Paint It Black

Paint It Black

By Maureen

Disclaimer: I'm not making any money off of this, the characters belong to Marvel, except any that don't. They belong to me. And I don't care what my English teacher thinks; I DO NOT have problems at home. I just write somber stuff, I try to write sweetness and nice, but Marvel just gave me so much unexplained angst to work with! Who'm I to not use that chance? Paint it Black is by the Rolling Stones, I'm assuming they own the song, regardless though, I don't.

I look out the window of me bedroom, and see children playing in front yards. It looks like hide 'n' seek. I used ta love that game. The longer I watch the more depressed I get, not that I wasn't depressed to begin with. I'm extremely depressed and I know it. Maybe if I turn on the radio and quit looking at 'appy people I'll feel better.

I see a red door and I want to paint it black

No colours anymore, I want them to turn black

My life is black. Pretty controversial statement, but it's true. I wear black, my life is black, and my heart is black. The psychologists would have a field day with me, but I don't see any. Am I the only one who finds this ironic? The most depressed, suicidal, abused, used and neglected person in London, England does NOT see a therapist. Remind me to laugh one day.

I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes!

I have to turn my head until my darkness goes!

Summer, the time of joy and 'appiness. The time of summer love, movies, and family vacations at the beach. And 'ere I am, alone in my room, with no one to talk to or to listen to me.

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black

With flowers and my love they vote never to come back

My family is on vacation. I'm not. If I'm lucky maybe they'll leave forever and I won't have to face them ever again. Of course, I'm not lucky. My life is proof of that.

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away!

It is hard on me, but baby it just happens everyday

Like they'd bring me? Crikey! A monster? To be beach? I must be dreaming thinking they would. I mean, it is bad enough I'm a freak.

I look inside myself and see my heart is black

I see my red door and I have it painted black

A monster, I should die, but all my attempts 'ave failed. I slit my wrists. I passed out, but didn't die. I even slit them vertically rather than 'orizontal and it still failed. My luck. Now all I have are the scars, scars on me back, scars on me arms, scars on me 'eart. Long sleeves and jackets 'ide them to the world, but not from meself.

Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts!

No easy facing up when your whole world is black!

On the flip side, dying would mean that they won. And that would mean that I lose. No. But that never makes life easier.

No more will my green sea turn a deeper blue

I could not foresee this thing happening to you

And Gayle, oh god, Gayle. I wrecked 'er life forever, crippling 'er. It's always my fault.

If I look hard enough into the setting sun

My love will last for me before the morning comes

I still love 'er though, I really do. She was always nice to me…

I see a red door and I want to paint it black

No colours anymore I want them to turn black

She was me sunshine, me light. And I crippled 'er. Bloody wanker, I can't do anything right! Figgers. Maybe one day she'll fergive me. I 'ope.

I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes!

I have to turn my head until my darkness goes…

I feel worse. Yeah, Mick, you said it best, let's just paint the whole f*ckin' world black.