Hello! This is me trying to get back into writing. I want to work on my own works but I can't inspire myself to do it, so I decided to turn to fanfiction again for the time being. First OC fic ever published. Constructive criticism is welcome, unkindness or rudeness is not.
Disclaimer (The only one I'll be posting this whole story): I don't own Twilight or any of the character, except for Gwendolyn. I just like to play with the story.
Warnings: Dark themes, Blood, Language, Death, and possible mature content. 18+ is advised.
"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived."
- Neil Perry, Dead Poets Society
"We want you to go spend time with your uncle."
I could understand that. Things weren't going well with my health as of late, and my family knew I had only a limited bit of time left.
"We already contacted Charlie," Janette said softly, reaching out to grasp my hand. "He was more than happy to take you in. He regrets only getting to spend time with you a couple times a year, he would love this chance to make up for lost time."
Charlie Swan. He was the best uncle any girl could ever ask for. Even when his sister, my mother, passed away while giving birth to me, he'd loved me like I was his own child. Sadly, after my birth and sudden orphan status happened, during the process of trying to gain custody over me, his wife, Renee, divorced him. He had to start dealing with his own divorce and custody rights over my younger cousin, Bella. He was the only family I had left, and when he'd been unable to take me I had to be put into the system. I could see in his eyes every time we visited each other that he regretted not fighting harder for custody of me.
"You don't have to go, Gwen," my adopted father, Lukas, said from across the room, his arms folded over his chest. I could see in his eyes that he would prefer I not go, that I spend my last moments there with them. "Charlie would understand if you decided to stay here… But it would be good for you to spend some extended time with him…"
The machine on the table beside me beeped, and I slowly removed the nebulizer mask from my face. The breathing treatment had helped the shallow breathing I'd been experiencing, but only so much. It opened up my lungs enough to make the action a bit more comfortable.
"I want to go," I said softly, and I could see the disappointment in their eyes. "I want to get to know Charlie and Bella more before… I can always have Charlie call you guys when it happens. Then you can be with me, too."
Janette's eyes were shimmering with tears. "We love you, sweetheart. Of course we'll be with you. We will always be a phone call away. And this is the furthest thing from a good bye."
I smiled, swallowing my own emotions. Stop. I've come to terms with this. I'm wasting my time if I spend the last bit of it crying.
Lukas' shoulders dropped, and he walked forward to place a comforting hand on his wife's shaking shoulder. "Come on, Jan, we need to go prepare the flight. I can take care of the twins so that you can go there with Gwen for the first week."
Janette beamed at her husband through the tears, her face grateful and a tad lighter. "Thank you…"
I smiled at the two, and eased myself up and out of the kitchen chair. I could feel their concerned stares burning into the back of my neck as I walked out of the kitchen as normally as I could. I made my way into the living room, where the twins sat, pretending they hadn't been perched at the entry way and eavesdropping. I could tell by both of their faces that they'd heard everything.
Sierra was frowning, her face concentrated as she worked to fight her tears back as she stared at a blank spot on the wall.
Eric was sitting in the lounger, glaring at me, his arms crossed over his chest in a fashion very similar to his father. "You're leaving us!"
I cocked an eyebrow, plopping down next to Sierra. "I need to spend time with them, they're-"
"Not family like we are!" Eric spat out. "They may be your blood, but we've been your family more than they ever were!"
Shaking my head, I placed a hand on Sierra's leg, and she quickly took it. One tear slipped out of her façade, and her lip gave a quiver. "I know you two have only met Charlie sparingly, but he's a great man. A good uncle. Besides, I want to know more about my mom. There's so much more I need to ask him about her before I have to go."
Eric's eyes softened a little, but his glare didn't leave his face. "What are we supposed to do without you?"
Sierra then burst into tears, and I quickly tucked the younger girl into my arms, letting her get her emotions out. Truly, these two were my siblings through and through. Like Eric said, even though we weren't blood, we were just as good as any other family.
"Staying with Charlie and Bella won't be my end, and I'll come visit," I said, smiling. "And when it's time, you guys can come stay with me until it's over."
I brushed Sierra's cropped blond hair away from her face, and her tear stained face peaked up at me, her mascara running. Girl was only thirteen and knew more about makeup than I ever would. She was brilliant at it.
