Prologue: Rough landing
At a certain land of Illusion.
The Hakurei shrine was a place of significant importance, that was absolutely without a doubt.
Not only has this humble adobe been where the many generations of shrine maidens belonging the Hakurei bloodline -Gensokyo's local law enforcers- called their home, it was also the anchor of the Great Hakurei Barrier that was fundamental to the very existence of this small mythological wonderland itself.
That, combining with the fact that the current shrine maiden -One Hakurei Reimu- has a rather unorthodox relationship with the local youkai population. You can bet this little patch of land atop the mountain is visited rather regularly, either by those with official business with the shrine maiden herself, or by those simply wanting to pass by and say 'Hi'. They rarely -If ever- donate though, much to her dismay.
But still, if anyone were to look at the crowd gathered at the shrine right now. They would see that it was rather... extreme, even for this place's regular standards.
Over one hundred individuals, most of them being a youkai under one form or another, were gathered in the yard around the shrine, with a significant number of them inside the shrine itself. They were trying their best imitation of canned sardine by squeezing themselves as close to each other and being space efficient as possible.
Their reason for doing this, you ask?
Well, it has a lot to do with the fact that if one of them even set one foot out of the safety of the barrier surrounding the shrine's front yard, they would simply cease to exist. Just 'pop', and they're gone. That's what's happened to most of the unlucky residents, the ones that didn't made it fast enough.
This barrier right now, this is what was left of the Great Hakurei Barrier, and it is currently the only thing standing between those within and certain death.
For some mysterious reason, humanity -all of them- existing outside of the barrier has simply disappeared with absolutely no trace left, leaving only a world on fire and an un-powered Great Barrier.
For you see, this barrier -miraculous as it is- could only exist with something powering it. And what is more powerful than the very faith of humanity that gave birth to the youkai race in the first place? So its purpose is simple, collect as well as recycle the faith of those outside and inside the barrier, to create an isolated environment that was almost identical to the world in the age of the gods.
So, when that very faith is simply no more, the results were expected.
And even now, with every single one here actively giving their power to fuel what little bit that was left, it was still not enough to stop the rapid deterioration.
"Dammit!" someone shouted from the crowd, desperation and frustration evident in their voice.
Another shudder of the barrier, another centimeter lost to unrelenting fire. The crowd squeezed even closer.
"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" the voice repeated itself, each time with more intensity added to the emotions behind it.
Closer inspection revealed it to belong to a rather petite girl in her teenage years, with her long black hair tied together by a rather large ribbon, wearing a modified version of the traditional shrine maiden attire with the primary color of red and white. The look on her face was the one that showed the clear stress she is currently going through.
"Dammit..." she finally mumbled.
This is Hakurei Reimu, the current generation of Hakurei, and is considered one of the strongest until now. But even with all of her power, she couldn't even completely support the barrier that was the only thing keeping them alive.
But that doesn't mean she wouldn't try her very damn best though.
"Reimu." a new voice spoke up, this time right beside Reimu and temporarily bringing her attention to the owner of said voice.
"What is it Marisa? can't you tell I'm very busy right now." Reimu answered through gritted teeth. The grip on her gohei tightening to the point of turning her knuckles white.
"We're all are, you idiot!" the person identified as Marisa shouted equally irritably.
Marisa Kirisame, the usually cheerful and energetic witch was, in simple terms, Drained with the capital D. It was shown clearly by the sweat drenching her face, as well as the disheveled state of both her maid/witch-ish choice of dress and her golden blonde hair. Like everyone else, the self-proclaimed regular magician of Gensokyo was using everything she got to at least try and stabilize this damned barrier, kinda hard when the thing is not cooperating.
"Anyways, all I wanted to say is: In the likely case that we don't make it through this, I want you to know that it was a good ride. Our time together was really fun while it lasted." she answered after taking a deep breath, sounding resigned.
"What nonsense are you saying, Marisa?!" Reimu exclaimed, very much alarmed towards the magician's attitude.
"Look around, even if we somehow survived this, what then?" the blonde asked rhetorically as she gestured to everything around them. "Where would we go after that?" she continued.
"Then we'll just have to get Yukari to come up with something." the shrine maiden answered. This is bad, if Marisa of all the ones was the person being negative then that means things are really desperate.
"As if." the witch answered, accompanied by a mirthless chuckle, effectively freaking Reimu out all the more. "Hey! Patchouli!" she suddenly called out.
