The Beauty and
I don't own anything, but the idea for
this story. I don't claim to the Labyrinth, any of its characters
or ideas. This includes any other characters of ideas I have listed here in
this story that are not mine, for example Sponge Bob Squarepants. (If I owned
some of them, I would be forced to kill myself!)
- * * * -
There once lived a dwarf named Hoggle. This
creature was mischievous, terrible and yellow-bellied coward. (A menace you
could say, unless you gave him your jewelry.) Hoggle worked for the head honcho
of the Underground, the ruler over the Goblins, creator of the Labyrinth…
a.k.a. Jareth. Hoggle hated his employer, the Goblin King. He hated him more
that anything, including the TV show, Sponge Bob Squarepants, he's least
favorite thing in the world. As a matter of fact, he thought of Jareth as
nothing more than brussell sprouts chunks with moldy cheese. (Something
everyone hates, dwarf or human.) Hoggle damned Jareth for everything.
One fine sunny day, Hoggle's distaste for the
Goblin King rose to a new high. Hoggle sat within the depths of Labyrinth
forest, when an idea hit him, like Sarah throwing rocks at the castle guard's
heads. It happened when Hoggle was picking his big snout and was about ready to
eat a plump, juicy burger that lay on his finger.
"Eureka!" Hoggle screamed. (If you
have ever heard nails going down a chalkboard, then you have heard Hoggle's
horrid vocal chords when he screams.) The small dwarf jumped from the
lichen-grown toadstool from which he had been sitting upon. Green and brown
lichen flew from Hoggle's rather large buttocks and landed on the forest floor
with a faint thud. (If you are wondering about Hoggle's slimy burger; it flew
through the air and nailed a Coo-Coo Bird in the head, thus saving the British
Tea-Worm's life, only allowing him to die under the crushing weight of the
Laughing, Hoggle jumped into the air
with excitement and clapped his hands together like a giddy schoolgirl on
crack. He fell onto his fat ass, knocking the toadstool out by its roots and
causing a small earthquake in Iran. Hoggle screamed out in pain.
"Damn you, Jareth!" Hoggle
caught himself crying and hurriedly wiped the tears away from his big, blue
eyes. If Jareth had seen him crying, Hoggle would have been thrown headfirst
into the Bog of Eternal Stench. (And Hoggle was smelly enough without being
tossed in there, or so Jareth had once said.) Hoggle pushed himself to his feet
and sniffed back the yellowish snot running down his cheeks back into his nose.
"And damn me too," he darkly muttered.
Forgetting his sudden idea, Hoggle began
to wonder aimlessly down the forest path, leaving a broken toadstool and a huge
crack (from his overly large butt cheeks) in the ground. His mood was darkening
quickly and Hoggle hated to feel upset, for it only gave more room to Jareth
for taunting and torture. Hoggle kicked a pebble that lurked in his path. It
flew threw the air and slammed into a head of a nearby Fiery. The bright orange
creature's head ripped clear off of its body, crashing hard into the dirt.
Hoggle shrieked like an elephant that saw a mouse, for he had never seen
anyone's head tear off of their body like that.
The Fiery's head switched on the ground
and dirt spilled out from its long muzzle. Hoggle was shocked and astounded. It
was still alive! The body of the Fiery turned around and waved a fist at Hoggle
while the head cursed loudly from a mud-caked mouth.
"You can't play like that!"
the head shouted. "It's against the rules! You should loose your
head!" Hoggle quickly grabbed at his neck with stout, clumsy fingers. He
did not want to loose his head… it fit all too nicely onto his neck! Hoggle ran
like Forrest Gump on steroids. The fiery heatedly watched him leave the scene
of the beheading. The body turned toward the direction that Hoggle escaped and
flew the dwarf the bird. The head muttered more profanities. (Among them was,
"When I am done with you… I'll make King Henry the 8th look bad!")
