Fidelius - a tale of pig-headedness 2: Seven plagues

by Polydicta

Once more, Harry Potter is called upon to save British Wizarding society - this time from a Minister for Magic who simply won't change his mind. Warning for Biblical Plagues and nasty death.


All fiction is derivative and fan fiction doubly so. I make no claim to own any part of any of the following, all I have done is an attempt to put together the elements in a novel fashion, using words and ideas like Lego ™ bricks.

There is no money involved – all I do is to share what I do for my own amusement.



Fidelius - a tale of pig-headedness 2: Seven plagues


On the second day of the illusory plague he had brought upon British wizardkind, he dressed in plain black robes, put the ring with the second hallow on his finger, wrapped himself in his invisibility cloak and, picking up the Elder Wand, apparated to the atrium of the Ministry of magic.

Willing himself to be somewhat visible, he stood and regarded the comings and goings of the populace in the ministry. His half-seen, shadowed figure caused gasps of horror as people recognised the figure from the prophesy.

He was accosted by a terrified Percy Weasley. "What do you want?"

The cloak disguised the voice of the wearer when used in this manner, and a hollow rasp replied, "ask your minister if he shall recant his foolishness. I will wait for his answer."

The toady scuttled off, returning some time later with the minister's reply, "he says that he is the Minister of Magic, and do not meddle in things that do not concern you."


Midnight saw the previous people once more in Grimmauld Place.

Magic was gathered, and Harry waved his wand over the map while incanting, " illud secretum non Magicals in Britain know that water isn't blood and that it is drinkable. Illud non latet. Finite-fidelis!"

And thus the charm was broken.

Once more, Harry gathered his magic and waving his wand over the map once more, he incanted:

"Arcanum est: Magicals in Britain know that food may be consumed by way of their mouths. Occultatum eam. Hoc sacramentum participes omnes poterunt. Fidelis!"*

This time the charm would be left for seven days.


Each day, Harry disguised himself and returned to the Ministry. Each day he asked the same question, and each day he was refused. Each day he saw wizards and witches becoming more fractious and surly as they hungered ever more on their enforced diets.

On the third day, however, the aurors were called and they tried to move him on. Then they tried to arrest him, but it is difficult to arrest someone who is as insubstantial as smoke.

On the fourth day, they tried to curse him, but with precisely as much effect, other than managing to curse a member of the public who was on the other side of Harry's insubstantial form. After that they left him alone.

On the seventh day, Percy didn't come by, so Harry went to find the Minister.

"Shall you recant your foolishness, Emmanuel Cracknell?"

Once more he was told "I am the Minister of Magic, do not meddle in things that do not concern you."


That night the secret was again changed, this time the secret was that Magicals in Britain know that they are not being swarmed by biting flies.

Seven days was once more the time for the plague to run.


Invisible Harry was amused to see the folks in the Ministry dancing and twirling, trying to avoid the flies they imagined were swarming them. Even more fun was watching the hungry wizards and witches trying to eat after their enforced fasting - and trying to ward off the imaginary insects that surrounded them.

By the time Harry went up to bother the Minister, the Ministry canteen looked as though there had been an all-day food fight. Not for the last time, either.

Again, each day, the Minister refused to change his stance, and then he refused to acknowledge the presence in his office. In reply, Harry figured out how to make the sounds of a swarm of flies using a comb and a sheet of paper in order to increase the pressure on the Minister.

At the end of the week, Harry changed the secret yet again. This time, he hid the fact that "Magicals in Britain are not covered in suppurating boils and running abcesses."


The stench of essence of murtlap, essence of dittany and anti-boil paste in the Ministry that morning was overwealming.

Wandering invisibly, Harry would occasionally use his makeshift kazoo to make workers jump nervously at the sound of a nearby swarm of flies. He did the same with the Minister.

A week passed, and still without any change in the Minister's position. The wiches and wizards who Harry saw were looking ever more haunted and gaunt. Often, he would find someone in the offices passed out because the lack of sleep had caught up with them.

By the following Monday, there was a shortage of murtlap, dittany and the ingredients of the anti-boil paste. Likewise, by Wednesday, other emollients were in short supply.

A fortnight of the Plague of Boils, and still the Minister stood resolute. Everybody else was ready to lynch the man, but any disturbance was put down hard.

And the plague ended on schedule, to be replaced by Adult magicals in Britain know that the weather is not unsurvivably cold.

It took three days to bring Magical Britain to a standstill and, while it was a fairly warm spring, the few magicals moving around outside were bundled up in massive heaps of clothing and warming charms.

At four days, Harry relented even in the face of an unmoving Minister. The perceived cold was all too likely to kill people due to heatstroke. Just to make it worse, children could see that the adults were acting stupidly.

And still the Minister ignored the entreaty to relent.

At the next meeting, the plague became, "Magicals in Britain know that they can see more than a shadowy twilight world about them."

This time, there was a dull resolve to weather the plague as before.