Voldie's Gone Ghetto!

Summary: Voldemort has devised an evil plan that will have Harry bagging for mercy. Voldie has become a white-ghetto-wannabe!!! Voldemort and Ron share a few 'yo mama' jokes. Funny and short. PLEASE REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, so blame J. K. Rowling if it sucks. Actually, you can blame the obscene amount of candy that I consumed before writing it.


"Muhahahahaaha!!!" Voldemort laughed evilly inside of his secret lair.

"Much better sir." Wormtail said. "Very scary."

Voldemort didn't look satisfied. "I'm looking for more fear then scary." Wormtail nodded. "How about this one; MUUUHHHHAAAAHHHAAAHHHAAA!!!!!!"

"Perfect, sir." Wormtail said obediently. "I'm terrified down to my very bones."

"Good." Voldemort said with an evil smile. "Now I shall kill Potter!" Wormtail looked hesitantly at him. "I know I know. I didn't kill him the last three times I've tried. But I didn't have an evil laugh then!"

"Of course, sir." Wormtail said, nodding in agreement.

"And, besides, I have another evil plan that will have him begging for mercy!" Voldemort yelled. He then hurried off into his bedroom chamber.

When he walked out a half hour lather, Wormtail had to hold back his laughter. Voldemort was wearing jeans that were ten sizes too big and hung down below his butt. You could see his boxers, which were pink with purple hearts. He was wearing a Hello Kitty basketball jersey and a matching visor that was worn off to the side. To top it all off, around his neck was a huge chain with a pendent the size of a dinner plate, which read; #1 evil villain.

"And this is suppose to scare Harry Potter?" Wormtail asked, hiding a smile.

"Of course!" Voldemort yelled, taking the toothpick out of his mouth. "I'm a thug! Everyone's afraid of thugs!" Wormtail nodded and they headed off for Hogwarts.

When they arrived, they found Harry, Ron, and Hermione all sitting alone in the Gryffindor common room.

"Mr. Potter! We meet at last!" Voldemort yelled, jumping out from behind the shadows.

Harry stood up suddenly and yelled in a mimicking way, "Voldemort! You look like a freak!"

"Don't try to hide your fear Potter! I am pimped out, and you know it!" Voldemort yelled.

"Is this suppose to be intimidating?" Harry asked with a laugh, looking at Voldie's clothing. Voldemort looked hurt, and Wormtail silently pleaded for him to be scared. "Because it is!" Harry added quickly. He suddenly screamed like a girl, and hid behind the couch.

"MUUUHHHAAAHHHAAAHHHAAA!!!" Voldemort cackled evilly. "MUUUUUUUUHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Voldemort looked around the room, expecting to see everyone cowering in the corners, but they all looked at him strangely. "Too much?" he asked thoughtfully.

"You might want to work on your evil cackle." Ron said. Voldemort looked shocked with his mouth hanging open.

Voldie quickly recovered and said, "Hey Weasley!"

"Yeah.....?" Ron asked, looking at Voldemort as if he were an idiot.

"Yo mama's so fat, they have to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through." Voldemort shot at Ron.

"Oh no you di'nt!" Ron said, snapping his fingers and getting all-up- in Voldie's face. "Yeah? Well, yo mama's so stupid she put a phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call!" Ron shot back, smacking his own butt.

"Oh snap!" Harry yelled from the other side of the room.

"Burn!" Hermione said loudly.

"But, you know what?" Ron asked. "Why don't we get off of mama's, cause I just got off of yours!"

"Really?" Voldemort whispered, furrowing his brow.

"No." Ron reassured him.

"Oh, okay." Voldie said with a smile. "Let us carry on, then." He suddenly got his ghetto-groove back and yelled, "Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!"

"Well, yo mama's so stupid, she gave birth to you!" Ron yelled. The room got very quiet.

"That's wack, yo." Voldemort said.

"What?" Ron asked, getting out of his ghetto mood.

"Well, you see," Voldemort said logically. "We were trading snaps that offended the other person's mother. But, you see, that snap that you just said, it..... it offended m-me!" Voldemort burst into tears.

"Oh, I'm sorry Voldemort!" Ron said, rushing over to Voldie and patting him on the back. "Shhhhh..... it's okay." Ron whispered. Harry and Hermione looked at him oddly.

"I just wish that p-people would stop acting like I d-don't have f- feelings." Voldemort cried, blowing his nose on a black hanky with a green dark mark on it.

"But you do have feelings." Ron pointed out encouragingly.

"I know!" Voldemort agreed, wiping his eyes.

"Listen, Voldemort," Harry said kindly, walking up to him. "Why don't you go home, take a bath, and come back and kill me another time. K?" he asked, patting Voldemort's arm and smiling at him.

"Okay." Voldemort sniffled. "See you guys later!" He said, smiling at Harry, Hermione, and Ron. But before he left, Voldemort turned to Ron and said, "The snaps were bitchin' yo."

"Word." Ron said, nodding his head.


A/N: DONE! This took me about a second to write. I am on a major sugar high, due to the fact that I have eaten my weight in chocolate bunnies (Easter candy!). PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!