I wish they could leave me alone. I pray that they will go away. I have realised that it is of no use, but still I pray. I know that it is all in vain, but even that knowledge cannot keep me from hoping that there might still be a way to rid myself of these demons, these horrible beings that haunt my dreams, and that plague me still, even wide awake. These visions will never go away, and will plague me until the day I die.

At first, I held the firm belief that it was all just a bad dream, and it would go away as soon as I awoke, but I fear I have no such luck. I have come to realize that it is not a nightmare, but in fact the pathetic excuse for a life I have. I will never wake up, and heave a sigh of relief. I am stuck in this horror for ever. No one will take my hand and lead me away from this, no one will save me. I have no one left in this world; they are all gone, killed by a cold man who has no heart, a man without mercy. Killed, while I stood by and did nothing. I am truly a sinful creature, but I am unworthy of your pity. I do not deserve it, and I do not want it. I do not want it because it will only serve to give me a moment to reflect on what has been done. I do not deserve it because of what I have done.

You do not understand what I have done, or how much I hate myself for doing it. You do not know what I have done, so do not waste your time on me; it is useless. You will never understand, no one does, for no one has committed such horrible crimes, so bloody sins, as I have. I hear the screams still, even though it has been many years, almost a whole lifetime, since I committed my crimes. Even after all this time, they will not go away. You know of whom I am speaking; the demons that reside in the deepest caverns of my scarred mind. They torture me endlessly, giving me not one moment's peace.

I live my life as a constant reminder of times past, of sins to horrible to speak of, and as such I will remain until the end of time. I wake up, every day, knowing that the darkness night brings will not go away with the dawn. The pain and hurt will still be there, and no amount of praying will make it go away. My nights are filled with nightmares, and the days are no better. Sometimes, I am almost certain I have reached the brink of insanity, and that the only thing that keeps me from overstepping that boundary is the memories of those who died for me. At times like that, when I remember them, I know that I must go on, and repent for my sins, and hopefully one day succeed in doing so. Those thoughts give me strength to carry on until the day I have reached my goal. But a small part of me knows that that day will never come.

But even in this darkness, a glimmer of hope still remains, however small it may be. And so I shall wait. On the edge of sanity, I will stand, patiently waiting for my time to come. Waiting for the day it will be my turn to leave this world, and forever reunite with those long gone.

Such are my days. It may not be much of a life, but it is mine.