Looking back at Eric, I saw him sigh in defeat, a sign he couldn't keep holding on to his anger anymore. "Okay… We.. We'll miss ya, sis."
I smiled, feeling an ache in my heart that I knew wouldn't go away for a while. But, I wanted and needed to do this.
"I'll miss you, too."
The whole plane ride, I was itchy. I couldn't help it. My skin sometimes would crawl and scream for relief, like something beneath the surface needed to come out. It used to only happen a couple times a year, then once or twice a month, and now I was lucky if it only happened once a week. And, of course, it happened while I packed in on a plane with people all around me, like a tin of sardines.
Janette pulled out a small tube of lotion the second she saw me start scratching, which was the largest they'd allow us to bring on the plane even with all the hassle having to explain my rare condition. She squeezed a large dollop into my palm, and watched helplessly as I rubbed it onto both hands and began coating down my red streaked arms.
God, it hurt. Everything was on fire. Why did this have to happen now? The lotion only helped for a moment, but minutes after I'd be right back to square one.
Go away go away go away, weird disease. I'm getting stared at. I pleaded in my head, knowing that there was no one listening.
The woman across the isle from me shifted uncomfortable in her seat, trying to edge further away from me.
"What, is your daughter some sort of tweaker?" A man seated behind us scoffed, obviously having seen me start to scratch.
Momma bear mode came out, and Janette perched herself so she could look him in the eye. "No, she's not. But I'd suggest you keep your comments to yourself, for they are unwanted. My daughter has a rare condition and that's all you even remotely deserve to know," she growled, turning away from the man's stammered apologies.
Ah, there it was. Now, those who'd heard what she had said were no longer watching me in disgust, but pity. I couldn't stand that much better, hating those stares.
Jesus, Janette. I know you're protective but did you need to say all that?
I pulled my jacket back on, hoping the clothing barrier would help me stop scratching. I was clenching my fists so tightly in my lap that I could feel my nails breaking skin.
As the pilot came over the intercom and told us we'd began to descend into Seattle, I couldn't help but breath a large sigh of relief. As my ears popped with the dropping pressure, I felt my skin slowly begin to settle back into itself. I couldn't wait to see the number I'd done on myself this time, feeling some of my skin still stuck under my nails.
Janette rubbed my knee comfortingly, and I looked to her. I so admired her. She was a beautiful woman, still young. Her hair was a dirty blond, the same color the twins had gotten from her. It was wavy and beautiful, and when the sun hit it right you could see all the shades of blond and brown mixed into the strands. Her skin was lightly tanned, and without a single blemish. Add slender, emerald eyes into the mix and it wasn't hard to see why Lukas had fallen in love with her.
She was strong. When the doctor's told her that she and Lukas would have a very hard time conceiving, she instantly enrolled for foster care. When I ended up with them, it was almost a year after that she found out that she was pregnant with the twins. Thinking back on it, it was a miracle she'd kept me, let alone adopted me. I was almost three at the time, and she was going to have children of her own. But her and Lukas kept me, and raised me alongside the twins as their older sibling.
"Gwen, the plane has landed," Janette said softly, shaking my shoulder.
I snapped back to reality and saw we were the last two on the plane, the attendants at the front smiling patiently at us.
We quickly exited the plane and found the baggage claim. We stood with the other fliers, waiting to spot our bags come by on the conveyor belt.
I'd just pulled my second and final bag from the belt when I heard someone calling my name.
Looking over, I spotted my uncle Charlie weaving through the crowds of people, decked out fully in his sheriff uniform.
"Uncle Charlie!" I grinned, and raced into his arms.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, kiddo," he chuckled, holding me gently. "Let me do the running next time. But, I suppose you're a little more graceful than Bella."
I chuckled, knowing well of my cousin's infamous clumsiness.
Charlie pulled away, holding me at arms-length, giving me a full once over. He'd told me several times before that I was the spitting image of his sister. Russet brown hair in a tumbling mess of cork-screw curls, and the traditional Swan family brown colored eyes.
"You look great, Gwen," he said, but I could hear the note in his tone that said he could also tell I wasn't getting better.
