"What the hell happened to this planet?" said Quill.
"What the hell happened to our deal? You know, the one where you tell me where Thor is?" Loki said.
"It's eight degrees off its axis," Quill said, ignoring them. "The gravitational pull is all over the place."
"If you know that," Loki persisted. "You must know where Thor is."
"Shove off, greasy, we don't know."
Loki gave up trying to have a conversation with this dick. Stark was talking to him now, and they honestly didn't have the patience to deal with both of them. Instead, they sauntered up to Strange. They had an idea.
"So," they said. "Strange planet, isn't it?"
Okay, he doesn't like puns then.
"Well, what am I supposed to say to start a conversation?"
"Something that makes you sound like an approachable person." Strange said dryly. "What do you want? No puns, just get straight to the point."
"Ah." They were slightly disappointed. "Well, I was simply wandering…those circles you make."
"I don't care what they're called." Loki sighed. "Can they like…cut off limbs?"
"Uh, yeah." Strange looked confused. "Why?"
Don't kill him. Don't kill him. It's not his fault he's a little slow on the uptake.
Loki said nothing, simply waited for it to click. And waited. And waited. And-
"Oh!" exclaimed Strange, realisation dawning. "So, we just cut off the hand with the gauntlet on it?"
"Exactly!" said Loki.
"Nice," Strange said. Then he walked away, without another word.
Bitch. I was having a conversation with you.
They turned back to the rest of the group.
"Kick names. Take ass," said Mantis.
"Uh, what did I miss?" Loki said, not really sure if they wanted to know the answer.
"We've got a plan which I made," said Stark quickly. Peter snickered.
"Peter, what did I really miss?" said Loki.
"Well, basically, Mr Stark had a plan, but Quill didn't like it, and Drax was yawning because he didn't like it either, so Mr Stark asked what they do if they don't make plans, and Mantis told him that they kick names and take ass, which makes a weird amount of sense to me." Peter said it all without once pausing for breath and was now heavily panting.
"Right," Loki said. "So, I already have a plan, actually, which is-"
"Quit it, Reindeer Games, stabbing Thanos won't work," said Stark.
I know it won't work. Does this bitch really not think I've tried?
"Mr Lord," said Stark. "Round your team up over here."
"Mr Lord," said Quill, not quite mockingly. "Starlord is fine."
"Or you could just call him Quill, else he'll get too big for his boots," said Loki.
"Listen, greasy, if that's the case, I'm surprised you're not walking barefoot," said Quill.
Loki felt slightly taken aback. But also sort of impressed. Nice to see they weren't the only sarcastic person around here.
"Right!" said Stark, demanding attention. "We need a plan! Because if all we come at him with is a plucky attitude-"
"Dude. Don't call us plucky," said Quill. "We don't know what it means."
To think, I thought Thor was a bit slow.
"Alright we're optimistic, yes," said Quill. He began to use his hands, talking to Stark as though he were talking to a toddler.
Peter was wheezing beside Loki, as Loki kept pulling faces, mimicking the others.
"I like your plan" continued Quill. "Except, it sucks. So, let me do the plan, and that way, it might be really good."
"Wait what was Stark's plan?" asked Loki, leaning down to Peter.
"No idea," he replied.
"Tell him about the dance off to save the universe," said Drax.
"What dance off?" said Stark.
Oh, now Loki was interested.
"Did you have music or was it just in your head?" they said.
"It- it's not a-" stuttered Quill.
"Like in Footloose, the movie?" said Peter.
"Exactly like Footloose!" said Quill, suddenly brightening up. "Is it still the greatest movie in history?"
"It never was, man!" said Peter.
"Don't do Footloose like that," said Loki, mildly insulted. "It's a great movie! I was an extra."
"Were you?" said Quill. "Where? What scene?"
"I'll tell you when I find Thor," said Loki. They did enjoy bragging, but they enjoyed pettiness even more.
Of course, this didn't help exactly make them popular, but they always had too much fun to really care.
"Excuse me," said Mantis, looking past Loki and Peter. "But does your friend often…do that?"
She pointed at Strange. He was floating a few inches above the ground, legs crossed. His head was snapping this way and that, so quickly he appeared to have more than one. A part of his chest was glowing green.
The Time Stone.
"Strange!" said Stark, a note of panicked concern in his voice. "You alright?"
He walked towards Strange, slowly. Strange was still just sitting there. Suddenly, he fell forwards, into Stark's arms, who was ready to catch him. They stared at each other for a moment before letting go. Stark helped him stand up.
"What was that?" said Peter, more serious than Loki had ever expected to hear him.
"I went forward in time," said Strange, breathing heavily. He put a hand on Stark's shoulder to steady himself. "To view all the possible futures. To view all possible outcomes of the inevitable conflict with Thanos."
"How many did you see?" asked Quill.
"Fourteen million, six hundred and five. And, well…Loki was right. There's only one way we can do this."
"Wait, what was Reindeer Games right about?" said Stark, looking at Loki.
"We need to use his magic circle things to cut off Thanos' arm, so he can't use the gauntlet." She said. "By the way, I'm female again."
"Did you just shape-shift?" said Drax, impressed.
"Yeah. Anyway, I think my plan wins, guys." She smirked smugly, daring them to contradict her.
They didn't. Because she was right. Lord knows what they might've tried if she hadn't been here.