5. Title: Constant
6. Summary: As I stared into the blazing embers of my personal hell, heaven, or whatever you may call him, I couldn't help but remember the day when I decided to join him again after my infamous "rebellious period". It made for a good cover story but was utter bullshit.
7. Pairing: Edward/Jasper
8. Rating: M(sexual and language)
9. Word Count: 6k
10. DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.
As I stared into the blazing embers of my personal hell, heaven, or whatever you may call him, I couldn't help but remember the day when I decided to join him again after my infamous "rebellious period". It made for a good cover story but was utter bullshit.
1931, Chicago, Illinois
"What's your name?" he drawled with a lazy grin.
"Anthony," I said while tracing his collar.
As usual, the mortal was dumb enough to interpret his body reactions as lust; I knew the real reason behind the tremor that went through him.
And why not? I was certainly something that he should fear, but as I said he was dumb.
I was about to lure my prey when I saw a familiar shock of blonde and with the next whiff, my assumption was confirmed.
'Why is he here?' The pathetic side of my forever seventeen years old mind mused.
This side, who wanted and wished that the blond God, who was my creator and once lover, was here for him, to beg for his heart and love. He was naive and was unaware of how harsh and cruel the world is, how he wasn't fortunate and blessed enough to have his wish.
But he will understand, with time he too will realize it.
I had sworn not do it again. To not fall for his sincere and pleading amber eyes, but I failed. Just like in all the other phases of my life, I'd failed.
I don't know if I am a masochist by nature but I must love pain. Maybe it's true since I can't name or remember anything other than the burn, the pain, maybe it's just my attempt to assure myself that I am not alone, I'm not empty since the pain is something that has always been there, a constant.
Don't get me wrong, I've seen the joy and even experienced it on some occasions, but those were a time that is no longer mine. They belonged to the human, Edward Masen. I'm just a creature who may look like him but shares nothing with the teenager who loved to eat crisp apples and play the piano.
If I'm being honest, even the vampire newborn, who lived with the good doctor Carlisle Cullen was better, not content, but better. Again, I am not that newborn anymore.
I am nothing. Not even an anonymous face.
I mean, what can I say about a vampire who is depressed from hunting humans, yet not strong enough to resist it, I'm just a freak, who is cursed with the ability to live with something as dark as a swirling sea of inner minds constantly sweeping over me. God must have hated me enough to not only punish me with this existence but also with the ever-present torment of silent confessions of both the living and the dead around me. I must have done something terrible to have deserved this fate.
I don't have many memories of my human life but I do remember my loving, human mother telling me about how God loves all of his children. I used to think I was his child too, but apparently, I was wrong. I was still searching for the answer when Carlisle slowed to a stop in front of a mansion. It was a modern and bright construction, another contradiction. I really don't think I'll ever find the answers I seek.
As my sire tugged my arm, I felt a fraction of what I had tried to bury during my exile: Want. I tried to probe his mind to see if he felt something, anything. But Carlisle was master in blocking his thoughts; it was fascinating but also frustrating that he was successful in building that wall that was always there, always. It never cracked, never ever. I knew that he was a gifted shield, but Carlisle had the ability to control his shield. He could expand, retract, shape and mold his gift at will. Carlisle pretended, as even I try to pretend, that human blood was the reason I left. Even my reason, the motherly and beautiful reason, Esme knows that it's only a pretense. After all, we were once human, we love the illusion.
I'm still not sure why I came back, maybe to reacquaint myself with my constant, but still, I shouldn't be here.
Pain is still maintaining its loyalty to me, though. And, I'm somehow grateful for it, as it's still far better than emptiness.
1933, Rochester, New York
I can't help it anymore, the low chuckle that left my mouth. Even my sire was stunned, but I didn't know what to do other than to laugh at my fate when he happily declared, that he had brought someone for me
Well, my gift was verbal enough when she realized that she was given this new life partly for me. I must say, Rosalie, looked beautiful even with the hatred coloring her features to match the scowl on her face. After the drama, I thought that it would be sensible and maybe comforting, for her to know the real reason behind my 'no'.
Maybe that was the reason I got to see the side that only Emmett saw of our Ice Queen.
