Morning After (a.k.a. the Drunk Kitsune Fic)
A Shinigami Stories Side Story
By Icka! M. Chif
"Aoko-chan!" A singsong voice sang as hands covered my eyes. "Guess who?"
I froze momentarily, the instinct to simply elbow who ever it was in the gut and run warring with the playful nature of whomever was behind me. "Kaito?"
"Pin-pon!" The hands disappeared and I spun, to face a large middle age man, who had obviously just gotten out of a bar. There was a small *pon!* as he suddenly seemed to explode, revealing Kaito dressed in torn jeans, tee-shirt and a4 heavy button down shirt worn like a jacket.
He also had his Kitsune ears and tail out. They twitched this and that, a large grin on his flushed face as he wobbled back and forth. I hastily swung an arm around him, keeping him upright before he could fall into the dirt. "Kaito?" I asked again. "Are you okay? You look... drunk."
"I am." He nodded stupidly, like a puppet with its head on a string. "Bartender thought it would be funny to give me spiked drinks. Didn't notice until my..." He trailed off to count, still swaying dangerously.
"What were you doing in a bar anyway?!" For one thing, we were both underage, no matter what his appearance was. I pulled one of his arms over my shoulders, propping him up.
"Third." He blinked, leaning on me... "Huh? Oh. Information for your father." With that he began to rattle off a long line of names and numbers that didn't make any sense to me, but obviously made sense to him. His voice was remarkably clear despite his erratic balance.
Then he trailed off, his face buried in my hair, almost purring and I got the feeling it had nothing to do with his balance. "Um... Kaito?"
"You smell good." He mumbled.
"Uh..." My mind went blank.
I could deal with him being half Kitsune. It wasn't that hard really. He was still Kaito, only just... more. I could even deal with him being the Kaitou Kid, even though it was often hard, dividing my loyalties between him and my father. But this... this was edging more towards the unknown... towards those feelings that made me blush red and chase him around with a mop to cover it up.
Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. Go over the facts like Dad taught me. I could deal with this. Even if he was really warm and felt kinda nice...
Alright. Kaito is currently drunk. Kaito is half Kitsune, and therefore is probably not going to act like most people do when drunk. Solution: I need to get him home, and someplace safe for this to wear off and for him to deal with the massive hangover he's most certainly going to have. Unless youko don't have hangovers?
Problem: Even sticking to the side streets, someone was bound to notice us, especially with those ears and tail of his. It wasn't that far after dark, and I still had dinner to get ready.
"Kaito?" I ventured. "Can you do something about your ears and tail? Someone's gonna see us..."
"Okay!" He cheered. He straightens, still wobbling on his feet as he pulled out a large white handkerchief and tossed it over my head. "One... two... three..."
He whipped it off and I found myself dressed in a red cloak. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around my neck as he rested on my back. "See?" He grinned. "We're on our way back from a costume party! Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf!"
That had to have been one of the crazier things he'd ever come up with. It was so crazy it just might work. "Okay. C'mon Kaito, lets go home before I have to carry you home."
"You could do it." He assured me, sliding so that he was at my side again, making it easier too walk. "You're strong. Strong like a horse. Mighty Aoko!"
I cast him an evil look. "If you weren't drunk, I'd hit you for that."
"You can hit me later." He nodded, giving me a friendly squeeze, and I just knew that my face was turning bright red from all the contact. Overly enthusiastic Kaito I could handle. Overly friendly was new. "Hmm... Red Riding Hood and the Wolf..." He leered at me. "Does this mean I get to eat you later?"
This time I did elbow him in the side. Not as hard as I normally would, but enough to make him stumble a bit and laugh. I wrinkled my nose at him. "Ugh, your breath reeks of alcohol..."
"Wine!" He cheered. "Yum... Aoko and wine... Wine and Aoko... Wine -on- Aoko... Oooo... "
He happily continued this train of thought in a sing-song voice as I concentrated on getting us back to my house, preferably in a non-erratic line and in one piece.
Fortunately, Kami-sama does seem to favour both the Kid and fools, and we got to my house un-seen. At least by anyone we knew.
