Title: Of Arrows and Curses
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Rating: PG 13-ish
Summary: This story is MOST DEFINITELY AU. For one: Elrond doesn't have a wife in this fic. Nada attachments. :D And two: nothing that happens in this fic could possibly happen in a real LOTR universe! LOL. Okay, on with summary. Aragorn, Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas all go on a hunting trip. When something goes wrong, they manage to tick off a wizard, and have a curse put upon them! Will they survive?
Archive: Just ask!! :D
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTRs. I own ~nothing~. Although I really wish I did. REALLY wishing I did. Perhaps I could buy Aragorn from Tolkien? *pout* Or not.

Thank go to: Rhonda, who read over parts of it and told me if it sucked or not. Kar, my wonderful beta, who also gave me the scenes for the very end. And the people who actually read/like the fic! :-)

A/N: Dear god, it's DONE! DONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONE!!!!!! *ahem* Slightly ... lost it now ... but that's okay! One less fic to worry about! :D LMAO.

NOW, on with the chapter!


Day Eight

Aragorn mumbled to himself as he woke, wondering why his bed was so hard. Rolling over to find a better position, he gasped as he realized he wasn't *in* his bed. He was in a tree. The keyword being *was*. And falling out of a tree the first thing in the morning is not high on to-do list.

Hitting the ground rather hard, he groaned out loud, shaking the fuzziness from his brain. Stiffly standing back up, he brushed the dirt and leaves from his shirt, and figured out ... he had no boobs. His boobs were gone. He suddenly felt very happy, yet very sad at the same time.

"WOOHOO! I'M FREE!" Elladan screamed, jumping from the tree.

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "There is still that matter of ... our reputation. Elbereth, I'm glad we did not do anything really ... drastic." He fingered the holes in his ears, taking the studs out. "And remind me to kill Legolas."

"Sure thing, brother." Elrohir snickered, then looked at Aragorn's face. He paused, then started to choke.

" Uh ... 'Ro? Are you okay?" Elladan asked worriedly.

"F-f-face paint!" Elrohir snorted, falling back on his arse laughing uproariously.

With a raised eyebrow, Elladan looked at Aragorn, then back to his brother. He shook his head. "Come, you two. I can only imagine what image the three of us look like. Let's go wash this off before anybody else sees us."

Grabbing Elrohir by the scruff of the neck, Elladan dragged him out of the woods and towards their home. As they passed one of the many walkways leading out of Rivendell, they caught sight of a very familiar blonde head, walking towards the gate.

"Legolas?" Aragorn moved in front of his friend, stopping the Mirkwood elf's walking.

"Hello, Aragorn." Legolas said in a very flat voice.

"Are you okay, mellon nin? You look ... off." Aragorn did not know how, as Legolas was dressed in his usual clothing. He also had several weeks of supplies on his back.

"I'm fine, Aragorn. I'm just going on a very long vacation." Legolas replied in the same tone.

"A vacation. Where are you going, exactly?" Aragorn's eyebrows rose.

"I don't know, really. Somewhere where there are no females. Perhaps I can go join the Ents in Fangorn ... or maybe the dwarves." Legolas blinked, then scowled. "No, I'll be in Fangorn."

Aragorn laughed. "Well, have fun, my friend."

Legolas nodded, muttering something about "solitude", then left without another word. Aragorn stared at the retreating back, wondering if Legolas still harbored any ill feelings towards him or his brothers. After about ten seconds of contemplation, he decided that yes, the elf probably still would like to see their innards hung from a flag pole in the courtyard.

Aragorn yawned, heading in the home of his father to wash and catch a good nap. He had not slept properly since this whole ordeal began. As he strolled through the hall, he stopped by a balcony, hearing a very familiar voice.

"Elladan, Elrohir." Glorfindel said from below the balcony. Aragorn grinned, leaning over the stone to hear better.

"Glorfindel." Elladan sighed.

There was a heavy pause, then,

"I trust the curse is gone?" For a moment, Aragorn thought, it sounded as if Glorfindel's tone was ... nervous. Surely not, though. Not from the legendary balrog slayer...

"Alas, Glorfindel, we have been cursed for the rest of our existence here in Middle Earth! It makes us weep-"

"Yes, weep," Elrohir added, sounding a bit choked up.

"-with sorrow."

"I-i-it's not gone?!" Aragorn smirked to himself. The blonde elf now sounded positively panicked.