I may not say it out loud but I was thankful for Rosalie's presence, even with her snarky comments she was the only one who made my existence a little more tolerable. People might not see, but Rosalie is loyal. Even Emmett thinks that Rosalie's brash with me because I rejected her, but in reality, she's brash with me because she knows that this is how my mind processes the pain.
This is why Rosalie never takes the offense I spew on her because she knows it's not really directed at her, even Carlisle knows that.
I was not distraught that my sire chose the loving Esme, over me. No, I was sad because I knew that she was not what she was pretending to be. I would have felt somewhat happy, maybe even peace that he had found what he deserved, but that was not the case. While Esme loved him, it was not what Rose felt for Emmett. Esme was not the angel that Carlisle worshiped, that Rose was for Emmett. Esme just loved Carlisle the way she loved everyone. I was hurt, yes but I was angry too because Carlisle had, much like the creature that he desperately tried to forget, lured Esme into believing what was never supposed to have been. Esme was everything except the soulmate that Carlisle thought he loved.
It was the reason I may not have relapsed but was becoming numb because of the intensity of Carlisle's efforts to dissolve the remainder of his taboo yet honest thoughts about the newborn telepath, his first creation. I was over the fact that I was just not enough for or him, that I was unlucky enough… that God just didn't love me and that I was truly punished. Honestly, how can I fault him when even the Loving God didn't want me?
Over time I just accepted that I was unlucky.
It was when I realized my craving for the one constant I had in life. Pain. I desperately wanted to feel it again, but I was afraid that my only companion too had left my side.
1950, Appalachia, USA
My biggest fear and also my biggest wish came true after Alice joined the family.
The little minx was irritating but full of life. With her around I realized something. If she was destined for hell, then maybe hell wasn't such a bad place.
She owned our hearts the moment she barged through the doors of the Cullen household, but what changed everything was that she owned the soul of the only other person who had challenged my theory of us going to hell. Esme.
With Rosalie, it was magical to see how Emmett accepted the bond she had initiated the moment she found him bloodied and half dead in the forest.
However, it was sacred, to see the two most human, at least in my opinion, creatures bonding for eternity. I had never experienced the feeling of wholeness but for a moment I did. I finally understood what my mom used to say about the Holy Spirit.
That was a time when I felt true hate, and I still can't believe that the source of my anger was directed at my creator.
But it was my first reaction when he welcomed his and Esme's new 'daughter' into the family, that was also the moment that brought me my wish. The moment Carlisle finished speaking, my senses were alarmed by the presence of another threat, well, actually the newest male vampire with stormy eyes and a mane of gold that covered his angel, archangel face and a moment later he positioned himself in a rather defensive stance between Alice and Carlisle.
Maybe I could have stopped myself but I had been struck by something deep when I realized the potential danger Carlisle was in. It was after I found myself under the obviously dangerous and experienced vampire that I realized the reason for my attack on this intruder.
I could have submitted to the much more dominant and stronger fighter but I was too focused on this exhilarating feeling of pain that I had missed so much. It was comforting to have my constant back again.
Looking up I was met by a pair of dark orbs. They were tortured, abused and full of pain. From that moment they became the source of my deliverance.
Jasper, as I came to call my escape, was the pure but unfortunate soul that paid the price of meeting the Mistress of evil and greed. Jasper took his time but explained how he was turned into such a soulless creature and how if it weren't for Alice, he would have lost himself to the darkness. He believed that he didn't deserve happiness but I knew the truth. I was acquainted enough with the fate that I knew that soon he would find his eternity, much like Alice had. He didn't know that I just wasn't lucky enough to have him for keeps. It was true that I trusted him and maybe even loved him, but we were not made for each other. This was something that Jasper and I both knew, as I was a telepath and he was an empath. We were doomed to always live with the truth; we were not blessed with the 'illusion'.
For the time being, I enjoyed the comfort as well as the pain mixed with pleasure that he provided. It was baffling that with the exception of Alice, we were successful in keeping our escapades a secret. With all the noises that Jasper elicited from me and vampire hearing, it's really a miracle that no one else found out. Or, maybe it was due to the scheming little pixie, who was aware of our arrangement since it wasn't possible to keep anything from the meddling seer of a sister. To rest of the family, Jasper and Alice were the perfect couple.