I attempted to drop Kaito off on the couch so I could put away groceries, only to discover I couldn't un-tangle his limbs from around me. "Kaito? Could you let go? I need to put the groceries away."
"Don't wanna." He said sullenly, his eyes drooping as some of the maniac energy began to fade. He yawned, then suddenly straightened, his eyes sparkling again. "I'll come with!"
"No, it's okay." No amount of persuasion would get him to release his grip from me, so I ended up going into the kitchen and simply putting the bag into the fridge with him still hanging on me. He was slowly falling asleep, but fighting it in a manner that reminded me of a small child who doesn't want to go to bed yet.
I gave it up as a lost cause and headed back into the living room. Dad wouldn't be home until very late, and then usually went straight to his room to crash. And it wouldn't be the first time Kaito had spent the night here.
"Alright, Kaito. Time to let go."
"Yes." It felt like I was baby sitting a very large child. "It's time for bed."
He raised his head from my shoulder to look at me. "Bed?"
"Sleep." He agreed. "'Kay."
Before I could protest, he rolled us onto the couch, trapping me below him, his arms wrapped around his waist as his head rested just below my chest. "Sleep." He murmured, a pleased sound.
I froze, realising that I couldn't move. Kaito, my friend, who was a BOY, was laying on top of me. And he was very warm. But that wasn't the point. The point was that Kaito was a -boy-, and... and...
If he so much as moved inappropriately, I was going to tear his head off.
Several tense heartbeats passed, and he didn't, seemingly content just to...snuggle.
I sweatdropped. Okay... Kaito was also very very strange. Not that I was going to complain on that fact. What I was going to complain about was that if my father came home and found us like this, we were both dead.
"Kaito..." I tried to shove him off me, only to find that his grip was a lot more entangling than I had previously thought. "Kaito... get off me." I grabbed a throw pillow and hit him a few times in the head with it. That finally got a reaction from him, though not one I expected.
"Mmmmm.... smell s'good." He murmured, rubbing his cheek against me. "Love you."
"Eh?" Foom. Just like that. All thoughts gone. Bai bai.
"Love you." He repeated, lifting himself up to look me sleepily in the eye. "Smell good... taste good too?" He questioned, an innocent curiosity to his tone.
I couldn't have moved if I had had the brain power to. He leaned closer, so that our noses brushed, then his tongue flickered out like a cat's and he licked the tip of my nose. I nearly went cross-eyed, looking down at the tip of my nose. I couldn't believe he had just done that.
He let out a contented sound, like a cross between a hum and a purr. "Love you." He said again, leaning forward to brush his lips against my forehead. He drifted shut, kissing one eye shut, then the other. "Love you." His lips brushed against my cheeks. "Love you." Then the tip of my nose again. "Love you" and finally brushed against my lips in the barest of butterfly kisses.
With that, he curled up against me again, tucking his head between my neck and shoulder, falling fast asleep with a pleased sigh.
I just sat there, my arms loosely wrapped around him, staring at him.
That was NOT normal Kuroba behaviour.
Of course, he was also still drunk. I had to remind myself of this. For all I knew, this could be some sort of bizarre mating ritual.
...Best not to follow that train of thought...
There were only 2 people I knew to ask, besides Kaito's mom. She's a sweetheart, but somehow informing her that her son was drunk and asleep on me wasn't something I cared to tell her. It took a little bit of wiggling, but I finally got my phone out of my pocket and found a number in the address book and dialled it. The phone rang a few times, then a friendly voice picked up on the other end. "Moshi Moshi, Mouri Detective Agency, Ran speaking."
"Moshi Moshi." Well, that was another thing legend got wrong, I noted vaguely. Kaito said 'Moshi Moshi' on the phone all the time, and Kitsune weren't supposed to be able to pronounce it. "This is Aoko, Kaito's friend from O-bon."
"Aoko-chan!" Her voice brightens immediately. "How are you doing?"
"Well enough." I glanced down at Kaito, ruffling his hair a bit. He purred, a contented sound. "I have a question for either you or Conan-kun, since you have a bit more experience with youko, if that's okay."
"Certainly." She assured me. "Is everything alright?"
