An Anticlimactic Ascension:

Madoka knew now what she had to do. She could no longer sit out and let things take their course. She had to make a contract. And she knew exactly what she would wish for. So she made her way out of the central room of the shelter and-

Mom was standing right behind her, wasn't she?

'Hey. Where are you going?' asked Mom 'The bathroom is that way.'

'Mom…' said Madoka.

'Madoka you are hiding something from me, aren't you?' asked Mom. Madoka said nothing. 'You can't tell me?'

'Mom, I have to go somewhere right now in order to save a friend of mine.' said Madoka.

'Leave it to the fire department.' said Mom 'We civilians have to stay put.'

'It has to be me.' said Madoka.

Mom slapped her. 'Do you know how much you're making the people around you worry?! Stop being so selfish?!'

'I know.' said Madoka. 'I also know that I can't just throw my life away. I know very well how much you and dad love me. That's why you're wrong. I also care about everyone and that's why I need to protect them. I have to do the thing only I can do.

Mom, you told me that I grew up to be a good girl, right? Do you still believe that when I tell you I'm doing the right thing?'

'I believe you've your best friend and are trying to commit suicide.' snapped Mom, before grabbing her hand and dragged her back where she came from. 'Now come on!'

'But Mom-' began Madoka.

'I don't want to hear it, young lady!' snapped Mom 'We're in the middle of a typhoon! What kind of parent would I be if I just let you wander off! Now come on!'

'But mom, Homura is in danger!' said Madoka.
'We're all in danger! That doesn't mean you can go commit suicide!' snapped Mom.
'I'm not trying to commit suicide mom! I have to go help-' began Madoka, before she was hauled in front of the bathroom.

'Enough.' said Mom. 'Now go to the bathroom and I'll wait right here.'

A few minutes later Madoka was loitering around in the shelter under the watchful gaze of Mom. There was no escaping it. Every time she tried to slip out, Mom got up and stopped her. She was worse than Homura.

'Well this didn't work out at all.' said Madoka with crossed legs. 'How am I supposed to save Homura now?'

Kyubey came to her. 'Madoka! Homura is losing!'

'Kyubey, what do you want?' asked Madoka.

'Madoka, who are you talking to?' asked Dad.

'This is what I was talking about.' said Madoka. 'It's a magical animal which grants people wishes in return for their souls.'

'Um, Madoka, I think you need to go lie down.' said Dad. 'There is nothing there.'

'No, see only I can see it.' said Madoka.

'Right.' said Dad 'Um, I'll get get a paramedic.'

'No, dad! I just need to sell my soul to this small white incubator!' saud Madoka 'I don't need medical attention!'

'Madoka, we don't have much time.' said Kyubey 'Pretty soon Homura will die and the witch will destroy this place. You have to make a contract with me. If you don't hurry the men in white coats will come.'

'Madoka crazy! Madoka crazy!' laughed Madoka's little brother.

'God damn it.' said Madoka. 'I wish to erase all witches before they are born! All of the witches in every universe in the past and the future! With my own power!'

'If that wish is granted it would violate the very laws of casuality!' said Kyubey 'Are you trying to become a god?!'

'I don't care whether I become a god or not. I don't want anyone who believes in hope to cry.' said Madoka 'I want them to smile until the very end.'

If a Magical Girl had looked on they would have seen unfathomable power mustering around Madoka as she prepared to rewrite reality itself. Of course there were no Magical Girls here, so instead Madoka just ended up looking mildly silly for being so intense while talking to her imaginary friend.

'Madoka, you're scaring me.' said Mom.

'Hey, lady! Could you keep it down!' snapped a man 'Some of us are trying to sleep here!'

'SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET HER WISH!' roared Mom 'My daughter just lost her best friend a few days ago and is going through a very emotionally traumatic time! Just because she's become completely delusional doesn't mean she shouldn't be treated with respect!'