It was hard to watch poor, sweet Esme, who was battling between the need to claim what was hers and the sense of duty she had for her husband. I hated to witness her struggle and pain. She thought that she was careful enough to veil her thoughts and most of the time she was, but like everyone, she had her moments of weakness, when she revealed the cracks in her armor.
I had tried to intervene because it wasn't easy to watch two of the purest and kind souls suffer like that, but Alice stopped me by saying that it wasn't time yet. Esme wasn't ready yet. I was frustrated and that was what I told her, but she just smiled and kissed my cheek, telling me that she loved me. It was the only time I believed in that four letter word.
I remember how Jasper had made me forget everything after our first encounter, the day I learned that when you are with the Major Jasper Whitlock, even if temporarily, you belonged to him and him only.
Like I had anticipated, reality along with consequence of our bonds, souls and choices finally came home to roost.
2005, Forks, Washington
The chain reaction, as I call it, started with our arrival in Forks, the land of shapeshifters and other "mythical" creatures.
Our stay there was made memorable when the new girl, Isabella Swan, joined the Forks high.
Isabella Swan entered our lives with a bang, literally. The mousy girl was not only our Major's blood singer. Jasper had nearly lost it when she entered biology class and as the room had filled with her unique scent. Even my mouth pooled with venom, and it was nothing when compared with the magnitude of the effect it had on Jasper.
But the little pixie did her magic as the fire alarm suddenly went off and Isabella was dragged away by the diminutive sprite while I forced a twitching Jasper towards the forest by force. We were lucky to not have drawn attention while I dragged him away from the student population.
As fate would have it, it was also the same day that, while out hunting, Carlisle found Jasper brutally pounding into me after having pinned me against a tree. I don't know how Jasper or I never noticed his arrival, but it was only after our climaxes that we, or at least I, noticed Carlisle standing there with the darkest expression I had ever witnessed on his face in all the years we shared together.
I was like a deer caught in headlights, frozen naked and still.
I was still reminiscing about my past and our current position while staring into the blazing embers of Carlisle's when Jasper brought me back to reality and despite our situation snarled at Carlisle to leave us alone. It's strange when the dark look deepened on Carlisle's face. As Carlisle left, I was yet again stunned by Carlisle's ability to retain his mental block. I even tried to extract information about Carlisle's emotions from Jasper, but Jasper was also good with blocking me from what I wanted to know. In the end, I just accepted defeat and left their minds alone.
I was still scared, as absurd as it sounded; I was truly scared. If it hadn't been for Jasper, I would have stood there forever like that.
I was dreading going inside our, well, Carlisle's house but Jasper wasn't bothered in the least. It was as if he didn't care, and maybe he didn't.
When we entered the house I was shaking inside, and it was Jasper who pulled my stiff and shocked body into his strong one. I always felt safe with him but I was a little shocked that he was shielding me, defending me by simply accepting us. And again I wished I could have someone like him for keeps. I don't know why I felt the need to feel protected but I just did, maybe due to the circumstances, I was changed in. Before the transformation, I was scared and needy due to my parent's death and the disease that was killing me also. It's also true that in those last moments I had accepted my death, maybe that's why I craved it that much. Carlisle had told me that after the change our human characteristics are amplified into our new vampiric life, maybe that's why I'm like this, the ever frail and broken, barely adult teenager.
It was Jasper who had broken the obvious tension in the room with his words, "Yes. Yes, I am in a relationship with Edward and before anyone interrupts me, I want to clarify that Alice was fully aware of this fact." I ignored the flutter that Jasper's 'relationship' caused in my stomach.
Much to my astonishment other than Carlisle, everyone was quiet.
"What?! You mean that this was going on for a while?" Carlisle growled as I tried to hide from him.
Jasper drew me in even closer and snarled back before spitting out each word, "I don't think it's really any of your goddamned business but yes we were in a relationship since Alice and I joined you."
Esme only gasped, while the others remained still.
"What? You, h-how dare you to touch him! I'll kill you!" with that Carlisle lunged toward us, to only get tackled by Emmett.
"Carlisle, it's ok, I knew about them. I'm sorry for lying to all of you but it was supposed to be that way," Alice pleaded desperately.
