Mario and Bowser's New Frenemy Adventure
By: C. Mechayoshi
Chapter 1: Go-Karting With Bowser, 2nd Edition
Author note: As of 6/2/19, look out for a new story coming soon!
Zoom! One racer used a mushroom to fly off a ramp, clear the one-thousand foot drop below, and land in third place. The racer in eighth was unfortunate enough to overshoot a tight curve. They flew off the track and Lakitu 'fished' them to safety. The first place racer used their Koopa Troopa shells to block the perfectly aimed red shell barrage from the disgruntled second place racer.
This was a Mario Kart race (-SPONSORED BY FUNGUS UP:: The drink that 'springs up overnight!'), where Mario Mario, famed hero, and his diverse acquaintances routinely took it to the streets, dirt tracks, underwater, sand, snow, whatever Cheese Land is supposed to be, and anything else to win the gold. This particular race took place on the floating, ever dangerous Rainbow Road so calming music played, comets darted through the dark sky, and the nerves of ever racer were on edge. The usual.
"Mario, you're an idiot.." King Bowser Koopa growled as he trailed a few yards behind Mario in his kart. His massive clawed hands gripped the steering wheel tighter.
Cool wind blew through Mario's hair and mustache as he ignored his greatest rival, more concerned with holding the lead in the final lap. An item box gifted him a single banana, immediately deployed behind his kart as he saw Bowser approaching in his rear view.
"Caught up with ya, plumber boy!" Bowser said. The two where parallel, taking turns glaring at each other before bringing their attention back to the daring curves of Rainbow Road. "Just wait until I get a Super Leaf!" Bowser veered into Mario's path, bumping the plumber almost off the edge. Mario did the same only to nudge Bowser about an inch.
"Gained some pounds?" Mario teased.
"Back at you, Red."
"Well," Mario continued, "you know that item's only in Mario Kart 7, right?"
"Which one is this?"
"Eight. I think?"
"...I knew that!"
Toad, the relatively young and new adviser to the Princess shrieked as a sudden burst of speed put him right behind hero and villain. Mario caught the entire thing in his rear view. Toad was completely engulfed by the shadow of a looming Thundercloud. Zap! In a blinding flash, Toad was shrunk, allowing Yoshi to take his place in third.
"Yoshi! Yoshi!" Yoshi said, speaking in his native tongue.
"Good riddance. These losers were starting to get too much narration," Bowser said. "This is about OUR rivalry. Now watch this. I've done all of the calculations and this will hit you smack in that stupid plumber face!"
Bowser threw a green shell at a barrier with 'FUNGUS UP' on it. The shell ricocheted backwards and shot right past Bowser, narrowly missing.
Mario stifled a laugh. "Bowser? Er, what grades did you get in math again?"
Bowser's vision went red until he took a deep breath. His new doctor had been getting on him about his blood pressure after all.
Meanwhile far up in the heavens, even farther than Rainbow Road, the Great Eldstar's pager went off. This typically indicated that some lightning was needed somewhere on Earth. In fiddling with the pager, Eldstar dropped the star shard he was polishing and the priceless artifact made a loud clink on the marble floors of the Star Temple.
"Is everything fine?" Twink's childlike voice echoed from across the hall.
"All is Fine," Klevar spoke up from a pile of ancient books. "There is probably a Mario Kart occurring. Did you know that the thundercloud item has 7,000,000 bolts of electricity? I read it right here..."
The Great Eldstar finally read the message from the pager to see that Klevar was correct. Eldstar's powers weren't really for amusement and fake gold trophies, but he did it anyway. The pushover...
...Back on earth:
Bowser was so upset he was lost for words when he spun out on a measly banana. In a matter of a few minutes the competition got fierce with the twelve racers, Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, Daisy, Toad, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Koopa, Toadette, Junior, and Birdo being in one massive group. Mario collided with a fake item box and surrendered first place. He felt the prize slipped out of his hands until-
ZAP! Everyone except for Donkey Kong in 12th place were reduced to wimpy toy sized karts. It happened so suddenly that there was mass confusion. Koopa, Toadette, and Birdo fell off the edge. Junior, Daisy and Peach collided with loose items already on the track. Yoshi, that crazy dinosaur, didn't care and drove merrily as ever in fun-size. Toad's brain was already kind of fried from the previous thunder strike so he was fine. Maybe.
Donkey Kong silently thanked the Crystal Coconut for whatever had just happened. He barged through everyone and was about to get first.
"Not so fast, monkey breath!" Bowser threw a banana ahead of himself which bounced off of a 'LICHEN COLA' barrier and straight into Donkey Kong's face. The blinded ape veered to the side and rammed into the a barrier, spinning out.
