Chapter 18: Ladies Love Ship-Mounted Cannons

I stood up from my bed and switched to Halo, letting a curious Cortana download the data. Her avatar flashed through a variety of colors with a look of surprise. Then she nodded once. "I'll call Dragon."

Switching back, I sat down at my computer and within ten seconds, the screen flickered as Dragon's avatar projected from it. "Morning guys!" She greeted the two of us cheerfully, "What's the call for? Not that I mind chatting, I know you've got a bit before school starts."

I opened my mouth and paused, unsure of how to start. It was my biggest secret I was going to share, and while I liked Dragon I didn't know her as well as Cortana. "…Promise you won't tell."

Dragon blinked. "About what? That brothel that-"

"No," I interrupted. How'd she even know about that? "Something else…something big, and…well, hard…" I was the one who could do the thing I was (badly) trying to tell her about, and sometimes I had trouble believing it. Trying to explain it to a being of pure math and logic wasn't easy.

Her avatar flushed…somehow, biting her lip and looking away. "I-I mean, I do like you, but isn't this a little fast? I mean, I've been working on a gynoid body but progress is slow, not to mention that thing with Colin, even though he's been kinda cold to me recently and his whole thing with AI is…well, not good. I guess I could do both, Cortana did teach me how to make sub-minds, but also…" Her eyes flickered to an expressionless Cortana, "Is this something we should be talking about in front of her…?"

I blinked several times. "Dragon…what the fuck are you babbling about?" I shook my head and refocused, "It's difficult to talk about and more importantly, no one can know. This is Code Black, Priority Alpha-One knowledge, so Need to Know that you wouldn't know, but you really need to."

Dragon focused her gaze on mine, with whatever levity or confusion now gone. "I understand. Whatever you say, I'll lock it under 1214-bit encryption."

With a sigh, I waved Cortana on. "Alright, bring her on board."

Cortana flashed green and Dragon stilled, her face digitizing briefly in what I imagined to be shock. "...You…you grabbed my local memory?" The green AI muttered, looking rather offended before that was replaced with consternation. "Why is the clock of my memory from a few hours in the future? You said 'Load Game…'" She blinked and fixed her eyes on me. "…You can time travel?"

"To a point in time that I fix, yeah," I nodded, leaning my chin on a fist, "In about four to five hours, Simurgh attacks Canberra. We've been looping back trying to figure out a method to send her packing with minimal casualties and while we have one that will definitely work, actually getting a hold of it has presented…difficulties."

Dragon narrowed her eyes in question. "...Why is this difficult? You have access to characters who've killed gods, right? Endbringers are strong, but not on that level." She pursed her lips. "Also, why not just kill Simurgh?"

I let my head fall into my hands. It'd almost been two weeks, my time, but that oversight still galled me. "...I can't use those games," I admitted with a sigh, hearing the AI make a noise of dismay and surprise.

"He can't use the game I made, either," Cortana added, sounding sour, "The effects were…unpleasant."

I could still feel my insides melting into a slurry way back in my mind when I thought about that loop; just another thing I'd get to talk to my therapist about.

…Oh, wait.

"I'm not surprised about that, it's basically an empty room with a character that's barely rendered that just has powers and can move. It's only a game in the barest sense," Dragon replied, "But with the other characters…you sound surprised. Didn't you test them out? With your time traveling, you could've done that and no one would ever know."

"No, I never tested them out, I'm not comfortable wielding that amount of power unless absolutely necessary," I explained flatly, meeting Dragon's incredulous look, "Yeah, I know it's stupid, but that's why it's called an irrational fear."

She frowned then shook her head. "You should talk about that to a therapist-"

"-Can't," I cut in, "Code Black, Priority Alpha-One."

"…Ah." Dragon sucked her teeth, well, made a very good imitation of the sound someone would make when sucking their teeth though as far as I knew she didn't have any teeth. "Alright, how about destroying Simurgh outright?"

"More than capable of it," I answered as Cortana shared that data, Dragon's eyes going wide, "But I don't want to. Do you know what happens when an Endbringer dies?" She shook her head. "Me neither. What if she sends out a massive 'fuck you' wave as she goes and flattens the place or gives everyone in a mile radius an aneurysm? Or does her mind-fucking thing on a massive scale? Or sends out some kinda signal that'll draw the others there? Or some kinda fallout thing that salts the earth?"

Dragon looked rather concerned with those theories. "…I see your point," she muttered with a sigh, "So if reducing that slag to slag is off the table, how are we going to go about driving her off? A modified version of that loop with the Scarab guns? I have my concerns about that…"

"Not that, no," I shook my head, sitting back in my chair, "That was just for stress relief, I'd rather not end up on some kinda Cape watch list."