"What?!" came the purple magician's unusually loud reply somewhere from within the Scarlet Devil group.
"You remember all those books that I've borrowed from you? The ones that I said I would return in my death? It looks like I'm not going to keep that promise after all, I'm sorry Patch." Marisa continued on her negative tirade, with no sign of stopping.
Damn it all to Hell.
Reimu really wish her hands weren't occupied right now just so she could smack her oldest friend across the head to snap her out of her funk.
Sadly, she couldn't. So this went on for a while, Marisa apologizing and saying her depressing farewells to each and every person/youkai they know, which comprised the majority of the gathered personnel.
"Yuuka, I never had the chance to say thank you for letting me to use your Master Spark, so thanks. And sorry for your loss."
"All the fairies currently alive, I'm sorry for being mean to you guys."
It eventually cycled to the gardener of Hakugyokurou.
"And you, Youmu-" the witch started, only to stop and look at said gardener incredulously. "Youmu, what are you doing? Better yet, why is there a portal that is trying to suck Yuyuko into it?" Marisa asked, depression forgotten in the face of this new bizarre development.
"How am I supposed to know!" was the half-phantom frantic reply. "It would be nice if you could help though!" she shouted.
Indeed, the lithe white haired girl -Youmu Konpaku- was currently very busy with the activity of trying to keep her mistress from being devoured by a mysterious portal -that somehow was unnoticed by everyone present until now.
"Waa!" was Yuyuko's incomprehensible cry as she desperately held onto Youmu like her unlife depended on it.
Great, this is exactly what Reimu needs right now, random portals appearing and abducting people.
It's a portal! And usually, if there's a portal, then that means there's a destination. Sure, it may be unknown, but anywhere was better than here right now. She meant it as sarcastic before, but this might actually just be what they all need right now.
"Wait! hold it right there, Youmu. You too, Marisa." the Hakurei shrine maiden spoke up. "Oi! Gap Hag!" she called out, for the only person she knows that can pull this stunt out.
"What?!" Yukari Yakumo shouted from somewhere. Boy, Reimu knows that the situation looks really bad, but is it that necessary for everyone to shout like that?!
"I've got an idea, and it could either save us or kill us all right now!" was her simple answer. But she really hopes it was former though.
Reimu signed the sign of the damned; this was not her job to be the one that comes up with reckless ideas, that was supposed to be Marisa's thing.
Chaldea Security Organization, Summoning room.
After a whole five minutes of waiting with their breath held, and their guard as well as expectation held high. Every single person in the vicinity was rewarded with the sight of a completely empty summoning platform. No usual explosion of prana, no Heroic Spirit summoned, no nothing.
To one Ritsuka Fujimaru, this was a sign of something very wrong going on.
Sure, the FATE system -just like the real thing actually- could be a real B***h to everyone.
To the operating crew, it was by having to go through the tedious amount of work with limited resources -humanity being destroyed and all- just so it could be at an acceptable condition.
To herself and everyone else, it was by not doing its job: Summoning the Heroes of past, present and sometimes future to help them regain the future of humanity. And instead gave them some really random junk, the entire storage section dedicated for the countless number of Black Keys can attest to that.
One of the currently active Servants -one red clad Counter Guardian- had commented on that fact, something about an annoying priest making them suffer from beyond his grave if she heard him right.
Anyways, she was getting side tracked, the main idea is that they have never summoned nothing before. The energy did get consumed, so that means it definitely worked, or supposed to work anyhow. And the gathered Servants and facility personnel is starting to get real confused now. She could even see her kouhai -Mashu Kyrielight- sending her worried glances from her position.
Ritsuka was about to turn to the overseer of the operation - The Heroic Spirit Leonardo da Vinci- to voice out her confusion out loud about this situation-
-only to be cut of by the blinding column of azure light and the accompanying deaf-inducing explosion that was supposed to happen five minutes ago. Took it long enough.
Lowering the hand that she thankfully raised in time to shield her eyes from the light, Ritsuka was greeted with the usual sight of the residual prana lingering around under the form of a blue mist.
Well, that was rather unexpected but welcomed nonetheless, they definitely need to re-check the FATE system for errors after this though.
But that is not important right now. What is however is whether if they got lucky and summoned an actual Servant. And if that's the case, then whether the Servant is hostile or not, that one incident with Heracles was enough to last her a lifetime of frightening experiences thank you very much.