Hoggle did not want to stop running
until he reached his home on the outskirts of the Labyrinth. No such luck for
our friend Hoggle. He turned to see whether the Fiery was behind him and
slammed straight into a tree. (Stupid Hoggle. Oops… I mean, poor Hoggle.) The
bedazzled dwarf fell hard onto the ground and the words, 'Damn you Jareth,'
poured out from his lips. Hoggle's mind did a 360 spin into complete and total
darkness while small, yellow birds feverishly danced around his head. Hoggle's
tongue lazily spilled out from between his lips. He was out cold. (Hopefully,
Hoggle outran that pissed off Fiery!)
- * * * -
Hoggle's hands flew to his neck. The brownish
digits covered the length from the indent at the bottom of his neck to the
underneath of his chin. Hoggle deeply sighed and relief flooded over him. He
felt like he had escaped the clutches of the Headless Horseman from Sleepy
Hallow. The Fiery had not had its revenge… or at least not yet.
Hoggle blindly stared before him. A tall
elm loomed toward the blue-hued sky, his obstacle of almost utter destruction.
Pain numbed Hoggle's senses, forcing him to wish for very strong painkillers.
"I wish for a painkiller,"
Hoggle bitterly muttered while rubbing his throbbing forehead. An anvil flew
through the air and hit Hoggle hard in the chest. The surprised creature slid
back and slammed, back first into another tall elm. More scorching pain sailed
through Hoggle as he evilly glared through his squinted eyes.
A man appeared out of a gust of glitter
and black smoke. His snowy hair of laired puffs flew magically around his long
face into his mismatched eyes of blue and green. The man's thin lips curled
into a smug grin, illuminating his pointed canine teeth. At first, Hoggle
thought the person was a queer dressed in very tight clothing, but it was the
devil. A devil named Jareth.
Jareth waved a black-gloved hand that
concealed a tiny crystal orb. The crystal mysteriously disappeared, taking the
heavy anvil from Hoggle's stomach with it. Hoggle gasped for air. His insides
burned with raging pain, thus causing Hoggle to moan with torment. He glared at
Jareth with one eye and wheezed heavy. Even his lungs hurt and Jareth, the King
of 'Demons,' had not even touched them yet. Jareth snickered wickedly, causing
Hoggle to shake like gooseberry Jell-O. Hoggle tried to summon the remains of
his fading courage.
"What did ya have to go and do that
fer?" Hoggle gasped hugging his bruised and battered belly. Jareth
adjusted the cuff of his glove before answering.
"You wished for a painkiller. I was
more than happy to oblige with your wishes," Jareth replied happily,
"Besides Heggle, it works on Looney Tunes. One wallop on the head… "
Jareth snapped the edge of his leather glove against the smooth flesh of his
wrist. "… And you won't feel a thing."
"It's Hoggle," Hoggle moaned unhappily.
Hoggle suddenly felt that he had better odds of survival with the Fiery than
with the Goblin King. Jareth rolled his eyes, grabbed Hoggle by the tip of his
pointed ear and yanked him (with stubby arms flying) onto his feet.
"Look at you," Jareth declared
tossing Hoggle away from him with revulsion, "Laying down when there is
work to be done. I should throw you headfirst straight into the Bog of Stench
this very minute."
Terror furiously gripped its jaws into
Hoggle's shivering hide. Hoggle quickly fell to his knees and crawled over to
Jareth's side like a baby with poop-filled diaper. With trembling hands, Hoggle
clenched onto the flesh of Jareth's tightly clothed thigh. The earthshaking
creature buried his face into the king's leg, nearly nipping his balls. Should
a casual observer have wondered by at that moment, they would have sworn that
the Goblin King was receiving a blowjob from a dwarf.
Embarrassed by Hoggle's reaction to his
threats, Jareth threw the shaking mess away from his person. "Do that
again and I will throw you in just for fun." Jareth moved his muscular
thigh away from Hoggle by tossing him back onto the ground. Hoggle hysterically
turned around and tried horribly to control his heavy breathing. He was gasping
like a pregnant woman giving birth.
Jareth flicked his wrist and Hoggle's
square-shaped face took shelter behind his arm. An apple appeared in Jareth's
wide-open palm. Hoggle peered underneath the white folds of fabric from his
shirtsleeve. "There is a small boy wondering throughout the
Labyrinth," Jareth cannily told Hoggle. A clock appeared before Jareth's
searching gaze. The long hand of the ghostly clock steadily clicked away the
minutes around its thirteen-numbered face. "He will be here shortly."