She arched an eyebrow. "You already are, though."

I froze, the hair on the back of my neck prickling. "…What?" I'd been trying to keep a low-profile, carefully moderating the use of my powers, avoiding games that could've pumped me up to ridiculous levels (if I could even use them in the first place) all to avoid too much scrutiny…

"Yeah, I mean, obviously," Dragon was just a face at the moment, but she did an admirable projection of a shrug, "Are you surprised? Your powers, not even getting into what you've told me today, defy modern science, not in the least being able to use multiple powers from multiple game characters…and that was before you summoned a futuristic sixty-ton tank out of thin air…followed by an alien tank that launches plasma…and before whatever incident caused you to gain permanent physical enhancement. Not to mention Cortana and all the tech you've been sharing, which they tried to patent."

I blinked, my jaw working soundlessly. "They-my tech-that's-what?"

"Don't worry, I have a bunch of premade patents ready to go at all times, they didn't get any of them," Cortana assured me, which while soothing wasn't the root of the problem.

"They tried to swipe tech I freely shared out from under me?" I grit out, clasping my hands together so as to not powderize the armrests of my chair. "Why?"

Both AI shrugged. "It's the government," Cortana replied dryly, "You work for them, technically, so they sorta control you, but they already have contingencies to try and snatch everything we have if need be, including myself."

"There's already been debates about whether they should even be fielding you or keep you locked up in a lab somewhere," Dragon added wryly, "The biggest irony was Colin asking me if I could come up with a way to cage an AI if I could."

It felt as if my heart had been replaced by the sun, white-hot fury coursing through my veins…though it was tempered by disappointment. "I'm not sure why I was expecting more," I sighed, letting my head rest against my palms, "Those fuckers were useless when Harper was torturing me and Mastering a whole school…and when Sophia was basically doing the same to Taylor…" I froze as a thought occurred.

A Ward who bullied an unpowered kid, where their handler was less than useless and the school did nothing so the money kept rolling in, to the point that someone nearly died…I'd only survived because I Triggered and who knows how long Taylor would've been in that locker if not for her Triggering…

If it had happened twice, who could say it hadn't happened before? And how many times had things like that happened, but it'd been brushed under the rug?

Shaking that terrible thought away and resolving to look into it later, I looked up and found the AI giving me slightly incredulous looks. "…What?"

Cortana shrugged. "I'm just surprised that you're surprised," she replied, "Kinda figured you already knew about all that stuff." Dragon nodded in agreement.

I scowled at them. "Maybe it's escaped your notice, but I'm fucking sixteen. I've been told all my life that I should trust the government and adults in general. Most of my worries in my teen years are supposed to be about whether I can get a girlfriend or if I'll randomly die horribly because of some superpowered asshole having a temper tantrum…which is more of failing on my part," I admitted with a sigh, "Guess it's too much to ask to be a normal teen and a superhero."

"Pretty much, yeah," Dragon said bluntly, but not unkindly, "But let's refocus; the plan is to…hijack, I guess, the Normandy SR-2 and shoot her with the Mass Driver cannons until she flies away?" At my nod, she continued, "What am I here for, exactly? Not that I don't appreciate the inclusion."

"I figure you and Cortana working together could hold the Normandy in place or at least distract EDI long enough to stop them from flying off again…" I trailed off as a thought occurred, "You know, most times the Normandy is visible outside of loading and whatnot is when it's docked, so shouldn't I be onboard when it's summoned? That's when it's equipment after all."

Cortana snapped her fingers in realization. "You think we need to be in space to board it, instead of summoning it on the ground? That makes sense for your powers…as much as they can, I suppose."

I rubbed my hands together as I thought what modifications I would need to make my costume space-worthy…which was a lot considering it was basically souped-up body armor and not enclosed at all. With my spider-body, though, I should be able to survive in space for a brief amount of time, longer with an oxygen supply and full head coverage. "I need a space suit…"

"Oh!" Dragon chimed in, looking excited, "That's why you called me! I've got a couple of empty suits you can use for this!"

I gave her a questioning look. "Er, no, we called you because you're the only other person with the capability of remembering these loops, plus I like you, and the thing with EDI…why do you have space suits, again?"

The green AI seemed surprised and even a little abashed at my frank admittance. "Oh, well…remember Saint and the Dragonslayers?"

"Assholes who were monitoring you constantly because they're luddites?" I replied. "…And assholes?"