"I think so." I paused, trying to figure out how to phrase my question and found myself blurting the first thing that came to mind. "What do you do if a drunk Kitsune kisses you?"
"Uh... er, hold on." She pulled the phone away and I could hear her call for Conan-kun. The small boy came and she repeated the question.
"If a drunk Kitsune kisses you?" I could hear him echo, a mature undercurrent in his youthful voice. "Well, Dad usually kissed her back..."
That wasn't a help. The phone was passed and Conan's voice came over the line. "What did Kaito do now?" He wanted to know in a long suffering tone.
I explained what had happened, leaving some things out (such as what he had said before falling asleep, I wasn't going to tell that to -anyone-), and he listened, asking a few questions to clarify some points. Finally he paused and chuckled.
"I wouldn't worry about it." He assured me. "Mom always got a bit crazy when around wine too." There was a brief mumble, something about ' dressing him pink frilly lacy dresses', but I wasn't completely sure before he cleared his throat. "Usually when she was drunk, most of her self restraint went out the window, not that Mom had much to begin with."
Kaito did, which would explain why his behaviour was so odd to me. It was rare that something got thru his masks enough to ever -react- to it. If he did react, it was usually muffled thru the layers of masks and control he had wrapped around himself to keep his secrets safe. Heck, he even reacted to my discovering his secrets with an amount of tact and control that would have surprised even his mother.
Ran's voice called from the background, someone named 'Kazuha-chan' wanted to know where he was now.
That sent the blood rushing to my face as I stammered, trying to come up with something quickly. Conan's dry tone cut thru my small mental panic. "He's curled up around you, isn't he?"
"He's using me as a pillow, yeah." I admitted.
"Mom likes to cuddle too." He assured me. In the background, Ran squealed over how cute that was and demanded a picture. Conan muttered about them being idiots. I was inclined to agree. "Don't worry too much." The boy said in a confidant tone. "Talk to him in the morning after you both wake up. Although I will warn you that once a youko has fallen for someone, they don't like to let go."
Yeah. He could say that again. It probably would break a few crowbars to get me out of his current grasp.
Ran shouted something in the background, causing Conan to laugh.
"Thanks for the help." A yawn caught up with me, causing him to chuckle. He gave me his mother's favourite hangover recipe and hung up. I turned the phone off, and had just enough presence of mind to pull the blanket that was folded over the top of the couch down over us before drifting into a light doze, my fingers still playing with his hair.
I woke feeling very warm, very comfortable, and like someone had shoved a pair of month old gym socks in my mouth then decided to play the Happy Hardcore version of Anvil Chorus on speed in my head.
Not a happy thing to wake up to.
What ever I'm curled up around is much more interesting to focus on anyway. It's soft and warm, and smells good. Like orchids. Aoko smells like orchids too. We like Aoko, she's good to be around. Even if she does have a mop. But she's got a good sense of humour and she's really loyal and we love her to bits.
Not that we can tell her that. No, no, no... that goes into the 'Do not tell Aoko' pile because even though she's nice and pretty and funny and is okay with the fact that we're not quite ningen and we're the Kid that would probably be the one thing that could drive her away and we'd cry. No, no, no. Much better to not say anything and stay her friend because it's better to just to be her friend than scare her away even though it hurts sometimes.
Gentle fingers run thru my hair, soothing the pain away. Feels good. Would purr if my throat wasn't so dry.
I'm laying on top of Aoko, wrapped around her like a blanket.
"Kaito?" Aoko's soft voice whispers in my ear. "Can you let go of me now?"
Shoot me, stuff me, mount me, put me in dress and call me Shirley. I am dead. I am beyond dead, I'm in the next world.
My brain gets past the pounding enough to inform me that this probably isn't the first time she's asked this question. I open my eyes...
And promptly curl up into a little ball of kitsune-ish misery as the dim light pierces my eyeballs like an ice pick.
Aoko takes the opportunity to un-tangle herself and stand up.
Then turns around and opens the window blinds, letting in the fresh morning light. I pull my tail over my face. Nice tail, good tail, muffles the light.
