Author's note : the setting for this is the same as in 'Raindrops on a window' [Ken-pov] and 'Clouds in my coffee' [Yohji-pov]. You don't have to have read those before reading this one though.
Warnings/notes : Omi pov, slight angst, Yohji x Aya [neither of them really shows up though, they're just in Omi's thoughts], one-shot.
written at 24 january, corrected for publication at 7th March 2003, by Misura
I hate Yohji Kudou.
I know he's my teammate and that he'd probably give his life to save mine.
It doesn't matter.
There are days when I almost wish he would die on a mission.
I'd cry at his burial of course.
I might even miss him a little.
His teasing remarks, his flirting with the customers, the smell of smoke in the shop (where he's still not allowed to smoke, but still does, unless Aya's there.)
Those things I'd miss I think.
I always feel guilty when I wish he'd die.
It's not really his fault, I tell myself.
He doesn't know, doesn't see.
And yet .... we are talking about Yohji Kudou here.
How can he not notice someone so close to him having a crush?
A crush so bad it makes him practically beg for attention, a word, a look.
How can he not notice that?
He's supposed to be an expert on those things.
He does know, a small voice keeps telling me.
He does know and he simply doesn't care.
Maybe he even enjoys having someone lusting after something that's unquestionably his.
Aya doesn't notice either, but I forgive him easily.
Aya is not like Yohji.
With him, it's just ignorance.
Aya is a very single-minded person, who has fallen in love, maybe for the first time in his life.
Currently all of his attention is focused on the object of his love, undeserving as it is.
Yohji doesn't deserve Aya's love.
Aya deserves someone better than Yohji to make love to him.
Ken deserves having Aya answer his love.
He's nice. (Unlike Yohji).
He's pretty. (Unlike Yohji).
He knows how to love someone. (Again, unlike Yohji).
Ken doesn't deserve being hurt by Yohji all the time.
By seeing him look at Aya, touch Aya, kiss Aya.
It's not right.
Three reasons why I hate Yohji Kudou.
Maybe the third one's the most important.
I mean, I really like Ken. (For the three reasons I mentioned above).
Yesterday when I came home he was sitting next to the window, all by himself since Yohji had taken Aya with him to go off somewhere.
How heartless can you get?
He looked so sad, there's nothing I wouldn't have done to make him feel better.
How blind can love make you?
But I decided long ago I would never take advantage of anyone.
And walking up to Ken that moment, telling him I loved him and that I wanted him to love me back would definitely have been that.
He could have lied to himself I know, too desperate for someone to love.
It would have made everything that would have come after that into one big, ugly lie.
An illusion. Not what I want, for him or for me.
So I pretended I didn't know why he looked so sad, why he never laughs anymore recently.
One day he will smile again, with both his mouth and his eyes.
His smile is beautiful, the most beautiful in the world.
I see it in my dreams sometimes, but not outside of them.
I will make him smile again. Whatever it takes.
I love Ken Hidaka.