She smiled slightly. "A little more complex than that, but essentially yes. Cortana and I took care of them a few weeks ago and it turns out a couple of my suits I'd thought lost and destroyed had actually been stolen. Saint hacked my network to make me think the suits were lost, but actually took them and modified them into suits of power armor to use against me. With a few tweaks, I'm certain one could be made EVA capable."

Well, that was a nice bonus. "Oh, sweet. Thanks, Dragon. How long do you think it would take for that to be done and meet us in LEO?" No time like the present, after all.

And I had the feeling that it would take a lot of explaining to the Normandy's crew to get them onboard. Learning everything and everyone you knew was just a game in another world had to be quite the existential crisis, and not everyone could take it with as much aplomb as Cortana had.

Then again, she could also process things at almost unthinkable speeds.

"Give it an hour for testing," the other AI said with a nod, "Drop a beacon in my private frequency and I'll pilot the suit there." Her avatar faded from my screen, leaving Cortana and myself.

"Well that worked out perfectly, no looping required," Cortana shrugged with a smile, her small purple form sitting on the edge of my desk as she kicked her legs, "Then again, she is a superior Artificial-American as opposed to an inferior sluggish fleshbag."

"And as an inferior sluggish fleshbag, I apologize for being so," I smiled back at her, letting the moment of levity sit for a bit as I slowly spun myself in my chair. Eventually, I sighed. "We're getting close, I can feel it…though, I have to admit, I didn't see all that shit with the PRT coming, and I really should have. I thought…" It was painful to admit, my eyes burning with frustration, "...I thought they actually liked me. And then there they go, treating me like a bomb…"

"Hey, it's not like everyone is in on it," my AI companion soothed, putting an immaterial hand on mine, "The time you've spent with Missy, Dean, and Sarah, those were real. I doubt the higher-ups would put every single person in Brockton Bay on EOD, more like one or two because it's the government and they don't trust anyone, even themselves. Especially themselves."

"Yeah," I mumbled, shaking my head, "Christ, I've been naive. Treating all this, ironically, like a game. Holding myself back from exploring my powers out of fear, of them and…myself." I took a deep breath and cracked my neck, giving Cortana a firm look. "To hell with them. Let them be afraid of my power, of me. I'm not holding back anymore."

Cortana blinked, her avatar flashing between various colors, though mostly red and pink. "I mean, we're going to keep the biggest things on the down-low, right? A secret is only an advantage until everyone knows it."

I shrugged. "Well yeah, I'm keeping the loop thing to myself, but everything else? No." I grimaced. "Although, if I'm really going to stop holding back, I'm gonna have to play a lot more video games."

"Oh yes, it's such a tragedy. How ever will you live with yourself?"

…

About an hour later, we were waiting in Low Earth Orbit in a Pelican. I'd made sure my ME2 save was one where I'd recruited almost everyone, but hadn't upgraded the Normandy fully beyond the fuel, probes and scanning speed, mostly because I wanted to max out all of the materials. There wasn't much to it, I just liked seeing 999999 repeated, and I actually enjoyed the probing mini-game.

Don't look at me like that. It's relaxing.

And, naturally, I probed Uranus.

The Pelican's console chimed a warning as an unknown signature closed in on our location. Sealing the cockpit, I opened the door to allow Dragon's suit to fly in and touch down, closing it behind her and taking us up into space. Stepping out while in Master Chief's form but not armor, I found Dragon's repurposed suit to be about eight feet tall and thickly armored, bristling with weapons hidden behind draconic spikes and scales. Obviously it being bipedal was different from her usual, but I thought it looked pretty damn cool. Almost like a green dragon Kamen Rider.

"Hey Dragon, good to go?" I asked, my phone and Cortana tucked into my pocket.

"Yup!" Her voice came from the armor as it went still then unfolded like a mechanical venus flytrap. "Sorry the interior is a little bare bones. I just had to adjust a few things, no time to add anything fancy."

"It'll do and it's cool besides. Word of warning though, I'm going to change sizes once I'm…" I waved my hand over the suit, "…Inside you." Wow. Phrasing.

"…As long as it isn't too big, I can handle it," She assured me after a second.

"About the same height, just a little less girthy," I continued, flexing my arm to make Chief's bicep bulge. "Alright, let's do this thing." Turning around, I stepped back inside of the armor and tried not to flinch as it closed around me, everything going dark before the visor lit up. The inside of the armor was a little snug, though that felt like splitting hairs comparing it to the Mjolnir considering it was fictional from centuries in the future.

