TITLE: Jack's POVs: Revelations
AUTHOR: Feli
EMAIL: author@sg1-place.de

CATEGORY: POV, Drama

RATING: G

SPOILERS: Revelations (duh), Meridian (both season 5)

SUMMARY: That single cough of Jack while he was cleaning his weapon really got me thinking. This is the first in the Jack's POVs series, I'm hoping that many more will follow.

STATUS: Complete
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The situations and original story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Okay, 100 points if you can guess that Kat betaed this... ;-)

Thanks, hon, for your excellent suggestion how to make a series out of this!

I can't believe I let him go. Just like this. Jacob didn't want to let him go, he wanted someone to tell him to heal Daniel, not to let him die. How could I let him go?

How could I not?

I'm still not sure it was real. *Talking* to Daniel and Oma in the gateroom. Maybe it was all in my mind. Well yeah, it *was* in my mind. But it was also real. Too damn real. Cause now Daniel's gone.

At the time it felt like the right thing to do. Daniel wanted to do it and he asked me to let him go. I didn't have a choice.

Or did I?

Unauthorized offworld activation. Oh for cryin' out loud. What now?

------------------

No, Carter, please don't! Not now, maybe not ever. No, please..

Damn it! Can't you just leave me alone? Yes, I know you're confused, I know you're hurting, but we have a job to do. Something else to concentrate on.

Fight, shoot some bad guys. It'll feel good, I promise!

I can feel her eyes boring into my back after I brush her off.

I'm sorry, Carter, but I can't deal with you now. Maybe later.

Much later.

------------------

I can't remember the last time I was so aware of cleaning my weapon. I mean I've done it thousands of times before and checking your weapon is not something that should be a source of comfort for you, is it?

But right now it is.

Wipe it down, put the cloth aside. Take up the magazine and slot it into place. It's familiar and no, I don't need McKenzie to tell me what the deeper meaning of this is. I killed my best friend last week and because he's not really dead, we didn't have funeral and therefore didn't have closure either. Oh yes, I did listen to what the shrinks told me after Charlie died. Just didn't care.

Two senseless deaths on my hands. And why have I suddenly developed this dry cough? I haven't been sick in ages, at least not in a traditional Earth illness kinda way.

I can hear Carter talking to Teal'c over there. She's still pissed with me for not talking and I suppose Teal'c isn't really a happy camper either. But what could I say?

'Sorry I killed Daniel but you know, it's what he wanted'?

And of course Carter would say 'But you didn't kill Daniel, sir, he died of radiation poisoning.'

Well, to me it sure feels like I killed him. *I* told Jacob to stop. And what if it was all my imagination? Wishful thinking? What if I didn't really talk to him in the gateroom? Then I killed him, didn't I?

Damn you, Daniel! Damn you for putting me in this position, for demanding of *me* to make this choice. God, I can even hear your voice.

'Who should I have asked, Jack, if not you? Was there anybody in the room you wouldn't have fought tooth and nail had they told Jacob to stop?'

No, probably not.

'And did you *really* want me to trust anyone else with a decision like that? Did you want me to burden someone else with that choice?'

No!

Oh, for crying out loud, now Daniel's even winning arguments I'm imagining in my head. This has gotta stop! I have a job to do.

Okay, this weapon is definitely in order now, no more excuses to delay the inevitable. I'll go out there, face Carter and Teal'c, and pretend like everything's alright.

Do my job, kill the bad guys.

------------------

Hey, what do ya know, we even saved some good guys, too! It's funny how one little mission can change your perspective on things. Nothing's really changed, I know that. Daniel is still gone and won't come back. But somehow I'm certain now that he has ascended. I did *not* kill him!

I feel better, maybe I can even deal with Carter, talk to her. Teal'c's already agreed to go out and have something to eat. It would be good if Carter came along, too.

------------------

Daniel? Was that you? Guess it was.

Yeah, I miss you, too. You were a good friend.

I know this is not the end of it, this won't be over for a long time. But it's a good start and tonight that'll be enough.

FIN

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