The mist cleared, and everyone got the first look at what manner of being they have summoned.
Standing there on top of the designated summoning platform was a woman of average height. Her choice of attire consisted of a single light blue outfit that looked like it was a cross of a Japanese yukata and a Western night gown, that somehow capture the benefit of both kind of clothing and came out as surprisingly elegant. The outfit also has some patterns under the form of white sakura blossoms.
Her head-wear though, was rather curious: It resembled a Victorian mob cap of the same light blue color as her outfit, with the addition of a white veil at the back of her head and a Hitaikakushi at the front. The cap sits elegantly atop her shoulder-length pink hair, the same color as one foxy caster.
But the feature that draws the most attention about this woman -aside from her unnaturally pale skin that gave her an almost ethereal beauty- was the couple of white spectral entities that is currently circling her.
Well, she was definitely a unique Servant if nothing else.
The Servant looked around, seemingly more curious about the surrounding more than anything else as she observed the room she was summoned in, giving 'oohs' and 'aahs' as her eyes took in what she sees. Until she noticed Ritsuka that is.
Stopping her action. The woman opened her mouth, seemingly about to comment something about her newly discovered Master.
That something would have to wait, as a tear in reality soundlessly and suddenly appeared above the woman. It's very nature was something indiscernible to Ritsuka, so all she could tell about it was that the thing look like some kind of gap in reality, in which numerous unblinking eyes could be seen staring back at her and giving her the creeps.
All Servants currently present behind her suddenly tensed up, their weapons of Legends ready to be drawn within a hair's breath. With some of the more paranoid of the bunch already accounting for the worst case scenario of a hostile case and was preparing their mental for when the dung hits the fan.
What came next though, could be stated with confidence to be completely unexpected to all of them.
Without any warning whatsoever, the gap suddenly widened. And from it, girls started raining.
Well, raining is a bit of an exaggeration. The more suitable term would be: dumped-into-a-pile-on-the-floor. And in about ten second, the summoning platform was now covered by a mass of bodies comprised of many different women of different age and different outfit. Right on top of the hapless newly summoned Servant.
Despite the situation, Ritsuka still winced at that, she hoped the ones below are ok, especially her new Servant.
As for everyone else, the scene was so unbelievably bizarre that of all the people present, none could say a thing.
A deafening silence descended on the room, interrupted by the occasional moans of pains and grunting of the newly arrivals.
And then, like some kind of cherry on top of the cake, the gap spit out its last passenger -a woman with blonde hair in a purple dress- daintily on her feet atop the pile of body before closing and disappearing completely.
"Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?" the aforementioned woman spoke up casually.
And was answered with the collective unintelligible groan of the people below.
"Well then, anywho." she continued, unaffected by the less than stellar response. "I'm going to give myself a nap now if you all don't mind: A nice, relaxing, and long nap" the blonde continued.
And promptly collapsed.
"Okay, can someone tell me: What the hell just happened?" one spearman in blue spoke up, gaining the honor of the first to break the awkward silence.
And as for Ritsuka, she just rubbed her hands on her eyes repeatedly, trying to make sure of what she just witnessed.
She looked again. Yup, still there.
"I'm not sure if I really want to know the answer, Cu, I'm really not."
I have no regrets, this is the only path.
No, but seriously. This story have been stuck in my head for so long now it isn't even funny, and I just had to get it out. Plus, listening to Touhou Doujin music is my favorite pastime, so it's only fair that I contribute for this community somehow.
And for those following my other story 'Respect your elders', don't worry, the new chapter is just taking sometime to make. So it will come eventually.
This was heavily inspired by Disciple of Ember's 'Eastern Rebel Wonderland', check him out sometimes, seriously, his works is very underrated.
As for the story itself, this is made for the purpose of humor, so the plot would be more than a series of oneshots than anything else. So it will be updated at a moderate pace. Hell, give me some suggestion for the possible combinations if you want. All the Touhou characters are present.
I do not own Touhou or the Fate/series, those belonged to Zun and Type-Moon respectively. And I also doesn't gain profit from this because it is completely for fun. The cover image is randomly chosen from the internet.
As stated above, this story's main purpose is humor, so some divergent is expected from strict canon, but still, notify me if I overstepped something.
Reviews is the sustenance for my souls, so please give me lots of it, Favorites and Follows too. Flames burns as much as their name suggest, but Constructive criticisms just shows that you guys care.