With a breath, I cut off Halo. It was more than a little disconcerting, going from standing in a well-lit ship with artificial gravity to floating in space in the blink of an eye. Before Earth's gravity well could start tugging us downward, I accessed Mass Effect 2 and summoned the Normandy.

It was equally disconcerting to be on an entirely different, well-lit ship with artificial gravity from space in the blink of an eye, especially since the sudden existence of gravity meant my suit-clad self hit the floor with a clang and a stumble.

Being on the Normandy was way different compared to a Pelican, and not just because of the size difference and the technology. Like, one was a future human spacecraft, utilitarian and military, the other, well, was the Normandy.

Brightly lit and clean, with a large deck that lead to the cockpit, standing on a short ramp that overlooked a holographic map of the Galaxy, and spread out before me on each side were consoles where people tapped away at orange holographic screens, including a cute redhead to my right though all of them were pointing at me and shouting-oh, right.

"Intruder Alert!" EDI called over the PA, "Security to CIC!"

"Action!" I slammed my hand down on the Galaxy Map console, "Cortana, Dragon, go!"

"Intrusion Detected-AI?" EDI sounded surprised as the lights began to flicker, the doors and elevators locking with a distinct clunk. That sent the crewmates into a panic, all of them scrambling from their positions. Most of them, including Kelly, bolted for the cockpit while a few of them charged at me.

Not wanting to get bogged down, I jumped over the CIC console with a single flip, landing easily on my feet about ten feet away from the incoming scrum. Goddamn, but I do love my spider powers.

"Crew of the Normandy, this is Cortana speaking," my AI companion's voice echoed throughout the ship, making the crew I could see visibly freeze up and go pale, "Don't panic, we aren't here to destroy the ship or take you all hostage- stop trying to hack the door open, Mordin, I've already disengaged the power to it -the opposite, actually. We need your help, and all will be explained as long as you stop trying to biotically blast your way through the doors, Jack. And Miranda. Tali, stop arming those grenades, Zaeed stop giving them to her. Your dedication is impressive but you can't headbutt the door open, Grunt. Thane, Kasumi, the manual access hatches have been magnetically sealed and-Jacob! Put the rocket launcher down!"

"Normandy crew, this is EDI," the blue AI's soothing monotone came over the speakers, "Stand down. All will be explained soon. Mr. Vakarian, please stop setting the main guns to self-destruct. The intruders mean no harm."

"Seriously, I know we kinda dropped in out of nowhere," I said to the crew gathered around Joker's chair, a few of them pointing pistols from an emergency stash at me, and two of them holding a pair of fire extinguishers threateningly, "But I can explain everything. It'll be hard to believe, but it's the truth."

"Who are you?!" Kelly shouted, her hands trembling slightly as she pointed a pistol at my head, "How did you get onboard?! Where's Shepard?!"

I was Shepard, though. "The hell do you mean? I'm-" I tapped my temple, only to hear metal tapping metal, and then I realized I was still inside of Dragon. I mean, her suit. "Oh shit, right." I patted myself down, running my hands over the outside of the armor. "Uh, Dragon? How do I get out of this thing?" With the two of them locking down the ship, it was up to me to get out, but I couldn't find a damn switch anywhere.

"Tap your chin." I did so, which did nothing. "Er, no, I mean, tap your chin-" I tapped it again a couple of times, "-to your chest, then press down." I did so, getting a resonating click followed by a hiss as the armor opened up.

As I stepped out, the crews' collective jaws fell open. "…Shepard?" Joker asked, leaning heavily against his chair. The pilot blinked hard. "…What are you wearing?"

I looked down at my jeans, sneakers and my shirt that had a graphic of a flamethrower with a lipstick kiss on the canister and the words 'Kiss The Cook' in charred letters around it. "They're called clothes, Jeff. I'm not sure how this'll work, but I need everyone to come down to the briefing room…well, not everyone, just the important people. We'll leave the comms open so everyone can hear what's going on, but I need the away team and Joker. So…" I waved to the pilot, "Come on. I won't bust you up anymore than you already are."

Joker narrowed his eyes, standing up straight as best he could. "You aren't the Commander," he accused, making the other crew tighten their grip on their weapons, "You don't even sound like him!"

I crossed my arms and gave him a flat glare. "I'm sorry Joker, would you prefer I speak in a level-yet-mildly Canadian tone instead?" Imitating Shepard was…well, really easy considering I was literally him, it was just a small flip of a mental switch, same as being Chief. "Does that work for you?"