My skin was always pale, but as of late it had become nearly white. The lack of pigment looked sickly on me, and there were dark circles around my eyes almost all of the time. There was no meat to my body, like I was wasting away. It was strange site, especially when you looked at pictures of my younger self and saw that I had leaned more towards the curvy, chubby side. Not anymore. My ribs were visible and my hips were nearly jagged without any cushion on them.
"Ahh, Charlie," Janette said, joining us now that she'd collected her bag off the conveyor belt. "It's so great to see you!"
They hugged, then pulled away. "Good to see you, too, Jan. I'm glad you could come stay for a bit."
Charlie stood awkwardly for a second, scratching the back of his head. "Well, it's a bit of a drive home and I'm afraid it'll be late by the time we get there. Any sort of take out you ladies are hungry for?"
I grinned cheekily at Janette, who gave me a tight lipped stare. She tried hard to feed me everything healthy, to try and build back my proper body fat and muscle. Lukas was the one who usually slipped me the occasional cheese burger or milkshake when her back was turned. Now, she could see that Charlie would be my enabler and she wouldn't be able to yell at him.
"McDonald's sounds fantastic, Uncle Charlie," I chirped happily.
Janette and Charlie chatted away in the front of his police cruiser, while I insisted on sitting in the back. It was kind of funny to think about people being arrested and held were I sat, but I really didn't mind too much. I was sure Charlie had the thing cleaned from time to time.
With a stomach full of fatty, mystery meat chicken McNuggets, I was feeling exhausted. I willed myself to fall asleep, desperately. It so much time and concentration to do so anymore, I was lucky to get three or four hours a night. I don't know I made due with it, but I had no choice.
However, the combination of the flight, full stomach, and gentle hum of the cruiser on the road lulled me into a gentle sleep. A couple times I stirred, once when Charlie had to make a sharp turn to get off the interstate and once more when I felt him carrying me into the house.
Janette and Charlie spoke softly, thinking I was still asleep, as Charlie laid me down on what felt like a couch. Someone removed my shoes and then a thick, soft blanket was laid over my form.
I waited until they'd moved to kitchen to open my eyes, sighing as sleep was seemingly lost to me now. Staring at the ceiling, I wondered how this new place would treat me. I'd always loved visiting Charlie in Forks, but usually when Janette and Lukas arranged our meetings, they had him come visit us in Montana. The change of scenery would be a welcome change, however, because in my mind Montana had too few trees for my liking.
I quickly feigned sleep once more as Charlie and Janette walked past and then went upstairs, obviously so that he could show Janette her room.
Rolling over to face the back of the couch, I sighed. Guess this would be another night of waiting for the morning to come.
Janette was very sad to leave, I could tell. As I settled into Charlie's home and the week grew shorter, she got more suffocating. While she was a very loving mom and person in general, I was almost ready for her to go. I couldn't even walk out the front door to explore the property without her wanting to tag along.
Now, she stood at the front door with Charlie, hugging what life I had left in me, out.
"Oh, I'm going to miss you so so much," she whispered, giving my forehead a kiss.
"I'll miss you, too, mom," I said. "Take care of Lukas and the twins. Lord knows what kind of state the house is going to be in when you get back."
She giggled. "Oh, I know he's probably spoiled them rotten. Better go whip all three of them back in line," she said with a wink.
I nodded, and she gave a sigh. She leaned over and enclosed me in another hug. Soon after, Charlie had her out the door and in his cruiser to take her back to the airport. I could tell that she wanted to linger more, had more things she'd wanted to say. But I think Charlie could see that it was overwhelming me, that I need to get space.
I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, and stared around the empty house in contemplation.
Well, nearly empty.
I stared at the stairs, frowning. During my first week, I'd rarely seen hide nor hair of Bella. And when I did, she looked like she'd just watched a dog die. Charlie had explained to Janette and I about her boyfriend, Edward Cullen, moving with his family because his father got a better job. But he told us he expected the break up was more rocky than just a move, because when Edward had left Bella had become a little more than a shell. He'd warned us to avoid using Edward's name if we could, because it seemed to upset her more when he and his family were mentioned.
Feeling bad for my cousin, I contemplated what I should do. I could go outside for some fresh air, or see if I could provoke my cousin into talking to me.
Deciding on the latter, I walked to stairs. Staring at my obstacle with determination, I checked my pocket to double check that I had my inhaler there still. After confirming that it was still tucked into my jacket pocket, I began to pull myself up the stairs.