'Thank you Mom.' said Madoka, feeling more annoyed now than ever.

'Just get it out your system.' said Mom.

'Where was I?' asked Madoka.

'Something to do with hope.' said Kyubey.

'Ah, right.' said Madoka 'That's why I will destroy any rules which get in the way of that! I will remake them! That is my wish! Now grant it, Incubator!'


And then she was no longer in the shelter. Instead she was sitting across from Mami at a table, eating cake and drinking tea like nothing had happened. 'Madoka, do you realize how scary that wish is?' asked Mami.

'Probably.' admitted Madoka.

'You will be unable to remain an indvidual.' said Mami 'Even dying would be easier. You'll be forever linked to the concept of destroying Witches itself.'

'That's fine, that was my intention to begin with.' said Madoka 'If someone told me that it's wrong to have hope, I would tell them that they're wrong. I would keep saying it forever, as many times as necessary.'

'Why not? You've found a reason to fight, right?' said Kyoko, suddenly appearing. 'You've decided not to run away, right?'

'Yeah, thanks Kyoko.' said Madoka, before pausing. 'Um, where is Sayaka. Shouldn't she be here?'

'Um, well, uh,' Kyoko paused. 'maybe Magical Girls who become Witches cease to exist after they die?'

'But the manga clearly shows that Sayaka and Kyoko reunite in the afterlife.' said Mami thoughtfully. 'There are like, three pages dedicated to it.'

'Oh.' So they were breaking the fourth wall now. 'Um… well maybe the anime trumps the manga.' suggested Kyoko.

'Technically speaking the anime doesn't have anything to say on the subject of Sayaka's afterlife.' said Mami 'It's just kind of ambigious. Our source on Sayaka ceasing to exist is official commentary by the creators.'

'Um, this doesn't really matter.' said Madoka.

'Why not?' asked Mami.

'Well even if Sayaka doesn't exist she's going to exist when I kill her before she can become a Witch.' said Madoka. Then she paused. 'Wow, that sounded a lot more ruthless than I thought it would.'

'What I want to know is what happens to ordinary humans when they die.' said Kyoko 'I mean Kyubey says they cease to exist, but Kyubey says a lot of things.'

'He might not even know.' said Mami 'What I find more concerning is Kyubey's claim that human civilization would not exist without Magical Girls. I mean, I've studied history. Because of sexism the vast majority of famous historical figures that have come down to us are mostly men. Woman just didn't have the freedom necessary to make changes in society.

I guess what I'm saying is that this idea that Magical Girls are totally responsible for human civilization is a bit sexist. It raises rather unfortunate implications.'

'Are we even sure this series takes place on Earth?' asked Kyoko 'I mean I don't think any countries get name dropped.'

'That is an interesting question.' said Mami 'I mean we've only seen three notable male characters. Kyosuke, Madoka's dad and Madoka's brother. And all of them were defined entirely by their relationship with a female. If the genders were reversed this series would not pass the bechdel test.'

'Now hang on, what about my dad?!' asked Kyoko 'He was like a preacher and stuff!'

'Can we please focus on me?!' said Madoka in frustration.

'Huh? Why, what's got you so attention crazed?' asked Kyoko.
'I'm literally ceasing to exist to become hope itself and you guys are acting like I'm not even in the room!' said Madoka.

'That's fine.' said Kyoko 'All that's left is for you to do what you have to until the very end.'

'That… doesn't really help much.' said Madoka.

'You're not just granting hope. You're becoming hope itself.' said Mami 'Hope for us all.'

'I just said that.' said Madoka. 'Oh whatever.'


Thus Madoka ascended into heaven and began her crusade against Witches throughout time and space. Her arrows rained throughout the cosmos, finishing off the Witches wherever she found them at the moment they would have been born. And it was good.

'I won't let everyone's wishes end in despair!' proclaimed Madoka 'I'll bear the burden of everyone's fate. So believe in yourselves to the very end.'