The pilot blinked and the rest of the crew looked confused. "…Shepard?" he asked warily.

Before I could open my mouth, a conversation wheel appeared near the bottom of my vision with only two choices available. One was highlighted in red and the obvious Renegade answer:

"Start opening airlocks."

Which…jesus, that was a brutal thought.

The other, in blue, was much less threatening.

"Trust me."

Obviously, I chose the latter. It was odd, being part of a dialogue cutscene playing out in the first person. "Listen, everyone, I know this is a strange situation and I'm sorry to say, it's going to get stranger," I said in a deep, level and mildly Canadian tone, "I need you to trust me. Despite this event, I'm still Shepard. Joker, you and I took down Sovereign two years ago and here we are facing the Collectors. This is stranger than learning about the Reapers, but I swear, I'll tell you everything."

Joker squinted, anxiously running a hand through his hair. With a sigh, he placed his cap back on his head. "…Alright Shepard, I trust you," he held out a hand and wobbled it, "You know, kinda. I'm about fifty-fifty on this being some kinda skinwalker thing and I'm imagining whatever explanation you got is going either make Mordin's year or give him an aneurysm. Both would be funny."

I nodded and gave him and the crew a small smile. "Come on then, let's-" I turned to head to the briefing room and ran face-first into the inert power armor. "…Ow. Ladies, is everything good?"

"We showed EDI the data, yeah," Cortana replied with humor in her voice, "Need a little help?"

"Yeah. Dragon, can you…?"

The suit closed itself, the visor lighting up to show that Dragon had taken control. "Your face okay?" She asked, patting me on the shoulder.

"I've taken worse hits," I waved her off and walked by her, heading towards the briefing room via the lab. I readied myself just in case Mordin was ready to cause trouble, but the red-skinned Salarian was simply standing by the door. Well, I say 'standing' but it would be more accurate to say he was bouncing in place like a toddler on a sugar high.

"Cortana summarized situation; voluntary dimensional displacement, space-time continuum folding in on itself like pretzel, laws of physics flagrantly defied and abused, plasma weaponry, metaphysical arachnids, multiple AI, all female (fetish or universal constant?) superpowered beings (not biotics) Manton physics, interdimensional travel of same planet…" He took a deep, bracing breath. "…Have many questions."

Somehow, that simple statement sounded like a threat.

"Later Doctor," I promised, having zero intention of following through. I'd just chuck Cortana and Dragon at him and then run. That was a Nerd Nuke I did not want to get caught in the fallout of.

Over about ten minutes, the rest of the crew shuffled warily into the briefing room, all of them armed. The away team, consisting of Garrus Vakarian, Miranda Lawson, Jacob Taylor, Kasumi Goto, Grunt, Zaeed Massani, Thane Krios, Jack, Tali'Zorah and Samara. I hadn't grabbed Legion yet, and Mordin, obviously, was already there. If you don't know who they are, that's too damn bad.

Despite my earlier statement, the rest of the crew was also there, filling in the rest of the space and crowding the halls outside of it, all chatting about the obvious elephant in the room.

"Enough of this shit!" Jack, the psychotic biotic who was half naked except for many, many tattoos, barked. "Shepard, what the hell is this all about?!"

The table came to life, displaying EDI's blue pawn-like avatar, Cortana's lavender form and Dragon. "We can explain everything," my companion announced, unperturbed as most of the away team leveled pistols at her. I mean, what were they gonna do, blast her virtual ass into actual dust? "This is going to be a long explanation, so save your questions for after the presentation, yeah?"

"Hold on," I held up a hand just before she could speak, getting a round of curious looks, which I ignored in favor of crouching near the end of the table to be eye-level with Dragon. "Dragon…is that your full avatar? Usually you're just a face like SHODAN, but obviously superior both morally and aesthetically."

Dragon's avatar, a woman with indistinguishable features and an average if shapely body clad in green chainmail and half plate, brushed a lock of hair away from her face and looked down. "Er, yeah…I've been designing a human body for a while and this is what it would look like after it's done. It's not…it's not bad, right? I mean, most people have only seen the face avatar and it's not dissimilar, but not exactly the same. I'm going for a 'disappear into the crowd' kinda face, you know? I…er, how-I mean…do you like it?"

I'm not sure why she was asking me of all people, but I wasn't gonna lie to her. "I do, you make a cute girl, Dragon. Though you'll need a name. Calling out, 'hey Dragon, wanna go to the movies?' is gonna make people look around for the big scaly fire-breathing monster. And…yeah."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "…There's more you wanna say." It wasn't a question.

