I wrote this for my bubby, JC of the Corn. I decided to publish it here with some alterations.


In the middle of the forest clearing was a log cabin. Inside by a table stood a tall, blonde wizard. The wizard was fiddling with vials of dust and liquids. Once he was done the wizard smiled and raised his hand. The vials started to glow and he then muttered something in a forgotten language and then snapped his fingers.

Everything exploded and the roof was filled with smoke. The Wizard had a coughing fit as he opened the window and waved the smoke away with his hand. He then looked at the destroyed room and the soot that covered his robes and hat.

"Dang it," he muttered, "I knew I messed up somewhere." He then snapped his hands and his magic went to robes were cleaned and his table and viles returned back to normal.

"Alrighty then," he sighed as he flipped through a book, "now where did I go wrong?" After a few minutes of researching, there was a knock at the door. "Come in." The door opened and in walked a familiar figure. "Ah Miss Goodwitch, it's good to see you again." He greeted. "How's Beacon?"

"It's good to see you to Master Wizard Ozpin," Glynda greeted. "It's been a while. As much as I want to catch up, I'm unfortunately here for business. I have a… quest I need to complete and I need your magic to help me."

"As long as it's not out of my realm of power, I can assist you. Now, what is it I can help you with Glynda?"

"Ozpin…" she paused before pointing to her crotch, "I need you to give me a penis."

"No problem I ca-" Ozpin paused and his eyes widened "... wait what?"

"I said I need you to give me a dick," Glynda repeated.

Ozpin blinked before digging a finger in his ear. "I think that explosion from earlier has affected my hearing. Can you please repeat that?"

"I will say it slowly then. I need you. To give me. A huge. Big. Long. Meaty. Throbbing. Cock."

Ozpin could only stand there looking at her. This definitely wasn't how he thought his day was going to go. "I… uh… why?"

"Can you do it?" Glynda asked.

"I… mean I...why though?" Ozpin asked with confusion.

"Can. You. Do. It?" Glynda asked slowly in annoyance. "Can you give me a penis? I'm not asking you to replace my vagina. I want to keep that, I just also want a dick."

The wizard sighed. "Yes, yes I can do that. Can I just ask why you need a penis?"

"My reasons are my own," Glynda asserted as she adjusted her glasses.

"... is this about producing a child?" Ozpin guessed.

"... partially yes." Glynda replied. The look in her eyes made the grand wizard afraid to ask anymore.

"Alright. Let's just get this over with." Ozpin raised his hand and it started to glow. He muttered awkward and uncomfortable in the same foreign language. Glynda's crotch began to glow the same color from under her skirt, and she shivered at the sensation. When the glow subsided, Glynda lifted her shirt to see the result.

"Hmm," Glynda stared and took a moment to poke it, "so that's what it feels like." She poked it again and couldn't help but giggle.

"Can you not do that while you're standing in front of me please," the wizard sighed.

"...oh, sorry." Glynda blushed and quickly put her shirt back down.

"Ok then," Ozpin sighed again, still not believe he just did that and just wanted this to be done. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Glynda's eyes shuffled around. "...how do I know this works?"

"I am not helping you with that. Do that by yourself at home," he stated bluntly.

"Right… well, I guess that's all. Thank you again Wizard." She bowed before turning to leave.

"Before you go," he called out, making Glynda stop at the door, "one word of advice. Just… please don't put your dick in crazy."

Glynda scoffed. "Relax Ozpin, I'm smarter than that." She went to the door but it closed on her by itself.

"I'm not letting you leave until you promise me."

"Alright fine," Glynda raised her hand. "I swear I won't put my dick in cra-"

(jump cut)

The abandoned village was war-torn and on fire. Ozpin looked annoyed and crossed beyond belief and Glynda looked down in shame.

In the distance, a tan woman with short dark brown hair and teal eyes screamed in rage.

"GAAAAAAH! Glynda! Come out and fight me so I can finally confront my daddy issues." Vernal cried from the distance.

Ozpin slowly turned to Glynda, who cowered under his glare.

"Raven Branwen?" he asked.

"Raven Branwen," Glynda confirmed as she rubbed her elbows in embarrassment.

"Glynda, remember how I told you and you promised me to not put your dick in crazy?"

"... Raven had a nice ass though. It was too good to pass up," she sheepishly admitted.

Ozpin sighed and face palmed. "You stupid thot, I'm too old for this bullcrap." The Wizard then walked away, leaving Glynda and a rage screaming Vernal behind.

I would have tagged Vernal in the character tag, but she's not there for some reason... even though the shopkeep is listed twice...

Anyway, thanks for reading, have a great day :)