Fate: A rambly sort of one-shot songfic from Ryou's perspective, of course!

Disclaimer: The song "Breathing" belongs to Lifehouse. Ryou belongs to Kazuki Takahashi. I'm being restrained today because Max is sitting next to me with a look of death. I'm scared. Meep.


Wake up.

Waking up.


I'm awake.

I'm alive.

He never hurts me that badly.

I was only out for a little bit.

And when it's all over it's not so bad...

It even feels...


"I'm finding my way back to sanity again

Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do

When I get there"

Wobbling to my feet. There's blood streaming down my temples, staining my hair red.

I always wanted to be a redhead anyway.

I've got the complexion.

I should remember to thank him at some point.

But he'll just laugh and swat me again.

But I don't mind.

Our life is ups and downs.

He loves me, hates me, lusts for me, loathes me, everything and nothing and it's all for me.

For me for him for us.

We're one, especially tangled up together at three in the morning, exhausted, lust draining, sensibility returning, but not enough to make us remember that we're not supposed to be lovers like this.

Abrupt awakening is so painful.

"Take a breath and hold on tight

Spin around one more time

And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace"

Especially for me.

So I wake up, that sleepy half-awake drowsy wondering time, and crawl out of the room and close the door after me.

And then I curl up in the shadowy corner next to your room, near the vent, and listen to you waking up as slowly and painfully as I am. You mutter sleepily in your nightmares and waking dreams, garbled Egyptian and Arabic and Greek and Latin and Japanese and English and Chinese, all the languages I know and all you know in a half-awake, fuzzy, questioning plea.

And I can hear you clearly.

I don't speak back to you, but I hear you.

"Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight

That's all right

All right with me"

And you know I'm out there, that I remember and am leaving you on your own so you don't throttle me. And you never beat me for leaving you, because then you'd be weak. It's an understanding.

Even when you whisper for me to come back, I don't, because even though you want me to, it would shatter your dignity and vanity if we woke up fully together.

So I am content to sleep in the corner, outside of my room.

Some would say that I am cold and alone, but I'm not.

I can hear you.

You're dead.

But you're breathing.

"Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to you breathing"

I love it out there.

It's as close to you as I'll ever be, even when we're making love.


"It's where I wanna be, yeah

Where I wanna be..."

People talk about meeting their soulmates all the time. Angsty teenage girls sob and sigh over the 'one' every day, trading him in the next week for the next 'one' when he fails to be perfect in some way.

I only smile and walk away.

I'm often the target of their affections, but I have a soulmate. A vicious, dark one.

But that is what a soulmate truly means. The opposite. The un-me-ness makes them so unshakably part of myself that I know beyond doubt that we are one. Bliss and pain and pleasure and all sensory things mean nothing to Truth.

Not when the other half of me has their own special compartment in my mind filled with torture tools and blood and books.

You like to read.

"I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth

And I'm trying to identify the voices in my head"

I love that about you, about me. It's the one interest we have in common. The tomb robber who took my name and soul and heart by force and the shy transfer schoolboy love books, love knowledge, love power.

We both do.

We only show certain aspects of it, but we do.

And that numbs us to each other, our love of the same things in different ways. We could have an open, caring relationship but for our forced immunity to each other.

I wish our ignorance of each other was gone.

"God wish won't you

Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel

And break these calluses off me one more time"

And every night I sleep outside in the corner, hearing your drowsy mumbling and smiling to myself, it dissolves into broken shadow pieces, banished with an idle wave. You call out for me softly, but we both know I dare not enter.

But that's okay anyway.

It's perfectly okay.

It's the way it is.

"Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight

That's all right

All right with me"

You know I'm there.

You know everything about me, down to the last fiber of my being. We are closer than soulmates, now that I think about it. Anything I know you know and you know I know what you know...yes.

And if I don't know, you don't know, and it's hidden from us both.

You know what I truly want.

You are what I truly want.

And it goes both ways.

"Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door

And listen to you breathing"

I'm always there.

"It's where I wanna be, yeah"

You know I'm your slave.

You don't exploit me.

You beat me, kick me, render me to a bloody pulp, but you don't exploit me. You don't take me for granted.

No one understands that when they tell me you're a monster.

And you're so endlessly patient with me following you around, your adoring servant.

A look, a touch, I work for wages like that.

And they are so easily given to me.

And with such a presentation...

"Oh, I don't want a thing from you

Bet you're tired of me

Waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table

To the ground

Cause I just wanna be here now"

You know I'm out there every night, and you don't send me away.

You know I take our love sessions far more seriously than you do, but you don't stop them.

You know what I am and you know what you are, but you don't separate yourself from me.

You know that I know we are one, and you don't want to change it.

Because I don't want to change it.

And even if you don't want it like that, you keep it for my sake.

Or do you want it...?

"Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight

That's all right

All right with me"

I want...

You want...

Lust love melting into each other everything in between

And then content to just be

"Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to you breathing"

It's what I have and I love it so much

It's what we are and I don't want it to leave me

It's something so precious I don't want to destroy it

"It's where I wanna be, yeah"

Even if it means being a silent slut all my life.

"Where I wanna be"

Even if it means being used all my life.

"Where I wanna be"

Even if it means never being truly loved in the sense I was raised to believe in.

"Where I wanna be"

Even if it means losing myself for obsession of you.

"Where I wanna be..."


Fluffy: The sequel is also up! It's from Bakura's perspective and it's called CPR. Go check it out!