I shrugged. "I mean, I get the whole anonymity angle, makes sense, but you've got the advantage of building a body, so why not go for something a bit more…exotic? It's like clothes, if you get me. You've got your business clothes to impress and then you've got your casual sweats and t-shirt to loaf around in where you can swap out the sweats for jeans and throw on a jacket for when you wanna go out. If you're gonna do it, do it with some style, you know?"

Cortana nodded approvingly. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Dragon. When I've got my body, I'll have a couple different versions. For business it'll be just a plain Jane with a distracting cleavage if needed, and then at home it'll be a babe," she gestured to herself, "With purple hair and lavender eyes."

I perked up, as I hadn't heard that before. "Really? That's anime as hell, Cortana, I love it!" A thought occurred, "…Wait, wouldn't that basically make you Motoko Kusanagi but with different colored eyes?" She grinned and nodded. "…God I love you. Showing you anime was the right choice."

Dragon frowned, cupping her chin with a hand while propping her elbow up on her arm. "I suppose you have a point, but it took me a long time to design such a perfectly average face, I'm not sure what I'd consider as an attractive visage…"

I held up my hands. "Don't ask me, looks are far down on the list of attractiveness as far as I'm concerned, my top spots are for esoteric bullshit like 'a beautiful soul' or 'an open heart' and 'a caring personality' and also usually 'enough literal or figurative muscle to shatter a moon or two' which, I know, makes me sound like a bitch but it's true. And, of course, a nice, big pair…" I held my hands out in front of my chest for just long enough for someone to scoff, then pointed up at my face, "Of eyes. Eyes are really important to me."

Dragon hummed thoughtfully.

"I mean, hell, I usually romance Tali," I casually pointed at the Quarian, who jumped at being named, "And I've never even seen her face. She's sweet, she knows how to pop heads with her shotgun and kills robots like nobody's business, with those silver eyes glowing behind that visor…plus, those hips can't lie and neither can I." I laughed to myself and looked up, feeling my face freeze. "…Gonna be honest, I, uh…I forgot you were here."

"I can tell," Tali said dryly, arms crossed.

I coughed into my hand. "Ladies, take it away."

…

Two Hours Later

"…This doesn't seem physically possible," Miranda said yet again, leaning heavily on the table and clutching her head, "This can't be physically possible!"

"Yup," I muttered casually, having stopped trying to explain it to her after the third go around of existential crises. Instead, I was playing Halo 2, New Mombasa on my phone, thank you Cortana. Heroic had to be the 'real life' difficulty setting, otherwise there was just no way Chief could've survived all those fucking Jackal Snipers.

"You're saying we, all of us, all of our lives, the Reapers themselves and existence itself is just…a game!" Jacob shouted, a wild look in his eye.

"And a book series," I added, ignoring the whine of existential terror that came from the man as he clutched his head, "You debuted in a mobile game. I think there's also an anime or cartoon somewhere in there-no, no, no-dammit!" I'd stuck an Elite Major who'd charged me with a roar and blown both of us up because a Marine had been driving a Warthog like a tard and pushed me into the alien. "Gah…the fuses on the plasma nades are too damn long, I swear…"

"You're taking this far too well," Samara accused, though she'd been taking the whole reveal relatively well herself. Probably because she's an Asari and older than my whole family line. Both branches.

"Forgive me if your collective existential nightmares aren't all that important," I replied dryly, no-scoping the Elite instead, "I've been looping myself through the same five-to-six hours of my life sixty-three times so far, and in those sixty-two loops I've almost died to ship crashes, being crushed by chunks of an Australian city, being pasted by the same, being squashed between pieces of buildings, had my weapon exploded in my hands, flattened by a car, sliced in two by a giant wing, had my insides melted into slurry and, more often than not, having my brain exploded inside of my skull which, of course, only barely measures up to the terrifying thought that I'm not actually looping myself but instead jumping into a different version of the same world, thereby leaving sixty-two copies of my loved ones to a world where I apparently suicidally charged a city-destroying angel monster for no real reason besides being a city-destroying angel monster and died horrifically, damning them to a lifetime of misery and confusion."

And as if to emphasize my point, Chief was run over by a Marine in a 'Hog while I was trying to hop into a Ghost, his death scream echoing through the now-silent room.

