It was one of those days where Tezuka neither said anything, nor showed anything; but when did he ever?
He was always full of expression, Fuji could always tell. And right now, as he had been standing outside his house, face sullen and hand gripping his shoulder, Fuji simply let the taller boy through his door and let him make the natural route to his room.
It wasn't the first time and he would like to think it would definitely be the last. The one thing he hated about Tezuka was his injury. An injury that by all means he hadn't caused himself. An injury which until just recently almost rendered him unable to do the very thing the stoic captain had wanted to achieve and accomplish for the rest of his life.
It was almost routine and he hated it.
Fuji grabbed an ice packet and grabbed a vinyl taking extra caution which he chose and headed upstairs. Like usual Tezuka was shirtless lying down in the middle of his bed. He didn't even bother to look nor glance at him once he entered and he didn't care either. Walking over to the record player in his room he opened it and put in the vinyl before letting the needle go.
Music drifted into the room and he looked back at Tezuka who had his eyes closed, like always.
Climbing into his own bed, he too lied down, ice packet in hand gently and slowly lifted Tezuka's shoulder, slipping the now covered packet just under the shoulder and over to the other side. Tezuka flinched and his eyes shot up in concern. Tezuka raised his right hand, fingers brushing against his and he relaxed.
They stayed like that for minutes, listening to nothing but the music play on his record player like they had many times before and every time he came to dread every single record he had managed to put on. Tezuka knew this because there were times those eyes would peer open and glance at him with uncertainty and Fuji would smile, not his usual one but not his genuine one either and that was all Tezuka needed to understand that it was okay.
Fuji stared at the shoulder thinking what it felt like, what it felt like to be him at this moment; what it felt like to carry such a burden and found himself falling into a place he didn't want to fall into. If it was him, he wouldn't stand it but if it was, he also wouldn't believe it. Already having issues focusing on matches that seriously mattered and unable to play seriously, he probably would use it as a reason to stop playing indefinitely. And as much the idea entertained a side of him that rarely ever saw the light of day, he shoved it so down into his conscious to the point where it didn't even tickle it.
It was unfair and unjust to think of this injury in that fashion, so he scolded himself. Tezuka was everything he was not and amongst everything, a stronger person he would probably never be. He had this weight on him that stupidly enough made him even more stubborn than he should and for that Fuji had expressed more than once. Maybe the first time these visits began, the first time he had stood outside with that expression of pain, anger and total defeat. An expression so unlike Tezuka that Fuji wanted to outright smack him for being so unlike himself, but caught his unruly, nasty self and simply attended to him. Tezuka only knowing that Fuji would disagree but hadn't voiced his concern; for that he was grateful.
Tezuka's fingers brushed along his hand which still pressed the cold ice packet against his now cool and chill skin. Not realizing until that second that he had closed his eyes and tightened the hold on his shoulder, Fuji retracted his hands from him and Tezuka turned to look at him, "Fuji." Was all he said and it was all he needed to hear.
He smiled and placed his hands back onto the packet, gently lifting it to see if it was okay. "I know." Not at all bothering to stop the tear that fell from his eye, and applied light pressure onto the packet.
He wanted to be there as much as he could and this was the only way he knew how. Because no one could pick up the pieces that were Tezuka Kunimitsu, sometimes even he couldn't, but he was capable of helping him at least find the ones he had dropped somewhere along that treacherous dark path. Tezuka didn't need to voice his thoughts for Fuji to know he was there for him, just his presence was good enough for him to understand; for that he was glad. He could lean on him at times and detach himself whenever he liked but he found it comfortable under that wing of trust and understanding Tezuka would often give him.
A sort of dependent yet independent relationship that didn't merit words. A contradiction like everything they both were.
The record stopped playing it was only until then that Tezuka sat up, Fuji held onto the packet, eyes following the older teen as he shrugged and stretched his arm just the bit. Fuji looked at his computer chair not wanting to pay attention to the way he would sometimes delve a little longer than usual at the way Tezuka's muscles flexed, wondering how many more times did he had to go through this before it was okay.
Having only heard the silence which by all means was not uncomfortable but deafening all the same, Fuji sat up crawling his way out of bed to flip the vinyl around.
That's all it took for Tezuka to feel more or less back to normal. He didn't understand it very well but then again he wasn't a doctor nor did he feel the same pain to fully understand. He just knew whenever those eyes would glance at him with that same expression of pain, his brow creasing just that much to indicate it still hurt.
Turning back around, he grabbed the ice packet which had defrosted and like usual went to grab the other one he had. He was beginning to think that maybe he should name them but pushed the thought to the side for a more amusing time, if he ever found it in these situations.
Fuji walked back into his room finding the captain a miss and paid no mind, climbing back into bed waiting for him. The music was Tezuka's favorite today and although usually he had to listen to his Celtic collection, today he figured a change of pace would be good. It felt like it would be better today, maybe he was being naive and thinking that he and the power of music gradually had the power to heal but he felt it. Like people usually felt gut instincts, he felt that it would be okay and that maybe, for once, maybe today might just be the last.
A bitter smile rose to his lips at the thought of these little visits ending. It was good but it was also very lonesome, very quiet on the days that he hadn't come by. He thought perhaps he was becoming delusional. Thinking and playing with the thoughts of having Tezuka more often rather than for these simply, painful and excruciating times.
But that's when he heard it. Something crashing onto his bathroom floor and he quickly went to investigate.
Tezuka standing over the glass he had broken, his expression would be one of no emotion if Fuji wasn't keen on picking up his expressions, but he was. He sighed not at all caring about the glass but in defeat that today he was also so very wrong. The sigh woke up his friend from his temper tantrum and immediately he was seconds into apologizing before Fuji smiled and extended his hand out to him. Tezuka took it and carefully weaved his way out of the broken glass, following the tensai back into his room without words to say, without the need to, and with a frown in place.
Something so very unlike him had brought on his temper tantrum and Fuji knew. It was frustration. It was anger and it was self pity. Because he couldn't do it himself. He depended and he was tired of depending. At times, Tezuka could be more of a child than he himself probably led on to believe and this delighted Fuji. Because it meant that somewhere underneath that guard he put up for the world to see, beneath that scowl lied someone so very human, someone so very childish just like his respective age. Just like they were supposed to be.
The stoic captain sat down and lied back down with Fuji climbing onto his other side to reapply the ice packet. The music began as per usual and Fuji closed his eyes not at all wanting to express the hurt that he knew was evident in them. Seeing Tezuka to this point was probably the worst, the most painful he's been since Yuuta left. He didn't want Tezuka to know at that very moment that right then, he too was in just the same amount of pain as he was. He didn't. So he resulted to hiding underneath that mask he knew so very well. Somewhere where it was safe and comfortable, away from the pain they both felt.
He felt Tezuka's fingers work their way into his hand, intertwining them with his and giving it a small squeeze. Fuji understood right then and there that he was his strength, his guidance and his courage; just as Tezuka was his during own times of need, his own moments of turmoil.
Smiling just that bit, Fuji opened his eyes to stare into hazel eyes. "I still prefer the Celtic music."
A/N: Finally it's up and running T_T
This was something I wrote at exactly 5:30 am when I just so happened to wake up after just two hours of sleep. Really random and really spontaneous but glad I was able to get something out of nothing. Mind you I was half asleep when I wrote this so if some things don't make sense I'm so sorry. I tried my best to keep the original piece because I found it to be a very interesting idea that just popped into my head Dx
Let me know what you think.
Also, Tezuka having a temper tantrum and Fuji calming him is the cutest thing I think I've ever written xD!