"Nice of the princess to invite us over for a picnic, eh Kazooie." Banjo stopped to admire the scenery. It was a sunny day in the Mushroom Kingdom and the many colored flowers were in full bloom. He and Kazooie were in Peach's garden, the princess herself was seated a little bit away on a pink picnic blanket. Sitting with her was Mewtwo, Daisy, Mega Man, and Ganondorf. Banjo walked over to join them, when he sat down Kazooie jumped out of his backpack and took a spot next to him.
"Thank you for coming Banjo, Kazooie. Diddy Kong told me a lot about you, and we all owe you for your help during that giant battle," Peach said. She handed over some plates with sandwiches on them.
"Oh it was nothing. The others did most of the work," Banjo said. He shrank back as he started eating the sandwich.
"By others he means me. If it weren't for me that lazy bear would have slept through all of it," Kazooie said. She pecked at the bread in her sandwich.
"Well I think you both contributed a lot. Which is why I wanted to discuss something with you," Peach said.
"I thought this was just a picnic," Banjo said. He hoped he wasn't about to get dragged into some sort of adventure. Tooty still hadn't come back to Spiral Mountain since she set off on an adventure after the incident with Gruntilda kidnapping her. That was why Banjo didn't like adventuring, it could just drag on and on. After dealing with Galeem and Dharkon he was fine with just lazing around in Spiral Mountain for a few years, that had given him more than his fill of adventuring for the decade.
"Well I never said we wouldn't be talking about serious things here. It's about all of the Smashers, so I would bring it up to you at some point regardless," Peach said. She reached for her cup and took a sip of tea before gently returning the cup to its small plate. "With Smash Mansion gone we're scattered all over the place now. So I wanted to get your input on making a new gathering place. Since you never got a chance to experience the mansion that means you have a different perspective on it than us."
"I still think you should leave the talk of traditions to those who actually experienced them," Ganondorf said. He was seated at the edge of the picnic blanket, his legs stretched out on the grass.
"She isn't asking you ganondork," Kazooie said.
"Kazooie!" Banjo chastised.
"How creative. I definitely have not heard that one before," Ganondorf said. His voice had switched to be completely monotone. The look in his eyes scared Banjo. He had not signed up for anything like that when he agreed to the picnic.
"Hey how about we get back on subject here, and stop fighting," Daisy said. She pulled out a tennis racket and swatted the air with it. Peach put her palm on her forehead.
"I mean I like my own place back in Spiral Mountain. It's nice and quiet over there. Having everybody together in one place sounds like it would be noisy," Banjo said. He took a large bite out of his sandwich.
"More like fun. Spiral Mountain has been so boring. I've been having adventure withdrawal ever since those two big dolts went down," Kazooie countered. She made punching like gestures with her wings.
"If you want enemies just stick around us, you'll get a long list," Mewtwo said. He gave a chuckle that seemed a little too sinister for Banjo's liking. Banjo gave his own nervous laugh in response. He didn't even like having one enemy. Getting dragged into more adventures was not something he wanted or needed.
"I think we're getting a bit too heated here. Banjo you have some experience driving karts right? Do you want to join the kart races we have here sometime?" Peach asked. Kazooie brushed aside most of the contents of her sandwich and went straight for the bread.
"Oh no I'm fine. Kart racing isn't really for me, after the thing with Diddy Kong I gave it another try with Sonic. I don't want to get in a kart for the third time, it's just not for me. Makes my head spin," Banjo said.
"Oh I see," Peach said.
"Good thing you didn't bring up 'that,'" Kazooie said. She looked around and shook her head. "Wait, I don't even know what 'that' is. That thing with Sonic and his friends is the only time I've ever been in a car. And why does saying that make me feel extremely relieved?"
"I'm getting the same feeling. It feels like I just lied but I can't think of any other time I got in a car," Banjo said. He scratched the side of his head.
"Don't worry about it," Mega Man said. He pulled out an unopened bag of bread from the picnic basket and offered it to Banjo and Kazooie. It was labeled 'Fitness Bread.' "Apparently this is great for your health." Banjo opened the bag and Kazooie swiped the top slice. She downed it in one go. Then she started gagging and stole Mewtwo's slice of berry cake, also devouring it in one go. After that went Peach's tea (Daisy saved hers with a slap to Kazooie's beak) and Ganondorf's jelly filled doughnut.