This is why I had to live on the first floor of basically anywhere. Even though my body was, indeed, weak, it was my lungs that made too much movement hard for me. Even ascending one set of stairs too quickly could take all the air out of my sales and leave my completely breathless. It was extremely frustrating, and just plain pitiful.
Come on, Swan. I grit my teeth, seething out a labored puff of air. I still had half way to go.
I mentally cheered when I reached the top, but I almost instantly had to pull out my inhaler and take a couple puffs. Leaning against the corner, I let myself catch my breath. Better than stumbling into Bella's room with my face going purple.
Wouldn't that be a sight. I gave a mental chuckle.
Summoning my strength, I realized this was my first time upstairs the whole week I'd been here. Charlie had changed a storage room on the first floor into my bed room, and it was right near the first floor bathroom. I'd never had a reason to make the ascent upstairs until now.
I turned to the first door I found and tapped my knuckle against it. "Bella? It's Gwen. Can I come in?" I asked in a loud voice.
I hear nothing from the other side and frowned. Maybe she was ignoring me? Or just didn't feel like talking. But, damnit, I didn't make the dreaded climb up to get rejected.
"Bella!" I said loudly. "Can I please come in? Stairs are hard, and I'd like a good distraction before I have to try and use them again."
"Uh… Gwen?" a voice said from behind me.
I flushed, and swung around as fast I could. Bella stood in the doorway of the room across the hall, which meant I had been knocking and shouting at an empty room.
"…I knew that wasn't your room, I was just testing you," I blurted.
Bella looked at me blankly, but the corners of her lips twitched upwards.
I mentally cheered. I'd made zombie-Bella smile! Well, as close to a smile as I was going to get from her, I believed.
She shuffled, biting her lower lip, then made room in the doorway. "Come on in."
I smiled at her brightly, making way into her room. Instantly, I loved it. A gentle purple color seemed to be the main theme, but with a touch that just screamed Bella. A bit of close strewn about, a full book shelf, and computer older than I was setting on an oak desk in the corner. Very earthen and classic, like I always remembered my cousin to be.
Frowning, I noticed the chair plopped in front of the window to her room, the one that looked out at the front of the house. It was very out of place, and sat there purposefully. Had she just been sitting in the chair, doing nothing up here?
I turned back to Bella, who was rubbing her arm awkwardly. "Uh.. You can sit wherever, sorry about it being messy."
"Messy, my dear Bella, is fine with me," I said, pulling myself onto her queen bed with a small noise of effort. "Life is best with a little clutter. When stuff is too organized things aren't quite as fun."
She watched me with those dead, brown eyes and for a moment I was reminded of a dead deer. Whenever Lukas and the twins went hunting, they usually bagged at least one doe a year during the winter hunting season. And when they'd bring it back, sometimes I'd hangout with Lukas in the garage as he skinned and bled out the deer. And they all had the same dead, glassy eyed stare my cousin was giving me right now.
Good grief. All over a boy?
Bella walked over to her depression chair and paused, before turning it to face me and then sitting down carefully. "Did you need something, Gwen?"
I shook my head, languidly stretching out on her bed. "Not really… I wanted to talk to you. I haven't seen much of you since I got here."
Bella blinked slowly, and I kept think about dead deer.
"I… I'm sorry, Gwen. I'm really not going to be much fun to hang around… I'm trying, I am," she said in a strained tone, and I had a feeling she gave Charlie the same excuse a lot.
I stared at my cousin. "Bella, let me be frank with you."
Her face straightened, and I think she was trying not to glare at me. "Listen, Gwen, Ed-.. he, he wasn't-"
"I don't care about that," I said sternly, and she looked like she'd been jabbed in the gut. "You have your right to mourn your feelings. I'm not going to tell you not to do that. But, hear me out."
Bella watched me with sad eyes, and I could tell she was trying not to relive whatever pain was haunting her.
"I'm dying, Bella," I sighed.
She stared at me, then nodded softly. "Charlie… he told me. Lukas and Janette don't think you'll make it another year."
I pursed my lips. Well, Janette and Lukas hadn't told me that exactly, but I could've guessed as much.
