidence I presented while throwing it out there.
It ain't my god damn looks for sure. I'm at best above average looking with a nice dress sense, a five out of ten if there ever was one. Maybe a six if I'm pushing it.
Speaking of looks though, what the fuck happened to mine? I looked down and grimaced, how the hell did I get so short?
...Well, shorter. I've always been short as fuck, barely topping five-six by time I hit my twenties and that was while wearing boots.
Weirdly enough, I'm still wearing what I remember wearing to the club, only in miniature. An expensive pair of black timber land boots, my favourite pair of jeans that fasten at the bottom like tracksuit bottoms and have a stretchable waist that ties again like tracksuit bottoms, a sleeveless white hoodie top and over that my favourite jacket a kind of almost leather white jacket with a warm grey undercoat fastened inside, double the zip up baby.
All in these cost me a pretty penny, especially since I'm certain I'm still wearing my black Egyptian silk boxers.
Yeah I'm a vain bastard.
Still no idea where the hell I am though.
Riffling through my pockets, I come to find I've got good and bad luck. Can't find my wallet. Whelp, there goes a good few hundred quid. I did find my phone though.
I had to arc an eyebrow though when I saw it. For one, mine is a decently old phone, bought it over a year ago. A nice looking, easy to use HTC. Not a blemish on it, in fact it looks brand spanking new. A pleasant surprise considering I was playing Fate/Grand Order a few months back while taking a crap and dropped it, cracking the screen.
Am I fucking hallucinating again? I learned the hard way binge reading fanfiction is bad for you. I binged like two million words at once without sleeping once, I ended up going freaking loopy. Cut myself pretty badly and while my family were freaking out I was all fo waving out off being like, 'Don't worry, Kurama will heal that up for me in to time.'
Yeah, reality and fanfiction kinda got blurred for me for a few days there until I got some proper rest. The blood loss probably didn't help.
But as far as I remember, I've not binge read any fanfiction in a while. How could I? There's hardly anything even worth reading nowadays.
Fuck, it whatever. I shook my head and powered up my phone. Time to check where the fuck I am.
"What the fuck?" I said to myself, eyes narrowing as soon as I caught look at my base screen.
There were only two apps there. Last I checked, there were a fuck ton. The Map was there, and one named Pokedex. When the fuck did I download a pokedex app? I didn't even know there was one. Even my freaking music folder and player were gone.
I'm starting to get a bad feeling here.
Licking my lips, nerves suddenly pooling in my stomach I tapped on the map app and brought it up. And then I literally almost dropped it in shock. I say almost, because there was no way I was cracking the shit out of my phone a second time.
I couldn't believe my eyes, I even felt a little faint right then and there.
Because there was the little blue indicator for where I was, right in the middle of a massive road labelled as Route 1. Far behind me, there was a town labelled Pallet Town and a good twenty minutes ahead of me there was another, named Viridian City.
"What the fuck!" I shouted.
Quickly closing down my map, I opened up the interior folder and to my relief the camera function was still there. Quickly firing it up, I pointed the lens side at me and took a quick selfie.
"Nooooo." I moaned in disbelief as soon as I saw the picture.
Because I wasn't looking at my adult self, I was looking at myself around twelve.
How did I know that?
For one, my usually dirty blonde hair was darker, a brown almost black. For another, were the blonde highlights running through it. To be fair, I'd started doing that at twelve and kept doing it right up till I was twenty. My face was a lot thinner than I remember, blue eyes much brighter. But what really cinched it was the diamond stud in my left ear. I got it for my 12th birthday and lost it not long later.
Oh and there was a backpack on my shoulder too it seemed.
Stowing my phone in my pocket I swung the bag off of my shoulders and knelt above it on the ground. It felt light, but hopefully there would be something I could use, preferably my wallet. But when I opened it and looked inside, all I could do was gape as I looked at a small group of shiny red and white pokeball's sitting innocently alone inside.
"You've got to be fucking with me!" I growled, standing up with one of the obviously fake pokeball's in hand and giving a particularly large stone on the ground a harsh kick that sent it soaring off into the grassy distance.
Five of them in total.
I've played enough Pokemon games to immediately understand someone out there was fucking with me. Five was the amount given to any starting trainer in every game as of generation three.
I was about to swing the back up on my backpack back on and try and come up with a plan of action when a guttural chirp of pain resounded through the area from where the stone went flying.
I heard the beating of wing, a loud sound of outrage and turned to find a god damn freaking bird flying at me and its face was fucking glowing!
It was so damn fast I only had time to roll slightly out of the way before it skewered me. I hissed, pain flaring at my ribs, it hadn't completely missed me.