"Help the taste is so terrible my beak feels like it's melting. That's not bread, it's poison. What's the big idea you Astro Boy knock off, trying to kill me?!" Kazooie screamed. Peach handed Kazooie a bottle of water and she gulped it all down. Everyone turned to look at the bag of Fitness Bread.
"It was on sale so I thought it was worth a try. Is it really that bad?" Peach asked. She took out a slice of Fitness Bread and put it on her plate. She cut out a small piece out and bit into it. And then immediately covered her mouth with her hands as they softly glowed with white magic. Mewtwo quickly handed her a scone that she scooped into her mouth. Daisy passed her a can of beer that was quickly emptied. "Not even my white magic could make that anywhere near tolerable. Today I issue a new royal decree. Fitness Bread is banned from the Mushroom Kingdom and feeding it to prisoners of war will be classified as a war crime." Kazooie clapped wildly.
"Finally some good laws are getting passed," Kazooie said. She felt her beak. Banjo gave her a reassuring pat on the back.
"We need to destroy the bread, now," Mewtwo said.
"I'll do it. I feel bad for offering it to Kazooie, I had no idea it was so awful," Mega Man said. He took the bag of Fitness Bread and walked a short distance away from the others. He set the horrific bread down on the ground and switched both of his arms to cannon mode before plating them on the ground. Pillars of flame rose up to destroy the bread. But somehow the Fitness Bread survived what its container didn't. Mega Man looked around in confusion and fired a fully charger shot from his blaster at the now illegal bread. The shot fizzled out when it made contact.
"Leave this to an expert kid," Kazooie said. She grabbed a golden feather from Banjo's backpack and walked up to the stack of Fitness Bread. A golden light surrounded her as she charged head first at the Fitness Bread. Then she banged her head against the bread and was left on the ground with a head injury. Mega Man helped her up to her talons. He felt the top slice of Fitness Bread.
"It's hardened now, somehow. I think it might even be durable enough to use as a weapon," Mega Man said.
"I'll take being hit with it over eating it," Kazooie said. She picked up the stack of bread and carried it over to Banjo. The bread was placed in the projectile compartment of the backpack.
"So about what Peach wanted to bring up," Mega Man began. An intensely cold wind swept through the garden. Various flowers froze into solid chunks of ice. A siren began to blare from the castle. "We should worry about that first."
"Oh damn it, don't tell me that jerk is here. Come on let's go," Daisy said. She got up and began running towards the castle. Kazooie grabbed her slice of normal edible bread and got into Banjo's backpack. The rest of the group quickly followed behind Daisy. It didn't take long for them to get through the castle and into Toad Town.
Half of the buildings in Toad Town had been turned into solid blocks of ice. The fountain in the central plaza had become an ice sculpture. Up in the sky a flying ship was headed across the sea towards Toad Town. The inhabitants of the town all ran towards the castle for safety. The smashers quickly got on the side of the path to get out of the crowd's way. Banjo wanted to cover his ears with how loud the toads were screaming. "Well at least we have more warning than that time Bowser stole the Star Rod. Daisy, is this what I think it is?" Peach asked.
"Yep that's a Snowmad ship. This is Fredrik's work alright. Let's cut them off at the harbor," Daisy said. Banjo sighed to himself. He had just wanted a peaceful picnic, not yet another adventure.
"Who's Fredrik and why does he sound like a bitch?" Kazooie asked.
"Fredrik is the leader of this group originally from the Snow Kingdom called the Snowmads. They've been a pain in my side for years with their raids on the Muda Kingdom and other parts of Sarasaland. He's more of a bastard than a bitch," Daisy said. Peach sighed and muttered something about unladylike language. The group ran to the Toad Town harbor and arrived right as the Snowman ship did. Ridley jumped off of the ship and flew down. The Dragonlord and a Hydreigon followed shortly afterwards. Fredrik and Black Shadow jumped down from the ship.
"Hello Daisy," Fredrik said. He had a deep booming voice.
"Oh don't you hello me after all of your raiding. And now you're after the Mushroom Kingdom and working with Ridley, man you really are a loser." Daisy said. She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.
"Sarasaland wouldn't be raided so much if a certain someone hadn't canceled our arranged marriage," Fredrik said. Ganondorf's eyes went wide. Mega Man covered his mouth. Mewtwo looked in the other direction.
"Banjo where's the brain bleach? I need it now."
