Blossom Blooming from Lovesickness
Disclaimer: I don't own Cap or Bucky, or any other characters. They all belong to Marvel and Disney. I promise that I write fanfictiion only for fan, with neither illegal nor financial purpose. Not a plot of Thanos either, of course.
i. May contains FETISH scenes, may contains some disordered/complex psychological sex reaction. But no description, no details.
ii. Death of important roles.
iii. After Avengers: Infinity War. Mentally hurt Steve Rogers.
iv. Inspired by a Japanese folk tale named "Hanasaka Jiisan". (Dirt of a dog which was like a son to the family makes flowers bloom on the withered trees)
Steve was sitting at a loss in the couch next to the French window in one of the dining halls in the Avengers Tower with a porcelain jar tightly held in his arms. He was sitting deathly still as if he were staring at the sun set in the twilight, however, his fellows would found his sight falling onto some void point in the empty air if only they gave his face a glimpse from the front. Natasha, who was standing just behind him, was about to say something, but finally the famous agent simply sighed a long and deep sigh before turned around leaving their captain along.
Loki was a god, whom Thor believed that always has a way to play tricks on death including this time; Jarvis had no backup copy, but Tony believed that the genius Stark could always bring his beloved AI co-pilot back, since he had already had a few part the work done before. He should have had Jarvis debugging much earlier if Thanos hadn't interrupted him. And speaking of that kid disappeared in his arms, Tony swore that he would take him who was like his own child back together with Jarvis.
By comparison, Steve Rogers might be the most tragedy one among the Avengers. Once up a time he saw his best friend as well as his love fell off the train in front of him while he was able to do nothing but hunched over on the train with his tears dissolved into the wind and snow howling through the mountains. From then on, again and again he was forced by the goddamn destiny to witness his lover appear caged, or tortured, or wandering with all his memories wiped, or went back to the freezing capsule and fell into darkness again while all Steve could gave him was a bitter smile and a piece of off-key lullaby. Steve was praying that they could finally fight side by side again, just like it was long, long ago, he eventually saw his pal, his Bucky, broke into dirt and disappeared in front of him, for one more time.
But Steve none the less had to appear staunch and impregnable in front of the world in the name of Captain America.
It was the dirt from where Bucky disappeared in the porcelain jar. Steve collected it carefully. No one argued when he said it was Bucky. It was too cruel for his fellows to break Captain America's only tiny fantasy. Tony has forgiven what Steve had done during the Civil War, although he was too busy to say anything more, and Natasha, Clint and Bruce tried them best to comfort their Cap. Steve could sense the sincerity from his fellow Avenger, as a result, he agreed when Natasha and Clint advised him to take a walk. He didn't really want to, though. Steve took the porcelain jar with him. For here and now his only desire was to indulge himself immersing in some involuntary illusion without even leaving where he was for all day.
"Bucky and I, we had been here many times when we were young in Brooklyn."
Nobody knew whom Steve was talking to, neither did they care. Natasha and Clint simply listened silently.
A breeze blew up the dirt in the porcelain jar, carried it on to the trees around. Suddenly, luxuriant flowers bloomed on the trees, lit up the world like shining fireworks.
Steve was taken aback by the flowers blooming in his sight. He stood still with silence, but Hawkeye could see his lips moved slightly whispering a word "Bucky" in the quiet. Clint and Natasha exchanged an expression in their eyes and stepped back without a word to gave some space to Steve and his sudden-appeared heaven.
Steve went to the same place daily from then on. Every time he sit under the blossoming trees leaning against the strong, solid trunk he felt as if it were Bucky sitting next to him. Several decades ago when Bucky was still the sniper of Howling Commandos under the leadership of Captain America, the dark-haired jerk used to circle his arms around Steve from the back as if Steve were still the little skinny Stevie, although Steve was actually much bigger that it was not so easy as before for Bucky to clasp his hands at Steve's chest.
Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade, they have their seasons*, and every fair from fair sometime declines**.
