It was my first time coming home to Andy, when I swore my life to him. I treated him like he was my own son. I was there when he needed me most, when no one else was. I'm Woody, the guy who runs the bedroom when Andy's gone. I'm an immigrant and a troublemaker. I'm I'm good at helping with other toys problems. Mr potato head needed help with his salad. He was a potato, a plastic one at that. I have no idea how to help him with that. So I don't always know how to help, but I always try to. Rex asks me to come home tonight and I will do it. Hamm asks me if I'm a little girl and I don't know. Bo peep asks me if I'm not a fan of the movie Ghostbusters (1984) and if it was the best way to get my life back. The questions they asked were weird. Everything changed however on this one summer day. I sat on the couch with Andy watching Cartoon Network. This was back when it was good and not awful. It was his birthday and all he ever wanted was a go-kart. It would've been the best toy ever and I would've been so jell but I knew it was unlikely. Lets just say Andy's moms job didn't pay well. I saw things at night while Andy was asleep. It was disturbing. After breakfast I played a game with Andy, Tony Hawk pro skater 4 for the GameCube. I beat the hell out of his high score. He wonders why its always WOD at number 1. Andy is a pussy and weakling, but man do I love him. I once got him a engagement ring but he threw it away. That cost me a good few hundred that ungrateful dummy. The other toys are jealous of our relationship. Mr potato head calls us homos. He's an asshole. What I would give to shove his mouth up his ass. As I'm drinking my morning coffee I overhear a conversation coming from the living room. Andy's having a harsh argument with his mother. "I wanna go-kart" he yelled out. "I'm not buying it just so you can throw blue shells at the neighbours". Andy called out a retort "dad would". Andy's mom paused with a look of shock regret. She stood there for a moment remaining silent. "I didn't know, oh okay you can get a go-kart". Andy's face light up and ran across the house with adrenaline. Clearly Andy only said that to get his precious car. Andy was a prick. He laid me down on his bed and ran out making beep and boop noises. I knew this wasn't good. This was a kid who was pretty much getting a working car. What child wants to play with his toys when he has that. This called for a meeting. I wore my best suit for the occasion, I dressed up as a cowboy, I thought it would make things a little quirky and relax everyone. Everyone else were wearing suits which made the situation very awkward on my end. I cleared my throat and began reading my notes. I began to speech. "We're fucked" I walked off for dramatic affect. A riot appeared on my bed of people wanting information. I gave everyone a goofy smirk and pretended I was sleeping. This hilarious exchange lasted until my mortgage investor Hamm suggested to blow up the go-kart with a bart-zuka. A toy Andy got last Christmas which blasted a nuclear bart and caused a massive explosion. It was too dangerous as we would die with it. Suddenly we heard the door ring. It was Andy's friends and they were here for the birthday party. Of course I begrudgingly let them in. I whispered in their ears "Andy's my friends, you mess with him and your dead" there faces went from happiness to shock and they walked off silently. Woody was a better parent than Andy's bitch faced mom. Woody went back into the room and took a nap waiting for the party to be over. Suddenly Woody heard a large cheer and woody knew he was screwed. A go-kart came crashing threw the room and crashed into everyone. He killed Rex, bo peep was wrecked and Mr potato head lost an eye. Woody was pissed off and told Andy off, but he didn't listen, because he was a toy, an immigrant. He immigrated from the wild west and because of that he has dreams of snakes in his boots. It was a serious problem but often unaddressed by the other toys. It was clear now. This day had made it all too clear. Woody had been replaced with a go-kart. He got the red shell and now his ass was on fire. The pain was inhuman, it was in-toy.

You've got a friend no more

You've got a friend no more

Maybe once but not anymore

You've got a friend no more

Some other folks may be none the wiser

To Woodys dark past, maybe

But none of them were ever nicer

Than Andy man, the guy at hand.