I was currently sitting on top of the Sydney harbour bridge, well technically I was on top of the railing that was supposed to stop people from falling and said railing is on the bridge. I smiled sadly at the city, it was going to be some time till I see it again…or anyone else for that matter. Why exactly was I atop of the Sydney bridge? Well, truth be told that I'm planning on ending it all, and for once I don't care anymore. I know I'll just regenerate again and must go through the same cycle repeatedly, until I try to kill myself again. I've tried everything: pills, cutting, choking, eating batteries, EVERYTHING but still I'd come back again and suffer all the same.
My mind and heart were battling it out with each other over if I should jump or not, no one knows this, but I am made from 2 joined personifications; Jett Kirkland the personification of Convicts and Yolngu the personification of the Aboriginals. Jett is my mind, he hid all my memories of when I was Yolngu and lived with my first people for years and years until the brits colonised me. The only memories I still have was when I lived with England and I went through the 'change', where my skin was literally washed off me in a bath, I could no longer feel the pain of my people. Then there's Yolngu who is my heart, he helps me to read the signs of the world and keep that little thread of me and the spirits connected. Whenever it was Australia Day or whenever the police force covers up their murders of the aboriginal people, Yolngu would send me terrible visions of the what really happened on those days to remind me who my real people are, and so I don't forget them.
I gripped the bar of the railing and leaned slowly forward, listening to what Yolngu and Jett had to say about my situation.
"You don't have to do this, England might find out-"
"Who cares about that murderer!? He never cared about me when I had to watch my people become slaves!"
"That's in the past-"
"Guess we should just forget about all the world wars then to, HUH!?"
"Lemme finish dammit! Auz, hypothetically if you do die you won't be able to protect your country or your people. All those solders that fought by your side and all those countries that allied themselves with you because, they believed you'd protect them. If you die… everything could go undone."
"Everything already has gone undone."
"WHY ARE YOU SO NEGATIVE!?"
"IT WAS YOUR FUCKED-UP OBSESSION WITH THAT STUPID ENGLISHMEN THAT GOT HIM IN THIS PLACE ANYWAY!"
"Ever since Australia's been colonised, you've been convincing him that England's affection and praise is worth something but, all its done has driven him insane! JUST WAKE UP ALREADY! HE'S NEVER GONNA BE PROUD OF US, HE'S NEVER SHOWN HIS RECOGNITION OR ANY SIGN OF 'FONDNESS' IN HIS EYES, ALL HE'S HAPPY ABOUT IS THE FACT THAT HE'S BEEN MURDERING MY PEOPLE SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING!
HE DOESN'T LOVE ANY OF US!"
Eyes wide, breathing heavily, I felt as if a great force had been pushed out of me. Tears fell down my face and into the ocean, the silence had stretched for an eternity. My grip loosened on the bar, I felt myself slowly leaning forward. I closed my eyes and let myself drop from the bar on the bridge, the air rushing past me as I was falling. Arms outstretched so I could feel all the pain of hitting the water, apparently, it's supposed to feel like a bunch of bricks and cause instant death. But, I don't care I just want this to end.
As I hit the water at full force, the pain became so unbearable I blacked out instantly. My vision surrounded by darkness until, a bright light appeared and there stood 2 figures; a dark-skinned man with ochre paint covering his body, a red lap-lap over his lower area, matching coloured headband and dark brown eyes, Yolngu. The other person looked like me except, he had blonde hair and no band aid over his nose to cover the open scar and had turquoise coloured eyes, he was wearing black sunglasses that were resting on his forehead and instead of a digger's uniform he was wearing an Australian flag themed t-shirt and had beach shorts on with army coloured thongs on to match his look, Jett Kirkland.
"Where am I?"
"Your mind, you're currently in a coma…at the bottom of the ocean."
"Bloody hell mate, that was painful!"
"Are you okay, Australia?"
"I-I don't know… I'm so lost."
I collapsed to the ground and covered my face, so they wouldn't have to see and watch my breakdown in front of them. "It's okay, we'll keep you company." I felt a hand wrap itself around my shoulders and bring me in for a hug, a couple seconds later another pair of hands also made their way around my shoulders, to hug me from behind.
"We'll never leave ya mate, you can trust us."