Mario pushed the pedal to the metal at the opening for first. Bowser saw this and slammed the gas as well. The finish line was only a few meters away and the two gunned it past all remaining racers. Both hero and villain crossed the line in miniature form.
All twelve racers eagerly gathered around in the Mario Kart Lobby, a garage like area, to see their final score. The top three placements were permitted access to the 'VIP' lounge, often called the 'winner's circle'. The normal lobby, 'loser's circle', was for everyone else.
"Dfkd s flksdj f lksdfe wr!" Toad said to everyone who was getting restless.
Everyone stared back at the castle adviser until Lakitu behind a laptop cleared his throat loudly.
"Okay, I finally got this blasted thing to work. Third place.. Yoshi. Yay..."
"Yoshi!" Yoshi did a 'flutter jump' as he accepted his bronze trophy. He strolled right through the glass doors to the VIP area which housed drink machines full of popular sodas, a large couch, and a big TV showing replays.
Lakitu continued unceremoniously. "Second… Toad."
Toad spun in circles, bowed, and then said, "Asdkfjsdl lksdrlfk slkfsdl sldkfjsdl kdk!" He took his silver trophy and did back flips to the winner's circle. No one questioned anything..
Lakitu squinted oddly at the final result on screen.
"WHO WON ALREADY?!" several racers shouted.
Lakitu rolled his eyes. "I've never seen this before but I don't really care. First place in the cup with the highest score is….Mario-"
Mario jumped in the air in triumph.
"-and Bowser with a score of fifty points. The rest of you? You lose, go home!"
Mario landed on the ground wide eyed as everyone else dispersed, skipping the losers circle to visit their own comfy houses where they wouldn't be so harshly judged for their placement in a sport that Mario only came up with based on his brief experiences as a taxi driver. Lakitu shoved the fake gold trophy in Mario hand and then left, muttering something about needed vacation time.
"Yeah! Got ya Red!..." Bowser waved a claw in front of Mario's face. "...Moron, hello? I know I'm awesome but you can stop drooling.."
Mario snapped out of it. "How could we tie? Eh, never mind. You're going to call me for 'round two', right?"
"Well OF COURSE. You'd better be in top shape tomorrow."
Mario raised one eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
Bowser flashed his sharp teeth in an expression that could vaguely be described as a smile."Oh you forgot? The tennis match's tomorrow and I changed the line up posted. You're now my partner!"
Mario looked at him like he was crazy. "You did?! So what happened to Luigi's name then?"
"He'll survive on the bleachers. As pesky and infuriating as you are, you're still one of the best players." Bowser chuckled. "I'm not gonna shackle myself to any of these other losers 'round here!"
"Wow," Mario mouthed silently with his head titled up as he questioned the stars as to how much more messed up the day could be, only he heard the low drone of something above.
"Uh, that sounds like my ride getting close." Bowser looked around. "I'm getting a drink, want something?"
"I'm on a diet."
"Sure." Bowser stared at Mario's gut briefly. "Since one of us here are comfortable with our bodies, spare me a few coins. A want a Morel Moxie and I left my wallet in my other shell."
Mario dug in his pocket to see what he had. "If I give you the dumb coins, will you leave me alone?"
Bowser flashed him that 'grin' again. "I'm the one stuck here waiting here for my ride. You could have left anytime, but I know, I'm irresistible. Ha! Why don't you tell the princess that too sometime?"
Mario slapped the coins in Bowser's hand then slapped his own face.
The rest of the day moved on like the constantly shifting scenes of a stage play. That night, Mario lie in bed mildly bothered as he was reminded yet again that all excitement in his life was often tied to Bowser. What did that mean, he wondered as he dimmed the lights, Luigi long asleep in his own bunk across the bedroom. Mario was in contact with Bowser as much as, well, all of his other friends. Their intense and competitive interactions were becoming a sport in itself. Bowser was certainly an enemy, no one who cost so much trouble could be anything but, but he was almost a friend. A friend you dislike. Mario could get used to that. Maybe forever even...
Author note: All sodas are from Nintendo Adventure Book #12: Brain Drain.
(Archived) Original summary: The friendly (and not so friendly) rivalry never ends between Mario and Bowser. Reimagining of Frenemies Forever. Shorter. Sweeter. New adventure. New surprises. How far will they go? And yes, they will go farther than before. Genres: Friendship/ Adventure
Originally Completed: 3/13/18
Revamped: 8/9/18, edit 12/15. Edited again 5/13/19