Meanwhile at a train station Sayaka was speaking with Kyoko, her soul gem bursting with black energy. 'I was stupid… So stupid-'

Then a bolt of pink energy shattered it and she dropped down dead. Her ghost looked at the corpse and then to the shining pink god appearing before her. 'Um… what just happened here? Madoka what's going on?' Wait, why did she recognize her?

'I uh… kind of shot you.' said Madoka.

'Why?!' said Sayaka.

'Well you were going to die from the despair in your grief seed.' said Madoka.

'So, because I was dying, you decided that you'd much rather kill me yourself?!' said Sayaka 'Is this because I snapped at you at the train station? Because I was gonna apologize for that.'

'It's okay now! I'll take on all your burden before you turn into that.' said Madoka 'You no longer have to curse anyone…'

'I have no idea what you are talking about.' said Sayaka.

'Oh. Right.' said Madoka 'Kyubey doesn't tell people they are going to become Witches unless they ask.'

'We're going to become what?!' said Sayaka.

'Oh right, you weren't here for any of that.' said Madoka 'Um, after you died it turned out that when your Soul Gem fills up with despair it becomes a grief seed and you transform into a Witch. Um, I kind of made a wish to destroy all Witches before they were born in every universe, past, present and future.

So um, now magical girls will just die instead of transforming into Witches.'

'Okay Madoka, you gotta think about these things before you do them.' said Sayaka 'None of the Magical Girls knew any of that when they made the contract, and chances are Kyubey didn't tell them. So from our perspective you aren't so much saving us from a fate worse than death as pointing a bolter to our Soul Gem and blasting us for heresy.'

'Oh.' said Madoka 'Well this is awkward.'


Back to eternity.

'Kaname Madoka, with this your life no longer has a beginning or end. There is no proof that you once lived here, nor are there any memories of you. Your existence has shifted to a higher plane, and has been reduced to nothing more than a mere concept.

Nobody is able to recognize you, and you cannot interact with anyone. You have now ceased to be part of this universe.'

'You know, this is the point where I'd have a heartwarming talk with Homura about how she always was my best friend.' said Madoka in irritation. 'But, Mom stopped me from going to help her so I guess she's out of range.'

'Wait? Homura is your best friend!' snapped Sayaka 'What the hell Madoka! I'm not even dead for a year and you've already replaced me?!'

'Well, I mean she did kind of go back in time for my hundreds of times-' said Madoka.

'I've been protecting you since we were in preschool.' said Sayaka.

'Can't I have two best friends?' asked Madoka in a small tone.

'Technically you can't have any friends, since you don't exist.' said Kyubey.

'SHUT UP KYUBEY!' roared Madoka 'Or your race shall be cast into the lake of fire to be tormented forever and ever!'

Sayaka flinched. 'Did you just threaten someone with eternal damnation for sassing you?'

'I'm having a bad day, Sayaka.' admitted Madoka. 'Maybe we should just move on.'


It was a musical theater with only a few people there. There were the judges and one other, a girl named Hitomi. Kyosuke made his way forward onto the stage and raised his violin. 'I'm number 25. Kyosuke Kamijou. I will be performing Ava Maria.'

Then he began to play, a sad, lonely melody which could have brought tears to the eyes of the hardened hearts. And as he played two figures watched unseen by all.

Madoka listened intently. However Sayaka had an irritated expression on her face, rather than an enchanted one. This was not at all what she expected. And man had Madoka been thinking that a lot lately.

'I'm sorry things ended up this way, Sayaka.' said Madoka 'In order to save you, Sayaka I would have to make it so none of this ever happened. But I figured that you didn't want that to happen.'

'You figured wrong.' said Sayaka 'I want to live again.'

Madoka blinked in surprise. 'Um… are you sure?'

'Yup. Absolutely.' said Sayaka.