Whirling around to face my attacker, I froze in shock. Because beating its wings to stay afloat in the air a good dozen or so feet away was a god damn Pidgey. The cream underbelly, pink beak, brown over feathers. I'd recognize one of them easy with how many of them I've caught over the course of my pokemon gaming career.
"You've got to be kidding me..." I whispered.
Its wings began to glow. That wasn't a good thing. I thought fast and furiously, there were a ton of moves that flying pokemon used with their wings that caused them to glow. That could be Wing Attack or hells even Steel wing. I definitely didn't want to get hit by a Steel Wing. I'd seen tiny little Fletchling obliterate large boulders in the anime with that move. If that thing hit me I was a dead man.
But god damnit a familiar pounding began to round in my head, blood flowing hotly and as always I could never take a slight lying down and my temper always got the better of me.
"I dare you to fucking try that again you little piece of shit!" I shouted at it angrily. I was so done with this shit. "I'm gonna fucking beat you down and cook you over a camp fire you stupid little bitch!"
The Pidgey let out an outraged squawk at that. With a beat of its wings, a powerful gust of wind was blew out harshly behind it and the little bird shot down at me like a bullet.
I as too angry to be afraid though.
It took less than two seconds for it to close to distance.
But it had to turn to hit me, otherwise it would just be a full on body tackle and my body weight would let me win the day, even if I was a runty twelve year old again.
So when it turned, I took my chance.
I punched that god damn bitch of a bird in the face as hard as I could.
It chirped loudly in pain threw back into the dirt with all the force I could muster in my fist and never before was I more glad that I'd only recently got kicked out of my kick boxing classes for being too rough at twelve.
It landed on its back making an odd squealing noise of pain and my damn hand felt like somebody took a freaking metal baseball bat to it.
Call it instinct I suppose but the minute that bird hit the dirt, I wasn't idle. The pokeball in my other hand left it in a flash and before the bird could get to its feet, the sphere hit it straight in the chest and to my utter awe and astonishment, I watched as the bird was sucked inside of the damn thing in a burst of red light.
I panted deeply staring at the ball. It began to blink red and roll around. One blink, two and then I let out a deep breath as it pinged loudly just the way the anime did to signify a capture.
I collapsed on my ass then, "Oh my fucking god!" I laughed loudly and outrageously, "This shit is so fucking retarded!"
Either I was freaking dreaming or somehow I've been de-aged and thrown into the pokemon world. This is some trippy shit man.
It was then I remembered I had a pokedex app. Reaching in to my jeans I grabbed my phone before booting up the pokedex app. It looked really no different than the pokedex you saw on the official pokemon website, you know the one with the card game and news of upcoming events and shit? Except, there in the corner was a little button that said scan.
I pressed it.
"No pokemon in view of capture lens." A monotone voice said.
I blinked for a moment before realizing I had the camera lens pointed at the ground. I got up on shaky feet before making my way towards my newly captured Pidgey's pokeball and picking it up. I aimed the lens at the pokeball and hit scan again.
"Pidgey, the Tiny Bird Pokemon. Pidgey is a Flying Pokémon, Pidgey's Gustpower creates tornadoes. Gender: Male, Height: 1'03 – Attacks Known: Gust, Sand Attack, Quick Attack, Peck, Wing Attack." My phone turned pokedex informed me.
Wait, why didn't it use Quick Attack on me? I I mean, I saw it use a small gust to propel itself forward and that was one awesome tactic in itself I'd need to keep that in mind, but if it used Quick Attack there's no way I would have been fast enough to punch it.
Was this just a case of it- him not taking me seriously? Granted now that I think about it, in the anime rarely did any human think to hit a pokemon back, only Ash and the like ever done that.
Either way, I did confirm one thing at least. Well, if this wasn't some dream or delusion at least. I'm not in the game-verse, I'm in the anime one. Pidgey in the games didn't learn Wing Attack till like level 30 ods. And I seriously doubt that if this were the game a level 30 ods Pidgey would be sitting in Route 1.
Not to mention, Pidgey didn't even learn freaking Peck in the games. Only in a few of its card versions.
I shook my head. Delusion or not, no time to panic or over think. I need to find somewhere I can stay and get some food. Didn't Pokemon Centres give free food and lodging to trainers? Viridian's my first stop then, and from there I'll need to find a way to get my hands on some cash quick style.
...And maybe teach this Pidgey how to use Steel Wing. Thanks to watching Ash train Pikachu, I have a good idea how to do that so that would be my best bet if I decide to take on Gyms...maybe. I wonder if my idea that league trainers make a shit ton of cash has any merit to it?