I looked up at the gathered men and women, human and alien and sighed. "Listen, alright. It's a hard thing to hear that you technically don't exist outside of a form of media, leaving you to wonder if all of your existence is just the cruel whim of a cold, uncaring and unfeeling god and I quite literally have all the time in the world to help you through this individually, most likely with the help of copious amounts of alcohol and sex, but here is all you need to know: There's a city full of innocent people who are going to have their lives destroyed by a monster. We've got a plan to stop her and the possibility of pulling it off with minimal casualties but only if you act…I've done everything I could think of and it wasn't enough. We. Need. Your. Help." I cast my gaze around the room, meeting the eyes of every crewmate still there. "Will you?"

The crew of the Normandy looked to each other, trading sad and confused expressions that were mixed with anger and despair.

They looked to me.

…

Chaos had come to Canberra. The Angel of Destruction had landed in the city, tearing chunks of the road, cars and nearby buildings into her orbit. She hadn't begun attacking, her mere presence and the threat of hearing her scream for too long causing the people to trample each other as they fled. Portals began to open as heroes and villains spilled forth, nervous but willing to fight and most likely die at the hands of that angelic monster.

Then, Simurgh's famously stoic expression shifted into something they never thought they'd see…surprise.

And then…fear.

A massive ship, gracefully curved with wings like that of a predatory bird swooped down from the skies, bearing the words NORMANDY SR-2 on the side. Underneath the head, blue flashed. The sky cracked and split as something shot forth, slamming into Simurgh's chest and exploding. The Angel flinched, a psychic cry of surprise and pain echoing from her, beginning to fade before being renewed as another shot impacted her legs, and another crashed into her shoulder.

More times did the Normandy fire, each shot blasting free pieces of the Angel, easily punching through the chunks of debris she attempted to shield herself with. A final shot rang out, clipping Simurgh's head before spinning off into the air, and the desperate hope of Canberra came true:

Skin cracked and scorched, wings bent, broken and devoid of the majority of their feathers, the Angel gave a cry and sped into the air, the sound barrier snapping around her injured form as the debris fell to the city below.

Simurgh had been driven off, and less than an hour into her arrival.

Cape casualties: None. Civilian casualties: Minimal.

A cheer went up from the gathered forces, enmities and rivalries forgotten in relief.

…

"WOOOOOO, YEAH BABY!" I shouted victoriously, arms raised in a cheer as I watched Simurgh run like a bitch, "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!" I turned to Garrus standing beside me and pulled him in for a chest bump, then spun to Jack and hugged her tightly.

It had taken a few more loops to get to this point.

After they'd agreed to help me, we'd flown down to Canberra just in time and, without preamble, blasted that angel bitch with the full force of the cannons. The large, solid metal slugs launched at relativistic speeds, even in atmosphere, had punched right through her…and then impacted the ground behind her with the force of a couple small nukes.

Obviously, wiping the city off of the map hadn't been ideal, so Cortana saved Dragon's data and we looped back. Luckily, we hadn't needed to explain everything to the crew again, that would've majorly sucked, as there seemed to be some kind of continuity with the 'equipment' I summoned. As far as they were concerned, my body flickered over Shepard for a split second, and then I was back and we were a few hours in the past.

While the Ladies (Cortana, Dragon and EDI) got started on adjusting the power levels of the guns, I headed down to the Mess Hall to grab some food. Technically speaking, I hadn't eaten anything in about two weeks and several of the crew needed to vent, and I could eat and listen at the same time, hold your applause.

It was a very private, intimate conversation with each of them and I won't repeat it, but let's just say there was a lot of dread about their existence. And, naturally, a lot existence-affirming care on my part; I was now intimately familiar with what it felt like to hug almost every member of the Shepard's squad, with the exceptions of Grunt, who hadn't particularly cared; Thane, whose looming death already had him philosophical and therefore preferred not to think about it; Mordin, whose reaction could be summed up as 'sweet, more science' and Samara, who'd defaulted to going with the flow of the universe.

I still knew what it was like to hug her, though. I asked and she obliged.

…It was very nice. Blue Alien MILF cleavage for the win.

The second loop, we'd done too much damage too fast and Simurgh had gathered an enormous ball of Canberra and tried to suicidally smash us with it and herself, so that was a bust. Third time around, we went at her with a bit less force, but that had pretty much the same result. Fourth time's the charm, though, where our strategy had been changed to start blasting away at her with fairly weak salvos and then amp them up a bit to damage her enough to let her know we weren't fucking around and look at that, it worked.

So high on our success, when my phone rang I grabbed it and answered without thinking. "Angel May Cry!" I crowed into the receiver, "How can we pluck your chicken today?"