"Kazooie!" Fredrik rolled his eyes at the duo's usual antics.
"Enough banter," Black Shadow said. He stepped forward and pulled out a ray gun. It was almost exactly like the ray guns used in the Smashers simulation battles, except the green energy had been changed to a pitch black color. "Give us the spell book that can create portal paintings or suffer. We know it's in your castle."
"Uh how about no you creep," Daisy said.
"Daisy please, this is my kingdom. I appreciate the support, but let me handle this. Diplomacy is a delicate matter," Peach said. She walked forward. "I'm not giving you the spell book after what you just did to my kingdom you mediocre dunces. And before you say it no reverting the freezing is not a sufficient bargaining chip." She used her magic to pluck a turnip from the ground. Ridley flew off towards the castle and evaded the turnip thrown at him.
"I'll cut him off at the castle, you handle the other brutes," Mewtwo said. He teleported away. Peach made some gestures with her hands Banjo didn't understand, the others seemed to. The Dragonlord had Hydreigon carry him up to a nearby rooftop. Hydreigon charged at Ganondorf as the Dragonlord sent flame magic at Peach. Ganondorf sidestepped the charge and kicked Hydreigon. Peach jumped and used her white magic to jump again, then hover to the Dragonlord's position. Mega Man threw a metal blade at Black Shadow, who jumped over it and fired a laser at Mega Man with his ray gun.
Banjo was so overwhelmed watching the other fights he didn't notice Fredrik's blowhorn growing and being pointed at him. Daisy pulled him away right as Fredrik blew and a dragon made of ice flew at them. "Banjo pay attention, you nearly died," Kazooie shrieked.
"So you're Banjo the bear. I heard about you and how unreliable you are," Fredrik said. His horn shrank and he reattached it to his necklace.
"What did I do?" Banjo asked. Fredrik snorted.
"It's what you didn't do. I get quite the haul from the regular raids on the Red Squirrel Kingdom, their king is a drunk too obsessed with his regrets to stop me. His moaning about how he just wants to go back to those days he raced with you and Diddy Kong is pathetic, not even worth putting him out of his misery. Then Timber the Tiger was so certain you'd rescue him it genuinely disappointed me that you didn't even try. Your sister tried, but I bet that's the first you've heard of that," Fredrik said. Daisy threw a turnip at him. He caught it and threw it into the sea.
"Tooty? What did you do to her?" Banjo clutched his necklace. It had been a gift from her.
"If you actually wanted to know you would have kept in contact with her. Maybe I'll tell you if you can beat me, or maybe I'll tell you about something you actually care for."
"That settles it, we're kicking your ass you oversized walrus," Kazooie said. Fredrik charged at them. Daisy dodged to the left while Banjo and Kazooie went to the right. Fredrik brought himself to a stop. Daisy whacked him with a golf club. Banjo pulled Kazooie out from his backpack and slammed her into Fredrik's side. Fredrik shrugged off the attacks and punched Banjo in the face, knocking him into the water. Before Fredrik could ready his horn, Daisy struck him with a tennis racquet. His counter punch collided with the racquet. Somehow they canceled each other out.
While swimming back to the battle Banjo tried to remind himself of his past accomplishments. If Tooty was in some kind of trouble he could save her, just like he had done before. He didn't like adventuring, that was why he hadn't kept in contact with his more adventurous friends. But if they were in trouble then he couldn't afford to just sit around and do nothing. Even if it turned out he had already lost his friendship with them. Kazooie whispered something to Banjo as the fight between Fredrik and Daisy continued.
"Ha bet you're not into me now that you know I can go toe to toe with you," Daisy said. She ducked under a punch and slammed a frying pan into Fredrik's stomach.
"First it was entirely a political arrangement. Second that happens to be exactly my type. If anything I'm more interested in you now," Fredrik said. If the various attacks bothered him it wasn't showing. Then Banjo hurled Fitness Bread at him from the water. The impact nearly made Fredrik fall over, but he quickly swatted Daisy away with his horn and regained his balance. "Was that… bread?"
"In name only," Kazooie said. Banjo climbed back up onto dry land. He tried to shake himself dry. Kazooie threw another slice of Fitness Bread. It struck Fredrik in the face. Up on the rooftop the Dragon Lord quickly casted a healing spell on Fredrik. "Hey that's not fair, baddies don't get to heal," Kazooie protested. Banjo then jumped out of the way of a stray Dragon Pulse. Hydreigon and Ganondorf had slowly drifted further away from the others as they fought, but the projectiles could still interrupt the other fights. Banjo had nearly forgotten about them. He wasn't used to fighting alongside people who weren't Kazooie. Or large battles in general.