I was really numb, not to mention shocked by Carlisle's behavior. I can fight anything, I really don't care about myself, but the only one I can't stand against is Carlisle. I would prefer to die than to ever fight with him. With Jasper, Alice, and even Esme's standing between us, I noted that they were aware of this, along with everything else that I thought I'd hid from them. Rosalie and Emmett were holding a snarling Carlisle away from the foyer as I finally registered the pathetic noises coming from my mouth. Jasper was trying to hide me, pulling me against his chest. I can only guess how ridiculous we looked in that moment seeing as I was barely an inch and a half shorter than him, but I have to admit, his "it's okay darlin'," and those rather intimate kisses on my temple were more comforting than anything I'd ever felt before.
The loud ring of Carlisle's phone interrupted before it was permanently silenced with the crunch of flimsy plastic and glass.
It was after three hours that the Carlisle I knew re-entered the foyer his mouth still twisted in a grimace, perhaps with disgust when he saw me sitting on Jasper's lap. Hell, I felt ridiculous but I needed it, I needed Jasper to keep me grounded for whatever was to come, even Alice was blank today.
"I want Jasper and Alice to leave the house," he declared out of the blue.
I don't know what I was expecting but it surely wasn't what happened next.
"No! They. Are. Not. Leaving." Avowed a creepily calm yet strong-voiced Esme.
I can't describe the atmosphere that surrounded the room after that, it was strange, completely tense and quiet.
During all this, I remained still, disgracefully hidden against Jasper, who was quite calm.
The next voice pulled yet another whimper from me mixed with a growl from Jasper.
"Oh? And why, may I ask!?" shouted Carlisle, "Esme, I can't allow them here, I just can't."
"Then I will leave with them," Esme said while looking directly at Alice.
"What?" gasped Carlisle.
Esme attempted to repeat herself, "I said if Alice and Jasper left, I will go with th-"
"Why?" Carlisle interrupted angrily
"Because I'm in love with Alice and she's my true mate," answered an equally ferocious Esme.
Other than Carlisle, yet again no one was surprised. Alice was grinning from ear to ear, while Emmett was happily waggling his eyebrows at a sour looking, but equally happy Rosalie.
Huh? I probed their mind to find that Emmett had a bet with Rosalie about Esme revealing her feelings today. Typical Emmett.
Today felt like I'd walked straight into the Twilight Zone.
My trance was broken when Carlisle lunged for Alice, only to be only tackled by an angry Esme. I was initially shocked her attacking Carlisle, and even more shocked when she slapped him across the face. I was sure I would have restrained Esme if it weren't for Jasper's iron grip, I looked at Jasper's face to see him shaking his head and sending me waves of calm. I accepted it gratefully. Esme was simply defending her mate, as was her right.
The slap brought Carlisle out of his rage and he blinked twice before standing up. Esme was across from him glaring and shielding Alice from him. It was comical, I mean Esme is this sweet and small thing, trying to protect even tinier Alice from Carlisle, a six-foot-tall vampire. Suffice to say Carlisle was shocked.
It was like Jasper was reading my mind when he started laughing. After all the attention was diverted to Jasper, I looked up to find him watching me with amusement and a raised eyebrow.
Oops! I forgot how in tune he was with my emotions, at least I made him laugh. With these thoughts I grinned guiltily at him while poking his dimples, this brought another bubble of laughter from him and then Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie and in a matter of seconds, the whole room was howling with laughter. It was strange and yet funny.
We continued this ridiculousness for about ten to fifteen minutes, only to have Jasper blurting out,
"I think I found my Singer, and the moment I saw her I nearly attacked her."
The chuckles again intensified and the room was again full of laughter, it was the most awkward thing I had ever seen, but we were at the mercy of the resident empath.
Finally, when everyone was quiet again, it was Carlisle who spoke.
"I'm sorry, I overreacted, of course, no one has to leave. This house belongs to everyone who is present here and they own it equally. I'm sorry I reacted so harshly but I was angry with all of you and I felt betrayed by the secrecy. I would have accepted you all if you have told me before but I just lost it when I saw Jasper with Edward. I want to apologize to you too Esme, I just lost my control after that declaration, but I understand. Sort of," He sighed, before continuing, "I will get used to it, but in exchange I want you to give me some time to adjust, please. And Jasper, I also understand your situation but I'm still not comfortable with what you and Edward did, but I will try to understand. I need you to clarify what you said about the human girl and being her mate. I thought you and Edward were…" he trailed off, very confused, not to mention embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Jasper had this glint in his eyes before he responded in a rich and brazen voice,
"What you saw was true, I was fucking Edward, hard, against the tree, and it's also true that you stood there for a solid time until we were done," He finished with a smirk, while I was sitting on his lap with a gaping mouth. I couldn't even utter a word, what the hell is the matter with my self-confidence today? Today is turning out downright bizarre.
