Yuu Watase = pretty, talented, rich mangaka; Ryuuen-chan =poor, struggling, insomniac fanfiction writer… See the difference?
After n months of inactivity, I'm finally back!? Yeah, yeah, I know… Boo to you, too… Well, anyway, here's my latest series which, like my previous series, I'm not sure whether or not I'd end up finishing… Anyway… This is another Tomo/Soi fic and my first R fic… A dark Seiryuu reincarnation fic. It deals with themes like shounen ai, rape, drugs, depression and suicide among others. This is a first for me and I don't even know if it's legal for me to be writing this but anyway… Please tell me what you think. I'd be very grateful for suggestions and constructive criticism. Like I said, this is my first R fic… Please go easy on me…
LIFE. For most people, it is the most precious thing on earth. To live said life fully is the ultimate goal of all. Some people seek to protect it. Others try to find its meaning. Most people, however, cling to life so desperately that they refuse to accept DEATH. But isn't death the reality of life? People are mortal. Most of them find it hard to face this reality, whether for themselves or for others. But still, there are some people who embrace this reality as a lifesaver… their only stronghold in a vast ocean of loneliness and regret. Other people may find this philosophy foolish but I digress… For what is the point of living when your heart and soul are already dead? Is there still hope for redemption?
ENCORE – Ballad of a Soul Trapped
Had it been any other day of the week, I would have rushed out of my bed faster than the speed of light and begun my morning ministrations. However, since said Tuesday was a dreary, bleak and cloudy one in July, all I did was roll over in what passed for my bed, tangling my legs in the filthy sheets and burying my head in that flattened piece of scrap cloth otherwise known as my pillow. I open my eyes partially to find the space beside me vacant. I close my eyes and sigh. He had left again. Not that that was a surprise.
For the past three years, it has always been like this. We'd meet at some goddamn alley, we'd go to my place, we'd fuck like minks and, when the morning comes, he'd leave. Always. Today was no exception.
I tried to get up, becoming suddenly aware of the throbbing pain at the back of my head. I try to shake it away, thinking it was just a migraine but then…
That was me sitting bolt upright at the sudden realization.
That was me falling right back into bed after a sudden rush of blood to the head. And they said too much thinking never killed anybody…
I rub my temples slowly.
Damn that bastard! He drugged me once again! Didn't I tell him after the first time not to drag me into his profession and yet…
I shut my eyes, waiting for the pain to subside before throwing the covers off of me, revealing the fact that I wore nothing underneath. Not that there was anyone to see me so I didn't care. Pushing myself into a sitting position, I gaze around the room aimlessly, clenching my fist at the thought of what the prick had done to me. Correction. What I let him do to me.
An audible sigh escapes my lips, echoing through the stillness of my room. Not that it mattered anymore.
At least I have him…
The mere thought made me shudder and involuntarily draw myself into a fetal position. Yeah, right! And I'm a sweet-sixteen virgin… Now I know what she had felt like before… I sigh yet again. But this was what I wanted, was it not? To be the one with whom he shared his bed, if nothing more, every night. This was what I died for, right? The feeling of his arms around me no matter where his mind and heart may be. This was why I forced myself to live a bitter, cold life, wasn't it? Just for this single moment of warmth… Just for the illusion of being loved, I am willing to give up everything… as she did…
Pathetic! Fools… the both of us…
Thunder sounded in the distance, announcing the coming of a storm and, as though in response, drops of water began pattering against my window. It was Tuesday. A rainy, unaccommodating Tuesday but a Tuesday nonetheless. I had my classes at the University. How I managed to get in there, I don't know. Nonetheless, I was already in my third year, taking up studies in Literature and Journalism. I managed to support myself for the past three years through my writings, both financially and emotionally. Without my writing, I may have gone insane by now.
Picking myself up, I make my way towards the bathroom, not bothering to wrap anything around me naked figure. Some people way that I may as well be a woman with this figure. How I wish it were so. That way, maybe he would have paid more attention to me. I shake the thought off. Wishful thinking would get me nowhere.
I pad silently into the cramped space, trying to avoid the various object that littered my room. Everything about my apartment was cramped and I had to thank whatever god there be that I wasn't claustrophobic. Reaching the sink, I splash my face with cold water before finally looking myself at the mirror. A pale face, raven-black tresses plastered against my face, some escaping from the knot at my nape, two amber orbs staring back at me. I look away. It was always painful to look at myself like this. It brought back too much pain, too much memories of a time when gods were bastards who took the liberty of binding your life to a destiny which you have no choice but to accept… When war was law and only the strong survived… A past life… Maybe. A life of masks and deception and lies and illusion and… him…
Somehow, everything in my life, then and now, always leads back to him. Him and his cool, blue eyes, unwavering stare, proud bearings… Him and his ambition, desires and plans… Him and his cold-heartedness and subtle cruelty…
I shake my head before splashing water upon my face once again in an attempt to clear my thoughts. I then step into the shower and sigh.
Damn, I'm hopeless!
Outside, the rain continued its full assault as a yellow cab drew into the parking space below and two figures stepped out.
A girl in her late teens with chestnut brown hair looked at her friend and sighed. "So, this is it?"
The other simply nodded her head in acquiescence, adjusting the hood of her jacket. Steel-blue eyes sparkled with hints of tears as she faced her best friend.
"I'll miss you, Miyuki-chan."
The brown-haired girl, now known as Miyuki, smiled and hugged her. "Yeah, me too. But at least you get to do what you want."
The blue-eyed girl replied, "I know. If only Hiroji weren't that eager…"
"So," Miyuki began, almost regretfully, clutching her friend's hand in hers. "I guess I'll be leaving now. You have your stuff, ne?"
The other nodded.
"Yeah. Thanks for everything."
"Keep in touch, okay… And if it's about a guy, send me a picture…"
She laughed and hugged her friend. "I will, Miyuki-chan…"
And with that, the blue-eyed girl ran towards the front door of the apartment building.
Her friend just stood there for a few moments before once again mounting the cab that took them there.
"Take care, Kaen-chan…"