As well as the sound of the radio that she turns on in the kitchen. Music loud. Bad. Anvils have stopped playing the Chorus and have taken up skip rope in my head.
Things stabilize to a somewhat calmer level of pain as Aoko rummages around in the kitchen. Still hurts, hard to think.
What the hell happened last night?!
'kay... went to the bar. Got the information I wanted... drinks were spiked, that's right. Bartender thought it was odd that someone of that size was ordering non-alcoholic drinks.
That would explain the hangover. Actually much smaller than that illusion...
Left bar... staggered into Aoko.
Oh dear... I did not tell her that she smells good.
I did. Crap.
Also dressed her as Little Red Riding Hood and hit on her... Kinda amazed that she didn't punch me for that eating line.
Food does not sound good right now. Stomach is queasy... ugh.
I made a complete and total idiot of myself, hanging all over her like that, yes I did. Ech. What else happened? Geh, bad pounding, go away. Trying to think.
And my head hurts. eeeee. If I ever find out just who's playing with the anvils like that I'm gonna drop a few on them and show -them- how it feels. ow.
Kitchen... she said it was time for bed. Didn't want to let go, so I...
-did NOT roll her onto the sofa too. Argh!
Note to self, do not think loudly. Stupid anvils.
Why can't I have pink elephants visit or steal traffic cones like everyone else? But noooo... I have to snuggle up to the girl of my dreams, kiss her repeatedly and tell her I love her.
I did not do that.
I am SO dead. Dead dead dead dead DEAD. Décédé, gestorben, defunto, falecido difunto, tod, bukkosha, gone, passed on, no more, bereft of life, perished, reposing, 6 feet underground, joined the choir invisible, this is an ex-hanyou, see you in the next life, thank you very much good night!
My stomach lurches as the scent of Aoko's cooking drifts over. Eggs. And bacon. With just a little bit of cheese. Normally, this would have me running into the kitchen pestering her for a bite, but currently the smell makes me want to go running into the bathroom to loose the contents of my stomach. That is, if I thought could currently run. Ugh.
She must -really- hate me.
Can't say as I blame her, but couldn't she wait to torture me until -after- my body finished torturing me first? There should be an order to this sort of thing. First my body, then Aoko, and afterwards I can berate my self for being stupid. See? Logical.
Wait... what is she doing now?
No, please no no nonono... Don't come over here, don't sit down there, not -there-, not next to me with that food!
Ooh... I think I really am going barf...
"If you get sick all over the sofa and floor, I'm not cleaning it up." Aoko informs me loftily.
Stupid stomach, stupid alcohol, stupid omelette, stupid bartender, stupid me, stupid stupid stupid STUPID.
I'm not gonna get sick. I can face the cops, snipers, robots, sorceresses, mysterious organisations and escape un-scathed. I'm not going to let something so STUPID get the better of ME.
-at least that's what I'm going to tell myself until the nausea passes... ooooh...
I swear she's eating that slowly just to torture me. Of course she is. Aoko's a very sweet girl, she just happens to be a violent maniac as well. And right now I'm not sure who I'd like to strangle first, the people playing with the anvils in my head, the tadpoles in my stomach or Aoko with that thrice cursed food!
Can just see it now: Phantom Thief goes to jail for strangling girlfriend with an omelette. No your honour, I wasn't drunk at the time of the killing, yes your honour, I was getting over a hangover at the time. Not a judge in the world would convict me.
Right. No sarcasm there...
Not that she's my girlfriend. Not after last night anyway...
Maybe she's trying to kill me with the scent of food, bright sunlight and J-pop music. Yeah. That sounds about right.
.... I think she's really mad.
It's one thing to be close friends with someone who'd not completely ningen. But be romantically involved with one? Nah-uh. Never going to happen. Full blooded youko have been killed for daring less.
She moves off the sofa, and I whimper a bit. Great. Now she's gone to get an axe or something...
A few hours sleep and I could deal with this minus the hangover.
I can't fall asleep. Not until I know what's going on in Aoko's head. Not that I ever know what's going on in her head, but still-
A hand taps me on the shoulder and I nearly jump out of my skin. "Can you drink anything?" Aoko asks, her voice even.