Till now everyone had kept their thoughts to themselves but Jasper's statement opened the floodgates.
'Wow, Jasper sure has a dirty mouth.'- Rosalie
'Oh, that was hot, shit! I missed it.'- Alice
'I'll have to talk to Jasper about foul language in this house.'- Esme
"TMI! Dude!" shouted Emmett, being both transparent and verbal.
Again Carlisle was the only silent one. I really wished I was able t read his mind, if only for one time.
It's been five days since the incident on Monday and things are still strained. Carlisle has essentially shunned all of us after fleeing the debacle on Monday. I haven't even caught a glimpse of him after the whole thing, and honestly, I can't blame him.
With all the sporadic and heavy emotions Jasper left on Tuesday for an extended hunting trip.
It took all our persuasive powers to stop Jasper from leaving here altogether after the Bella debacle and the clash that ensued after Jasper's proclamation.
Whilst Alice and Esme have advanced significantly in their lives and bond, Jasper and I, on the other hand, have grown distant. Things just aren't the same. After the fight, Jasper had quietly detangled himself and left me alone. I just sat there, processing everything that had suddenly changed around me.
Before Jasper's declaration about us, while we were not labeled, we're close, our pseudo-relationship was far more relaxing than this. It's like Jasper's finally realized that I was not worth it. I don't really blame him though.
Although I was forlorn I still had my constant, my pain.
Due to the strain, Esme has allowed us to take this week off from school, granting we all knew that it was more for some 'smexy time' as Alice had called it. She really is a nutcase.
I can't blame Esme though. It's a miracle that she controlled herself for this long. Even though I am happy for them, I can't take the smexy time thoughts from my four, sex-crazed family members. They have surpassed even my tolerance level with their direness, and that's saying something.
I was still lost in my thoughts when I felt him. I was sure at first that it was Carlisle but seconds later Jasper entered the living room quietly and with a nod hurried toward his room.
I was still confused when my thoughts were interrupted by a graphic view of Esme. Jesus! With a groan, I fled as soon as possible to get out of range; I was scarred for life now, God! At least with Carlisle's shield, I was safe from this torture.
I returned back to the house only after Sunday night. I by no chance wanted a repeat performance of yesterday.
The whole week was strange and the atmosphere was awkward. Carlisle was still avoiding us, Alice and Esme were making goo-goo eyes at each other, Rose had been scolding Emmett while he was giving her 'bedroom eyes', and lastly Jasper shuffling around for some time and then slipping away. I imagined that he was suffering from the onslaught of emotions, at least I am not alone in my thoughts. The irony.
Surprisingly enough, School was interesting this week, after desensitizing himself with his Singer's blood, Jasper was a lot more in control around Bella and I was really impressed by his ability to maintain it.
Well, Jasper has always been in control.
I drug my mind back out of the gutter. I was starting to seriously consider that I was losing it. I felt as if everything was finally taking its toll on me and causing my sanity to slip.
Umm... Honestly, you never really had one.
Shut up! You stupid internal voice!
I looked up to find Jasper staring wearily at me. What was his problem? Could he tell that I was shouting at my internal voice? He's not a mind reader though, just an empath. I was still contemplating my insanity when he left the house silently, again.
Another weekend and again I had spent my nights wandering around the Canadian borders. The thing I witnessed last week was traumatizing and I don't want to risk it by going back there before Monday again. If it was up to me, I would have moved away from the house for a year or two, but I know Esme would throw a fit. She's truly like my mother. That's why we ought to have some ground rules.
I was trying to come up with a brilliant plan when I felt it again. A moment later Jasper entered the clearing I was currently sitting in.
"Hey, ginger! Hungry?" he grinned.
"Yes. I'm hungry, Blondie" I mock sneered, "so, you're finally talking to me again." I mused casually, before kicking myself internally.
