Hi, long time, no post eh? ~ Waves to Aquarius, Kyra and Cynthia ~ All right, standard disclaimer time. Nope don't own Digimon, never have, hope to do, that pleasure belongs to Saban, Toei, and Bandai.
Okay now I have to warn you about a few things in my fic. Some foul language, Daiyako, Daikari, Takari, and Daiken otherwise know as Kensuke. Now as I think that pretty well everyone knows, Kensuke is a boy/boy relationship, otherwise known as shounen-ai or yaoi. So if you hate those kinds of relationships, I think you should leave. Once again there is SHOUNEN-AI in this fic. You have been warned.
There is one more thing I want to ramble on about here, before I go on. I've been seeing a lot of people call Davis a Tai clone. This is highly inaccurate. If Davis looked and acted exactly like Tai (which he doesn't) the correct term is doppelganger, not clone. The term clone implies that Davis would be genetically identical, meaning he has the same exact DNA as Tai, which would make Davis a Kamiya and if Davis hits on Kari like that … ~ blinks ~, ~ backs away from her computer ~, ~ looks sick as a very interesting vision presents itself to her ~ …no, no…let's not go there! Besides if Davis were exactly like Tai, wouldn't he only have the Digiegg of Courage, well?
All flames will be fed, as always, to my furnace.
Desires. Our world revolves around them, like it or not. Dreams of fame, power, and glory. Of being the best soccer player, the musician whose music soars our souls to new heights of ecstasy, the one who manages to get the new PlayStation 2 before anyone else…
Or of being privileged enough to call the girl that embodies perfection on this planet, yours…
Of calling Kari yours…
I once thought this was what I wanted most. To love her with all my heart and for her to feel the same way in return. My heart would leap at the very sight of her; a simple glance from Kari's radiant eyes and I'd be a puddle of mush on the floor…no need to say what would happen to me if she even directed one kind word in my direction. I imagined us together, living in blissful abandon, and someday…someway…that very precious dream would become reality. I thought that was what I wanted.
I'm not so sure anymore…
Truth be told, I love her undyingly. I'm sure of that at least. But is that love for a friend or is it more…I can't tell! Everything used to be so crystal clear. You know, one of those boy loves girl, boy gets girl, boy and girl live happily ever after, sorta situations. But I guess life and love aren't as clear-cut and smooth running in real life than in all those fairytales. But then of course, life hasn't and has never been a fairytale at all. Fate loves to twist our lives in unseen and insane ways and this is as insane as it gets. I can't be sure what I'm feeling inside anymore. It sucks bigtime.
Simply put, things got complicated. Turns out there was another in my love's life. A boy whom she had knew for ages, depended on and cared for. I know she loves him and he loves her. Even if they end up with different people, which is possible, they'll still love each other. Simple truth. I have known this deep inside for ages, yet on the surface the knowledge was masked away from me till recently. They say love is blind and I guess so am I. How could I have not seen?
Maybe I didn't want to see…
Though I wish she had told me about…him.
I wish she wouldn't tease me by flirting with us both…
Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much then…
I don't hate him, I told him that once, but I doubt he believes me. Though I haven't given him much cause to think otherwise, what I said is true. Even despite what I do when Kari's around, I still care. More than any of my friends will ever know…His friendship, even in the form of a screwball rivalry, is a golden jewel I'll treasure and guard all my life. Maybe even a greater treasure than any chance with Kari could be…maybe, maybe…You know, I'll even lay down my life for him, for any of them, if need be. I consider them that precious.
Though good luck in getting me to tell them that!
And to add a few more strands to my already twisted web of woe, I've gone down hard for not one, but two more people. Lovely the way Destiny plays her hand, isn't it? Torn between three, and no way to choose. Their faces play in my mind incessantly, never giving me a moment's peace. Their eyes pierce me, even in my dreams. Sometimes, I think I'm gonna go nuts from all their whispering in my head.
Though I think for one, I'm getting my feelings really mixed up. What I feel for her, I think is nothing more than the deep love of friendship and a little teenaged infatuation thrown in for good luck… The deep, everlasting love of friendship. Actually, I feel that for everyone as well. I am after all, the Guardian of Friendship as well as the Guardian of Courage. It just doesn't show most the time.
That leaves Kari and…Ken. Ken?! Yeah, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that he's a guy and that the last time I checked, I was still one hundred percent male. Does that make me a queer, a fag, a mistake of nature? No, it simply makes me a guy in love. Oh yes in love, deeply and irreversibly. There are times of night, when it is all I can do is see his face at night; trace the outline of his fine chiseled features, study how that sapphire hair caresses that pale marble face, and marvel at the glory of his eyes. Yes his eyes. Twin amethyst pools awash in strength, kindness, and a certain vulnerability that literally glows and grabs hold of heart and soul, never to let go.
Not that I want them to let go.
You think I would have told him out loud by now. That I would have the guts like my predecessor Tai, and blurt everything out to him, despite whatever consequences might be. But, as much as people love to believe otherwise, I'm not Tai, just as much as I'm not Matt. I'm nobody but myself — Davis. Besides, I think he already knows…Some of the looks he gives me, speaks volumes…. and…says…he feels the same way about me. Says he loves me. That feels real good inside, you know?
But I still love Kari.
Love her so much, that I have to let her go. She may end up with TK; she may end up with someone else, which doesn't really matter. The love shared between a couple does, not the couple themselves.
It's sacred, even in the cases where one person can't return the other's affections. Like mine.
I pick up the phone, gazing at the setting sun through my window. Appropriate really. The sun sets on my dream to be with Kari, but it will dawn on other dreams, other loves, other chapters of our lives, bringing with it new courage, friendship, hope and light. I dial in the numbers with shaky fingers…There's only one thing left to do.
"Davis!?" Well, he sounded surprised. Wonder what for? Perhaps for not teasing him by getting his name wrong or actually phoning him in the first place. Maybe both. I let my lips curve into a somewhat bemused smile. I bet he's got a funny looking expression on the other end of the line.
"Davis, what is it?"
The tone of his voice causes me to sober up. I've gotta remember why I'm actually phoning the guy here. In a lower voice I continue on…
"I need to talk to you…Can you come over here?"
A shocked silence is what I'm treated to. Forget surprised, I know he flabbergasted. This is very out of character behaviour for the Davis he knows. But, on the contrary, I'm finally acting like myself.
Finally a reply is heard on the other end. " Are you really Davis?"
"Yes I'm Davis. Who did you think I was? Tai?"
"No…no…no…ah…what do you want?"
"As I said the first time, I need to talk to you."
"Can't we do this over the phone?"
I shake my head slowly. "No, not this…This I need to talk to you personally about." I can just imagine him raising an eyebrow at that comment.
"It is…" I hang up at that, and lean back against the wall shaking. Funny, it isn't cold, but I feel numb in my soul. Something warm is running down my cheeks, and when I reach up to brush them away, my fingers come away wet and shining. Tears? Now I know it's really over.
I walk out onto the balcony. A gentle breeze ruffles my hair and sweeps away the last my tears from my face. They float away as sparkling drops, disappearing into the dusk and the bittersweet past. Something like acceptance is gradually settling in, filling the holes in my spirit. I sigh softly, the last reddish rays of light disappearing into the horizon.
Goodbye Kari. I'll love you forever, even if you can't do the same for me.
Night falls, and the world is plunged into darkness. Just as I thought life without Kari would be. I guess I was wrong about it ending. In fact, I think it is just beginning…
The end…for now.
So what do you think? Should I be burned at the stake for this? Well, anyway, guess what? This is the big four zero for me. Forty fics, and more to come. Well, see you guys later.