"True, I probably won't," I agreed. "My body is rejecting just about everything that doctors have tried to fix it. It rejects food, I'm getting weaker by the day, and I'm only getting my days worth of breath when I take at least three treatments a day and keep an inhaler at my side."
"I'm sorry," she said, and I almost snorted at how strained she sounded.
Shaking my head, I continued. "Don't be sorry. I just want your help."
"What could I possibly do?" she whispered, brows furrowing.
"Help me live, Bella," I said. "Ever since this started four years ago I've been sheltered like a half cracked mirror. I love Janette, Lukas, and the twins with all my heart. But with them, I would've died like a caged bird. I want to experience things before I go. I'm eighteen years old and I've spent the last four years doing nothing but spending my life in and out of hospitals. I want to live before I die."
Bella looked at me, her eyes tearing. "I don't know, Gwen, I… I."
"You need this, too," I said, sternly. "You're withering away up here, Bella. I'm not asking you to make a one-eighty. I'm asking you to try and to come with me while I live."
She was practically gnawing on her lip, eyes cast down to the floor.
"If not for me, do it for Charlie. He loves you a lot, you know. He just wants to see you start living again," I said softly, knowing I was playing quite the dirty card against her.
Bella looked back up at me, and for the first time since I'd got her, her stare was less like a dead deer's and more like a human. A sad human, but human, none-the-less.
"What did you want to do first?"
Humming softly, I gently trimmed the stems of the roses in my hand, smiling as I placed them into the vase in front of me.
It was in the middle of helping Esme arrange flowers in the kitchen when the vision hit me with the force of a storm. The stained glass vase in my hands shattered, not because it'd been dropped, but because I'd squeezed it much too hard in my super human grasp.
The world around me faded away, my vision ebbing into fog as I delved right into the force of the vision. I could see someone staring at me, but she was blurred like a bad photograph. Her face was like a blank slate, not a single detail revealed to me. She was holding onto someone, someone I knew and loved dearly, and they were both giggling happily.
Bella was clutching the girl to her side like they'd been best friends their whole lives, but my enhanced sight could see that she was actually supporting most of the girl's body weight, like she feared that the girl would just drop if she let go.
Black shrouded them, and suddenly I could hear machines beeping and buzzing. The hum of electricity felt alive in the air, static tingling at my fingers tips and through my body. The beeping sounded like medical equipment, but I could be for sure. I had no sight in this vision, so I listened, instead.
"How can this happen, Carlisle?"
It was Jasper's voice, sharp and strong as he seemed to be interrogating our adopted father.
"I had no idea that this was even possible."
Carlisle's voice sounded curious and awed, like it usually did when he discovered something new or was learning something unknown to him.
Suddenly, while they were still talking, I doubled over like I'd been punched in the gut. My legs and arms felt like it was itching, burning. Something was trying to crawl out of my skin. It hurt so badly, I'd never felt anything like it. I needed to scratch, I needed to make it stop.
I was screaming over the sound of their talking, unable to take any of it in as I desperately tried to pull myself out of the vision.
All the sound whooshed away like a vacuum had been opened, leaving a starling silence for just a couple seconds, and everything around me suddenly turned on, like a light switch had been flicked. The pain was instantly gone, and I was standing on a large and tall root of a tree in a lush forest, watching the scene below me unfold.
The blurred girl was there, but she was no longer needing the support of anyone to stand. She was running through the forest, just as fast as us, and weaving through the trees like she was dancing. Peals of bell like laughter followed her like a trail, and she sounded like a bird freed from a cage. She was so free, and I could feel a grin stretching on my face as I felt her joy surrounding me.
A very familiar figure was chasing after her almost lazily, but he was smiling. Jasper watched the girl attentively, his honey eyes darkened as he followed the girl.
I felt a pang in my heart as it dawned on me what the vision was telling me, and I laid a hand over my chest. I watched them from the tall tree root with mixed feeling, a small smile on my face as I watched Jasper start to chase the girl like he was stalking prey, her contagious laughter floating through the wind.
Everything began to ebb away, and I felt myself resurfacing from the vision fast and loud, like I was being practically thrown out of it.
I almost wanted to gasp as my real sight came back to me. I was sitting in someone's lap, no longer in the kitchen but in the living room. All the family sat around me, look at me with concerned faces. All of them, but one, who I could tell was still upstairs in his room.