'Well, uh, Sayaka, it's kind of a rule of the timelines that in any universe where you contract you die.' said Madoka 'So, in order for you to survive Kyosuke would have to stay crippled.'

'I'm kind of okay with that.' admitted Sayaka.

Madoka gave he a disapproving look. 'Isn't that a bit mean, Sayaka?'

'Mean? Huh, I guess it is.' said Sayaka 'Hey, you know what's also mean? Convincing someone to sell their soul to heal your grevious injury and then not bothering to tell them when you got out of the hospital!'

'I'm sure he didn't mean any harm.' said Madoka, although in some universes he HAD meant harm, just not this one.

'And I'm sure I don't care.' said Sayaka.

'Hitomi will probably be sad.' Madoka warned her.

'Yeah, and I was very sad after she drove me into a breakdown that led to my Soul Gem going black.' said Sayaka 'You know what they say, Madoka. Paybacks a witch.'

'So you don't want to be a magical girl then?' said Madoka.

'Nah, I just want to change my wish.' replied Sayaka.

'To what?' asked Madoka.

'I'm going to wish that I am not doomed to die in every timeline I contract.' said Sayaka 'That way I get to live and I get to still hang out with Kyoko and the others. Everyone wins!'

'Except for Kyosuke and Hitomi.' noted Madoka, frowning.

'Screw em.' said Sayaka with a laugh.

'But I thought you were going to fight for others sake.' said Madoka.

'Yeah, because that worked out so well for me in the past.' said Sayaka 'Let's face it, I only made that wish so Kyosuke would fall in love with me. It didn't work, so I'd much rather use my wish for my own selfish benefit.'

'That sounds more like something Kyoko would say.' noted Madoka.

'Yeah, she gave me some good advice.' said Sayaka wistfully.

'Sayaka, Kyoko's bad influence aside, this doesn't seem like an in character decision for you.' mused Madoka 'I mean sure you know that in every timeline where you contract you die now, but in your mortal life you don't. You're kind of…' What was the word? 'Metagaming here.'

'Oh no,' said Sayaka in deadpan 'if only I had an omnipotent goddess for a best friend who can fudge reality so things work out.'

'I just think you are acting a bit spitefully is all.' said Madoka.

'I know, aren't I?' asked Sayaka with a smile.

'You may regret this.' said Madoka.

'Look are you going to let me have my life back or not?' asked Sayaka.

'Um, yeah sure I guess.' said Madoka, before pausing. 'So are you sure?'

'Absolutely.' said Sayaka.

'Well this didn't go how I was expecting it to at all.' muttered Madoka.

'Yes it did.' said Sayaka,

'What do you mean?' asked Madoka.

'Your omniscient, Madoka.' said Sayaka 'It is literally impossible for you to be taken by surprise.'

'Okay fine. So this event was actually inevitable.' admitted Madoka 'There are an infinite number of possible universes out there and it was inevitable that at least one of them would contain a version of you who decided to take back her wish.

But as your friend I felt obligated to play devil's advocate.'

'Wait so god is playing devil's advocate?' asked Sayaka 'That's ironic.'

'You really have been hanging out way too much with Kyoko.' said Madoka. 'And I'm warning you, this is going to backfire spectacularly.'

'Just reset the universe.' said Sayaka.

'Fine. Have it your way.' said Madoka.

High in the heavens as the new Law of Cycles, Madoka Kaname sat on a rock looking down from heaven upon the world. She had ascended into heaven, become the Law of Cycles itself and how had everyone reacted?

Everyone just sort of looked at her like a crazy person!

A great lion, the lion sat down beside her. She looked up.

'You know what, Aslan Being good sucks.' Madoka said.

'Try dying on the stone table some time.' said Aslan.


Authors Note:

Dedicated to everyone who thought that Madoka's mom was acting completely out of character when she let her daughter wander out into the middle of a storm. Also dedicated to everyone who thought that Kyosuke not having the use of his arms would be a small price to pay for Sayaka still being alive.