The clock vanished, leaving behind traces of blacken haze.
The Goblin King tossed the enchanted
fruit before Hoggle. It slowly rolled to a stop at Hoggle's large and very
smelly feet. The dwarf suddenly felt terrible as he picked up the apple from
dusty ground. The fruit was warm. It burned into Hoggle's soft flesh. Fear
showing luminously in his eyes, Hoggle franticly gazed up toward Jareth, the
crafter of his uncertain doom.
"It won't hurt him…" Hoggle
was cut short.
"Headwart, you not an evil queen
from Snow Queen. Just think of yourself as one of the seven dwarfs and help the
boy out a bit." Jareth grinned wickedly and turned to leave. "Oh and
Hoggle, you have nothing to protect from me this time. It's not Sarah running
Jareth disappeared into the black, glittery
mists from which he came. His laughter was like an evil plague spreading
throughout Hoggle's ears. Anger rose into Hoggle's wrinkled cheeks, flushing
them. He clung onto the apple so hard, he swore that he could smash it into
applesauce. He hated Jareth even more now than he ever had before. Hoggle weak
spot was Sarah and Jareth knew it.
Hoggle unclenched his firm hold on the
apple. He glanced down at the fruit. Its smooth surface was unblemished, much
like the peach he had given Sarah. Hoggle choked back the fresh tears of shame
that the memory had refreshed. He knew Sarah was safe from any harm that Jareth
could place upon her pretty, little head. Hoggle gloomily wondered away from
where the two elms towered to the sky. His troublesome thoughts conjectured
madly within him, like the White Rabbit late with an audience at the Red
- * * * -
Hoggle located the boy by a small creek. The
dwarf watched the small child attentively. The child was cupping his hands and
dipping them into the cool waters of the stream. He would then drink from his
hands or splash the water into his face.
Hoggle pondered about pushing the child
into the waters. The boy was sinewy and small built, easy enough to push and he
looked old enough to know how to swim. Hoggle shook his head, tossing the idea
into his mind's trashcan. Hoggle glanced away form the slender form at the
banks and toward a small, brown pouch at his side. The apple was in there and
it burned hot from the inside of the leather pouch. The dwarf quickly untied
the emaciated rope that held the sides of the apple's containment together. He
had no time to loose. He wanted his evil deed to be done and over with.
The apple was thrown from the brushes
where Hoggle silently spied. It hit the ground hard and magically tumbled
across the forest floor to a haul at the boy's feet. Hoggle watched with silent
spells of dread as the child plucked the apple from the ground and briefly
glimpsed around him. The suspense of what would happen was so nerve-racking; that
Hoggle felt like he could pee himself, but the dwarf only held breath and
watched. Discovering that no one was near, the boy returned his full attention
back to the unharmed fruit. He polished the rosy red flesh and without a second
thought, he sunk his teeth deep into the apple.
Hoggle wanted to run, but his large,
overbearing amounts of shame held his feet and eyes glued onto the small boy.
The child dropped the fruit to the ground and Hoggle sprung forward, rushing to
the boy's aid. By the time Hoggle reached the boy, it was too late. The small
child lay on the cold ground, barley breathing, in a crumpled heap. The bitten
apple rolled away, harmlessly, from the boy's non-lifelike fingertips.
A terrified Hoggle searched around him.
No floating crystals surrounded him, like there had been in Sarah's passing.
Of course there would not be, Hoggle reasoned. Jareth
cares nothing for this poor child. There will be no saving him. Unknowing
what to do, Hoggle angrily kicked the bitten apple into the waters of the
creek. The water splashed up and then back down, fading into silent ripples.
"Damn you, Jareth!"
Hoggle's hate boiled and many plans of
vengeance took place in the depths of Hoggle's shallow mind. A light bulb
clicked on upstairs and a silly grin washed over Hoggle's face. He had a plan.
Hoggle waddled away from the boy's body, throwing his hands behind him with a
wild and loud grunt. Would his plan work?
- * * * -
Thank you for reading. Please feel free to review or flame away!