Author's Note: Just a little bit of fluff and fun to say thank you for reading, again, and for all of your lovely feedback, again!

Epilogue

Text Received from: James Potter

Sent to: Lily Evans, on Wednesday, 13th June 2018 at 10:11pm

...

James Potter: am i better looking than steve?

Lily Evans: What?

James Potter: no really
it keeps me up at night
would you fancy me more if i got a baseball bat with nails in it?
is his hair more lustrous than mine?
does it look better in the gentle breeze?

Lily Evans: I mean, what am I supposed to do with this?

James Potter: answer the question lillian

Lily Evans: Call me Lillian again and you can bloody well find yourself another girlfriend.

James Potter: wowwwwwww
there's no need to be so extra

Lily Evans: asiogjsoidhjsd?!

James Potter: that's not a language i recognise sorry

Lily Evans: This is because you caught me watching that video, isn't it?

James Potter: i too could be in a dominos commercial
i choose not to debase myself

Lily Evans: James, you are literally the most self-assured person I know.
How is are you so jealous of this one person?
I know it's not about me, either.
This is clearly about hair.

James Potter: if i was self-assured around you all the time i'd have gotten you years ago
you'd probably be pregnant by now
let's be honest

Lily Evans: That is Big Talk for a virgin.

James Potter: it can't be big talk if i never use caps
also
seriously is he hotter than me?
i need to know or else i may die

Lily Evans: NO.
NO.
NO.
NO.
HE ISN'T HOTTER THAN YOU.
HE IS NOT YOUR 'NEW NEMESIS' NOW THAT YOU'VE FINISHED YOUR BEEF WITH THAT BARISTA WHO CALLED YOU JAMIE.
SO FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY.
STOP.

James Potter: you seem stressed, my love
what troubles you?

Lily Evans: My boyfriend is crazy.

James Potter: crazy about YOU
ahahahaha what a smooth transition
i bet steve can't match my unparalleled comic genius

Lily Evans: May I formally request that your next crisis take place at a more reasonable time?
Like when I'm not in bed?

James Potter: oh shit i'm so sorry
i wasn't even paying attention to the time
i was hard at work studying and it slipped away from me

Lily Evans: You were playing Rocket League with Sirius.
He just tweeted about it.

James Potter: there may have been some light rocket leaguing during my study breaks
but then i stopped
and then i started missing you
*many sad violins*

Lily Evans: Don't be adorable when I'm trying to remember why I was irritated with you just a minute ago.

James Potter: i would tell you not to be adorable but that's physically impossible
science tried
but then it was like
no
she's too beautiful
abort mission

Lily Evans: Oh god, you're so cute and I hate it.
How did I become so weak?

James Potter: i don't know but i think we can both agree
it had nothing whatsoever to do with steve


Text Received from: Lily Evans

Sent to: James Potter, on Tuesday, 31st July 2018 at 12:06pm

...

Lily Evans: So my mother spoke to your mother on the phone and she says I can stay over!

James Potter: omg really?

Lily Evans: Yes!
She's going to drop me off at 2!

James Potter: oh my god
i think i just died
yeah i'm definitely dead
revive me when you get here please

Lily Evans: However.

James Potter: nooooooo no however
no howevers allowed i bought microwave popcorn

Lily Evans: I'm a bit confused?

James Potter: why?

Lily Evans: Your mum told my mum that we'd be in separate bedrooms on opposite sides of the house.
She also told her that we're not allowed in your room together unless the door is open and an adult is supervising.

James Potter: well
that's very responsible

Lily Evans: James, I thought your parents aren't even going to be there?
Aren't they going to Venice tonight?
And your mum always lets us have the door closed?
She actively encourages it.

James Potter: oh yeah it's all nonsense
but she lies responsibly
and i think that's what really matters here

Lily Evans: So it'll just be you and me for three days?

James Potter: and algernon but i mean he'll give us privacy

Lily Evans: What about Sirius?

James Potter: pawned him off on remus and peter
he was annoyed but agreed to it after several bribes
and he's spending a lot of time blackdonalding so you know

Lily Evans: When did BlackDonalding become the accepted term for Sirius and Mary shagging?

James Potter: when they started telling us about it

Lily Evans: Urgh.

James Potter: gross

Lily Evans: Okay, but, getting back to the important thing.
It's just us from tonight until Friday?

James Potter: yeah unless you're not comfortable with that
in which case i can bring sirius back
i don't mind, i promised him a lot in bribes to make him leave and i'm not sure how i'm meant to arrange his dinner party with dostoyevsky he's literally been dead since 1881

Lily Evans: I'm extremely comfortable with being alone, thank you.
Am I staying in your bed?

James Potter: do you want to stay in my bed?

Lily Evans: No, I was thinking of bringing my triple-lock chastity belt and catching up on sleep.
It's not often that I get such a golden opportunity to share a bed with my extremely hot boyfriend, so I thought I'd ignore it.
Yes, I want to stay in your bed.

James Potter: only a triple-lock?
you could at least make it hard for me

Lily Evans: There's something else I'd rather make hard.

James Potter: okay no wait stop
i regret encouraging this
i'm stuck with my parents for the next hour
please don't get me excited
they'll definitely laugh at me if i get an erection

Lily Evans: Do you wear pyjamas to bed?
I normally do but it's so hot out lately, and I should really take into account the additional body heat from sharing with you.
Perhaps I should sleep completely naked.