Banjo leapt up at Fredrik and punched his chest. A direct assault seemed like the best bet despite how much Banjo hated the risk involved. Kazooie lobbed a grenade over Fredrik and at Black Shadow. Fredrik grabbed Banjo by the legs and threw him up into the air. The Dragonlord tried to cast fire magic on him but Peach slammed into him with her hip. "Hydreigon, use Return on that bear and bird," the Dragonlord called out.
Hydreigon immediately stopped its charge at Ganondorf and flew at Banjo. He slammed into Banjo with maximum power and knocked Banjo to the ground. Kazooie pulled out a golden feather to shield both herself and Banjo from the damage their crash into the ground caused. Hydreigon began charging a Dragon Pulse, but was interrupted by an orb of dark magic from Ganondorf. With that Hydreigon switched targets back to Ganondorf. Banjo didn't know much about Pokemon, but there was one thing he had heard of. Return was a move that grew in strength with the bond of the trainer and Pokemon. Banjo and Kazooie were close, but he had let some of his other relationships fall by the wayside. He hadn't even helped anyone else on his side in the current battle.
"Banjo stop being contemplative!" Kazooie's shout made Banjo aware that Fredrik was once again taking the time to ready his horn. Black Shadow had managed to force Daisy away from Fredrik while still keeping Mega Man's attention. As Fredrik summoned the ice dragon Banjo took stock of his golden feathers, only three left. He took off running towards the ice dragon, Kazooie pulled out a golden feather. They ran right through the ice towards Fredrik. Banjo reached back into his backpack as he felt the effects of the golden feather wear off. Then he tossed it to Daisy. Kazooie handed over the final golden feather to Banjo.
Banjo ran right into Fredrik and kicked him. The lord of the Snowmads was sent flying at the Dragonlord. Hydreigon got between them and used Protect, Fredrik crashed through the barrier at the cost of most of his momentum. All three of them fell into a heap on the rooftop. Meanwhile Daisy had used the golden feather that was tossed to her to abandon all need for defense and go into an all out assault on Black Shadow. She had grabbed and pummeled him before throwing him into the side of a building.
At that point Ridley appeared in the skies, clutching a book in his claws. He spat a fireball at Peach, who blocked it with her parasol. "I got the book. We're done here," Ridley shouted. The Dragonlord raised his staff, he, Fredrik, and Hydreigon all shot up in arc back towards Fredrik's ship. In response Daisy grabbed Black Shadow, but he was able to press something on his wrist. The sound of a F-Zero engine cut through the area like a bomb. Daisy released Black Shadow and got out of the way. An all black F-Zero machine rushed through where she had been a moment ago, and Black Shadow was gone. Fredrik's ship had already begun to take off towards the sea.
"Hey get back here!" Banjo shouted. Fredrik walked up to the bow of the ship and looked down at Banjo.
"Nice kick. We got the ransom for Tooty and Timber from Timber's parents and let them go. Haven't seen them since then. You broke their hearts you lazy bear. But since you won I'll give you this." Fredrik blew into his horn and all the ice in Toad Town vanished as abruptly as it had appeared. The ship sped up and flew away from the Mushroom Kingdom. Banjo watched as it quickly faded into the distance.
"It's okay Kazooie. Wherever they are, Tooty and Timber must be doing fine. We should go visit them." Banjo was startled and nearly thrown off balance by the sudden appearance of Mewtwo. Peach opened her parasol and jumped down from the rooftops, gently floating down.
"Ridley lit the entire library on fire as a diversion. And that idiotic Toadsworth got himself trapped in it. With the time it took to rescue him and extinguish the fire he got away," Mewtwo said. He looked over the rest of the group.
"At least you were able to rescue him. But I guess we lost. They got what they came for," Mega Man said. He looked towards Peach's castle.
"Can they even use that book? Peach you said nobody in this world has had enough magical power to use it in centuries," Ganondorf said. His arms were crossed.
"Viridi could. She's a goddess after all. There must have been some issues with their own transporter the book will help them fix. Don't worry though, I think I'm already coming up with a plan," Peach said.