"No, Glorfindel, it's not." Aragorn heard a loud sniff. He had to hand it to them, the twins were laying it on thick.

"Imagine that. Well," Glorfindel continued, "I have received a summons from Lady Galadriel. She needs ... uhm ... something. Tell your father I will be back ... sometime. Farewell!" Aragorn saw a flash of blonde hair, then was greeted to the sight of a horse galloping out of Rivendell at top speed. Once Glorfindel was out of hearing range, the twins started snickering to themselves, congratulating each other profusely.

Rolling his eyes, the young human continued on his trek to his room, determined not to let anything stop him. He was, however, deterred once again as he saw Erestor knocking on Elrond's door.

"Is something wrong, Erestor?" Aragorn frowned.

"Your ada has locked himself in his room. He refuses to come out and threatens me with death of the worst kind should I force the door open. There's also a guard downstairs - a male guard - convinced that he has a date with Lord Elrond tonight."

Aragorn opened his mouth to say something, then slammed it shut. Shuffling forward and leaning tiredly against the door, Aragorn banged on it (with his head).

"Ada! You can come out now!"

"No. I am *never* coming out. Ever. Go away."

"Fine. Stay in there! See if I-" Aragorn was cut off as a bird flew through a nearby window, hitting him in the face. He coughed, sputtering a few times, and spit out several large feathers. The bird cawed, glaring at him as if to say "that was your fault!".

"Evil animals." Aragorn muttered, eyeing the letter attached to the bird's foot. Maybe, just maybe, if he walked away fast enough-

"Are you going to read that?" Erestor asked, taking the letter from the impatient bird. The small animal cawed once more before flapping madly, pecking at Estel's head as he flew off.

Aragorn grumbled to himself as Erestor unfolded the letter, skimming over it. He waited for the inevitable explosion, then-

"Lord Elrond! There's a letter for you, signed The White Wizard!"

Faster than Aragorn could blink, the door was thrown open and he fell through it, landing in a heap at Elrond's feet. Rubbing his backside as he stood up, he groaned. Elrond looked like a wreck. His hair was sticking everywhere, there were bags under his eyes, and Aragorn could have sworn he saw a grey hair or two.

Moments later, Elrond flung the letter to the floor (where Aragorn noted, the effect was lost as the paper floated gently to the stone underfoot) and stormed back into his room. He slammed the door with enough force to rattle the nearby trees; it stopped just inches away from hitting Estel in the head.

"The first person that bothers me shall be used for a target the next time Glorfindel is furious!" Elrond's yell was followed by a crash, and lots of cursing.

Aragorn growled, annoyed with the whole situation. His eyes trailed to the letter and, after telling himself it was a mistake, he picked it up. Aragorn read:

"Elrond, 'Lord' of Rivendell,

So, the curse is gone! I ... dearly ... hope you haven't completely alienated yourself from the whole of Rivendell. Being female for a week was complicated, I'm sure. Maybe now your sons have learned to respect their elders, and if not, I'm sure another punishment can be arranged!

I have been thinking of vacationing in Rivendell; I'm sure that you won't mind. You'd never notice me. I may be there next spring, with a few friends.

Hope you are able to get your life back to normal, if possible!

The White Wizard"

He slowly folded the note, slipping it under his father's door. Without a word, he calmly walked past Erestor, who stared dumbfounded at Elrond's bedroom.

The elf blinked, turning around. "Estel! Where are you going?"

"To my room, to rest for the night and pack. Then, I'm going into the Wild to join my fellow Rangers. I may be back in a few years."

Erestor stood there for a moment, then started laughing. "For a moment there, I thought you were serious! As if you would really leave me alone with him!" Aragorn winced as he let out a high pitched giggle.

Noticing the look on the human's face, Erestor abruptly stopped laughing. "Wait! You are kidding, right?"

Aragorn looked away, shrugging to himself. "Well, my brothers are staying..."

Aragorn ignored the terrified expression that blossomed on Erestor's face, and continued.

"Nevermind. You're a grown elf, completely capable of taking care of yourself." Aragorn cut Erestor off as the elf opened his mouth to speak. "And no, you can't take a vacation right now. With Glorfindel in Lothlorien - for a long time, I might add - and my ada missing his sanity, Rivendell would fall into the hands of the twins. That would be disastrous, to say in the least. No, my friend, you must stay, and take care of Imladris." Aragorn clapped him on the shoulder, almost sending the elf to the floor.

