Title: Denial

Author: Mardia

Rating: PG

Genre: Angst

Pairings: Amy/Colin, Amy/Ephram, Colin/Ephram

Spoliers: Up through The Unveiling

Summary: Everyone thinks that things have gone back to normal. Of course, Colin knows better than that. Slash. Ephram/Colin.

Disclaimer: Everwood and its characters belong to the WB. Don't sue. No, really. Don't sue.

You're become a very good actor.

You realize that maybe things can't be the way you want. You realize that fantasizing about the guy who's in love with your girlfriend isn't maybe such a good idea. You realize that settling into Colin the First's life is probably for the best.

So you pretend.

You're good at pretending.

Amy's happy, your parents are happy-everything is just about perfect.

You're sick, Colin. And nobody here wants to deal with that...

No, Laynie was right. You don't want to deal with anything. You don't want to deal with the after effects of being comatose, of Amy's fling with Ephram, of the fact that you have dreams of Ephram's hands and eyes.

You're good at denial. It's something you inherited from your parents.

See, Colin? I can handle this. I can be you after all.

You talk about sports with Bright, hold hands with Amy, and always manage to look the other way when Ephram walks by.

You wonder why Ephram put up with you for as long as he did. Wonder why he listened. Wonder if it was pity, or if he was just manipulating you. Wonder why the hell you even care.

Sometimes you want to get in the car and just drive. Drive away from Ephram, Amy, your family and everyone so you can finally get some peace.

You think you would like to smash something again. A vase, a chair-anything.

But of course, that would be a bad idea. After all, you're Colin now. You're not allowed to lose it.

You've acknowledged that lying has now become part of your life. You've accepted that you can't be completely honest with everyone. You're content with the fact that you can't have what you want and that you're settling for what you can have right now. You've realized that Colin the First is all you can be, all you are allowed to be.

Or maybe you've just given up on trying to figure out who you really are...and who it is you really want.