I crack open an eye to peer at her. In her hands, she's got a large glass of water and a couple of painkillers. She's got a closed off look on her face, and it's next to impossible to read her. I reach out and take the glass, pleased that my hand isn't shaking that much. "thanks." I croak.
She nods and walks off, closing one of the blinds on her way out. Shade, blissful shade. The room's still too bright, but better than before. I groan, moving so that I'm sitting up in order to drink. Lapping water out of a glass works, but tends to be fairly messy.
There's water running upstairs, and the sounds of someone brushing their teeth. I lean my head back and focus on keeping both the water and the nausea down. If I'm lucky, she'll be in a mood to talk. If not, maybe I can just pass out for a little while.
She walks back into the room and sits down next to the sofa. "I take it you don't remember last night." She says neutrally.
I open my eyes a crack, watching her thru my lashes. "On the contrary." I swallow, trying to get moisture to my parched throat, despite the fact that I just drank most of the glass of water. "I remember everything."
Aoko blinks, a blush dancing across her cheeks. "Everything?" She echoes.
"Near perfect memory recall." I say, closing my eyes as the world decides to flip flop. "...Even when incapastiated."
She squeaks. "Everything?!"
I'd chuckle if it didn't mean moving. "Everything."
She eeps. It's an amusing sound, but doesn't help us out right here.
... what is it about Aoko that makes my defences crumble? "What happened?" I ask, my voice cracking. I clear it, trying again, this time sounding less feminine. "... after I uh, um.. fell asleep?"
"On me?" There's a fighting edge to her voice and I don't think I completely suppress the wince.
"Well, let's see... I ended up calling your cousin, the one from O-bon, because I wasn't sure how being drunk would effect your youko half. He said that you were okay, just that your self-restraint was gone and that you'd probably wake up with a hangover."
That was true. But she didn't really need to know that, did she? I made a mental note to drop Shin'ichi off a bridge at my earliest connivance. Or do something really mean to him with my doves. I'd figure it out later.
"So I hung up and tried to get some sleep since you wouldn't let me go-" I crack open an eye again and noticed that she's blushing at that. "-when Dad came home."
Oh... shoot my monkey.
"He just looked at us and wanted to know how long this had been going on." She looked slightly chagrined. "Then he changed his mind and wanted to know what took so long. I don't think he was completely awake, because he just stumbled upstairs to sleep. I covered up your ears, so I don't think he noticed anything odd."
Whew. Bless you, Aoko.
"He mumbled something about wanting to talk to you later on his way out this morning, too." She added thoughtfully.
Joy. Something -not- to look forward to. Receiving 'The Talk' from Nakamori-kun. Lectures, ugh.
Should I say that I have a problem with authority figures?
Besides, I'm more worried about anything the Inspector's daughter might do than anything the Inspector would threaten.
She continued. "And then I got a phone call from your mother. Evidently Shin'ichi called his mother to double check, and she just happens to be friends with your mom."
Crap. And Aunty Yukiko is one of the biggest gossips around, and youko just -love- to gossip.
"What'd she have to say?" I'm almost afraid. Almost. My mother and Aoko talking about me. Not good.
"Um..." She blushed again, suddenly finding the floor fascinating to watch. "She'd love to be a grandmother and all, but she'd prefer to wait a few years before that happens."
I nearly fall off of the couch. "What?!"
Aoko turned a brighter shade of red. "And then she proceeded to inform me of some of the more... interesting things that she and your father had done."
Pounding anvils in my head or no, I openly stare at her, barely conscious of my jaw just about hitting my knees. There are some things I REALLY don't want to even think about. "I don't need to know."
"You're telling me!" She snaps, the fire back in her eyes. "I don't think some of it's possible! Even -with- a tail!!"
.... My mother is corrupting Aoko. My sweet innocent Aoko. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
Will debate on that later. Much later. Especially the tail comment.
"Anything else?" I squeak, aware that my voice is probably a full octave or two above normal range. One of the problems of having a really vocal good range, when I'm panicked, it can go all over the place. Usually up, making me sound like a little kid. And my head is starting to really pound again.