I've continuously assured myself that Jasper's pulling away didn't hurt, but just one word from Jasper and I started channeling my inner Edwina. God, I'm pathetic.
I could feel Jasper's agitation over my idiocy. I always knew that this was a short-term arrangement and that one day Jasper would find someone who he deserves. This wasn't fair to him, I couldn't go and guilt him because I can't have what he can. I resolved myself to be happy for him.
This started as just a temporary arrangement but that doesn't mean he means less than any other family member to me. He's important too. I won't let my feelings for Carlisle rule my life again. I will smile for Jasper, for others who care for me. Therefore, before this could get any more awkward I blurted out the first sensible thing I could come up with.
"I think that Isabella Swan's tasty." What? Did I really just say that! The loud chuckles from my annoying lov… brother confirmed my thoughts.
"Hell!" I groaned.
"I know… but unfortunately we can't have her, so I think we'll have to manage with some deer or if we're lucky a mountain lion," he proposed with mirth but thankfully without any jabs at my intelligence.
"I would like that!" I chortled, before escaping toward the earthy smell of deer. A moment later Jasper was beside me, still tittering at my expense. I guessed I would have to put up with him. I sighed before speeding up and going for a buck.
As I finished my meal I watched Jasper feasting greedily on a deer, gripping his body possessively. I knew that on the outside Jasper was calm but internally he was frustrated that he couldn't have the one things that a vampire can't resist the pull of, his singer's blood. Bella Swan was Jasper's personal blend hell and heaven.
I was jolted back with a blow of annoyance, glancing up I found Jasper with a frown marring his face.
Oh, c'mon admit he looks adorable with that expression.
His expression turned curious with the sudden change in my demeanor, but before he could call me on this, I started heading towards the scent of a mountain lion that I had caught.
Jasper took my lead and soon realized the presence of our next meal too. I silently started climbing a tree. After all the years and hunts we'd had together, we knew how to work together silently.
It was known that Alice and I communicated fluidly in the mental realm, but it's also true that with Jasper it reaches another level. He can read me like no one else can, sometimes it's like he's the mind reader.
Jasper again nudged me sharply for my lack of attention. Pushy thing.
Yeah… he is…
Again Jasper was giving me that look. I wished sometimes that I had his empathy. It's frustrating to be like this, I mean can't he lower his mental block for a second or two? I swear he's as bad as Carlisle. Thoughts of Carlisle again filled my mind, I was not as affected by his departure as I had assumed but still, I was missing him.
"Grrr…" I snapped my eyes down to find that Jasper had attacked the feline, without me. I was hit suddenly by a wave of melancholy, and then anger. I was sick of this unrequited love.
Finally, I was starting to believe that you have lost your ability to reason with all those questions. I mean, c'mon a man can only do so much. I was close to smacking your head and tell you that you've done it again, you have fallen for someone unattainable. God! I sometimes hate being inside of you! I mean, wasn't the thing with Carlisle enough? I am sick of your moping around. But I guess that is what you are going to do now. Please before Jasper is finished with the cat, get yourself together.
I was not sure what to do really, so I followed my internal voice. I really have lost it, haven't I?
I was shocked into numbness at the thought.
That's why I was caught off guard when Jasper tackled me out of the tree. Moments later I found myself crouching against disheveled looking Jasper, his golden curls bouncing around looking beautiful and alive, even with the grime sticking to it.
The crunch of leaves, the heat of light, the noises of life around us, the breeze that was blowing steadily, everything was filling me with Jasper. His unique scent was a blend of smoke, roses and something spicy, something soothing, Something uniquely Jasper. I watched as he moved slowly, nearing me with a feral look. It was surreal as the sunlight danced across his mutilated, yet still, strikingly beautiful skin, sparkling enthrallingly like mesmerizing diamonds. I suddenly felt a lot warmer.
Focusing on his face again, the first thing that drew me in was his eyes. His stormy, tortured, honest and astute onyx eyes were piercing me, commanding me. Their intensity forced me to lower my gaze, only to be met by the blinding temptation of his contradictory lips. Jasper's whole demeanor screams power, dominance, masculinity, except for his pouty, and alluring ruby lips that were stained with blood from his messy hunting. His lips, they pose such a contradiction when it comes to his masculine feature, but like everything else Jasper carries them with grace and power, just like now, with his slightly crooked, full, dimpled grin.