"Let me guess, use Palutena to fight fire with fire?" Daisy asked. From the tone of her voice she sounded on board with the idea.
"I'm thinking even bigger," Peach said. She clasped her hands together. Mewtwo and Ganondorf shared a concerned look. Banjo felt like there was some change in Peach's voice, but couldn't put his finger on what exactly had changed. "The mansion just stayed in one place, and even outright villains like Ridley were allowed in. Let's have something a bit more mobile with some stricter rules about who gets in. Since it will be able to go between worlds itself visiting people will be a lot easier too, and we can give it a lot of guest space as well. It'll take a lot of work to build but if we all pitch in it won't take too long."
"Well I don't know if I can help build it, but that sounds like a great idea," Banjo said.
"He just doesn't want to put in any work," Kazooie commented. Mega Man was about to say something but stopped.
"We should talk about this in a more secure spot. And with more people who can actually help," Ganondorf said.
"Then let's get going," Daisy said. She led the way back to the castle. Banjo looked out at the sea. Daisy stopped and looked back to him. "Hey Banjo are you okay? I know Fredrik really tore into you there."
"I'm fine," Banjo said. He held out his shark tooth necklace and looked down at it. Kazooie leaned over him with a concerned look on her face. "Let's have another adventure Kazooie."
Far away from the world of the Mushroom Kingdom, a group of four had observed the entire battle. The events in the Mushroom Kingdom had been displayed in an arch made of black thorns, a rift had been torn into the empty space. The only things that existed in that world of shadow aside from the black thorns were the four observers: a mercenary, a bounty hunter, a skeleton, and a dragon knight. An endless expanse of darkness surrounded them on all sides. The first of the observers to speak was the bounty hunter. "This isn't good. I know we want the barriers between worlds weakened, but the Space Pirates can't be trusted with that power. Trust me, we don't want any help from the Space Pirates."
"I made a deal with Fredrik in case it turned out like this. He'll give us the knowledge about portal creation if we do a job for him in the Ruined Kingdom. And I'm sure the Smashers can handle the Space Pirates on their own. They beat 'us' before after all," the mercenary said. He pushed his dark shades up and tugged at his red scarf.
"I miss when words like 'I' 'we' 'me' and whatever weren't so loaded. It beats being dead but this is still weird. It wasn't really us the Smashers beat. She has a winning record on me but the rest of them don't. Besides I'd kill for a rematch with her without somebody using me as a puppet," the bounty hunter responded. He looked at his right claw and moved it as though he didn't fully trust it.
"FREEING OUR FIFTH SELF AND FINDING ANY OTHERS SHOULD BE OUR PRIORITY," the skeleton said. His voice was loud, but it would be difficult for any observer to make out his words. He made various symbols with his hands as he spoke. The fact that the other three could understand him was due to their unusual connection.
"He's right, I've had enough of watching. You handle Fredrik's job. I'll go get Soul Edge and use it to break the seal," the dragon knight said. He held onto his spear tightly and walked towards the arch. The bounty hunter got in his way. They glared at each other.
"We don't even know where Soul Edge is or if it can actually break the seal. And you should be careful with the azure knight, don't want to hurt that girl being used as a puppet."
"I won't hold back, not against anyone."
"There's more to life than fighting you know. Anyway somebody just had to give Soul Edge an otherworld shard so we can't track him that easily. Let's just calm down and wait for when we know where Soul Edge actually is," the mercenary said. The skeleton waved his hand and the image in the arch changed. It showed Soul Edge's location. With a groan the bounty hunter stepped aside.
"I'll be going now," the dragon knight said.
"One last thing, just a bit of advice" the mercenary said. The dragon knight stopped and turned to face the mercenary. "No matter what happens, never give up, and trust your instincts."
A/N: I'm actually surprised I managed to get this out before the ARMS rep is revealed and properly kicks off Fighter Pass 2. Part of me worries this chapter was a bit too goofy at times, but Banjo-Kazooie is a fairly comedic game. Hopefully I portrayed the characters themselves in character. The expanded Mario universe is very inconsistent but I tried to stitch together some different parts of it to make it more unified, which was oddly fun. Fitness Bread comes from a series of oneshots by Puph 17 and was used with his permission, I highly suggest giving his stuff a read.
If you want to talk about this story and other Smash fanfics with other people then there's a neat discord called Super Smash Prose you can join. The join code is gDK48ua.