"Well..." She takes a breath, calming down even though she's still blushing red. "After I finally got her off the phone, Hakuba-kun called to say congratulations on finally becoming an official couple and to say that it was about time."
"Hakuba?" I'm squeaking again, not quite as high as before.
"Hakuba Saguru? The wanna be Sherlock Holmes? Mister 'I-Have-No-Life'?"
She's loosing the blush for an indignant look. "Yes, the same Hakuba-kun we share classes with."
"How did he..." Okay, can't say he 'found out we're dating' because we're not technically dating and my head is starting to throb something fierce making it really hard to figure out a different way to say it.
"You know, I'm not sure..." Aoko muses. "But after that I turned off the phone and went to sleep."
I close my eyes again, leaning my head against the back of the sofa and re-cap out loud. "So your father, my mother, probably most of the youko population of Tokyo by now as well as any one who they know and might possibly remember either of us and Hakuba Saguru all believe that you and I are dating."
"Yeah." She doesn't sound exactly pleased. "That about sums it up."
I screw up my courage. "So... would you like to? Go out sometime? On a date or something... sometime... you know..."
Smooth Kuroba. Real smooth. You're the freaking Kaitou Kid for goodness sakes, you should have been able to come up with something better than THAT!
And she's so quiet.
I think we screwed up big time...
Now she's never going to talk to me again, much less -see- me and-
"Huh?" I open my eyes to look at her as she rises and walks over.
Aoko makes an annoyed sound and shoves me so that I'm laying down on the couch again, my tail hanging off the cushions. I'm complete lost. She could be getting ready to shove a stake in my heart for all I know.
Instead, she lays down beside me, resting her head and one arm on my chest. "I didn't get much sleep last night-" She yawns "-because I was acting as someone's pillow. So now it's your turn to return the favour."
"Oh." Sounds fair. "Okay."
Aoko snickers sleepily and snuggles closer, letting out a soft sigh as she relaxes against me.
She never answered my question.
"Ask me later." She yawns, shifting so that her hair tickles my nose.
I brush it back down, knowing that it'll find it's way back up to annoy me sooner or later. My hair probably did the same thing to her, so I'm not going to complain too much. "You're not... mad?" I venture, feeling silly.
She giggles again, twisting to look up at me. "I would be..." She admits slowly, with an amused look. "If I thought you didn't mean what you said."
"Oh." Can't argue with that logic.
"Besides." Aoko leans up and give me a quick peck on the tip of my nose. "Love you too."
She blushes and quickly ducks back down, hiding her face in my shirt. I'm pretty sure there's a shocked expression on my face as the pounding anvils in the back of my head disappear in place of a happy little something or another jumping up and down shouting 'Pretty girl! Likes me! Likes ME! Wowowowow!!!'
Then I grin and cautiously move an arm to rest over her where it's comfortable. She doesn't protest, and instead makes a contented sound, giving one last sigh before relaxing completely and drifting off to sleep.
I think the answer to my question is 'yes'.
"What do you do with a drunken kitsune? What do you do with a drunken kitsune?
Throw him on a sofa with the Inspector's daughter, Throw him on a sofa with the Inspector's daughter! Ear-ly in the morning!"
"She's really a very sweet girl. She's just a violent maniac." -Kasumi's line about Akane from Ranma½. Fits Aoko too.
'Pon!' is the sound effect for a magical transformation. Same with 'Don!' and 'Bon!'.
Kaito's 'dead soliqouy' is a combination of the word 'deceased' in what ever languages I could get off of Babelfish, plus whatever was amusing from the theasaurus and Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch.
Aoko was orginally going to be fairly sweet about his hangover.
Then Erika from work started regaling me with tales about hangovers and dealing with people after hangovers. Then 'Neechan suggested hitting him for falling asleep on her (it's what she'd do).
And suddenly Aoko gain a bit of a sadistic streak... So you can blame them for it. *applauds*
Drunk Kaito was easy. Hungover Kaito required a bit of a sinus headache on my part to finally write.
Thanks to Magik for the name!!! ((GLOMPS!))