James Potter: that's so interesting tell me more about these pyjamas
are they 100% cotton or a cotton blend or what?
how snuggly are they?
are they machine washable?
where did you buy them from?
do you have a onesie?
oh god
now i'm thinking about you in pyjamas

Lily Evans: Well that's fine, right? Just pyjamas.

James Potter: no lily
YOU in pyjamas

Lily Evans: Oh dear.
You've got one right now, haven't you?

James Potter: yupppppp
tried hiding it with the cat
do NOT recommend


Text Received from: James Potter

Sent to: Lily Evans, on Thursday, 23rd August 2018 at 11:36pm

...

James Potter: good morning i love you

Lily Evans: Good morning 3
I love you too!

James Potter: so i bought you a present
it's a surprise
i'm not telling you what it is
i can't wait to see your face when you open it
i am dead good at surprises

Lily Evans: I can't handle how sweet you are.
Why did you get me a present?
You know you don't have to spend money on me, right? I'm perfectly happy as is.

James Potter: you must have missed the 'good morning i love you' i sent not minutes ago
see that for explanation
it's a photo printer
a little one
to print photos from your phone like for example photos of us together that we can use to create a COLLAGE OF LOVE

Lily Evans: Wait what?
That sounds amazing!?
But far too expensive what on earth you silly thing?
I love you so much.
Also, I thought it was meant to be a surprise?

James Potter: i cracked under questioning

Lily Evans: I didn't question you.

James Potter: okay but you know that your beautiful face compels me to tell you everything
really i think that's part of the reason why i'm such a great boyfriend
i can't keep secrets from you

Lily Evans: Except for the two-year obsession.
That, you could keep to yourself.

James Potter: that was different i was afraid of rejection
nobody would reject a photo printer

Lily Evans: Don't you think that you would have been more assured of how I felt if you'd spoken to me once in a while?
Because I promise you, I wasn't subtle.

James Potter: don't you think i would have been more inclined to talk to you if you'd ever grabbed my ass in the corridor lily?
but you didn't and look what happened

Lily Evans: I distinctly remember asking to see your arse in the cinema.

James Potter: while you were on a date with mcnamee!

Lily Evans: Because I was trying to get over you!
Need I remind you that I have never, not once, hit on another guy while on a date with you.

James Potter: why would you when you've got the goods right here?
also you should have asked to see my arse in a more private location
the cinema is not the place for sexy antics

Lily Evans: Okay, well, you're a liar if that's what you're claiming.
What was the plot to Captive State?

James Potter: wtf is captive state?

Lily Evans: Captive State is the film we went to see on Saturday.
Remember Saturday? Five days ago?
What happened in the film?
Hmm?

James Potter: ...

Lily Evans: It's not a trick question.

James Potter: yes it is, we never saw that movie

Lily Evans: We absolutely went to see that movie, James.
I still have the tickets and email confirmation of purchase, which I am more than happy to send to you right this minute.

James Potter: have you ever considered
that i might have amnesia

Lily Evans: No.

James Potter: based on what medical research have you discarded this very probable theory?

Lily Evans: I'm going to tell Algernon that you lied.

James Potter: no he'll hurt me!

Lily Evans: What happened in the film, James?

James Potter: can't remember

Lily Evans: Why can't you remember, James?

James Potter: because i wasn't watching

Lily Evans: And what, James, were you doing instead of watching?

James Potter: ... sexy antics

Lily Evans: Thank you!
I knew we'd get there eventually.

James Potter: so what did happen in the movie?

Lily Evans: Not a fucking clue.


Group Text: Lily Evans, Euphemia Potter, James Potter

Created by: Euphemia Potter, on Sunday, 16th September 2018 at 3:21pm

...

Euphemia Potter: Lily, sweetheart, I think I accidentally left something in your overnight bag when I was packing sandwiches inside it this morning. Can you please take a look when you get a moment?

Lily Evans: Sure, I'll have a look now.
Okay, so I assume it's this condom packet with James's face on it?

Euphemia Potter: Ah, yes. That's the one. Hang on to it for me, will you?

James Potter: mother what the fuck?!

Lily Evans: Thanks I hate it.

Euphemia Potter: You will use capital letters when you address me, James.

James Potter: mOthER wHaT THe FuCK?!

Euphemia Potter: Consider it your punishment for neglecting to take out the rubbish.

James Potter: I was GOING to do that?
also joke's on you lily loves my face

Lily Evans: Not when it's splashed all over my contraception.

James Potter: lily nooooooooooooooooo

Euphemia Potter: I'm simply doing my duty as you mother. If you two must have sex I'd rather you do it in the house, and safely, not in a car like Sirius and that friend of yours, Lily. I can't handle seeing my son arrested for public indecency instead of something worthwhile, like murder.

James Potter: lily and i would NEVER have sex at all
let alone in the house
what are you talking about

Euphemia Potter: What am I supposed to believe you're doing up there? Playing hopscotch?

Lily Evans: Hahaha.
Twister, maybe.

James Potter: lily my belovedest
do NOT encourage the woman

Lily Evans: James, my love.
What am I supposed to do?
Lie to your mother?
That's hardly the kind of mother-and-daughter-in-law relationship you want to encourage.

Euphemia Potter: James, I've already caught you at it once. Lock your door and we'll have no problems.

James Potter: you said locking doors was a fire hazard

Euphemia Potter: Your naked backside has convinced me that I'd rather let you burn to death.

Lily Evans: It does make for a rather jarring sight.

James Potter: jarring?
excuse me?
this is a severe betrayal?

Lily Evans: Hahaha.

Euphemia Potter: Hahaha.

James Potter: i liked it better when you two didn't know each other