Then with a cheerful "Namaarie", Aragorn rushed to his room. He had the feeling that he would not be back in Rivendell for a long, long time.

Yeah, the end was a bit rushed, but oh well! It's done! LOL! Hope you all enjoyed it! I did enjoy it somewhat, even though it got a bit long and drawn out near the end, LOL. *hugs readers* Thanks for the great reviews!


Hiei-Rulez - LMAO! Yes, sunbathing Elrond is a very twisted disturbing mental image. Haha! And *stares at Aragorn, Legolas, Elrond, and the twins* Aren't you guys supposed to be suffering somewhere? *g* Yes! I agree! The squirrels are EVIL! LOL!
Actresschikmoiinimladris - Thank you! I'm glad you like it! :-)
Dae - No, I did not forget about you, haha! I just got busy with other things that ... weren't really more important but they caused my writing to slack up. Haha. Chaos? *g* I love chaos! LOL! Cause lots of it and be evil!! >:-)
Tribalbutterfly - The *funniest* you've *ever* read? *blinks slowly* LOL! Thank you, even though the talent is used for other and slightly more disturbing things most of the time. ;) And yes, I've always wanted to look at a male and go "why don't YOU grow boobs for once!" and snap my fingers, and make it happen. *sigh* If only they could really feel the pain ...
SilverKnight7 - Update? Alrighty, here ya go, haha! :-)
Lyn - *shrug* It's an AU fanfic, anything can happen, haha! And thanks for the info on vasectomys, even though it's a bit more than I actually ever wanted to know, LOL. I do not claim to be a doctor, so most of the medical things in my fics are inaccurate. I got the idea of a vasectomy from "Whose Line Is It Anyway", when one of them were singing "vasectomy, vasectomy, snip snip snip!". *g* Thanks for the review!
Christy the Badger - Died? No, I don't think the world is that lucky, LOL. Hope you enjoyed the fic! :-)
aquitaineq - Thank you! :-D I did have plans for Legolas doing just that, but decided to switch it all around at the last moment. *sigh* Oh well ... there's always room for a sequel ... *winces* ... *ahem* forget I said that, haha!
Bry - LOL! *amusedly watches Bry dance around* And thank you! :-) Glad you think it's awesome. *watches Elrond* So that's where he is when I'm not writing ... huh. And all this time I thought he was perfecting his bullet-time moves. ;) LMAO at the review! :-D *hug* So glad you like the fic! :D
DragonFire30 - Eep! *dodges the lunge* LOL! So glad that you like it!!!! :-D
Coolio02 - *chuckles at the "O.o"* Happy to know you enjoyed it! :D And I hope this is soon enough, haha!
Little-lost-one - Thanks for the review! Here's the last chapter! :-D
Dark Angel 4523 - Yeah. I think if I were turned into a male I'd be going a little more than nutzo. (Excuse the pun, haha!) Glad you like it though! :)
LegyLuva - Well you didn't have to wait as long as last time for an update, I'll give you that, haha! Yeah, Aragorn with pierced ears is funny. *snicker* >:)
Shauna - *watches as Shauna dies* EEP! *looks at lawyers* GAH! *has Legolas revive her*
Legolas: You want me to do what?...
Trin: Revive her!! *looks frantically at lawyers* NOW!
Legolas: Why should I? Why should I possibly do anything for you after all you put me-
Trin: Does the word "sequel" mean anything to you?!
Legolas: ...........right *revives Shauna*
*snicker, ahem* Glad you like it so much!!!!!!! :-) And yeah, poor guys, curse has worn off and they're all missing sanity! LMAO!
Insane Elven Pirate - Glad you love it! And I hope this is soon enough! :-) Thanks for the review! :D
Elrohir Lover - Yesssssss, I love evil. Evil is just ... me. LOL. Glad you like it!
Estel Elven Enchantress - LMAO! Glad you like it so much!!!!! :-) And yes, Poor Aragorn! Poor all of them, haha! And *does a jig* I know, I'll never have to update this again. Haha. The thought is elating yet saddening at the same time. ;) That's what I call "mixed emotions". LMAO. Thanks for the review and glad you like it!

Well, that's all for this fic! If you like this last chapter any at all, I'm still accepting reviews. *Wink wink* Thanks for sticking with me in the lack-of-updates period, and I am glad I got so many good responses from this fic! Thank you ALL! *hugs and cookies to everybody* Well, until the next fic I guess, haha! *flies off into the horizon*