A/N: Last and final chapter, folks. First off, I want to thank each and every reviewer--whether you started reading this towards the end or from the very beginning. I've read your reviews at least three times (yes, even the shortest ones! ^_^), and I can safely say that I wouldn't have managed to finish this introspective (and what some of you have called 'pyschological') story without all of your help. So... Thanks. Thanks a lot. Secondly: This chapter is dedicated to all of you.
And for the last thing... The answer to _why_ Yami no Malik-sama is the way that he is... is finally revealed. Enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: Neko-chan doesn't own. But you already knew that, didn't you?
You don't recognize me, do you?
Can't you see that this is me?
So why don't you come with me... come with me into a trip into my mind; the deepest recesses and corners of a thorn-riddled consciousness. It sounds scary, doesn't it? You're scared, aren't you?
...you should be.
* * *
I love the darkness--deep and caressing and wine-smooth, so thick and cloying. It seems to catch in my throat, filling me up as nothing had previously managed to do so. The darkness makes me feel complete and whole and one with _something_ other than myself. You ask why I love the darkness, why I worship it and want to drink it whole? Well, does this answer your question?
Yuugi-tachi have asked me one particular question on several occasions: What _am_ I?
I was born from Malik's hatred, his loathing, his anger, his frustration and malice, his darkness--I _am_ his darkness. With that understood... how could one single person ever deny the fact that I AM everything dark and dreary and depressing that makes a human being _human_? I am everything that you bury deep within yourself and try to deny in the deepest and darkest hours of the night.
I am everything you repress.
I am everything you hate.
I _am_ hatred. I _am_ loathing. I _am_ anger. I am Darkness because how else could you ever possibly be able to classify these emotions as something else? Pharaoh claims to be Yami. The Pharaoh is a fool and cannot ever learn what _true_ Darkness is.
True Darkness is everything you try to deny because it is everything that you ARE.
Deep down inside, crawling and searching within you: Everything you try to deny because you don't... can't... will _not_... face it. It is everything that makes you human and makes you belong to the Darkness. People claim that they don't hate, they don't feel anger or loathing or even despise. Not true. Those people are just lying to themselves; YOU'RE just lying to yourself. Every single person on this Ra-forsaken planet has a little bit of Darkness within themselves. You _cannot_ deny it. How can you? You and I both know that it is true and will continue to be true no matter how hard or how long you argue against it. Depressing, isn't it?
Yuugi-tachi have also asked me yet another thing: Why do I call myself hatred and anger and loathing? Why do I call myself all of the dark emotions that people feel? I call myself these things because I _am_ these things. I was created from my hikari's darkest and strongest emotions. Everything that he tried to hide and bury and deny--they were finally revealed to him in the form of myself.
I am everything that you all try to deny.
I am darkness incarnated.
I am YOU.
You try to deny me, but you can't. I am part of each and every one of you. The darkest recesses of your mind--parts where even _you_ don't have enough courage to venture... that is where you will find me. That is my home and I adore it. And, no matter how hard you try to deny it, I live and breathe in each and every one of _you_. I am _in_ each and every single one of you.
That thought disturbs you, doesn't it?
Is it because you all want to believe that you're perfect. None of you feel anger. None of you hate and despair and loathe and fear. None of you. If that is true, then why do my words strike a chord deep within yourselves--a chord that you're terrified to acknowledge. Why is this? Because you're just finally beginning to realize...
...I am you.
I personify the darkest and most secret parts of yourself. I AM hatred and I AM anger and loathing and fear and terror. I am all of these things--but these things still make me human. You say that I don't feel at all. But I am human, so why _can't_ I be able to feel? I was created from the darker emotions of humanity, but that doesn't mean that I don't yearn to feel all of the emotions that you take for granted. I want to love and care and adore and want and need and cherish. But I can't.
Every single thing I touch and try to cherish and love crumbles to ashes beneath me. Everything I want and desire and need dies before me. I'm not allowed to love. I'm not allowed to love and cherish and need and want and protect. I'm not allowed to do any of these things.
Because you won't let me.
Is it so very wrong to want to love and cherish and protect? Is it so very wrong for needing something that I, myself, cannot feel? Is it so very wrong to circle around the only light in my life, hoping that you WON'T take it away from me? Is it so very wrong to hate you all, knowing that you'll take it away from me eventually? After all, according to you, I kill and don't feel anything for those that I kill and destroy. But how are you to know what I feel and don't feel?
How are you to know what I mourn for and what I don't?
How are you to know what I hate and despise and what I don't?
You all hate me because I am who I am. I don't deny who I truly am--I embrace who I am and that makes me whole. That makes me perfect--and that's why you're _all_ flawed and broken, each trying to be someone you're _NOT_ and each trying to deny the true person within you. So is it wrong embracing that person? Is it wrong to be hated for being the true person deep within? You're all hypocrites and that's why I hate you all.
I've said many times before that I am God. Why have I stated this over and over and over again, you ask? I hate you all because you're all hypocrites. Therefore, why should I care if you lived or died? To be honest, I would actually prefer you all dead. But that's just my preference. Who am I to say who's right and who's wrong?
But I would love it if you'd all just _die_...
"Kill a man, one is a murderer; kill a million, a conqueror; kill them all, a God."
Ah, so NOW you see why I call myself a God. And when you're all dead or dying, I _will_ be a God because there would be no one left. No, not even my precious hikari. After all, if everything I touch dies, then what does it matter if he lives or dies? You won't let me love him, anyway.
I am who I am because I created that way. I can't deny it, for if I deny it, then I deny my true self. And I cannot, WILL NOT, deny my true self. I will not live a lie, as so many of you have done. I am not capable of doing so because then I, if I do manage to deny who I truly am, then I will fade away, becoming nothing. I will become NO ONE.
And I am not ready to die.
I do the things I do because that is who I truly am.
And, though you claim that I am evil, don't I deserve to live, too?
Though you try to deny it, I know that--somewhere deep within you--you answered: No. And that, my _friends_, is why I hate loathe maim destroy kill and torture all of you. You hate me for who I am and I hate you for not allowing me to live.
After all, I'm a human being, too.
. . .
Kiss kiss, corpses.
A/N: Thank you again so much for everyone who reviewed. I know, at times, the chapters got repetitive. And I apologize for that. I did try to keep a theme for each and every chapter and, once again, I do apologize if I wasn't able to accomplish this. ^_^;; I also wanted to say that I tried to upload everything on June 13th (Friday the 13th... D) and that I wanted people to notice that there are 13 chapters. First one who can tell me why this is significant will get a request fic from me.
Also, the quote made by Yami no Malik-sama is actually by Jean Rostand. I thought that it would be rather fitting for him. ^_^;;
Anyway, no matter how disturbing and psychological and scary this story (as plotless as it was...) was at times, I do hope you enjoyed it. Thank you.