Struck by lightning

Author's note : the setting for this is the same as in 'Raindrops on a window' [Ken-pov], 'Clouds in my coffee' [Yohji-pov] and 'Distant thunder' [Omi-pov]. You don't have to have read those before reading this one though.

Warnings/notes : Aya pov, slight angst, Yohji x Aya, one-shot.

written at 26th March 2003, by Misura


I don't know when I first noticed Ken was in love with me.

In the beginning I considered it a temporal thing ; a crush that would pass fast enough.

When he kept looking at me like I was his idol, I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

I started to avoid him, thinking of reasons not to be around him.

It hurt him, I knew, yet I saw no other options.

It hurt me to hurt him.

After a while I was getting desperate ; nothing I did pushed him away hard enough to keep him from coming back to me again, his eyes filled with the pain, the questions of why.

He never said anything to me about it though.

Neither did I. What words could I have used to convince him, if my actions weren't enough?

And then, out of the blue, there was Yohji.

Oh, he had always been there, of course.

A part of Weiss, the lazy Balinese, too fond of parties and drinking to be relied upon in mornings.

But all of a sudden he was there, worming his way into my closed, own little world, invading my private spaces like he had every right to do so.

I could have kicked him out.

By right, I should have treated him like I did Ken.

I didn't.

I was too weary of hitting people away and Yohji was and did everything Ken wasn't and didn't.

He talked to me.

He brought me flowers and other, small gifts.

He cooked for me.

It was pure heaven, even if some part of me kept insisting this was wrong.

I kissed him first on a sunny day, in a park nearby the Koneko.

He may have set things up, but I took the first step.

Yohji may be a breaker of hearts, my guilt is the greater by far.

I have no doubt he would have never allowed one of his teammates to wither away for him.

He would have found the right words to say.

He might even have gotten them someone else to love.

Yohji is a generous person, a giving one.

He calls me 'beautiful'. I'm not. Deep inside I'm ugly. Ugly as sin.

I even lack the courage to ask his aid with Ken.

Maybe he'd see then who I really am and turn away from me.

I considered talking to Omi.

As if that boy doesn't have enough burdens to carry already.

I should talk to Ken, even if the words aren't there yet, just to let him know I care.

Though not in the way he wants me to.

I should confess to Yohji and accept his decision.

I sigh softly. Will I ever do those things I should do? I doubt it very much.

"Such a sad sigh, my love, is something ailing you?"

I look up, into Yohji's green eyes, in a way as innocent as Ken's.

How can I risk loosing the affection that radiates from them?

"Nothing." I say shortly.

He's used to that kind of answers, even if he keeps complaining about them.

"Good. It's been exactly four weeks since our first kiss and I planned on a little celebration."

Yohji smiles at me, and I privately think I would die for that smile.

I have as good as killed for it already.