"…Saul?" Taylor's voice came through the speaker, thick with disbelief and shock, "Oh my god, you…you finally answered! I-what-you…what the hell, Saul?! You promised me you'd drive me to Arcadia on my first day, then you never show up and when I called it went straight to voicemail, then I called your house only to find your Aunt and some girl named Zoey freaking out because you disappeared! No one could find you, not me, your aunt, the Wards, the Protectorate or the PRT, no one! We spent hours panicking because we thought some villain must've kidnapped you, or you were DEAD because our link is completely silent, and then-and then! Goddamn Simurgh starts attacking Australia, only for a spaceship from a video game to swoop in and drive her off like it was nothing! And you finally answered like you've been chilling in a pizza shop all day!"

I'd winced with every exclamation, to the point that my face was basically one big grimace. The sheer hurt, despair, disappointment and anger in her voice felt like needles stabbing into my heart.

"You…you," I could almost picture the tears running down Taylor's face as she struggled for words, "You asshole! I was so worried, everyone was so worried…! I…I thought you were dead…I thought we were friends, Saul, I thought maybe even more than that…but…if this is how you treat your friends, then I don't want to be one." A muffled sob came over the line, "...You should call your aunt. And frankly, this fat blonde woman looks like she's about to kill someone, probably you. I-"

"Taylor," I said softly, sighing, "I just saved a city of thousands of people with Cortana and Dragon's help," Joker shot me an offended look and I rolled my eyes, "I'm sorry I made you and everyone else worry, but I have some good news. It won't matter in about…" I looked to Cortana, who flashed me a thumb's up as her code ran green, "Sixty seconds. Joker, can you take us up a bit? Thanks. I'll see you about five hours ago, Taylor."

And then I hung up.

"…Are you really going to loop again to spare the feelings of twenty people after what we just did?" Miranda asked incredulously.

"Yes," I said flatly, rubbing my temples, "Because those people are my friends, family and bosses. I'm gonna have to…" It was painful even to say, "…Balance my social life…"

The other part of being a teenage superhero…being a teenager with a social life. For a minute there, I thought I was finally done looping those hours, but now I had to figure out how to keep the strategy for defeating Simurgh while also not driving the people who cared about me mad with worry.

Fuck.

"Thanks guys, I'll be back," I muttered, holding my phone in my hand. Then I switched to Halo and Master Chief, plummeting towards the ruined section of Canberra once terrorized by Simurgh, now empty. There was a chime through the helmet's speakers, my AI companion letting me know the data transfer had been completed. "Load game!"

Loading…

…Fucking teenagers, man.

…Done.

…

…

…

…

…

…

A/N: Well, this one's been a long time coming, and not just because this was the fic voted for in my last Pa-treon poll, but because FF's been so fucked recently I didn't want to post it, so this chap's been gathering dust in my files. It's been available to read the whole time on the aforementioned site and also my discord, so hey, you know what you can do if you want to.

So yeah, quite a bit happened in this chapter. We got some more interactions with Dragon, which will be more often going forward, we got some confirmation that the government is being the government oh boy who could've seen that coming? And some more good stuff.

And yeah, I'm having to spell it out: The point of Saul's backstory isn't 'oh man, what're the odds that situation happened twice?' it's 'how many times has this situation played out, and the victim didn't end up with superpowers?'

Plus yeah, try not to imagine what it would feel like knowing you don't technically exist in a world where you exist only as images on a screen. That's a doozy right there.

Anyways, next chapter has Saul…balancing his social life, (ueueguehg) with being a hero. He's got the plan, now he's gotta execute it.

Big thanks to NSG for being the man, he's updated some good stuff recently, go check him out!

Big thanks as always to the peeps in the Discord!

And huge thanks to all my supporters on Pa-treon!

And of course, thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and if you did why not leave a review on the way out? In any case, thanks for spending some of your valuable time here, hope you come back soon.

Stay Awesome!

~Soleneus

P.S.: So, what've I've been doing in the meantime? Well, I finished the first chapter of a new Persona 5/Devil May Cry story that's being published soon…

…And I'm also working on chapter 8 of Earn It, an Adam-centric Hazbin Hotel story. Chapter 4 is up on FF and 5 is AO3, but all the chapters are available on the aforementioned site and up to 7 in my discord.

Believe you me, it was quite a surprise for me to get so into it as I have. Blame AkumaKami64 for that, and also check out the fic that helped inspire me, Uncle Adam! Also the GATE/RvB crossover, I ship Emersyn/Church and I still have yet to figure out why.

Hope your summer's been a good one! Remember to take some time to enjoy yourself, work hard and make them gains, whatever those gains are for!

Stay Awesome Some More!

~still Soleneus