Supposing Stephen Strange were there, he would certainly say that flowers do fade after bloom, same as that flowers do blooms again after fade, and that is the principle of Samsara.
However, Steve seldom showed expression of sorrow and sadness despite anyone said anything. He simply stopped going there after he first saw a petal fell off the tree.
Dr. Banner has a sensitive soul that he could figure out that Steve Rogers hiding deeply inside Captain America. He remembered the wisdom and some almost-magic occult sciences in those ancient eastern countries. Hence, he told his fellow survivors other than Steve his idea, and then they worked together on it.
Yet Tony was working at full load to bring back Jarvis, while Thor was running towards Gjoll River on the land of Helheim. Thor was not allowed to turn back until he approached the boundary and go across the river, or Loki would fall into death leaving him along again. The others didn't want to distract the two avengers.
At last, Clint and Scott collected all the fallen petals till the last bunch of vitality left the leafless tree; Bruce turned the petals into attar with skills he learnt from the ancient eastern country; Natasha went on a business to Wakanda to take the spare mechanical arm Bucky had used from Princess Shuri.
"Cap, eastern people often use things like this to reduce stress and relax their mind, perhaps…you can also have a try." Dr. Banner's words sounded tired but filled with solicitudes.
"Cap, when Win…I mean James, and I were in Soviet Union, we were both accustomed to one thing." With these words the golden-haired agent handed Steve the spare mechanical, "To maintain some weapons was a good way for us to relax, and there's no harm for you to have a try." And at least a mechanical arm of his in reality may prevent you from falling into illusion completely. The Russian woman drop a glance of sympathy on the expressionless Captain America, and she finally kept the last sentence silent and merely left after putting the machine oil for mechanical arm Shuri gave her beside Steve.
Steve murmured a thank you to the air while a bitter smile appeared on his lips. He went back to his own room carrying all those things. Perhaps they are right, thought Steve, it worth a try.
Steve had no idea which bottle of oil he was taking. He poured some liquid on the metal fingers to clean them without noticing what he was dealing with. In a sudden, the fragrance broke out in the air within a second made him trembled involuntarily.
It was the scent of Bucky. Steve didn't sure how to describe it, since it was both too complex and abstract. It smells piercingly cold as the winter in Siberia, yet it feels gently warm as the spring in Brooklyn. All Steve knew for sure was that it was like the embrace of Bucky.
Whenever that former murderer held Steve's lips fondly with his own, Steve sensed that fragrance of Bucky. Steve could not control himself from slowly lifted the attar-applied mechanical arm close to his lips. He carefully explored it with his lips and tongue with a devoted expression on his face, and then he trembled once more.
Vibranium should be cold and hard, but the feeling on Steve's lips was as soft and warm as those lips he was too familiar to forget. Steve was not sure whether it was part of the "Eastern magic" Bruce said, but he merely wanted to allow himself to devote for a moment. Hence, he did what he desired.
Friday was so considerate that she never told anyone that once upon a time there was faint sound float out from the room of Captain America, from a small restraining whimper to a passionate wallowing moan, and ended with a choking call "Bucky".
For the entire life Steve Rogers was losing something, his friend, his fellows, his Brooklyn, his love. For this one time he wanted to be selfish. Steve kept the little secret time he stole from Captain America, who was the Star Spangled Man with a plan under the focus the world, in private. Every time he indulged himself in the sweet illusion of Bucky's scent for a moment to sense as if Bucky were alive inside him both physically and mentally Steve could feel the embrace and warmth of his beloved one so vividly. Only then could Captain America escape from the responsibly of saving the world and become free from justice, peace, and whatever pressing on his shoulders; only then could Steve Rogers turn back to that sixteen-year-old little guy from Brooklyn, Bucky was too, don't like to run away from a fight, as well as the punk whom the handsome dark-haired young man bent his arm around his shoulder.
One day Steve would take his beloved one back to his side, and stay with him till the end of the line.
*: The song "Think of Me" from "The phantom of the Opera".
**: Sonnet 18 by Shakespeare.