"Are you alright, Ali?" Jasper asked, slowly releasing the hold he had on my waist.
I popped out of his lap and began to pace, my brain a buzz of thoughts and emotions.
"You were mumbling in your vision, Alice," Esme said softly, her golden gaze shining with concern. "I've never seen you do that before."
"I've never felt one so intimately before," I admitted, seeing Carlisle cock his head.
"You felt pain through the vision?" he asked quickly.
I nodded. "I think I was someone else. I was in their body, and they hurt so badly. It felt like the change but so different. I don't know what to think of it."
"Who was in the vision?" Carlisle prodded.
My heart clenched, and I felt Jasper's power shower me with a wave of cool, careful calmness.
"A girl I'd never seen before. I saw… I saw Bella, briefly," I admitted, sadly.
Edward was down the stairs before I even finished saying her name.
My brother was quite the sight to behold. His eyes were nearly black, because it had been over a month since he'd hunted. His clothes were wrinkled and I knew for a fact that he hadn't changed out of those since his last hunt, either. They didn't stink, since vampires don't sweat, but it was still a tacky move on his part.
He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, his dark eyes on me. "Alice…"
I put my hands up in a defensive motion. "I wasn't looking for her, Edward! I swear! I know what you asked and I have honored that. But seeing this girl… Obviously she involves us all, Edward. Otherwise, I wouldn't have seen it."
He stared at me, then looked away, his dark eyes reflecting pain. He moved like he was about to go back to his cave of a room and hide, when Esme tentatively reached out from her position on the loveseat to touch his hand.
Flinching as though burned, he stared down at our mother. "Esme…"
"Come hunting with me, son," she said with a watery smile, her concern shining through. "Please."
We all watched him for his response, especially Rosalie, who felt he was being a child. If he refused Esme now, Rose was likely to try and rip his arm off. She blamed him for how the atmosphere of the house had felt since we'd arrived here. She wasn't like to let him get away with making our mother sadder.
"Okay," he said softly, and she beamed.
I wanted to thank her. I know she did it for Edward's health, but also that I could talk to the family about my vision without him interrupting every time I even thought of Bella's name.
The two were suddenly gone, and I heard them jumping over the river just behind the forest line. Soon, they were out of hearing, and mind reading, range.
Sighing with relief, I began to explain to the rest of the family about my vision. I left out the last part of it, knowing that I would have to talk to Jasper about that last bit when we were alone. I explained how she was completely shrouded to me, not fully unlike Bella, at times. While Bella had been fully immune to Edward's power, I could still see her in visions, most of the time. Sometimes she was more blurry and hard to see, but I'd never had her full hidden from me.
After I was done, I could see the family contemplating.
"I say we let this go," Rose finally said with a shrug. "Edward's not going to want to go back to Forks, he's determined on this. If she was that important, I think you'd have seen more than just that. Besides, just hearing some stuff isn't really worth it. Maybe you accidentally latched onto Bella's future and this girl is her friend. Maybe the pain you felt was her dying. It happens. She's human."
Emmett place a arm around Rose's shoulders, and she stopped. She knew Emmett wasn't happy about leaving Bella, either. She'd been a friend to him, nearly like a sibling. And while Rosalie, herself, couldn't understand Bella and thus disliked her, wouldn't say more to prevent further upsetting her mate.
I pursed my lips. It's true, Rosalie could've been right, except for the last piece of the vision. That was solely about the girl, and about Jasper. There was no denying the importance of it.
Instead of arguing, I shrugged. "Maybe you're right… Jas?"
My husband was up in less than a second, standing right behind me. "Yes?"
"Let's go hunt," I said with a pang of sadness, feeling his large hand enclose around mine.
I could feel the spike of curiosity he forced at me, and I understood that he knew that we needed to talk. Privately, away from the family.
We walked out the front door and ran in the opposite direct that Esme and Edward went, our hands intertwined.
Fate truly was a cruel and strange mistress, it seemed.
Okay, so here was chapter one. I did skim over a couple times for proof reading and I'll do so a couple more times again while tying to write the next chapter. Sorry for any errors, I tend to type fast and a bit erratically when I'm actually inspired to write.
Please drop a review, even if it's just some help. I will be trying my best for this fanfic.
Thanks for reading!