The way he was moving was the same way he did when he was on a hunt. His face, his eyes, his smile, even his body will tempt you to give in to him, but with honesty and with a warning. At this moment too, he is warning me with the dark glint of his eyes, the inhuman grace of his gait, the sheer beauty of his smile.
Except I don't care, just like his other victims, I want him. Even if it means that I lost my broken soul, my mind, my everything, I want him and I will have him.
With that, I was the one who tackled him to the ground with my mouth firmly on his. I kissed him chastely first, enjoying his familiar taste, I don't know what getting drunk feels like, but I think it's close to what I was feeling as I tasted the blood, smoke, honey, and everything that was Jasper. Licking his lips slowly, sensually, it felt so euphoric, so scary.
I don't know when our light touches turned into a frenzy of tongues and hands but before I could even think about pulling away or diving further in, I was surrounded by him entirely. He was everywhere and I was helpless, even willing to be shackled to his very soul. I would have done anything to just feel the power that he was exuding. I was stunned by his passion as he claimed me with his tongue and hands. At that moment I felt like I was his, body and soul.
I was still trying to find my bearings when suddenly my world spun on its axis and I found myself on my back with Jasper panting heavily against my throat. Again I was thrown with the blissful torture of his mouth on my neck, against my jaw as I finally I lost myself in the dizzying pleasure and into some far away heaven with his deep and relentless mouth on mine. I surrendered and the kiss became harder, deeper and within seconds we were there kissing, snarling, licking, biting, and connecting with each other.
It was intense, the knocking of teeth, the clawing at clothes, and the desperation of finding that connection. That deeper, ultimate connection and the moment Jasper finally entered me was glorious. I had never felt that kind of relief, assurance, or satisfaction. His deep thrusts, the mere power that Jasper was exuding at that moment was frighteningly beautiful, he was so open.
We have done this many, really countless times before, but every other time we had always just fucked, but today we had connected in a new way. We were both giving, we were both receiving and it was amazing.
Jasper and I were in our most animalistic forms, displaying the very creatures that resided within us. As we neared our end, we both became frantic. We didn't want this connection between us to end. I'd always wanted to read Jasper and right now I could read him plain as day. Then he bit me, something Jasper had always refrained from doing before. Jasper hates marking, it reminded him of his time with Maria. Just before I had reached my high he had sunk his teeth right over the mark that Carlisle had given me when he turned me. The pain was the most pleasurable and sweetest I had ever had before. I nearly passed out with the force of which I came. I only vaguely registered when Jasper's thrusts became more erratic and finally coming deep inside me, growling, with his mouth still attached to my shoulder.
I was limp, my body felt like it was going to melt away.
Jasper finally pulled away from my used and abused body, making me miss our connection immediately.
As we laid there still gasping for unnecessary breaths, on the dry bed of leaves, I felt happy and content, for what seemed like the first time in my second life.
The content smile on my lips felt so foreign but right.
I was still basking in bliss when I felt Jasper moving beside me. I half turned to see Jasper sitting up awkwardly with his knees pulled up to his chin and one hand threaded through his hair while the other was holding onto his calf.
And just like that, I was suddenly filled with dread.
"I-I'm sorry Edward, it… this was a mistake," he started.
In an instant, I was gone, before he could say anything else. Before he could break my heart and soul completely, I was out of the clearing, moving deeper into the forest and jumping off the nearest cliff.
I kept running until I saw the shapeshifters treaty line. As I neared my fate I couldn't help but think about the heartbreak I endured with Carlisle and the redemption I had found with Jasper. Jasper was the reason I had survived until now. I had been sure that it had all ended with Carlisle, but Jasper came crashing into my life and changed everything I knew about love and mostly mended my heart. It wasn't fixed but it had healed enough that I had found the light again.
Although it hurts, I couldn't have survived my last fifty years without Jasper but it's also rather ironic that in the end, I was back where I started. The ever frail and lonely, barely adult teenager.
I didn't realize when but somewhere Jasper became the constant I always craved instead of the pain, and if I couldn't have him then at least I deserved peace, the ultimate peace.
THE END… MAYBE